FELIX

A few minutes before the next dance practice, I lean against the balustrade along the corridor, savouring the sun against my skin. This helps to clear my head whenever I am overwhelmed by my share of life's ups and downs.

Thoughts run freely over my head while I watch the busy world below me from the fourth floor. A group of girls gather under a shade, probably murdering somebody they don't like what with the way they viciously talk to themselves. Afar off, another group of geeks are seated round a table, talking about science and stuff, I guess.

An intellectual friend of mine once told me that a person cannot eat their cake and have it, too. Each day I wake up, the more I understand that statement and relate to it.

I have on one hand, a dysfunctional family I am forced to live up to their expectations, and the other, a social standing I struggle constantly to keep up with expectations. It's difficult at times because it feels as if I'm falling between cracks trying to satisfy both parties, even when it does not truly satisfy me.

Daily doubts and several skepticisms of unsure choices are all part of growing up, aren't they? Why does it feel like I am doing it wrong? What if this is just a means to no end, trying to be this relevant to people who don't really care about me? And what is the point of winning a bet if it is going to strain me this much? The number of times I've skipped football training to make out time for a boring club I was never interested in in the first place is illegally concerning.

The school bell unexpectedly removes me from my self-reflective headspace, announcing that it's almost time for rehearsals.

*

"Xian, can I talk to you for a second?"

He detaches himself from his partner, and then we walk to the side of the room. First, he looks at me critically. "You seem worried."

"I am worried."

"Let me guess what this is about. Agnes?"

"How I hate that you know me so well. And yes, you're right. She's not making it any easier."

"So, do you want to quit this now?"

I swear, I won't doubt if Xian actually has mind-reading powers. He knows me like I'm an open book, and not in a good way. How did he know I was at the verge of letting it go? And now that he mentions it, my stubborn pride won't let me think logically.

"No! I'm not giving up. I don't give up so easily, Xian."

"Then deal with it if Agnes is giving you a tough time. You should bear the responsibility for the decisions you make."

"Xian." I give him a deadpan glare.

He exhales. "Just give it your best. Who knows, maybe you guys can figure something out."

I don't know if he's afraid to say the truth to my face, but this one thing I know, I don't have the slightest fighting chance with Agnes. I just want him to try harder and convince me to stop right this very moment. If he will say 'don't go ahead with your plans,' I promise I'll listen to him.

Lord knows if I get over this repressive state of mind, there's no looking back.

"Alright everyone, please take your positions," Miss Francesca calls our attention. "Let's begin with the Basic Box Step."

I go to meet my partner as the orchestral music starts off slowly. When I take her hand and we begin the dance, she obligingly follows my lead with a pep in her step. Left foot steps forward, right foot steps sideways towards the right and then left foot meets right foot. Right foot steps backward, left foot steps back towards the left, and finally, right foot meets left foot.

We repeat this routine severally, and it amazes me that I'm actually dancing with Agnes. More so, she isn't hesitant nor freaking out.

"Quite impressive, Felix. You are doing it rightly so," Miss Francesca acclaims. "And Agnes, you are graceful. I like that."

After mastering the step with her on numerous attempts, Miss Francesca stops the music.

"I am glad that you all have mastered the Basic Box Step perfectly. The next routine is the Basic Progressive. This routine helps the twosome to move around the stage so they do not just stay in a particular spot, which can get boring as I'm sure most of you are..." she blabs on and about the art of waltz dancing. "So, watch closely as I demonstrate." She courteously dances with an imaginary partner, explaining both female and male foot position.

Oh. Okay, so this is not what I expected. It's no surprise students don't join the club when they have routines like this. I've been walking on my toes for a while, and I can already feel the burn in my Achilles heel.

"Let me see you try, duo one," she instructs.

Xian and Yvonne walk forward. To my greatest disbelief, they ace the routine. I blink in awe at how magnificently they move their bodies and feet.

I've pretty much been a critic when it comes to stuff like this. I initially assumed the dance club was a club for nerds, but what I see is far much harder than kicking a ball around a green field. It takes a lot of poise and trainings to move the body in a particular way that carries a message. This is really amazing! This is true art!

"Very good, Xian, Yvonne. Next."

If Xian could do it, what stops me from doing it too? I watch the other three pairs attempt the routine and ace it as well on their first try. With that, I intentionally memorize the leg and body movements.

When it gets to my turn with Agnes, I lead with a step forward, and we take positions. Left foot forward, right foot sideways, left foot together and then right foot forward, left foot sideways, right foot together.

"Astonishing!" Miss Francesca exclaims. "Both of you did exceptionally well, a huge difference from the one we witnessed last time."

I've never been prouder. I guess I don't have to leave the club yet, and if everything I plan goes accordingly, I can add this skill to my arsenal of talents. I look at Agnes as she grins bashfully at Yvonne and sends a wink her way.

"Good job, Agnes."

"Thank you," she replies through her grin.

"I'm really impressed! Good job, students, let's keep it up."

Though it seems like I'm the odd one out, I still feel the same sense of accomplishment, too. It is the same feeling when my team scores a goal in a football match. From today onwards, I vow never to look down on any other club again. To be honest, they put in so much effort into what they do and love.

I joined their dance club for a different motive, but I think I'm starting to enjoy its essence. And that is saying something.

"Now our next routine is the Promenade Step." Once again, Miss Francesca demonstrates with her imaginary partner.

My right hip and Agnes's left hip make contact, like a V-shape with the other side slightly open. Left foot steps forward, right foot sideways on a slight twist and then right foot steps towards the openside, left foot steps forward, right foot follows with no weight, left foot forward, right foot overtakes, left foot forward and then right foot together. Agnes and I dance as a pair once again and we all ace the routine.

*

"So, practise these moves for today. Tomorrow is another day and we will rehearse the routine from start to finish. Also, the star couple of this piece will be announced in our next rehearsal," Miss Francesca proclaims. "The school play will be coming up soon, and so I want you all to give it your best. I'll see you tomorrow."

After Miss Francesca exits the room, the other students start rehearsing what we've learned. Yvonne and Tessa rush over to meet Agnes and congratulate her as if she won a Nobel prize for dancing the exact routine we all danced, while I stand nearby, moping.

"That was wonderful!" Yvonne exclaims.

"Thanks a lot, best friend," Agnes replies.

"Hey Agnes, you were so incredible back there. I think you both should be the star couple. You and Felix," I hear Tessa's remark before turning to face Agnes.

Agnes's expression changes, and it's as if Tessa realizes her error. In essence, she doesn't want us to become the star couple even after all the congratulatory comments she's gotten so far.

She's just impossible!

"How did you manage through?" Yvonne asks, changing the topic to lighten her mood.

"I took your advice. I was mostly thinking about aunty Cherry's cupcakes throughout the entire thing."

Tessa and Yvonne fabricate a chortle to go with the flow. I itch to use this opportunity to talk to her, seeing that she is happier than usual.

On a second thought though, I'd rather not.

"I owe you one, Yvonne."

Ronald, from nowhere meets them talking, and all over again I start to feel jealous. By the way, why is everybody acknowledging her? I equally danced, too, didn't I? I'm her partner for Pete's sake! Miss Francesca once said that a dancer is only as perfect as their partner, but in this case, she is receiving all the praises like I contributed nothing at all. I roll my eyes at them but unable to look away.

"I'll try not to be cheesy or sweet, but honestly, you waltzed like a professional," Ronald says, a goofy smile playing across his lips.

She smiles back. "Don't worry, Ronald. We can make a slight exception. But only for today."

Since when? How did Ronald manage to break through her impossible walls? And now they're acting buddy-buddy with each other. It is just a matter of time though, and she will be the one running to me. How that's going to work out? I don't know yet, but it will happen.

"See you tomorrow then." He waves goodbye.

"Bye." She waves back.

Immediately he exits, Tessa and Yvonne throw Agnes a 'what just happened' sort of stare.

"Since when?" Tessa voices the question in my head.

"Since we talked," she answers.

"Oh wow! So miracles still happen these days," Yvonne adds.

"It just feels so liberating to not have enemies, am I right?"

Tessa and Yvonne shift their eyes towards me. In that instant, an awkward tightness builds up. Is Agnes throwing some kind of shade at me or what? Before this gets more awkward, I better leave.

I pick up my backpack by the wall and make my own exit.

* # * #

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