Chapter 31

With work being a distraction for the most part, I could take a break from everything that happened these past weeks. Although Max's name would still come up because of our collaboration, I did fine.
I spent a lot of time with Eddie and Jerry, I had time for my arts again too. I couldn't even remember the last time I made a painting. So every free minute I had I used to express my feelings on a canvas. It felt good to have time for the things I loved to do. Also, not being with Max all the time anymore gave me time to clean out my apartment and get things in order again. I had been spending more time at his place than my own.
Today however I was on my way to my parents. I had received a text from my brother and he said that my mother really missed me. That was all he sent me though, he did not even ask how I was.
At first I didn't really know what to do, since the last time I visited them was a disaster to say the least.

It was still snowy outside which I kinda liked. My family hates snow and they could never get used to the cold. I could really enjoy the snow and the cold too. It had something cozy to me, the thought that you have been outside, then coming inside to warm up and have some hot choco was my romantic view on winter. Plus the nights Max's body would warm me up, us cuddling and having romantic evenings in front of his fireplace...
The way his eyes would glisten, because of the way the fire would lit them up, his deep voice whispering sweet words into my ears, while his hand would stroke my body, his lips kissing my neck in between whispers, those were the most magical nights I ever had.
I heaved a sigh, but those days were over. I shouldn't be reminiscing about these things. He really broke my heart and it was time to forget this all happened. I should forget he even existed.
But for now I have to focus on my visit to my parents. I am sure at least my dad and Julian have read the tabloids and know what is going on. I'm almost 100% sure that they will say 'I told you so.' That Max is a womanizer, that he used me, but most of all my dad will say that he is proof that I shouldn't be dating white men. I could already hear his voice in my head, nagging about it.
I think facing them and their judgements will be worse than to face my dad after he hit me. Don't get me wrong I didn't forget about it, I never will, but I have to put it beside me if I want to see my mom. I kinda missed her and I was also worried about her mental health.
Before I went in I closed my eyes, heaved a deep sigh. I even thought about leaving.
I walked inside and yelled; "Hello! Mom?"
My father came walking towards me from the kitchen.
"Hi dad", I softly greeted him.
"I told you, he would only use you. Now look at you", he said shaking his head. He then pointed his finger towards me saying; "Until you can behave yourself like a good daughter and stop playing a whore to white men, I have nothing to say to you."
"But.. dad..", I said, a bit overwhelmed by his words.
He walked past me, grabbed his coat and slammed the door behind him.
I didn't want his harsh words to get to me and ruin me seeing my mom, so I sighed and let his words go.
"Mom?"
"I'm over here Mira", I heard her voice say from the living room.
She sat in her favourite spot, watching t.v a bit. I hugged her and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.
"I'm so glad to see you again. I missed you", she said.
"I know mom, I missed you too and I am glad to be here."
"Oh Mira, what happened? I heard your dad, he was so mad when he saw the tabloids and read the Colorado Springs Gazette", she softly spoke.
"I know mom, I know. I never expected Max to be like this", I said, my eyes lowered.
I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes. I knew I was a disappointment to everyone, especially my parents.
"I tried to be open and accept your choice, but I begin to think your father is right Mira. Maybe you should be looking for someone who understands our value's a bit more."
I know my mother didn't mean any harm, but it still hurt me. I wasn't looking for anyone anyway now, so her words were unnecessary. I had my share of men and wasn't planning to go on dates anytime soon.
"How are you mom?", I asked to change the subject.
"I'm good. Still taking my medicines. They just make me very tired, so I don't do much. Your brother is taking very good care of me", she told me. "Do you want something to drink?"
"Yeah, sure I'll get it. Can I get you anything too?", I asked, her getting up.
I made us some tea and grabbed a few cookies too.
We talked some more about the weather and she told me that her neighbour sometimes comes by when my dad is at work.
"When do you have to go back to the doctor again?"
"I don't really remember darling", she answered.
"If you want, I can come with you", I suggested.
She fumbled a bit with the hem of her blouse, averting her eyes from me.
"I don't know, you heard your dad. Maybe after this has blown over. I don't want to piss your father off anymore, Mira."
At that moment we heard the door and footsteps coming our way.
"Hi mom", Julian's voice sounded cheerful. He stuck his head around the corner, a friendly smile plastered on his face, until he saw me.
"I'm going up stairs to study. Just call if you need me, mom", he said and turned around.
"I'll be right back mom", I said to her and got up.

I walked up the stairs, making my way to my brother's room. Two knocks on his door, a little pause and another knock, just like when we were kids and he used to make up all kinds of secret codes.
"Bura."
"Nahi", he answered.
I opened up the door saying; "You remembered our secret code."
"I did and I also said no", he answered gruffly.
"Please, I want to talk to you."
I let myself fall onto his bed, there were a few basketball and football magazines on it, a dirty t-shirt and some dirty socks; men. I put my arm under my head to support it a little bit and stared at the ceiling. My brother turned around on his office chair, away from his homework, towards me and looked very annoyed.
"What do you want?"
I could hear in his voice he was very annoyed with my presence, but I didn't care. I found a small toy basketball and started throwing it against his wall.
"I want to ask you a question", I said, throwing the ball.
Julian heaved a big sigh and asked "What?"
"Did you, by any chance call the paper?"
While asking the question I didn't stop throwing the ball, I kept my eyes on it the whole time.
"What?"
"Did you call the paper?", I asked again.
"What the hell are you talking about? Why would I call the newspaper?"
I caught the ball and turned towards my brother.
"To spread lies about Max", I said calmly.
"No, I didn't."
I turned on my back again and started throwing the ball.
"Can you stop that? It's really annoying."
He seemed sincere, his voice sounded normal and the look on his face didn't show any signs of lying.
"Look Mira, it's no secret that I don't like Max. I can't say I was surprised when I saw the pictures of him and Claire and I wasn't sad at all when I saw them. I think you are better off without him. I know I can be a jerk and all, but I would never ever embarrass you or our family by going to the press."
"Maybe", I said indifferently.
"You have to believe me. I would never do something like that",he tried to convince me.
"You know, I haven't forgotten what you said to make dad get mad at me, which led to him hitting me", I said. My eyes found his and I could see he felt guilty, but there was nothing he could do or say to make it alright.
"I'm sorry", he whispered, lowering his eyes.
"I had a black eye and my cheek hurt for a while, you know."
He stayed silent, looking for the right words on his carpet but he wouldn't find them there, neither would he find them in his mind. He looked up, said sorry again and then turned his office chair around, facing his study books.
"Julian, I don't want you to be sorry, I want you to think about how you interfere with my love life."
I threw the ball one last time against the wall and then I stood up, walking towards him and made sure my face was next to his, I then said; "You have absolutely no say in who I have a relationship with. Stop pretending like you have to honor our family name."
When I stood up straight I saw a magazine in the corner of my eye, on the front were two big pictures of Max and Claire. On one picture they were just walking outside, I think it was near Max's office building, the other one showed them sitting close together, having dinner. She laughed really hard and he was close to her face, probably saying something that made her laugh.
I turned away and walked out of Julian's room, before I closed his door I said; "Just take good care of mom. Make sure she doesn't forget her medicines."
"I will", he answered.
Then I closed the door and left. I walked down the stairs, to sit with my mother for a while.
"Do you still go out, taking a walk or something?", I asked her.
"Not much", she answered.
"Why? You know the doctor said it would be good for you, right?"
"I know, but it's too cold. You know I hate going out in the cold. Besides, your dad is at work during the day, Julian is at school and you didn't visit me these past weeks."
She then turned her head away from me, towards the window and kept her eyes focussed on what was going on outside.
"Mom, you know why I didn't come to visit you", I defended myself.
"You left me all alone. I would have expected more from my only daughter", her voice sounded harsh and cold.
I began to suspect that she might not have been taking her meds as she told me. Especially because she emphasized the fact that my dad and Julian were gone all day. I knew that I needed to check her medicines, so I got up and walked towards the stairs, up to the bathroom and checked the cabinets. I did find her medicines, but I was right. She hasn't been taking them regularly at all. I put them back and went downstairs again.
"Mom, I saw that you didn't take your medicines like you should", I carefully said.
"What do you care?", she snorted.
"I care because I want you to get better and feel better."
"If you would be around more, to help me out, I would feel better."
"You know why I wasn't around, mom. I am here now. Shall I get you a box with each day on it, so you can easily see if you have been taking them?", I suggested.
"I am not stupid, Mira. I don't need a stupid box to tell me that", said she.
I sighed, not knowing what to do. I only knew that this behavior wasn't good at all, but for now I couldn't do anything to help her.
"Maybe I can ask the neighbour to visit you more often?", I tried.
"I don't need her to visit me. I wanted a daughter who'd obey me and take care of me when I needed, but I guess that was too much to ask", she snorted and got up.
"Mom, don't be so stubborn. What's her name again, that neighbour's?", I said pensive, "Miss.. Miller!"
My mother gave me a look, then proceeded her walk to the kitchen.
"I have to cook now. When will I see you again? Next month?", her voice mocked.
"I will try my best to visit you as soon as possible, okay?", I said. But I guess nothing could convince her that I would. She just kept doing her thing in the kitchen, not giving me one look. I turned around and said "Well, I'll see you soon and I'll call you this week again, okay? Love you."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever", she said.
I left the house and went straight over to her neighbour. I rang the bell and waited until she'd open up.
"Hi Mira!", she greeted me with a smile.
Her dark blond hair was tied up in a ponytail. Her friendly green eyes stared at me, she had little crow's feet when she smiled. A dimple in her chin, which had always looked a bit out of place to me. She was an average woman, who had lived here all her life. She and her husband divorced years ago. She kept the home and was very welcoming when we just moved here. Ever since, she and my mom who were about the same age, became some sort of friends.
"Hello Miss Miller."
"Do you want to come in?", she asked and she opened the door a little wider.
"No, no thank you. I just wanted to ask if you could keep a closer eye to my mom. She isn't doing very well and I am busy with my job. I can't be here every day", I said, a bit ashamed.
"Sure honey, no problem. I will take her out a for a couple days these weeks, maybe have some coffee or something", she said.
"Thank you, that's very nice of you. I really appreciate it", I said and I wanted to walk away.
"Are you okay?", she asked.
I turned around and smiled, saying "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Are you sure, dear?", her sweet voice asked. "I saw the fight you had with your father a few weeks ago. I'm so sorry."
A small, weak smile appeared on my face; "Thank you. It will be okay."
"I didn't mean to see it, it's just your father was so loud and that man, Mr. Woods right? Drove so fast I..."
"It's okay", I interrupted her. "That was Mr. Woods, yes."
"Mira, dear, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Are you the brown unidentified woman who they are talking about in the tabloids?"
Her voice was soft and sweet. Understanding and not judging at all.
She always felt like the mom I never got to have. She always knew what to say and she had this warmth around her, that motherly feeling, when you would talk to her.
I hardly dared to look at her, knowing that she already knew the answer to her question.
"I am", I whispered.
She walked up to me and hugged me. Not saying a word, just a big hug.
Then she gently grabbed my face and said: "You did nothing wrong. Loving a man like that isn't a sin. He made you fall for him and he just played with your feelings. Don't feel guilty, just learn your lesson. The heart beats for the one that it longs for, the mind is just there to guide it in the right direction."
I swallowed away my upcoming tears, the lump in my throat made it that I couldn't thank her for her wise words.
"Sometimes the heart and mind don't know who is right and you end up with a broken heart and a confused mind. Don't let that get you down. You are a wonderful and beautiful woman and you don't need a man to define who you are."
I smiled at her and pinched her hands as to letting her know I appreciated her kind words. I knew that if I would start to talk, I'd cry and that was the last thing I wanted.
"Don't forget that not everything you hear and see is true, get to the source and you might find what you are looking for."
She then hugged me again.
"Thank you", I whispered and then I walked away and got in my car.

As I drove off to go back to my apartment it came to my mind that I still had some things at Max's place. Without even thinking it through I made my way to his place. Just as I wanted to reach out to ring the bell on his fence, it opened and a car emerged. I reversed so the car had enough space to leave his premises. I didn't recognize it, so I didn't pay much attention to it. I drove up his lane and parked my car in front of the stairs that led to his front door. Normally I would place it next to it, but I didn't bother this time. I just wanted to get my stuff and get out.
The doorbell rang, my heart started beating faster every minute I waited. He normally didn't wait that long to open.
After five minutes the door opened and I wanted to walk in, until I realized it wasn't Max who opened up.
"Miss Prasad, what can I do for you?", Rina asked.
"Hi Rina, is Max here? I need to speak to him", I said.
"I don't know, I have to look. Just give me a minute."
She wanted to close the door, but I walked up to her, ready to get in.
"Can I wait inside, it's pretty cold", I asked friendly.
"Well, I don't know if Mr. Woods is okay with that", her voice sounded hesitating, but she did open up the door a little more so I could step inside.
"Please wait here", she said and then disappeared.
When I saw the stairs, memories of him carrying me up the stairs, looking at me full of love and desire, popped up.
Him looking at me like I was the only woman in the world. Like I was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.
The harsh reality was that he never meant that, that this was over and that this might be the last time I would be here in his mansion.
There was some tapping coming from one of his rooms, I guess he was working or something.
"What does she want?"
All of a sudden I heard Max's voice, it immediately triggered my body and it reacted to it, without me having any control. My heart started pounding in my chest, my palms got sweaty and my breath got heavier.
I heard Rina say that she didn't really know what I wanted.
"Alright, where is she?"
Rina said I was in the hallway, I guess they were in his kitchen, cause I could clearly hear them talk.
"Tell her I'll be right there."
I had to act like I didn't overheard what they said, so I started to look around, like I was there for the first time.
Rina came into my sight and I smiled.
"He will be right there, Miss. Just a moment."
"Sure, I'll wait."
She then gave me a nod and walked off, a bit awkward I guess.
I heaved a few big sighs when I heard the tapping stop, I think I even heard him close his laptop, followed by his stool shoving and footsteps coming my way.
He was dressed very casual, grey Nike hoodie with matching grey sweatpants and black Nike's to go with. His hair was a bit messy and he had a two day beard, which looked good on him. To be fair, he even looked good with this messy look.
"Hi", I shyly said.
"Good evening Mira", he formally said.
He crossed his arms.
"I came to get my things", I decided to get straight to the point.
"Then you have to come back tomorrow, I don't have them ready yet", he answered, with a kind of monotonous voice. "I could also ship them to you."
"That's okay, I can get them myself", I said as I made my way to his staircase.
He rushed towards me and stopped in front of the staircase, blocking my way up there.
"Max, go away I just need a few things. You can keep all the other stuff you bought me, maybe Claire can use them", I mocked.
He ignored my comment saying: "You don't live here anymore so I can't let you go upstairs."
I frowned, trying to go up stairs, but his hands grabbed my arms, preventing me from moving forward.
"Don't be such a child and let me go up stairs, I'll be gone before you know it."
He then let my arms go and stepped aside to let me go up stairs. I made my way to his bedroom, praying I wouldn't find Claire in his bed or shower as I opened up the door, but it was dark.
"Wait!", Max exclaimed before I flipped the light switch.
When the light was on I finally saw why he didn't want me to go upstairs. I walked over to his bed, pulled back the covers and sat down.
One of my shirts laid next to his pillow, I grabbed it and it had my perfume all over it. I couldn't remember I wore this other than just as an easy shirt after waking up or something. So I know I never wore it when I had on perfume. He must have sprayed it on, but why?
I looked at him, while still holding the shirt. He leaned against the doorpost, crossed arms, trying to act like he didn't care about what I just had discovered.
"You can take it, I don't care", he said.
"Fine."

I got up and took the shirt, I grabbed some things from his bathroom and when I was done there I went to his walk in closet. While I was in there some memories came floating by.
The many times I sat on the soft white sofa, watching him getting dressed, while I was still wrapped up in a towel, waiting for him to pick something for me to wear. He had done it once and especially on the weekends it became our little tradition. Or the times when he was in his towel too, when he would tease me and we both ended up naked, making love in every place of his bedroom, bathroom and the closet.
All the times I would get dressed, doing my hair and make-up and seeing him standing in a corner, drinking his coffee, while watching me do my thing. The way he would look at me, like he was admiring every move I made and every little thing I did. Sometimes he would come up to me, when I would wear my hair loosely, he would stroke it, kiss the back of my head and tell me that he loved my long, thick black hair.
I smiled thinking about all of this, while sitting on that same sofa. I forgot Max was also still in the same room. I stroke the seating of the sofa, reminiscing and browsing through all the stuff I had there.
Max cleared his throat which startled me and brought me back to reality. I hadn't even noticed he'd come closer and was watching me from the doorway of his walk in closet. He looked the same way as I remembered.
I saw he had to suppress a smile, he clearly still enjoyed watching me.
"Do you have a bag for me or a suitcase maybe?", I asked.
"Yeah sure", he said and he walked into the closet.
"You know, you'll get it back as soon as possible."
"It's okay, you can keep it", he said as he grabbed a suitcase from one of the top shelves. He placed the suitcase on the table and even opened it for me.
"Here you go", he said.
I walked over to him and as I did, without my mind wanting it, my heart started pounding faster and my breath got heavier. And oh God, he smelled so good. He noticed the change in my behaviour.
"Here, let me help you", his hands deliberately touching mine as he took over some clothes from me. Our eyes met and an intense look made it hard for me to stop staring at him. It felt like an electric shock went through my body. With his lips this close to me, slow breaths leaving his mouth, his eyes traveling from my eyes to my lips and back, made me nervous, increasing my breath.
He quickly put my clothes in the suitcase, he stood up straight, never taking his eyes off me.
"Baby girl, is this really necessary?", his deep voice softly spoke.
"I think you already know the answer to that", I said, walking towards the sofa where I had put some of the stuff from the bathroom.
I wanted to grab my belongings, but before I could Max took my arm and turned me towards him. With one hand he grabbed my face, bending his own so that our lips nearly touched one another.
Both my hands were placed against his chest.
"Mira", he breathed heavily, his eyes penetrating mine, "Don't you remember all the good times we had here?"
His other hand was placed on the small of my back, firmly holding on to me and pulling me closer to his body.
"I do", I whispered. Kinda feeling trapped in his grip.
He gently pushed me on the sofa, laying me down, while he simultaneously tried to undo me from my coat. I helped him by taking it off myself.
He laid on top of me, both of us breathing heavily, before I knew it his lips pressed on mine and naturally I opened up my mouth, letting his tongue enter my mouth and my tongue exploring his. My hands traveled down to his firm butt, then back up crawling underneath his hoodie, caressing his muscled back. To eventually pull his hoodie over his head, giving me access to his bare chest. With my lips I pressed soft kisses against every spot I could reach, sometimes teasing him with my tongue a little. I could tell he liked it by his groans and his hand firmly grabbing my hair.
He pressed his lower body against mine, growling and whispering against my neck, while in between words, his tongue went up and down.
"Baby", he breathed, "Oh baby I missed you so much." Then he continued whispering "I missed your smell, your laugh, your voice, your presence.."
"Oh, Max", I moaned. "Oh God, I missed you too.."
While our bodies were grinding against each other, we ended up with my legs wrapped around his waist, sitting on top of him, while he leaned against the back of the sofa. We kept kissing intensely, with moans escaping our lips, his deep groans filling up the small space.
When we finally were catching our breath, I had his face between my hands, while his were half clenched on my waist and my butt.
We looked into each other's eyes, while our breaths slowly got more steady. I let my hands down and placed them on his chest.

All I could think of now was how he could have hurt me so bad. I even heard my dad's voice in my head and how he warned me that Max only used me. I kept staring at his face, without him being aware of what went on in my head. He tried to pull me in, to kiss me but I averted him.
It was like a voice in my head brought me back to reality. Like something warned me, or maybe it was the vibe that suddenly felt off.
"Why did you have to hurt me so bad?", I whispered.
"Baby, please believe me, I didn't mean to. I swear."
"You're such a jerk", I said punching his chest.
"Mira, nothing happened. I swear", he tried to calm me.
"You're such a liar! I can't believe I let myself go!", again punching his chest.
I got off him and stood up, tears welling up in my eyes.
"You know, you almost got me there", my trembling voice said while I quickly buttoned up my blouse.
Max got off the sofa and stood in front of me.
"What are you talking about?", he said confused.
"You are just trying to fuck me. Get me to trust you again, so you can have me on the side!", I cried.
Quickly I grabbed my coat, put it on, took the last stuff from the floor and dumped it in the suitcase. With tears running down my face I gave him a look, slit the suitcase from the table and held it next to me.
"Mira! No! I could never do that to you. I love you!"
"Liar! You never loved me!"
I stormed off running towards his stairs. While putting on his hoodie, he came after me. He tried to stop me in his hallway. His hand grabbed my shoulder, turning me around.
"Let go!", I brushed off his hand.
I went to the front door, while I opened it I looked back one more time and saw Max standing there, putting his hands through his hair, desperate, but not knowing what the right thing was to do.
Then I walked off threw the suitcase in my car, got in and with Max staring at me I drove off his lane for the last time.
Hitting my hands on the wheel, I cried. I wished I never met this man. How good it felt in the beginning, how bad it feels now. I don't think I ever felt worse than I did now.
While trying to control my emotions I drove home. I dragged the suitcase with me, when I was inside my house I threw all the stuff out of it and kicked the suitcase, which made it fall over.
I let myself fall down against the back of my bed, hitting the cold floor, crying uncontrollably. I felt worse than I did before, all I could think of is how Max played me. How he made me feel like he still wanted me, but in the meanwhile he just wanted to fuck me.
If I look back at everything that happened I should have known. Maybe I was just better off alone. All men ever did was use me and hurt me. Treating me like I was some kind of object, like I was disposable.
For a while I really thought Max was different. He might even have been the one for me, but now I know better.
Unfortunately that didn't make it easier, it didn't make the pain any less and so I kept crying. I crawled onto my bed, holding one of his shirts, who I secretly took, close to me and cried myself to sleep.

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A/N Happy new year everyone!!! Let's hope we can have a better year than the last and I wish all my readers lots of health, happiness and love.

 I was a bit overwhelmed with all the love you have all given me on the last chapter! It's really heartwarming and I hope you all like this new chapter. I saw I have a reader from Jamaica, @SanciaWright   ! How cool is that!

Further more I would like to give a special thanks to a few of my loyal readers;
@Trussouthner , @emindome34 and @reneereggans , thank you for your continuous support. The comments, likes and reads!! I might do some shoutouts some more, so keep an eye out.