Here is a script I wrote for a video in Social Studies that I thought was kind of funny. It's for a dating show thing where the West, North, and South try to win America's heart. Education! *majestic transition*

Host: Hello America and welcome to... WINNING THE HEART OF AMERICAAAAAAA! I am your host, Mr. Host, and it is now time to meet our contestants! Contestant One, please step forward! (South steps forward.) Contestant Two, please step forward! (North steps forward.) And last but definitely not least, Contestant Three, step forward! (West steps forward.) One, would you like to say anything? Two, Three? Alright, let's get this party started! Introducing.... AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Silent whispering screams of approval.)

America: (waving wildly and loudly chewing gum) *valley glirl voice* Hey guuyyyys, im America, and today you will be winning my heart! Not literally, of course (*whispers* that would be a bit gruesome) but figuratively! So! Please introduce yourselves!

South: *chewing on stick of wheat* Howdy! Wow, this place is really *holds up earn of corn* a-MAISE-ing! *chuckles quietly*

America: That pun was kind of CORNY tho!

South: *chuckles quietly*

America: *chuckles quietly*

Host: *chuckles quietly*

South: Anyway, hi howdy greet'ns bonjour! South is my name, slaves are my game! Agriculture is the most important thing a region can have if ya ask me! We hold the nation together!

America: *nods* And Contestant Two?

North: *New Yorker accent* Ay! I'm Northeast! Up here we's liking to do the factory work! South likes to send me stuff that we can them put in our factories! We also like to trade, we've got most o' the ports. It's kind of our TRADE-ition! *chuckles softly* (screen flashes to Mr. Host chuckling softly) Bada bing bada boom!

America: Bada bing bada boom! And our last (*whispers* and hopefully not least) contestant, Contestant Three!

West: heya guys, I'm West, the best of all these gibfaces. Bursting economy and factories, cities along rivers, trade, agriculture... I've got it all! *slicks back hair*

America: *nods* first question: what are your opinions on slavery? Contestant One?

South: Like I said, South's my name, slaves're my game! We wouldn't be nearly as efficient if we had to do all the work ourselves! Slaves are quite (kwat) useful and they ain't be needin' pay! It's the perfect system.

America: Contestant Two?

North: Slaves crave the freedom they ain't gave! South's so deprave of wants of slaves, it'll be their grave! We are brave and won't concave, not our enclave, for we will lave. So like basically no. (Screen flashes to Mr. Host chuckling)

America: *nods, impressed* and Contestant Three?

West: I'm divided, undecided. Some of my states are slave states, but some of my states don't think it's great. I'm half and half *whispers* even tho I'm lactose intolerant (screen flicks to Mr. Host chuckling)

America: *nodding* question two... How do you feel about federal power? Contestant One?

South: That government is asking for trouble, tryna control us n' all. I believe in a government that stays out o' my everyday life! State government ain't prejudiced like the feds! I like to live by my own rules like a strong independent man! I think the government should stay as out of it as possible!

America: *nods at North*

North: *finnicking with fingernails* I basically own the federal government. It favors us factory people as opposed to those old farts we call Southerners. So basically yeah.

America: *glances at West*

West: I like the feds, they're alright. They let us settle west and have government lands, and they keep out of our economy as much as possible without having a Purge, if ya know what I mean. We can still start and own businesses, decide what to sell, set our own prices... as long as we got capitalism, the fed'll be alright with me.

America: last question! Who do you give freedom to in your governments and everyday life? Do you treat everyone equally? South?

South: Like I said, slavery's my game. White men like me are everything! Anyone who is not a white man is lesser, I say! As if we would trust anyone else to vote!

America: *slightly wide-eyed* Contestant Two?

North: I believe that everyone is equal. I mean, only white men can vote, of course, and we let the settlers push back the natives, but hey, we allow immigrants! And we don't have slavery! Our black population is free (*mutters* although highly prejudiced against). But yeah, still freer than the South! *sticks tongue out at South who raises a fist*

America: um... okay... West?

West: well... only white men can vote of course... we have some slaves, you know, as half the states are slave states, but that means half the states are free states! It's a glass-half-empty or glass-half-full situation. One is half full of slaves, one is half empty of slaves. Be an optimist!

America: *eyebrows raised*

West: okay, and we forcibly took land from the Natives and banished them and treated them like animals... but hey, half of our states are free!

America: do I have to choose?

Host: idek

America: *huddles with Mr. Host and talks in whispers* I have reached a decision! I shall remain single as a Pringle 'cuz I don't wanna mingle, ain't gonna be no Mrs. Claus for the old Kris Kringle. All of you need to work on your rights and realize that no matter the race, gender, skin color, favorite food, and whatever else you are prejudiced against, everyone should be treated equally. No one is lesser because of these things. That's a life lesson, kids *finger guns*