viii. pars in proelio

[ the engagement party ]

Dear Diary, it's today.

The engagement party. It would be held at the Ashford Manor and well, I...I don't know what to say. All of London's society would be there and I guess it's real. In two months time, I would officially be a married woman. A part of me is still not used to the idea and a part of me has accepted it.

But regarding tonight...well. Mother and Father would definitely be there bragging and parading around. Henry is invited of course, but I doubt he'll show up. We haven't spoken since that awful afternoon so many weeks ago. And perhaps it'll be good that he won't be attending. Heaven knows he's capable of causing a scene and that's the last thing I want or need, considering Victor's hobby in making a fool out of him.

However the idea of Victor... Would it be so bad of me to admit that he's grown on me? That whenever I make him smile, my heart skips a beat and when he actually laughs, I—Well that doesn't matter one bit.

We are friends and nothing more and I should—am content with that regarding our situation. It should be enough.

I just hope it's enough for me...

—From the secret diaries of Jenessa Caldwell

* * * * *

Jenessa stared at the light blue satin of her dress, fingers brushing off invisible lint before she studied her reflection in the mirror.

The custom-made dress was beautiful, the floral details on the gown were delicate and accompanied by faux pearls. The pale blue shade reminded her of winter and snow, while the off the shoulder neckline teased a slight hint of cleavage without it being indecent.

She was thankful that it was light and hence, would be able to move around easily. Overall, it was understated and elegant and she loved it.

"You look beautiful, Nessa."

She looked up as Lyra came into view. "Thank you," she said and grinned at the sight of her sister in a lilac coloured dress. "Sometimes, I forget how lovely you look in dresses considering how much you hate them."

Lyra wrinkled her nose. "Mother forced me into this." Her sister's eyes fell onto the necklace Victor had given her a month ago. "That's gorgeous, are you going to wear it?"

Jenessa nodded, straightening her position. "Would you help me put it on?"

Lyra nodded, moving to stand behind her and looped the thin fragile chain around her neck. "So...uh, has Victor been okay?"

She blinked. "Okay?"

Her sister avoided her gaze, focusing her eyes on the busy task of clasping the necklace together. "Well, does he treat you well?"

"Of course he does," Jenessa said, eyes on the pear-shaped sapphire pendent that had settled nicely below her collarbones.

Under the light, the facets of the stone shone and well, it didn't matter that the memory of the necklace was tainted due to Victor's declaration of never being able to love her.

The necklace symbolised his sincerity of him ensuring her wellbeing and it meant that he truly respected her and it was enough.

She couldn't blame him for being unable to love her. But it stung nonetheless.

"You're not just saying that for the sake of it, right?"

Jenessa frowned. "What? Why would you think that?"

Lyra blinked and averted her eyes. "Never mind. Also, Mother wants you to start making your way down soon. But we all know it's just an excuse for her to start flaunting her new status."

She snorted and adjusted the the folds of her dress. "Wish me luck, then."

Just as she got to her feet, hands smoothing over the smooth fabric that fell in neat lines, a knock sounded on the door. Exchanging a quick glance with Lyra, who shrugged in reply, she made her way towards it to find her fiancé behind it.

For all the time she'd known and met Victor in person, she'd never seen him out of his suits and dress shirts. But this time, he was in a formal tuxedo, with a navy bowtie, a waistcoat and well...everything.

She blinked. Hard.

Her eyes took in the perfectly coiffed dark waves that were brushed back, the way he seemed almost vampiric under the lighting, the slight shadow along his jaw and the way his tall and leanly muscled form was emphasised by the faultless fit of his tux.

Jenessa honestly hoped that she wasn't blatantly staring like some heroine in a romance movie. If she was hoping that Victor hadn't noticed her shameless ogling, she was not disappointed.

"I'm here to escort you down," he said without waiting. "Lyra," he greeted with a short nod, to which her sister gave a hesitant smile in return before leaving quietly.

"I thought I was to make a separate entrance," she asked, swinging the door wider, ensuring that it didn't catch onto the delicate hem of her dress.

"You were, yes," he replied, taking a leisurely step in, eyeing the surroundings of the guest room with casual interest. "But I intervened, knowing that you dislike attention."

She smiled, "I do. So now, we get to share the attention, don't we?"

He sighed, shrugging, "I suppose." He offered her his arm, a tentative smile on his face.

Her traitorous heart skipped a beat at the sight.

"Let's get this over, shall we?"

Jenessa nodded, eyes sliding over his proffered arm before she took it. Her arm looped through his, hands clutching his bicep as he slowly led her out.

* * * * *

The moment she stepped into the room, with Victor on her arm, all eyes were on them.

She swallowed and pasted a bright smile on her face as Victor led them further into the Ashford's ballroom.

Philippe had outdone himself with the event, she thought fondly, spotting him beaming proudly on the right. Callum was on his left, a cheeky smirk on his face as too, regarded them with amusement and debonair charm that only he could pull off.

Someone began clapping and soon, the whole room erupted into applause.

Flustered, she gripped Victor's arm tighter, her gut swooping with nerves, especially more so when she caught sight of a grim-faced Henry.

"Just ignore him."

"What?" she whispered, eyes squinting.

Victor glanced down at her through half-lidded eyes. "Knight. I saw him too."

Jenessa nodded slowly, but she didn't miss the way his eyes took a more predatory turn or how he started leaning in closer to her.

"He has a lot of nerve showing up, but if he didn't his absence would be noted. But then, one would think his pride ought to be flattened a little more," her fiancé muttered under his breath.

Her mouth twitched.

Victor and his rude remarks about her friend was so startlingly normal that it almost distracted her from their engagement ball.

The string quartet began to play as the crowd turned back to whatever they were doing before they entered. Jenessa had no doubt that the vultures would soon swing in.

Already, she could see envious glares thrown her way and the haughty airs some of the guests were putting on to their peers.

God, what she wouldn't give to turn back and go home to a good book.

Over the next hour, she found herself being introduced to several of Victor's business associates, friends as well as the odd acquaintance. Not to mention, the other women in their circles.

Never would she have thought that she would be annoyed at the sight of Genevieve Blackwood or Iolanthe Bancroft simpering and shooting coy smiles to her fiancé.

"It's been so long since we last saw you, ten years wasn't it?" Iolanthe began, eyes trailing along the fine cut of his tuxedo.

Really, Jenessa grimaced inwardly, narrowing her gaze at the blonde with disdain. Didn't she have any shame? She was right there, just two centimetres apart from Victor. She wasn't invisible!

But to his credit, Victor was his usual stoic self who didn't give much of a response to something that didn't require one.

"Yes," he said shortly.

The expressions on both women's face was something Jenessa would forever treasure and hold dear to her heart.

Not soon after, the awkward silence that filled the air was soon broken when Victor turned away to take two flutes of champagne from one of the waiters before handing one to her.

"Excuse us," he cut in smoothly, hastily steering the both of them away, not giving either of the women a chance to respond.

Despite being annoyed with her peers' behaviour, the disgruntled look and disgust on Victor's face made up for it as he guided her to the other end of the room.

Taking a small sip from the champagne flute, she looked up at him. "You know," she began teasingly, grinning up at him. "You ought to smile a little. You look like you want to strangle everyone here.

Victor gave her a flat stare. "But I do want to strangle everyone here," he said, using a deadpanned voice. "Especially those two."

She laughed, missing the slight furrowing of his eyebrows before he glanced away.

"That won't be the first time," she said humorously as he drained his glass. "You hate people."

"And you don't?" he remarked dryly.

"I don't," she protested good-naturedly. "I just don't like attention. But I doubt I'm as obvious as you are about it," she remarked, giving a quick smile to an old friend in the crowd before turning back to him. "Let's just get this over and done with. I can't wait to get out of the dress and go home."

And as though he was noticing her outfit for the first time, he paused, eyes lingering over the gemstone at her neck and down to the pale blue gown, that was cinched tight at her waist before flowing out in a A-shaped form.

Acutely, she could feel her face starting to heat up when his gaze remained on the necklace.

"You look...nice," he offered stiltedly.

Right. Nice.

Nice was fine. Perfect, really.

"Thank you," she murmured, tucking a curl behind her ear, turning her eyes away.

The Ashford heir cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, that didn't come out right. You look lovely," he amended. "And you're wearing it," he noted aloud, eyes drifting to the necklace.

Her eyes flew up to meet his and Jenessa resisted the urge to reach up and touch the necklace.

"Of course, it was only right that I wore it, considering you gave it to me," she murmured, ducking her head down a little.

Victor cleared his throat. "It fits you."

She stared at him, noting the way a dash of red appeared on his cheeks. "Thank you."

Victor, she observed was about to say something when a loud voice interjected. "Ah! There you are!"

With wide eyes, she watched as a fair-haired man approached them with mischief in his eyes and something like a knowing grin on his face.

Beside her Victor exhaled heavily and began to rub his left temple. "William," he greeted.

The man—William—smiled and clapped his hand on his back. "Victor. I've been trying to corner you all evening." He turned towards her and gave a nod of acknowledgment. "You must be Lady Jenessa."

"Oh, no no. Please, call me Jenessa," she hastily added. "It's very nice to meet you..."

"Bauer. William Bauer," the man finished cheerfully. "I'm your fiancé's best friend. Since we were kids, in fact!"

At that, she chanced a quick glance towards Victor who was rolling his eyes and looking more exasperated than anything. However, she couldn't deny the sight of a faint smile on his face.

"I even went with him to the States and imagine my surprise to hear that he's getting married after all that has happen—"

"Bauer," Victor interrupted, eyes narrowing, mouth pressed into a thin line.

Jenessa stole another glance in his direction, idly wondering what was going on but William continued on, as though nothing was wrong.

"Right and well, you should've seen him, clutching that newspaper article of the both of you one month ago. He was mooning, holding it steadily on his chest, almost weeping at the—"

"Bauer, if you don't shut up, I'll really tell your wife you wrecked her car."

William laughed. "Yes, but after that, what other leverage can you use on me? Me, on the other hand, have too much dirt on you," he winked at her. "If you ever want embarrassing moments of your grumpy husband, you can let me know."

Jenessa smiled and nodded. "I'll like that very much."

"Of course you do," William nodded solemnly. "With how much of a prig Victor is all day, every day, I'm not surprised."

She bit back a burst of laughter at the grimace that flashed across Victor's face.

Even though she has just met the man, she found that William was wildly entertaining and she'd never seen anyone else get away with that much cheek, especially when they were used against Victor.

Plus, it was nice to know someone who was close to her enigmatic husband-to-be.

Victor muttered something under his breath, looking more pained than anything but she knew him well enough that it was just a front and nothing more.

"Sorry to interrupt your monologue, but where's Hannah?"

"Hannah?" William blinked. "Oh, she couldn't make it. The baby was causing her to hug the porcelain throne but you know that she wishes she was here."

"Oh, you're expecting? Congratulations!"

Victor scoffed and made a face. "Don't encourage him. I'd rather not have two idiots running around causing havoc."

William grinned and clutched a hand to his chest. "My dear friend, how you wound me and your godson."

Jenessa bit back a grin, enjoying the banter between the two men. Most of all, she was just admiring another side of Victor, one that few ever got to see.

Feeling suddenly parched, she excused herself, making her way towards the refreshment table.

She ought to have known it was a mistake.

"Jenessa." Henry stepped forward, a benign smile on his face.

"Henry," she greeted uncertainly and tucked a loose tendril behind her ear. "How are you? I'm glad to see that you came."

Her counterpart nodded and offered a strained smile. "I know, but I wouldn't miss it for the world. And I've been better."

Before she could reply, he took a step closer, offering her his hand. "Would you want to dance?"

It was only now that she heard the beginning of a waltz produced by the string quartet. Already, the centre of the ballroom was being cleared out, making way for couples who intended to dance.

Jenessa hesitated, eyeing his waiting hand. But she knew better than to refuse. It would be rude and she didn't have any choice, considering she had zero reasons to decline.

Setting down her glass, she nodded. "Yes."

Without giving her a chance to take back her answer, Henry swept her away towards the centre. Easily, they stepped into rhythm and Jenessa found it hard not to react visibly when a palm rested on her lower back, slightly pulling her closer towards him.

With his other hand in hers, she let him take the lead, distantly uncomfortable with the way he was watching her.

"You look beautiful," he murmured, green eyes taking her in as they moved across the dance floor.

"Thank you," she replied softly, ever so aware of the eyes on them.

"I understand if you don't wish to be friends anymore, not after the awful way I spoke to you the last time," he began, hand curving around her waist.

"But tell me now—we're alone and you're safe. You can tell me anything."

She wrinkled her nose, feet moving in accordance with the tune of the instruments. "I beg your pardon?"

"Is Ashford blackmailing you?" Green eyes peered into hers, moving

Jenessa pressed her lips into a thin line, drawing back slightly. "Henry, I just wish that you'd stop thinking that way. It's nothing like that—"

"It has to be," he insisted, the hand holding onto hers tightened. "Why else would you go according to it?"

Right here and then, she would have loved to stop abruptly and stomp off, but Jenessa knew better than to create a scene.

Really, when was this dance going to end?

She daren't look around, afraid of the stares and looks that she was wont to get for agreeing to the first dance with a man that was not her fiancé.

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that I'm not marrying you?" she hissed under her breath, careful not to get too close to him.

"Jen," Henry frowned. "I'm just looking out for you."

Oh hell, she hated it when people spoke to her patronisingly. She was twenty-seven—an adult! Not some child who hadn't ventured out of the schoolroom before.

She huffed, forced smile fading. "I'm not some delicate flower who doesn't know her own mind! I'm an adult and you have no say in what's going on in my life."

"I know that, but—"

"May I cut in?"

The sound of Victor's voice cleared away the fear and panic that had been steadily creeping in. A whoosh of air escaped her throat as she nodded and released Henry's hand, taking a forceful step back and turned to the cool arrogant man in front of her. "Yes."

With that, they were off, leaving the blond behind without a second glance.

Unlike Henry, Victor's hand on the small of her back sent shivers up her spine and Jenessa could swear that she could feel the heat being emanated from him although they were separated by layers of clothing.

Carefully, she placed her hand on his shoulder, feeling him slightly tensing up at her touch before relaxing once more.

His other hand wrapped around hers and she silently marvelled at the sight of his large hand dwarfing hers.

"Had a riveting conversation?" he asked lightly, although she could hear the hint of contempt that laced his words.

She made a face. "No. It was just Henry being his stupid stubborn self."

Victor smirked as he twirled them around the floor and other couples. "I'm not surprised, considering that is all he and his family are known for."

She rolled her eyes, unable to prevent the smile from appearing on her lips.

Victor, she was coming to realise, really did delight in making witty rude jabs about Henry. She knew she ought to reprimand him considering they were friends but she was still too unnerved with her friend's behaviour earlier.

"Enough, I don't want to talk about Henry," she mumbled, slightly pressing herself closer to him. "I just want this whole night to be over."

"Not going to run off at midnight like Cinderella, I hope?"

She blinked, mouth gaping as she stared at him, agog. "Are you—are you actually making a joke?"

Victor scoffed and shot her a withering look. "Yes. What about it?"

She pressed her lips into a thin line to prevent herself from smiling and laughing like a loon. "No. Nothing. I'm just—"

"Forget it," he huffed, turning his face away.

Unluckily for her, her smile escaped and she beamed brightly. "No don't. I...I appreciated it. And it wasn't that bad a joke," she tried when he didn't respond.

"I'm just not used to you making jokes," she offered mildly, sliding her hand from his shoulder to his cheek.

At that, they both froze for the barest of moments, while their bodies continued moving around on autopilot, too accustomed to the dance from lessons when they were young.

Blue eyes widened, shifting to the direction of her hand and she jerked faintly, hastily moving her hand back to his shoulder.

"It just took me by surprise," she finished lamely, averting her eyes, inwardly deciding it was best to pretend she hadn't done that.

"I see," he said.

Jenessa figured he sounded more pensive than awkward and guessed that it was best to change the subject altogether.

"To answer your question, no. I'm not running off at midnight into my pumpkin carriage. I'm just itching to read," she replied offhandedly, subtly admiring his cologne.

Victor arched a brow. "Read? Didn't you tell me you finished all of your new books just last week?"

She flushed, giving him a mock scowl through her eyelashes. "Yes, but it's another kind of reading."

"Oh?" He sounded intrigued.

"You're going to laugh."

A faint smirk quirked on his lips. "I promise that I won't."

She bit her lip, readying herself for the ridicule. "I read...poetry."

"Poetry?"

"Yes. By William Blake or—"

"Tyger Tyger, burning bright, in the forests of the night; what immortal hand or eye—"

"—could frame thy fearful symmetry," she finished, eyes wide as she gawked at the dark haired man. "You read them too?"

"Sometimes, when the fancy strikes me," he admitted before leading her off the dance floor when the music came to a halt.

"Really?" She peered at him in wonder and amazement. "Which are your favourites?"

He paused, brows furrowing. "The Sick Rose."

"What?" she said, aghast, face scrunching up. "That's...depressing."

"Is it? It can be wildly accurate depending on what perspectives you take and how you choose to interpret it. Otherwise, I think that it's vividly accurate."

"I think it's just about how love is toxic," she pointed out, lips pursing.

"Because it is," he answered resolutely, leading them back to the refreshment table.

She studied him, licking her lower lip before chewing on it.

Truly, what could she say to that?

* * * * *

She stared at her reflection in the mirror, slowly removing her earrings before setting them back into their box. She'd removed her makeup and had changed out of her dress.

Jenessa stared at her freshly washed face, noting how lacklustre her eyes were despite the success of the evening.

For one moment, she did felt like Cinderella, dancing with her Prince without a care in the world. But now, she was back to reality and unlike the girl in the fairytale, there was no end to her situation.

I think it's just about how love is toxic.

Because it is.

She sighed and lowered her gaze down to the sapphire necklace resting in its velvet lined box.

Just then, her phone alerted her of a new message. Idly, she peered at it.

She blinked once. And then twice more in quick succession when she realised who sent it.

Eagerly, she swiped her thumb across the screen, waiting impatiently for the messaging app to load.

And when it did, she stopped, her heart skipping a beat as she recognised the words and lines of the famous poem of Lord Byron:

She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies; 

And all that's best of dark and bright 

Meet in her aspect and her eyes; 

Thus mellowed to that tender light 

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

That was what I ought to have said about how you looked tonight.

— Victor

* * * * *

A/N: Hi. Yes. Okay, i'm like amazingly surprised this is still getting read?? but yeah, no one wants to hear about my spazzing. So disclaimer, the poems mentioned are by William Blake and the last is She Walks In Beauty by Lord Byron. I do not claim anything from them. period.

Also, please shower me with your thoughts about this! and if anyone wants to know, the romance will be going up a notch after they get married, which is like a chapter or two away only lmao. 

this is freaking 3.9k words holy ajskldajdla

P1/4/19