"jesus fucking christ potter, what'd you do before i got here! your iv almost tore out!"

nesrin's indignant shout carried a harsh wind across the ridges of harry's cheekbones, and he blinked dazedly at her flickering figure. she had only just informed him that his vital signs seemed to be mostly okay for the moment, with the exception of his irregular heartbeat and just general unhealthiness, when she caught sight of his iv slipping half way out of his arm and colored light crimson. the ghost nearly died again, and he felt the temperature of his frigid, white hospital room drop in her fear, every word puffing from her transparent, pinkish mouth in a gust of panic.

he could hardly process her anxiety through his muffled head, which had begun to pound the longer he lay still, eyes open and body burning with boiling blood. but he understood the squint to her sleepy eyes, the soft crumple between her brows. he tried to speak, both intrigued and terrified by her presence-not because she was a ghost, as he was used to that by now, but rather because she was another stranger and his heart could only take so much-but once again, the pressure closed in around his weak throat and choked his voice.

nesrin tried to touch his arm, perhaps looking for inconvenient rips in his skin caused by his frantic fit. however, her insubstantial hand only passed through him and left him shivering and feeling a little out of place.

"shit," she mumbled with a soft scoff. "forgot i'm dead for a second...where the fuck are the nurses?"

harry's lips fumbled again, searching for the shape of his words but finding none. they all seemed to escape him now, lost in hazes of illness and clogged with the syrup in his soaked brain. nesrin noticed the struggle beneath the clear oxygen bubble, and slight realization sprinkled the plains of her face.

"you can't speak either huh? there's a potion that supposed to help with that around here somewhere but the healers are slacking. useless, honestly. no one does anything around here except for the dead people, what kind of damn logic is that? you've got potter in critical condition and you leave him all alone? to do what exactly?"

harry knew she didn't expect an answer from him. she was mumbling just under her dream like breath, so incoherently that harry could hardly understand her tangled sentences spat with frustration. she was thinking aloud to herself, and it was a little amusing. it reminded him of his classmates, especially since she was around his age. and though his classmates scared him sometimes, they were at least familiar.

she breathed out heavily, despite not needing to. her chest hardly moved and harry supposed that she exhaled and inhaled out of habit.

"i might have to leave you to fetch penny," she muttered, her tone underlined by annoyance. "i'll only be a moment, and if i come back and find that you've had another fit, i'm going to murder someone. stay here and stay still. okay potter?"

harry nodded delicately, and nesrin hummed in approval, bobbing her raspberry tinted head before floating away from him and out of the door in a billow of transparent hospital gowns.

harry attempted to distract himself from the awful twinge in his head centered just around the center of his skull with fantasies of hogwarts. it was the only place he could stand at the moment, the only place he would want to be, and in his mind, he wandered the long, winding halls in dimness illuminated only by the silvery glow of his wand. in his mind, the portraits whispered to him as he danced along the floors, looking for newfound crevices in the walls, or secret passages that the marauders' map had no knowledge of. in his mind, he saw the painting of the pear on the wall, and decided to visit the house elves in the dead of night, when everyone was fast asleep. and dobby...dobby would greet him. just as he had before. excited and overflowing with gratitude for a boy who probably didn't deserve it, but a boy that he firmly believed was his savior.

how he missed dobby.

but in his head, dobby's big, tennis ball sized eyes were bright and fluttering with candlelit life. and he stood by, watching as harry filled his belly full of food. and the rest of the house elves conversed without fear or worry.

in his mind, he was happy, and being alone didn't present a number of anxieties to ponder.

nesrin reentered just as his thoughts wandered to moaning myrtle and other ghosts he had befriended, which he supposed, was a stroke of coincidence. her lips were twisted in a sour scowl, and her soft eyes were squinted in clear irritation, and she was followed by a tall nurse in classic, healer's attire, a long, trailing lime green robe, the emblem of a bone and a wand upon her chest. she was pretty, though in a subtle, unconventional way. her hair was a bright purple, and cut so it hardly passed the nape of her caramel neck. her nose was very round and button like, and she had strangely large, golden brown eyes, yet it somehow only made her look attentive and excited. upon catching a glimpse of harry's bandaged body and his fluttering lashes, she nearly choked herself with the harsh inhalation of breath she sucked in. nesrin rolled her eyes at the dramatic display.

"i fucking told you that he was awake," she hissed. "why are you acting surprised?"

the woman—nurse penny—took a stuttering step back, crinkles forming between her brows. she replied to nesrin's exasperares comment without even glancing at her, as though the words were subconscious.

"language." her voice was sweet and bold, like striking dark chocolate. a clear, sharp taste, yet still delectable.

"oh, you're one to talk," nesrin sighed. with narrowed eyelids, she floated back towards harry's bedside and glared at penny accusingly. "now do something. where's the refreshment potions...for his voice?"

"oh...oh yes!" penny spoke as though the recollection were an afterthought, and nesrin looked so utterly exasperated that it was almost funny.

the nurse fluttered about the room with the frantic, yet ecstatic fervent of a person who's mind was running a million miles a minute. for harry, through his slow, distorted vision, it was difficult to keep track of her every movement. her limbs turned into green blurs, and her mouth began spewing hasty words at rapid fire pace.

"report, please."

nesrin huffed out a fanning breath through her nose, but answered anyway, rattling off her observations while penny prepared a glass of some thick, deep blue substance.

"mm, that's good," penny hummed quietly once the ghost had finished prattling off his vital signs. she danced over to harry's bedside, and with hands covered in cold latex, lifted him by his weak, bruised shoulders so that he could prop himself up against the pillow. her big eyes were warm and full of glowing honey, taking him in with a gentle kind of sympathy that melted the frost in his blood a little.

"hello harry," she greeted with a subtle quirk to her lips. "i'm nurse penny. it's very nice to make your acquaintance."

he could do nothing but sit there, trying not to shiver at a stranger's touch, and trying not to move too much in case the burning sensation returned. he attempted to nod so that she wouldn't think him rude, but his head throbbed again, and he winced at the resounding sting.

"here," she whisked her wand out from the insides of her robes, and with a gentle flick, the oxygen bubble was gone. she pressed the glass edge of the cup to his papery lips, and the coldness greeted his chapped, cracked skin with startling abruptness. "drink this. it will help with your voice."

harry squeezed his eyes shut and did as he was told, gulping down the liquid steadily. it tasted strange, though not unpleasant. thick on his tongue, and lukewarm. there was an edge of spice to it, probably from whatever magical plant had been used to make it, and a dash of mint flavor that left his mouth feeling cool once he'd swallowed it down. but all in all, it was quite good for potion medicine.

and immediately, it was as though the sleeking, blue liquid washed away the sore rawness at the edges of his throat, dislodged the broken glass trapped between its reddened walls. the change was instantaneous. he felt his words return to him in a wave of incoherent sentences and unintelligible sounds, and what left his lips was a ridiculous mash of "what's going on?" and "what happened?"

the syllables misplaced themselves until both his questions were impossible to recognize, and nesrin and penny furrowed their brows at him.

"i have no fucking idea what you just said." nesrin breathed rather bluntly, voice flat with monotone. her soft mouth tugged into a slight, disinterested frown, and penny shot her a warning look that she had probably given her a million times before. the ghost paid her no mind.

"what she meant to say, was take your time harry-"

"i didn't-"

"and don't push yourself to speak too quickly," penny nodded towards harry's immobile body. "you've been through quite the ordeal."

harry sucked in a trembling breath, a desperate gulp for oxygen to quell his panicked heart. the flames of fear were licking at his flesh, threatening to boil his blood to overflowing, searing heat. the confusion of his surroundings, and the discomfort that came with having two sets of eyes fixated upon him while he lay weak was making him a little light headed. he pressed back against his mattress, and pondered a few agonizing seconds more before stuttering out a question, chopped up  and staticky.

"how...how long...how long have i...been...he-here...?"

penny nodded, something akin to encouragement coming to life behind her irises. her attention on him was soft, unwavering, and he wasn't sure whether he wanted to smile or cry. she seemed to sense the conflicting war raging on within him, the battle of suffocating paranoia against his need for comfort, a sliver of butterscotch care or amaranth affection while he wished he was no longer in the world to feel the lack of it. she placed a gloved hand on his cold, wrapped up arm, a touch so light he didn't feel its pressure.

"you've been here for about a week and a half now," she replied, a hint of despondence dragging in her tone. "you were found on the 20th of october in godric's hollow, collapsed in front of the graves of lily and james potter, by a man out for a stroll. he immediately called emergency magical services, and healers brought you here, to st. mungo's hospital for magical maladies and injuries. you arrived here on the brink of death by poison,"

she raised a questioning brow at him. "it was a very strong poison mr. potter, and only after much effort, were we able to revive you using a bezoar. however, it seems that even before being poisoned, you were in ill condition, and the long term effects of the poison were more harmful to you than they would have been if you were in prime health. you were in a coma like state for a week and a half, on the very brink of death..."

the strings holding up her previously loose body began to snap, one by one, torn apart by hardly stifled sorrow. something melted in her gaze, something darkening with aching clouds and foggy with a thousand, unasked questions. "you are very lucky mr. potter,"

harry's stomach dropped.

"most people who suffered from a poison like that, especially while being malnourished and sick...they wouldn't wake up. you are quite the miracle."

don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

the knot forming rapidly above his collarbones, tangling itself in a mangled mess of despair, only just unravelled enough for him to breathe. but the burning ache was soon replaced by awful, decaying numbness. and it made him wish the pain was back.

penny continued, unaware of his bones caving in on themselves.

"i will inform you of your condition now. we haven't performed any tests yet, so this information will be based only on the factors we observed while you were unconscious. when the poison entered your bloodstream, it began killing off white blood cells, and polluting your blood with dark magic. your immune systems are down, and the dark magic remaining inside of you has made you very, very weak. your bones are now fragile, and your magic will feel very drained for a while. the dark magic also left bruises on your skin, painful ones that will take a long while to heal, so please be careful not to batter yourself. and you are internally bleeding. the poison is eating away at your stomach and organs, and we will need to keep you here until it has all been removed. you may be feeling a burning sensation as a result of that, and we have medicines to help dull the pain. we will get you started on those tomorrow. and if you will give me a minute, i need to call in and tell everyone that you are awake, but when i return, i will explain the details of your stay. is there anything else you wish to know before i leave?"

the information dump hardly registered. he understood the consequences of his attempt on his life, understood the long lasting effects of a self inflicted poison, and understood that he'd damaged himself in his quest to end his misery. to appease his haunting thoughts, his traitorous mind that wished to see him dead more than anything, while his body strived to live. he understood it all. he just couldn't bring himself to feel anything. he was constantly caught between feeling everything at once and feeling nothing at all.

he felt so tired, so, so tired. he wanted to lie down and sleep forever, and the fatigue clung to his soft bones, nipped incessantly at his flesh, pleading for his attention. it settled upon his shoulders, weights of weathered stone, a stormy sky upon his bent back. and suddenly, the numbness and the exhaustion turned to weary, old grey in his chest. and his heart crumbled to dust.

his eyelids dragged, and he could hardly bring himself to mumble the lethargic words. they coated his lips in sleepy mauve as he spoke them.

"um...who...who else...knows...i'm here?"

he had to know. if he didn't, the terror would kill him far before the poison. and dying by poison was far more painless than letting the fear rip him to bloody shreds.

penny seemed to understand, just seemed to know that his name alone presented a thousand more problems for him. her smile tilted to something a little tragic.

"don't worry mr. potter," her voice was soft. as though she were afraid to cause further damage to his frail heart. "we managed to keep your arrival here very discreet. the only people who know what happened to you are your headmaster, professor mcgonagall, and your emergency contact, ms. hermione granger."

"hermione..." the image of her as he'd last seen her flashed before his eyes. her pink mouth twisted in sorrow, her gaze heavy and fearful, and her drooping lashes rimmed by weeping orchids, pleas for rest, a slumber from the torturous world.

he thought of her arms wound around his shoulders, tightly, as though she were afraid he would slip from her fingers if she loosened her grip for even a second. tightly, but warmly. he could feel her rapid fire heartbeat whispering reassurances to his own, and feel her warmth seeping into his cold skin. she always smelled of books and pressed flowers and home. and he missed her.

penny caught the shadow of longing passing over his features.

"yes. i can call for her immediately if you'd rather have her here while i further discuss things with you."

harry nodded carefully.

"yes please..."

penny gave him a real smile this time, one that only glowed with relief and anticipation rather than being tinted with deep sadness. nesrin scrunched her nose at her.

"very well mr. potter," she bobbed her head, and stepped away from him, peeling the latex off of her hands. her fingers fluttered in nesrin's direction, and the ghost was sighing before the words even left her mouth. "i will have nesrin look after you until i come back-"

"of course you will."

"so please feel free to rest, and ask her for anything you need." the nurse continued. the joyful squints at the corners of her eyes were only sign that she'd heard nesrin, and harry wondered if she liked to torture the girl.

"need i remind you that i am a ghost," nesrin pinched her lips. strong sarcasm dripped from her breezy words. "i can't physically touch things dumbass."

penny's grin didn't waver.

"fine. ask nesrin and nesrin will ask someone else. who's...well..."

"alive."

"yes."

penny nodded resolutely once more, irises twinkling with mirth, before leaving the two on their own. as soon as she was out of sight, nesrin puffed out a long, grumbling sigh, and crossed her legs so that she was sitting in mid-air.

"see what i mean? useless."

harry wished he could laugh, but the urge was stifled far too quickly. instead, he felt tired. a wave of long put off exhaustion in spite of the deep slumber he'd been trapped in for days upon days. his bones were turning to old, abalone dust, his heart tearing to blackened pieces and decaying like an ancient fossil, beat upon too many times by the skies and the winds. numb and grey and dying. wishing he was already dead.

he couldn't even face nesrin as an unprompted tear spilled from behind his aching lashes, splashing cobalt sorrow upon cracked, tender flesh. he hid his face in his pillow, hid beneath the thin white sheets until the ghostly color was all he knew.

but, just before the weariness resounding from that old, grey chest of his overtook his mind and body, he felt the soft brush of a cherry blossom breeze ghost through his onyx locks.

"you can sleep now, harry. you're safe."

a/n: how was this chapter guys? good? bad? terrible? amazing?

what do you think of nurse penny? i know, penny is such a generic name, but it was the first name i thought of for her.

please leave comments telling me your thoughts and feelings and thank you sooooooooooooooooooo much for reading!

i love you pretty babies so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much. you are so incredibly precious and i hope everyone around you treats you that way.

for so many of you, all of your mirrors are broken. you see yourselves in such a distorted way and you easily criticize your existence, pick on yourselves for things that are not mistakes or flaws, but beautiful parts of you. you are weighed down by lies, blinded by foggy eyes, and you're so hard on yourselves darlings. sometimes, you're downright mean to yourselves.

sometimes, you may have a bully in your head, trying to hurt you. and that's not your fault my loves. it's not your fault.

you shouldn't have to deal with that, you shouldn't have to struggle to hold yourselves, or treat yourselves, or love yourselves. but it's okay that you do. it's okay not to be okay. you are so so so valid and beautiful and utterly wonderful exactly how you are. and it's okay that sometimes you may struggle to believe that. it's okay to ask others to hold you, to ask others to love you, to ask others to fix your mirrors so you can see yourselves right. you're not weak or stupid or a disappointment or a failure. you are not any of the awful things that you call yourselves. you are the opposite.

you are so strong, and beautiful, and smart, and you have such a gorgeous mind. you are one of a kind. you are such a treasure, such a gift, such an angel. too precious for this world, too amazing to hurt so bad. you could never be a failure or a disappointment. you can only be human, just like the rest of us, and there is absolutely no shame in that.

take pride in your existence loves. it is beautiful.

you are ethereal and you will be awed at and cooed over and loved by so many. i love you with my entire being. and i want you to know that even though your mirrors are broken, they won't always be. i want you to know that you can ask for help, and that you are so so so brave for doing so. i want you to know that i'm so so so proud of you for making it to today. i'm proud of you for being you. i'm proud of you. i support you. i love you just as you are, unapologetically yourselves.

darling, you'll be okay.

take deep breaths, get some sleep, take long baths or showers. collect flowers, record your favorite sounds, memorize a poem. sing to yourselves, hold yourselves, kiss your fingertips, call yourselves all the sweet pet names under the sun. drink a warm drink, watch something funny, read something soft. let others comfort you. close your eyes.

you're going to be okay. you are in control of your life. and you are so loved, so beautiful, so strong, so smart, and so supported. you're not alone and you never will be.

i'm holding your hand. even if you can't feel it, i'm holding your hand.

take care of yourselves, be kind to yourselves, and treat yourselves because you're special and you're worth it.

i'm sending you all cuddles, love, and virtual hugs.

eat and stay hydrated!

love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

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