when harry awoke, it was to the soft, barely there sensation of a wind like touch through his hair.

"harry potter," a voice breathed against his ear. flourishes of unexpected coolness soothed over his aching flesh; a comforting, yet unfamiliar feeling that his slumbering heart could not help but startle at, and he was immediately coaxed to abrupt consciousness. the long lasting stiffness of discomfort returned to him upon reentering reality, and though the pain was distracting, he was thankful for the absence of night terrors during the course of his first rest since the coma.

he blinked tufts of sleepy fog from his slivered vision, and found nesrin's sardonic, insubstantial face hovering above his own, a strawberry blonde brow lifted and full, pinched lips quirked in a sarcastically amused smile. "harry potter," she called for his slow, wavering attention. her words turned to kissing winds and enveloped him in crisp autumn scents. it made him wonder what she had been like in life for her ghost to cling to a tangible scent. "it's time to wake up. you're friend has arrived."

friend.

it took him a few moments to recall which friend the ghost was referring to, to draw the remembrance of their previous conversation from the depths of his fuzzy mind. but when he did, he inhaled sharply enough to cause strain to his beaten lungs, and attempted to scramble into a sitting position...only to be reminded of his damaged body once his blood began screaming.

"stop that," nesrin scolded softly, her tone strangely caring. almost maternal. just like hermione's when she caught him doing something particularly stupid or reckless. "you're going to hurt yourself again, and i won't be able to do anything for you. so sit still. she's on her way, so all you need to do is lay there and look pretty."

she seemed to realize something in her words, her gleaming eyes squinting into pondering slits. she gestured to his porcelain skin and bandaged limbs. "well...as pretty as you can be in your state."

harry hummed out a shuddering breath and tried to do as she said. but it was difficult. he felt horribly numb and horribly helpless, pinned to an all white bed by weakness and relentless pain. it was hard not to jump at the idea of seeing his best friend again, especially when he thought his last goodbye to her would have been the last he saw of her until she joined him in the afterlife. and he wished he had succeeded, because now he would be forced to watch her weep for him, as though she hadn't shed enough tears for his sickened heart already, and try to explain to her why he wanted to leave her. but at least, after he forced decaying words from a decaying, gray mouth, he would feel her embrace again. because after she got a verbal answer from him, she would understand. and though he certainly did not deserve it, she would hold him in that truly special way she did, tight and soft all at once, until he could feel her heartbeat in time with his own, hushing reassurances and weaving lullabies for his starved soul.

he felt guilty for wanting her hold after putting her through years of anxiety and trauma and fear. he felt guilty for wanting her with him even knowing that seeing him might make her cry. he felt guilty for causing pain to the best friend he'd ever had. he felt guilty both for existing, and by trying not to.

but in his cold hospital room, shattered and damaged and afraid, he just wanted to see his very best friend. hermione granger.

and it wasn't long before he did. nesrin kept him company in her own way while he tortured himself with the things he had done and the way he had ruined hermione's life. she attempted to draw his attention to something positive, even if she did so in a monotone, sarcastic, uninterested manner. and she kept asking questions about the girl, seemingly attempting to make him feel better, but phrasing it in a way that made her seem utterly bored with his stuttered answers.

but he still thought it was sweet of her.

and when the sound of frantic footsteps pounding down the tiled hall met their ears, she knew, somehow, to get out of the way.

"excuse me, ms. granger, running in the halls is not permitted—ms. granger!"

"harry! where's harry?"

harry gasped at the sound of her voice. it felt as though it had been eons since he'd heard it. and even burning with roiling panic and trembling with frigid fear, it left relieved tears pooling in his broken eyes. and his heart soared.

"mi...one..." he rasped, leaning forward as best as he could. "mione..."

"harry!"

"ms. granger!"

"which room? which room!"

he was sure he had never heard her sound so demanding while talking to a stranger.

"that room there...304...but ms. granger-"

"harry!"

and there she was. bursting through his doorway like it was nothing, golden brown curls a fluffy mess of tangles upon her head and around her ears. she was still in her pastel pink pajamas, and she was only wearing a pair of thin silk slippers on her dashing feet. and harry supposed she must have run out of her house as soon as she'd gotten the call...taking no detours...not even to get dressed.

her soft features were all twisted and crinkled in anguish, so wrought with panic like he'd never seen it...well as he'd only seen it once...her gentle, poppy mouth uncharacteristically chapped and open with each ragged, fervent breath. her rice cake skin had lost its healthy flush of life, replaced instead by the ghostly paleness of relentless dread. the kind that keeps you up at night. that must have been why her round, brimming eyes were rimmed by dark, bruise like bags, pleas for exhaustion that had clearly not been granted. and her cheeks were damp with crystal tears, silver rivers that carved over and over into the tender skin until it was worn thin and splashed aching azure.

and harry hated himself. for hurting her like that, or for being alive to see it, he wasn't sure. he just didn't understand how she could weep for him...after everything he'd done.

but all those thoughts fled from his head in an instant. because in that instant, hermione was running across the room to him with a soft, pained cry, and she was holding him again.

and he could smell it. the scent of sweet candlelight among flower pressed pages, and flowing inked words in a room full of books. and her lithe hands were wrapped so tightly around his shoulders, rubbing trembling circles over his shoulder blades as her words spilled in tremors from her quivering lips.

"harry, harry, harry..."

her hair was splayed across his face, threatening to stuff itself in his mouth. but he couldn't care. how could he care when she was holding him again? when her soft arms were rocking him back and forth, swaying them to an unheard lullaby from his forgotten childhood. and she was familiar, and safe, and family, and he didn't deserve her love.

but it was there all the same.

and even with his weary, old grey chest, he tried desperately to hold her back.

"harry, harry, you're-" her body was convulsing with sobs, her sorrow a sharp strum in his ear. "you're alive."

there was...there was overwhelming relief in that simple utterance. the type of relief that felt like a dream, an illusion that would fade under the slightest of touches. a relief you were afraid to trust, but a relief you couldn't help but cling to, because the other possibility was one that you could not live with. and it was soaked in aching salt, the suffocating tang of tears and deep rooted pain that had grown into tangles of panic and knots of misery. his heart stumbled in his chest, and he just couldn't understand. he wasn't sure he would ever be able to understand that relief for him. the relief for him she'd breathed the last time he brought himself back from the dead, nor the agony she felt at losing him. because, although he would feel the same if she were ever taken away from him, he couldn't see how she could return those same sentiments. she had only ever brought light into his life. warmth, safety, love.

for her...he'd only brought death and destruction.

yet she refused to let go of his weary body. and he shook against her, gasping when the burning began to set unbearable flame to his torn flesh.

"mione..." he choked out, his voice a weak stutter of a whisper. he wanted to stay there, but attempting to keep himself upright was starting to hurt. "mione..."

she pulled back to look at him, trailing wavy locks across his pale cheeks. and her glossy, overflowing eyes searched his desperately, taking him in as though searing his image into her mind. she immediately caught the shadow of pain twisting his features, far too accustomed to the sight, and helped him get more comfortable, mumbling worriedly as she did so.

"harry, harry, god...what did you do to yourself, you're bandaged everywhere, merlin...you look so pale, god, oh god..."

he squeezed his eyes shut and reached for her lithe hand. it was intertwined with his in an instant, firm and warm. the familiarity of it bloomed in flourishes of soft amaranth in the dark caverns of his collapsed chest.

she stopped talking abruptly, swallowing the words in a thick haze of torment. instead, a soft whimper left her quivering lips.

"i...was the only one who could come..." she breathed. every sound trembled. "ron's in romania with his family, and i couldn't tell anyone else yet...your healers told me not to, just in case the media got wind of it. and i went to see you...a few times. but they said..." she gasped down an arising knot of tears. her hold on his fingers tightened. "they said that you might die...that your chances of living were slim...and every time i looked at you...i thought of that. i'm sorry harry. i stopped coming as often because it hurt so bad to see you and know there was no hope..."

the guilt in her tone nearly choked them both. a thick, burning coil of all consuming culpability. and harry was denying the claim immediately, stuttering out staticky disagreements and slurred reassurances that she somehow understood.

"but you woke up..." she hummed. she nodded to herself, as though reinforcing the idea in her head. storms brewed and stirred in roiling darkness behind her irises, painting her skin in silver hurt. yet, a soft realization lightened her features. "you woke up again...you're alive...alive. you prove them wrong every time."

but i wish i hadn't.

her other hand rose, fluttering through the air with hesitance. it ghosted the side of his face, a subtle warmth dancing over the very surface of numbed skin. but harry felt it, felt every skitter of heat she left in her wake as she proved to herself that he was real.

"harry," the vulnerability in that name. the way she said it as though she were terrified and ripped raw and as though she were pleading for something she could not go on without. "you know, you're..." she swallowed. harry squeezed her hand and pushed into her touch as much as he could.

she smiled at him, a sight so rare these days, so tragically beautiful.

"you're my best friend."

her best friend. her best friend, lying there on a hospital bed after defeating death for the thousandth time. her best friend that loved her so much that he had tried to leave her. her best friend that didn't deserve that name.

he was crying the moment it left her lips.

but it was a strange sort of crying. because he couldn't feel it.

he couldn't feel it.

"mr. potter," nurse penny called from the doorway of his room. her cheeks were flushed rose from chasing hermione down the hallway, and the lingering effects of frustration were present in her furrowed brows. but upon seeing them both weeping with their hands clasped, her eyes softened. "ms. granger. now that you are here, i will go over the details of mr. potter's stay."

harry sniffled, attempting to pull himself together while hermione furiously rubbed the tears from her face. nurse penny graciously waited for the two to compose themselves and find comfortable space on harry's bed before she continued.

nesrin said nothing. instead she watched the two with an unrecognizable emotion in her silver eyes.

"we don't know how long mr. potter will be here. the effects of the poison he took are quite deadly, and until we do several tests on him, we won't be able to estimate, but i would say that he'll be here for a good bit," hermione bit her lip sharply. "with your consent ms. granger, we would like to put mr. potter on a medical potion to reduce his burning pains. i will give you the forms tomorrow morning. we will also need to do several tests on mr. potter starting on saturday and ending on monday. after these tests, we may need to perform surgeries depending on the results,"

hermione hissed a breath through her teeth, her distress evident in the sour twists of her eyes and lips. harry, however, couldn't bring himself to think much of the information. nurse penny's round eyes settled on him again, directing her next set of information towards his ears.

"during the course of your stay with us, you will be able to leave your room, but only with a nurse's approval. you will also be in a wheelchair whenever you are moved from your bed, and you must keep your iv in until a healer says otherwise. meals will be brought to your room at regular intervals until you are allowed to eat in the cafeteria. there is a library, a media center, and a free time room, which nesrin will show you to tomorrow. you may interact with the other children and adults. and, we do not permit violence, name calling, discrimination, or the infliction of pain upon anyone else whether it be magical, physical, or verbal. doing any of these things will result in isolation and being confined to your room. visiting hours start at nine in the morning and end at ten pm. if you have any questions, please ask me, any of the others nurses or healers, or any of the ghosts. is there anything else you want to say mr. potter? ms. granger?"

harry immediately shook his head, already exhausted physically and mentally from the new dump of overwhelming information. hermione, however, raised her hand with lilted brows and frowning lips.

"may i tell harry's friends about his condition so they can come and visit him?"

harry's heart burned at the unwelcome image of having to explain to the weasleys how he'd ended up in the hospital, bandaged and bruised. or andromeda, who would undoubtedly arrive with teddy. and seeing the small being's big, purple eyes blinking at him with confused innocence may break him. and he wasn't sure how much more damage he could take before his internal wounds began to show.

but he could admit that there were a select few he desperately needed to talk to.

luna lovegood. neville. and george.

nurse penny nodded in answer to hermione's inquiry, a sympathetic tilt to her mouth. she beckoned the blank faced ghost in the corner to her side and granted harry a gentle grin.

"of course ms. granger. i'll be off if that is all. you two can do whatever it is that you wish until it is time for ms. granger to leave. and harry, the button to call for assistance is right beside your hand if you need anything else."

with one last lingering look layered in concern, the purple haired woman took her leave with nesrin floating behind her.

and left harry to figure out how to answer the onslaught of questions waiting on hermione's lips.

a/n: hey guys!

how was this chapter? okay? good? terrible? amazing? beautiful? in need of improvement?

once again, please leave comments telling me your thoughts and feelings and thank you soooooooooooooo much for reading!

i love you all so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much! you are so infinitely gorgeous, no matter what your mind tells you, and you having a good relationship with food is first priority! you are beautiful no matter what you do, what your hair style is, or how much or how little you had to eat. I want you all healthy, and taking care of yourselves, so please take it easy for me. you're doing so good, and you have done so much to be proud of. the love i have for you all is immeasurable, and i couldn't explain it if i tried. i love your comments, i love listening to you, and i wish i could be there for you all the time. please treat yourselves gently and kindly. you deserve to be treated like an angel and you have every right to be happy.

lovelies, you're gonna be okay. you are all gifts, and you have so much to do and see and feel. i want you all to feel happy to be alive. if not now, then someday. you deserve that.

don't be so hard on yourselves. you're only human. you make mistakes. and that's perfectly okay.

you are valid, and gorgeous, and powerful, and irreplaceable. you don't need to change for anyone but yourselves. and you are so loved and so supported. not only by me.

so take care of yourselves, be kind to yourselves, and treat yourselves because you're special and you're worth it!

i'm sending you all cuddles and virtual hugs!

eat and stay hydrated!

love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
(' ▽｀).。ｏ♡