Chapter 46

Finding out new normal took a few weeks, but that was okay. We were still Carson and Arden, but with some upgrades.

   That following weekend, Carson drove to Jacksonville to visit Hunter. At three weeks old, I wasn't sure the baby knew the different between Carson and any other guy, but when I saw how excited Carson was that morning, I felt that excitement too. For him.

   "Are you sure you don't want to come?" he asked me, then added, "Lacey is is cool with it. She wants to meet you."

   We were leaving his apartment together, him to go to Jacksonville and me to go home. I didn't want to go with him, and that was okay, too. I had things to work through in my head, even now.

   "I have to work in a few hours," I told him, leaning in close. I kissed him, lingering on his lips. "Go, enjoy that baby. Take lots of pictures."

   "Okay," he breathed out, kissing me again. "Will you come next time?"

   "Yes. Promise," I told him.

   I was unsure about being there when Carson had his first real visit with Hunter. It felt like something he should do on his own. He did send me a few pictures over the next couple of hours, and returned that evening looking really happy. He told me all about the baby, this little human who he had helped create. I felt relieved that I didn't feel regret or hurt when I looked at the photos. I felt love.

   A week later, I did go with Carson to Jacksonville. It wasn't a long visit, but it was an important one. Lacey hugged me, hard, as soon as we were in the house. She lived in a two story in a nice neighbourhood, with her older brother, Matt. She was short, and looked quite different from when I saw her at the shop. She was tiny, and actually really adorable. I found out that she was a year younger than me, making her only eighteen now.

   She was also seemingly the most laid-back new mom ever. As she went over Hunter's feeding and nap schedule with Carson and I, she handed him to me with ease. She asked me to burp him, as she'd just fed him.

   "He pukes when he burps sometimes, so keep a cloth close by," she laughed.

   Thankfully, I knew how to burp a new baby.

   Carson watched as I put him over my shoulder and patted his back, smiling like he couldn't believe it. Matt, who was tall and blond, and gay, was nearby, too. He was overly friendly, exactly like Lacey. They weren't at all how I thought they'd be.

   "I was pissed when Lace found out she was pregnant," Matt began, putting a can of soda to his mouth. "And then she tells me she slept with Carson... well, I wanted to punch his face in."

   Lacey laughed loudly, looking at me. "They were friends, you know. So, Matt was angry. But only until we found out that Carson has... changed."

   I wondered what she meant by this, but I didn't have to wait to find out.

   "Seriously, when I came to Seaside after hearing where he was working, I really didn't expect him to be in a serious relationship," she went on, now drinking a diet soda. "I thought he'd be, I don't know, how he was in Jacksonville."

   Matt laughed, but then bit his lip.

   "Which was how?" I asked, cautious. I was rocking the baby now, and noticed that Carson looked slightly embarrassed.

   "He was... dark? Brooding? I don't know, he was newly sober and struggling, and wasn't into partying or anything, but he was really closed off," he told me. "He wasn't even interested in me, really. I was persuasive."

   "Lacey," Matt said, laughing again.

   "Sorry, but it's true. Point is I didn't expect anything from Carson, you know? I wanted him to know I was having this baby, but... he's really stepped up. I'm really happy about that, and I think it's because of you," Lacey went on, smiling at me.

   I smiled back, then looked at Carson again. "He stepped up, because he's an amazing person. We're in this together, with you, because... I love Carson. And he loves this baby."

   "I hope you both still love him at 3A.M. when he's screaming. He loves doing that," Lacey said, then grinned. "But seriously, I'm so thrilled to have you along for this ride, Arden. Another person to love Hunter, that's all that matters."

   I was amazed by the entire day, and as we drove home, in Carson's car, I felt overwhelmed enough that it brought me to tears.

   "Ard, what's wrong?" Carson glanced over, for a second.

   I'd spent three hours with Lacey, Matt and Hunter, and I felt like they were my family now, too. We'd dropped by Dylan's house to say hi, but didn't stay long. He had friends over, and yet another new girl on his arm.

   "No, nothing. I'm just... it's really amazing... that Lacey is so open to us helping take care of Hunter..."

   "He's my baby, and you're my girl," Carson smiled, squeezing my hand. "I told her how amazing you are. How you were the only one who cared about me, when we were in high school. I told her a lot..."

   "Lacey seems really great. I'm glad she likes me," I said, reaching over to grab his hand that wasn't on the steering wheel.

   "It would be awkward if she was a giant bitch, or if she was in love with me, or something..." Carson replied, then grinned at me, sticking out his tongue to the side. "But yeah, it's good. I knew she would be cool, because it's kind of just how she is. I mean, I don't know her that well, but... I just have a good feeling."

   "I do, too," I finished.

   Carson squeezed my hand, focusing on the road. We were still awhile away from Seaside, but I didn't mind being in the car with him. I felt safe and happy there.

   We were almost home before Carson looked at me and I saw this look in his eyes. He was questioning things, I could tell.

   "I hope you change your mind... next weekend. Lacey's bringing him Saturday afternoon and I'm driving him back Sunday evening."

   For whatever reason, Carson was still not sure that I was ready to be a part of this, with him.

   "I was sixteen when Rylee was born. I spent many nights awake with her, so Kaden could sleep," I answered, nodding at him. "Carson, I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

   His expression changed, as quickly as it had before. "You are so amazing. I'm the luckiest guy ever." He looked back at the road for a second, but then something clicked. "Oh my god, I hope Rylee loves him."

   I grinned, immediately thinking about Rylee meeting Hunter. "She will," I answered. And I was sure of it.