Chapter FOUR

3 Months Later.

"I'm so sorry I got you into this," he said, his voice strained.

I just stared back at him, in shock. We were in the back of a police car.

"Arden, I'm sorry," he said again.

I couldn't speak. I was so scared.

"Arden, I love you."

   That summer, once school let out, Carson and I became inseparable. I'd never really had a best friend, and I knew that was exactly what Carson needed. I mean, I needed it, too. It happened slowly, after that day after detention. That day, he was careful with me. We shared a joint and then sat on swings at the park by his house, not really talking, before he walked me home.

   But then the last month of school was different - whenever Carson asked me to hang out after school, I jumped at the chance. He would meet me at my locker at the end of the day - not every day, it was always a surprise, which made it even better.

   "Hang out?" he would ask, knowing I would say yes.

   We didn't go to his house often, unless he knew no one was going to be there. He told me that his foster parents didn't really want him there, other than to sleep. But we sat the park, or walked around the neighborhoods. I didn't bring him to my house either, but he didn't question that. Once school let out for summer and we had no responsibilities, we spent entire days together. Even after ten hours with him, I never wanted to say goodbye.

   "See you tomorrow," he would whisper, still holding my hand, on my doorstop.

   "Goodnight," I whispered back, but then always hugged him one more time.

   I liked being with Carson because there was no drama. It was just us, together.

   My brothers were off at football camp most of the summer and my mom was busy. Her work picked up in the summer and she was never home. She would leave me notes to tell me what was in the fridge to eat, or she'd text to check in during the day. But she just couldn't take care of me anymore. She had believed my story about why I'd missed that test and gotten detention. She'd never had any reason not to believe me.

   So Carson and I became close, fast. It was as if he clung to me like he needed me to breathe. And I didn't mind. I needed him, too. He was the best friend I ever had. He was the one I told my secrets to - like how I missed my mom, a lot, and wished she was home more.  Carson was my first kiss, even though we never defined our relationship. He was my everything. Yes, I was fifteen, but I knew I loved him.

   I dreaded the end of August, only because it meant going back to school. I knew I'd see him there, of course, but our summer was... the best. I'd seen him every day in August, even the day he twisted his ankle and went to the walk-in clinic to get it x-rayed. He still showed up at the skate park that evening, when he said he would. Carson was reliable and predictable, in certain ways. He also surprised me, often, but not always in a good way. He would randomly tell me about his worst foster home  - which, surprisingly wasn't his current on - where he had to sleep on a tile floor with no blankets for six months. They had about five foster kids more than they were allowed, and the lack of proper care disgusted me. He was nine.  I was always surprised by the moments he would feel comfortable enough to talk about his past - generally he just wanted to be.

   Sometimes we met up with Dane and Lola, or Tristan and Kaden. Dane was working at a car repair shop all summer, though, and Tristan now had a girlfriend. They were always surprised, though, by how Carson treated me, and how I'd fallen for him.  To them, it had happened all of a sudden. But for me, it had always been there.

   "He really looks at you like... like cares about you," Kaden told me, one afternoon in August.

   It was a humid day, but we were out walking some trail near Kaden's house. Kaden's t-shirt was wet from sweat, and he was wearing flip flops.  Carson had stopped to pee and said he would catch up, so Kaden took the chance to talk about it with me. The entire summer was almost over and I hadn't talked to Kaden much in person, especially about Carson.

   "Well, he does care about me," I said, smiling without meaning to.

   "So, are you two... dating? Fucking?" Kaden was nothing if not blunt.

   "No," I said, shaking my head. "Neither."

   "Oh. So you just hang out together, every day?"

   "Yeah."

   I failed to mention that Carson kissed me sometimes. And sometimes we did more than kissing. But it wasn't Kaden's business and we definitely were not dating. Carson didn't believe in dating, or love. He didn't believe in anything.

   "Well, I've known Carson for a few years and I've never seen him like this." Kaden shrugged, but I knew what he meant.

   "He says I make him feel better," I admitted, but then immediately regretted it. I meant emotionally, but of course I knew what Kaden would think.

   He burst out laughing, just as Carson jogged up behind us. "I bet he does."

   "What?" Carson asked, eyeing Kaden.

   "Nothing," I said, shaking my head.

   The following week was the last, before school would be back in. Carson called me every morning and we always ended up meeting somewhere. He held my hand, if he was in the mood. Some days he talked about his life and how I made him feel normal and good, but some days he didn't talk at all. I knew that was just how it was, with him.

   But that day was different. Carson was always awake before me and called to wake me up. It had happened all summer. But that morning I slept in. When I woke up and checked my phone, he hadn't called. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

   Midday, he texted, telling me that he was busy but he would call me later. It was strange, and not like him. By evening, I had called twice and he didn't answer.

   Carson, call me, I'm worried.

   But he didn't, so I called Kaden. I was pacing my bedroom as it rang in my ear.

   "Somethings wrong," I said, when he answered. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. "Carson... he isn't -"

   "Arden, he's okay. I talked to him," Kaden told me, carefully.

   "You talked to him? Why hasn't he called me back?" I practically yelled.

   "He... got into a fight. He's got a black eye, and -"

   "A fight? With who?" I asked, my heart pounding. "Is he okay?"

   "Just... wait until you talk to him, okay?" Kaden said, only make me feel slightly better.

   I sighed, but couldn't control my breathing. "Okay."

   So I waited. Hours passed and soon it was after midnight. I had tried calling again, more than once. I was so scared that he was hurt, because he wasn't answering his phone. He had never done anything like this, since we had gotten close.

   My mom was asleep across the hall when my phone starting buzzing, finally.

   "Carson," I answered it, relieved and annoyed.

   "Hey," he said, sounding calm, at first.

   "Where were you all day? I was worried -"

   "Can you sneak out? I need you," he asked.

   I didn't hesitate. "Yeah, I'll be there soon."