Chapter 30

After buzzing Kaden's apartment in the lobby, I took the stairs up, two at a time. I didn't even go home first, since it was already after 7P.M. I just wanted to see Rylee before she went to bed.

   When I stepped into Kaden's apartment, though, I didn't just see Rylee, sitting on the floor with Barbies spread out all around her. No, she wasn't playing alone.

   "Hey, Ard." Carson grinned, looking up at me from where he sat on the carpet, with Rylee. There was a Barbie in his left hand.

   "Aunty, play?" Rylee asked, looking up at me with her big eyes.

   "Uh, yeah, hold on, okay?" I told her, stepping out of my shoes and walking past them to find Kaden.

   He was around the corner, in the kitchen. There were two glasses of wine on the counter and he was opening a package of chocolate chip cookies.

  "Hey," I said to him, quietly.

   Kaden spun around at the sound of my voice. "Hey!"

   "Uh, Carson's here," I said, now basically whispering.

   "Yeah. You invited him, didn't you?" He gave me a funny look. "He said you told him to text me about tonight."

   "Yeah, I did, but -"

   "You okay? We haven't really talked this week." He eyed me carefully, handing me a glass.

   I sipped it right away. "I'm... I don't know. Are you just drinking in here?"

   Kaden shrugged. "I didn't think I should drink out there, in front of..."

   I wasn't sure, either. "So, my mom's not herself, and things are weird at work, and..."

  "Drink," Kaden smiled, motioning at my drink. I drank. "Rylee really likes Carson."

   My eyes went wide. "Yeah..."

   "And you do, too."

   "Kade."

   "Missy... just relax. Enjoy the evening," he finished.

   His smile calmed me, and even though I had so much more to tell him, I didn't, yet.

   "Aunty!" Rylee called again.

   I sucked back the rest of my drink before walking back over to where they were still playing.

   "You be Elsa," she went on, holding out her favourite Barbie to me.

   I bent down and took the doll, then sat beside Rylee. "So, what's Elsa and her friends doing today?" I felt Carson's eyes on me.

   "They are going to dance class," Rylee said, then laughed.

   I played along for a few minutes, while Rylee told Carson and I what to do, and say. I caught myself watching Carson, enjoying how he interacted with her. He didn't mind talking in a girly voice, since he was blonde Barbie that Rylee called Sarah. He laughed, and played, as if he spent tons of time with small children. I knew he didn't, and it was just that he liked Rylee. My heart swelled, just being in the same room as Carson.

   "Ry, you want popcorn?" Kaden strolled in to ask her, a few minutes later.

   "Yay! We watch Frozen?" she yelled back.

   Kaden glanced between Carson and I. I'd seen Frozen a hundred times, and knew all the words. All the songs. I was willing to bet that Carson had never seen it.

   "Ry, it's too late to start a movie-"

   "A wittle bit of Frozen?" she begged.

   Kaden caved and came back with two big bowls of popcorn, while I got the movie going. He sat in his big arm chair, expecting Rylee to climb in with him. The little girl looked at him, then at Carson, who was now on the sofa. She giggled and jumped up into the spot next to Carson, grabbing her blanket from the end of the sofa.

   "You want to share my blankie?" she asked him, and I melted instantly.

   I looked at Kaden, surprised. He smiled at me, saying nothing. Arden really liked Carson, it was obvious now. She always cuddled with her dad while watching Frozen. Always.

   "I would love to," Carson told her, stretching the blanket out over both of their laps.

   Rylee snuggled in under his arm as the movie began, but half an hour later her little eyes were already closing. I noticed, from the other end of the sofa, so I paused the movie and reached over to scoop her up.

   "I'll take her to bed," I whispered to Kaden.

   He nodded and grabbed the remote.

   In Rylee's room, I took in a deep breath. Everything felt good and right about that evening, even with Carson there. It felt like he was a pat of our family, even though he'd missed so much. As I layed Rylee down into her bed and pulled her blanket up over her little body, her eyes fluttered open. She looked confused for a moment.

   "I didn't say g'night to Carson," she mumbled, her eyes shutting again.

   I kissed her head. "I'll tell him for you."

   "'Kay."

   Back out in the living room, there was now a basketball game on the TV and Kaden had a beer in hand. Carson's eyes were on me, and Kaden looked over as I entered the room.

   "She go down okay?" he asked, then sipping his can.

   "Yes," I told him, then looked at Carson. "She wanted me to tell you good night."

   Carson grinned. "That's freaking adorable."

   "She loves you, dude," Kaden told him. "I mean, I don't even get down on the floor and play Barbies with her."

   "Dude, she asked me to play... with that cute little voice," Carson gushed. "How'd you make such a cute kid?"

   Kaden laughed, then shrugged. I was still just standing there, so I crossed the room and sat, near Carson. I picked up one of the bowls of popcorn, though there wasn't much left. Shoving some into my mouth, I noticed that Kaden got up and went towards the kitchen.

   Feeling Carson's eyes on me again, I glanced over to my left. There was his half smile on his lips, that I didn't really understand. He was so handsome, in such a way that wasn't overly obvious.

   "What?" I asked him, shrugging.

   "Nice shirt," he said, then smirked at me again.

   I suddenly realized that I was still wearing my tight, blue JumpFit t-shirt, with my comfortable jeans. I had come right from the mall.

   "I didn't go home to change," I said quickly, suddenly feeling self conscious about it.

   "I like it," he told me, but I couldn't tell he if he was teasing.

   "Arden, you want wine?" Kaden called from the kitchen a moment later.

   "No, I'm good," I called back.

   "I don't care if you drink, really," Carson said softly to me, as if he knew I'd said no because of him.

   I just shook my head, "I'm fine."

   There was one couch cushion between Carson and I , and there was no way of getting closer without making it obvious. The last time I saw him, I was partially inebriated and high on sex and hormones. I'd made a rash decision by leaving Finn's and going to see Carson. But it felt right, and being near him now felt even better.

   Kaden seemed to be purposely staying in the kitchen as long as possible, and I suddenly realized that I was wasting this time, barely talking to Carson.

   "So... this is good, right?" he finally asked me, adjusting himself to he was facing me.

   "This?" I asked back.

   "Us, hanging out. With Kaden and Rylee."

   "Yes. It's good," I nodded.

   "She's the cutest," Carson went on, smiling big.

   "She really seems to be comfortable with you," I told him. "That was an epic snuggle."

   He laughed out loud, and I loved how it sounded. "It was pretty good."

   I looked down at the space where Rylee had been, tucked under his arm. I knew how his arms felt around me. I knew how his soft lips felt against mine. I bit my lips, without realizing it, and Carson made a noise that sounded like it came from deep in his chest.

   I cleared my throat. Some part of me wanted to mess this up, because I said,  "I... uh... I was with Finn, that night that I came to your friend's place."

   His expression changed from excitement to irritation in a second. Maybe he was confused more than irritated. "Okay."

   "I... I was at his apartment... we... he fell asleep, and I..."

   "You do not have to tell me this," Carson interrupted, obviously uncomfortable.

   "Yes, I do. Because I had no right to text you that night. I shouldn't have expected you to want to see me, in the middle of the night, after I-"

   "Arden," he warned me. I stopped talking and looked down at my hands. "I'm not happy to hear that you were with him, but I will always want to see you. If you call or text me, I will drop everything to see you."

   I couldn't get myself to look up at him.

   "Arden? Look at me." His voice was pleading, so I looked up with just my eyes. "You understand? I don't want to hear about what you do with him, but I... I will be there for you, always. I mean, there's a reason you left and came to me, right?"

   "I... I don't know what that reason is, though," I admitted.

   "Yes, you do," he whispered, and his hand reached out and grazed mine.

   Once again, the sparks that shot through my body made me feel like I was on fire. We both were.