Chapter TWENTY

When the knock on the door came, though, I was freaking out again.

   "Shit, I can't do this," I told Kaden, who was on his sixth beer.

   He laughed, then patted my arm. "You can, if you want to."

   I took in a deep breath. What would I even have to say to him?

   "You can leave, if it's weird?" Kaden suggested, already crossing the room to let Carson in.

   "You think it won't be weird?" I asked, shaking my head.

   Kaden laughed again and stumbled a bit as he got to door, throwing it open. I held my breath until Carson came into my view. He was wearing jeans and a dress shirt, buttoned up, with brown boots. His hair was long, falling into his dark eyes. I couldn't look away, and he hadn't even seen me yet.

   "Dude, you look sharp," Kaden told him, pulling him into a hug. "It's been so long."

   "Yeah, wow, you look good, too," Carson replied, now finally glancing around the room. His eyes landed on me.

   "Oh, also, Arden is here," Kaden said, muffling a laugh.

   I was sitting on the sofa only ten feet from the door, and I was glad I was dressed up - from my date. Carson looked me up and down, holding his gaze on my lower half of my body. My black dress clung to me and the straps were thin, on my shoulders, but suddenly I felt naked.

   "Arden," he said, as if he was not sure it was really me.

   I opened my mouth, but closed it again, nodding. My stomach tightened and my mouth felt dry.

   "I got drunk, after I got dumped, tonight. So I called Arden to come over... I forgot that I'd invited you," Kaden explained to Carson.

   Carson shrugged, keeping his eyes on me. "I don't mind."

   Kaden laughed again, smacking Carson on the back. "Beer?"

   "No, thanks. I'm sober." He wasn't embarrassed by this. He looked proud, actually.

   "Sober... as in... recovering -" Kaden asked slowly.

   "Yes."

   "Good for you, man." Kaden smiled, looking at me, then said to Carson, "Well, have a seat."

   He sat, but kept plenty of distance between us. Kaden went back to the kitchen and came back with a bag of potato chips, and another beer for himself. The bag crinkled as he opened it, then dropped it onto the table near us.

   "So, you two are still close?" Carson asked carefully. "I shouldn't be surprised, I guess."

   "Best friends," Kaden answered, grinning at me. "I have no clue where I'd be without her. She practically helps me raise my daughter."

   Carson's expression changed. "You have a daughter?"

   "Dude, look around my apartment," Kaden laughed.

   Carson glanced around, eyes wide. Barbies, dolls, a play kitchen, coloring books, markers. And that was just the "Rylee stuff" in this room.

   "So you don't have a kid?" Carson asked me. Kaden let out a snort, while I just shook my head. "When I saw you at the mall..."

   "I had Rylee, Kaden's daughter, with me," I finished.

   His face softened, like he was letting his guard down a little bit. Mine was still way up. Like a brick wall.

   "And you two are just friends?" he asked, looking at Kaden now.

   "Best," Kaden corrected him. "So, where the hell have you been?"

   I saw Carson tense up, then take in a breath. "Short story is... juvie, then my Aunt's house, in Atlanta."

   "Oh. Not what I was expecting," Kaden admitted.

   "Well, the long story is... long."

   "Tell me sometime," Kaden said, but was now laying his head back on the sofa, his eyes shutting a bit. He hadn't even opened the most recent can of beer he'd gotten out of the fridge.

   I kept my eyes on my hands, not wanting to make eye contact with Carson. I didn't know what was going to happen or what he wanted to tell me, but I wasn't ready.

   "Are you two cool? I'm trashed... I need to go to bed. Rylee wakes up too damn early." Kaden was suddenly standing, stumbling again.

   "Kaden-" I started, trying to beg him not to leave me alone with Carson.

   It wasn't that that late, but Kaden was drunk. Really drunk. I didn't blame him for wanting to go to bed. Carson nodded in Kaden's direction, and I shook my head.

   "Night. See you here tomorrow for pizza with Rylee?" Kaden said to me, clearly not caring that I was uncomfortable.

   All I could do was nod again, because he was already walking down towards his bedroom.

   I sucked in a breath, quickly turning back to Carson. "I have to go," I said, shifting my weight to stand.

   "Arden, please, don't." Carson's words were thick with desire, tension and pain.

   I couldn't meet his eyes. "I didn't agree to this. Not tonight."

   "I spent the last three days trying to figure out what to text you. How to convince you to see me," he admitted.

   I looked at his hands, which had held mine so many times. Touched me. I looked up to his face, which was so mature now, with facial hair. His eyes were the same; his hair was longer. But he was the very same Carson that I had fallen in love with, somehow.

   "You said Dalton gave you my number. I don't understand," I said, deciding not to leave just yet.

    He smiled, happy I was even still there. "So, Dalton has secrets. I won't air his dirty laundry-"

   "Tell me. You weren't friends with him?"

   "Oh, god, no. He used to sell weed," Carson said slowly. "I bought from him often. He gave me deals. He knew that I was seeing you, then. He used to threaten me that if I hurt you, he and Dylan would come after me."

   "Dalton used to sell weed?" This was what shocked me initially. "Wait, he knew you and I were friends?"

   Carson smiled, and I recognized it right away. That smile that was only half real. "Yes, your perfect brother sold weed. To half of our school, actually." He paused, waiting for my reaction. "Friends, really?"

   I felt my face go warm immediately. "Why would Dalton give you my number now?"

   "Well, your co-worker and Kaden both refused, so I texted him, hoping the number I memorized of his was the same. It was."

   "Okay, but why would he want you to have my number? You did hurt me, or did you forget about that?" I asked, anger rising in my chest.

   Carson looked away, then back at me. "He said he saw you how you were acting on Christmas, after I showed up. He said -"

   "Stop, nevermind. I don't care." I shook my head.

   "You don't?"

   "No."

   "But can I explain what happened to me?"

   "Four years ago? You think I still care about that?" I asked, hoping my tough guy act was working.

   "Don't you?" he asked, nervous.

   I froze, because he already knew that I did. "I have to go," I said again, this actually standing.

   But his hand was on my arm a second later, and fire shot through my body. My heart couldn't settle, and I didn't shake my hand away right away because I liked how it felt, on me.

   "Arden, please. I missed you so much." He was begging me to listen. To stay.

   I shook his hand off my arm and walked towards the door. "You missed me? After you abandoned me?" My voice was so shaky.

   "I didn't have a choice. I thought you could move on, if you-"

   "Stop," I said, but didn't mean it. He was standing, coming towards me. "I would have done anything for you. And you told me I was just a mistake."

   "No, Arden." He was close, now. Too close.

   "You broke me," I told him, tears in my eyes. "I'm still mostly broken."

   He raised his arms but dropped them to his sides again. He wanted to touch me, but was afraid. It felt wrong, but I sure was not trying to get away. Cautiously, he moved even closer. His lips were only inches from mine.

   "I'm so sorry. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you," he whispered. "I'm broken, too. Really fucked up, actually."

   "Yeah? Good," I whispered back, but all I wanted was him to close the gap between us.

   "I'm sorry," he said again. "God, I'm so, so sorry."

   And then I was kissing him, my arms around his neck, his hands going to my waist. He pushed me harder into the wall and kissed me back, like I'd never been kissed before. My tongue found his and I moaned, then bit down on his lip, holding it for a second. He grunted, his eyes shut. When I let go, his dark eyes opened slowly.

   I pushed him back, realizing how bad this was. As soon as he was away - looking shocked - I wanted him closer again. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, as if he was trying to remember my mouth against his.

   "Uh..." He couldn't form words, his eyes searching my face for an answer.

   "I'm going," I said, turning around, my hand already on the doorknob.

   His hand reached out and grazed my hip but I didn't turn back. I'd already complicated this enough.