Chapter Eighteen

Finn was in the kitchen with my mom, when I walked in. She was half way through a story about a Christmas when I was, like, ten, and I'd begged for a Spice Girls CD. Instead, my dad actually surprised me with concert tickets to see them live. I had actually forgotten about that. That was before my dad moved to Tampa, for work. That was before things got sort of crazy in my life.

   Finn noticed me in the doorway, but listened to the rest of the story before acknowledging me. He nodded, giving me a half smile, as my mom saw me there, too.

   "Oh, isn't Rylee just the sweetest thing?" she said, more to Finn than to me. He nodded, keeping his eyes on me. "Well, you two go relax. I'm heading to bed soon, once I finish up this cleaning."

   "Thanks again for having me," Finn told her, picking up the two glasses of wine from the counter beside him.

   "Anytime, Finn," she finished, then turned back to the dishes she was drying.

   It was almost 10P.M. by the time Finn and I were alone again, in the living room. He handed me a glass and we sat down. The house seemed so quiet, but I still didn't want to talk about what he wanted to talk about.

   "I'm sorry if I acted like a dick," Finn began, after taking a long sip of his wine.

   I sipped mine, eyeing him. "Uh, no, you didn't."

   "Well, if you say so. But I... Arden... I know we're not together. But when you said it to him..."

   I took another big gulp of my drink. "I was thrown off. I was surprised that he was there."

   "Yeah, I got that. So, you dated him, in high school?"

   I nodded, because I couldn't tell Finn that it wasn't even dating. It was so much more, somehow. I couldn't just say, I had loved him. And I definitely couldn't tell Finn how Carson disappeared, and broke me.

   "He left town, so... it's been awhile." This was true.

   "All I really care about is that you're safe. At first it felt like you were afraid of him-"

   "No, Finn. No. It's not anything like that," I said quickly.

   He relaxed, a bit. "Okay."

   "Thank you, for caring," I smiled at him, sipping my drink again.

   He ran a hand through his hair, then reached over to touch my arm. "Of course I do."

   I finished my drink, already feeling it. Finn was so good. He could be so much more than what he was to me, and he wanted that. But I kept shutting him out. Now I knew why. There was a part of me that was still connected to Carson, somehow knowing I would see him again.

   "You want to come back to my place tonight?" The question honestly surprised me, though I didn't know why. Maybe it was because I had thought Finn was mad at me, about tonight.

   "Oh, uh, I open tomorrow." It didn't answer the question, though. For some reason I was panicing.

   Finn's face changed suddenly, like he knew he was being rejected, again. "Right, yeah, I know."

   "I'll see you at noon, right?" I asked him.

   "Yeah." He looked hurt. "I'll be there."

   I kissed him at the door, a short while later. I'd never kissed him like this before - saying goodbye. I knew a part of me was trying to hold onto him, and it worked. He pulled me in and kissed me back, then grinned and whispered goodbye in my ear. I'd changed something right in that moment, and I wasn't sure if it was the right move. God, I was so confused.

   There was a text from an unknown number on my phone, after I got out of the shower, a little while later. With a towel wrapped around my body, I picked up my phone to read the message.

   I'm sorry I showed up. It was stupid, but I couldn't stop myself.

   Obviously, it was from Carson. But how did he get my number? Had Kaden ended up giving it to him?

   You knew my number? I asked back.

   Carson: No, I just acquired it.

   Me : From who?

   Carson: Dalton.

   Dalton, my brother? Why would my brother give Carson my number? This didn't make sense at all, and my heart was pounding so hard. Was he lying? 

   Carson: Arden, please talk to me.

   Me: About what?

   Carson: I will explain everything, if you'll let me.

   Me: It's been four years. I don't need your explanation.

   Carson: Okay, well, I need to explain, for me.

   I just stared at my phone, in disbelief that I was actually talking back and forth with Carson Roy. I had imagined this for months, after that summer. I'd hoped he would text, telling me he was okay. Or show up, and be just fine. But he didn't, and four years had gone by. Four years was a lifetime.

   Carson: Showing up at your house tonight was really stupid.

   Me: I know. I said that already.

   Carson: Is that guy your boyfriend, or not?

   I was holding my breath, I realized as I finally sat down on my bed. I didn't owe Carson anything, or any answers. But I knew I'd give him them, anyway. It would have been easy to tell him Finn was my boyfriend. Carson would back off, respecting that. But, I didn't.

   Me: No, he's not.

   Carson: Okay. Does he know that? He was pretty protective of you.

   Me: Yes, he knows that.

   Carson: Can we talk in person? Please.

   For some reason, I had not been expecting this question. I didn't immediately say no, which surprised me, too.

   Me: I don't know. Maybe.

   Carson: Ill take maybe.

   I stared at my phone for awhile longer, but didn't reply. He didn't text again that night, either, but I knew there would be more texts coming my way from him. And I wasn't upset about that. Something about talking to Carson like this again felt exciting, even though a part of me was still hurt. Not hurt, broken. He'd taken something from me and still, four years later, that part of me was missing.

   I called Kaden once I was in my pajamas and under my blankets, in bed. When he answered, I was already in tears.