Chapter THIRTEEN

It was two hours later when my phone buzzed. I was wrapping a few presents and waiting for Rylee to wake up from her nap. I hadn't stopped thinking about seeing Carson and if anyone else knew he was back.

    Hey. I didn't know if I wanted to tell you this, but some guy was here earlier, asking about you. It was a text from Finn. Great.

    Really? What did he say? I asked back.

    That he's a friend from high school, and he wanted me to give him your number. I didn't.

I'd gotten a new phone and a new number a year ago, when I switched cell phone companies. I didn't think anything of this, as I could give my new number to anyone who needed it.

    Okay, thanks Finn, I sent back. But this was not okay.

    Hey, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to come over later?

I should have known this was coming. Finn had been giving me that look, earlier. He wanted to hook up tonight, which sort of surprised me. It had only been two days, and since then I hadn't exactly been overly nice to him.

    You know I have Rylee until pretty late.

Yeah, but can't you come over when she goes to sleep? I got your favourite wine.

Oh, Finn. I actually really liked him. But I knew I wasn't emotionally ready to get involved that way with him. Especially now. I mean, I'd basically ignored his pleas to talk about "us" the other night, and left without giving him a chance to say much at all. But he still wanted me. He wanted to try to convince me to give us a chance.

    It's Christmas Eve. My brothers are coming over tonight, I told him, already feeling bad.

   Right. Well, if you change your mind...

Okay.

Finn was so good. He was sweet. He visited his mom, across town, weekly. My mom loved him. He was attractive and good in bed. I mean we were close. He knew me. He knew what I liked, how to make me relax. But I made sure to remind him often that we were just friends. I did this to ensure we didn't move too fast. To make sure he didn't get to attached. I knew I could hurt him, or worse, he could hurt me. He didn't know about Carson. He didn't know about my sophomore and junior years, when I slept with more guys than I have fingers, trying to forget him. Finn only knew the Arden I was now. Cold, emotionless, co-work. Fuck Buddy.

All of a sudden it was dinner time and I was right smack in the middle of a full Krank family meal, minus Michael. My parents, Dalton, Trinity, Dylan and a new girlfriend, Halley. And Rylee and I. The dining room was loud and I couldn't hear myself think, which was not a bad thing.

"Is she yours?" Halley asked me suddenly, looking at Rylee.

"Oh, no. She's my best friend's daughter," I smiled, watching as Rylee scooped up some potatoes onto her fork.

"You and Kaden are not together yet?" Dylan asked me, then laughed.

"Uh, no. We are not like that," I said loudly.

"So, no boyfriend then?" Dalton asked. "You're nineteen."

I rolled my eyes. "Why is this all about me?"

"Leave her be," my dad told the twins, then gave me a smile. If it were up to him, I'd never be involved with a guy. And he didn't even know much about Carson.

Only my mom knew about Finn and I, as a matter of fact. I told her everything now. Kaden knew, obviously, but no one else in my family knew much about me. I liked it that way.

"I'm so happy the house is so full again for Christmas," my mom changed the subject. "And I have a couple of days off work, too."

"Yeah, right. I saw you emailing clients while cooking this dinner," Dylan laughed.

She did not deny that.

The twins helped mom in the kitchen after dinner, so I wandered to the living room with with Rylee, Trinity and Halley close behind. Rylee had a few dolls and a puzzle there, so she went to play right away. I smiled at her, then reached for the TV remote, so I wasn't stuck awkwardly talking to my brothers' girlfriends.

"She's so cute," Trinity began anyway, looking at Rylee. "I want a little girl someday."

"Me too," Halley agreed. "Dylan says he doesn't want kids, but..."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that Dylan went through girls like he didn't toothbrushes. He changed them out monthly, he always had. He was the further thing from a commitment type of guy. I couldn't imagine either of the twins having kids, actually.

"You want babies, Arden?" Trinity asked me. "You're so good with her."

"Well, Kaden and I were sixteen when she was born. I've been helping with her her whole life," I paused, because I rarely thought about having my own kids. I was only nineteen.

"Why don't you have a guy, though?" Halley wanted to know. "You're gorgeous."

I blushed, slightly. "Uh, thanks. Just life, you know. Busy."

They sort of backed off after that, and I watched part of a reality show rerun before taking Rylee upstairs for a bath. She had a drawer in my dresser, like a friend who spent the night sometimes. After her bath, I got her in pajamas and tucked her into my bed. Finally, I read her favourite book, the one I read anytime I put her to bed at my house.

"Daddy's coming to get you after he's done work, so you'll wake up at home and it'll be Christmas," I whispered, before she fell asleep. "I love you, Ry."

"Kissman," she repeated. "Love you Aunty."

Back downstairs, the twins and their girls were getting ready to leave for drinks. They were all staying at the house in spare rooms, so we could have Christmas Day together. It was all part of Mom's Big Plan. But of course I was the only one without a significant other. I was the only lonely one.

"Arden, you want to come?" Trinity asked, slipping into her heels.

I wasn't old enough to drink at the bar, and they knew that. I also wasn't dressed or mentally prepared to go out, but it was nice of her to invite me.

"No, have fun though. Don't let the boys get smashed." I waved, as they piled out the front door, like teenagers heading to a party.

I watched out the window as they got into an Uber, knowing they would be back late, and drunk.

My phone buzzed just as I sat down to relax again.  I heard my mom in the kitchen, making a coffee. It was after 9P.M.

    So my phone was blowing up today with texts from him. No, I didn't know he was back in town. A text from Kaden.

    Did you text him back? I asked, nervous for the answer. Kaden and Carson were never really good friends, but they both cared a lot about me. Well, I thought he did.

    Not yet. This is the first time Im checking my phone all day. What do you want me to tell him?

Nothing.

K. How was Rylee today?

An angel. She's been asleep for awhile.

Nice, thanks Missy. See you in a bit, Kaden finished.

I knew I shouldn't be caring so much - or at all - about Carson or why he was back. It had been four years. He ruined me. He broke my heart. He made me lose my sense of joy and he robbed me of my normal teenage years. I blamed him for everything. How hard I loved him and how much I lost when he left really changed me.

But yet, I hadn't let myself get involved again. I hadn't given my heart to anyone, since him. There must have been a reason for that.

Kaden texted when he pulled up, so I crept upstairs to retrieve Rylee from my bed. Fast asleep, she wrapped herself around me as I scooped her up. We'd done this many times before. Carefully, I transferred to into Kaden's arms, smiling as he adjusted her onto his shoulder.

Kaden, now, was taller, muscular, and not much at all like the fourteen year old boy that I met in ninth grade. His eyes were the same and he still kept his hair too long, but everything else about him had changed. He worked at a factory making car parts. He worked out a lot. He quiet smoking weed a few months after Rylee was born, and he ran a couple miles, daily. He inspired me to be good, better, happy.

"Thank you again," he whispered. "See you tomorrow."

"Yes. We have some gifts for her. And you," I said, sticking out my tongue at him.

"Oh, shit. Was I supposed to get you something?" he teased.

"Of course," I said, rolling my eyes.

He stepped back, keeping his eyes on me. "So... Carson?"

"Ugh, I don't know. He was at the mall."

"Wait, what? You saw him?" This surprised Kaden.

I nodded, but it was still hard to believe. "Yeah, briefly. I don't know if it was intentional, or what, but he was at JumpFit."

"But you didn't work today," Kaden reminded me.

"I know. I, uh, just went to say hi to Finn..."

Kaden's lips formed a smile. "Damn, girl. You still can't admit you're into him?"

"Stop. I can't think about anything besides the fact that Carson is back in Seaside." The feeling in my stomach was a mix of fear and excitement, somehow.

"He asked me to give him your number," Kaden finally admitted.

"He asked Finn, too," I said awkwardly.

"Shit."

"Yeah, it was after I left. I had Rylee with me, and I knew it was him, but I just... ran."

Kaden's eyes were wide. "Man. This is crazy."

"Think I can just pretend it didn't happen?" I asked him, biting my bottom lip.

"You want that?" Kaden asked, obviously knowing something.

I shrugged. "I don't know. But I know this is a big mess."

"It'll be okay. Let's just get through Christmas?" he suggested.

I sighed. "See you tomorrow."