Chapter Twelve

The Summer Before

"Meet me at the skate park in fifteen?" Carson said, in my ear. His voice sounded desperate.

   My phone was tucked between my shoulder and my ear as I did my make up. I tossed my hair into a lose bun, then switched ears.

   "Okay, see you soon," I told him. I couldn't wait to see him.

   It was the middle of summer, July, our  summer. My mom was really busy at work, which meant I had no one to tell me what to do. My dad was still out of town during the week. The twins were rarely home. This afternoon, Dylan happened to be in the kitchen, with some girl attached to him.

   "Where are you going wearing that?" he asked, in his best big brother voice.

   The girl laughed, tightening her grip on her waist.

   My jean shorts were short, and my tank top was tight, but it was summer and a million degrees outside. Plus, I liked when Carson looked at me like he wanted to touch me.

   "To meet friends," I said, walking through the kitchen.

   "You know that Carson kid is bad news, right?" Dylan went on, even though I was almost at the door. "You don't care what people think?"

   I didn't know that my brothers knew I was hanging out with Carson. I thought I'd kept it a secret, but I guess I was wrong.

   "I don't care what you think," I told Dylan, not looking back.

   Carson was already at the skate park, waiting for me, when I walked in the gates and towards him. His skateboard was at his feet, but he stood up and hugged me, keeping me close for a minute, then stepped back.

   "What happened?" I asked, noticing his lip was swollen and cut.

   It wasn't the first time I'd seen him with some cuts or bruises, but I didn't usually ask about it.

   "Nothing," he said, but then added, "my foster dad was mad about something."

   "He hit you?" I asked, less surprised than I should have been.

   I'd been to his foster home a few times, and it was sort of a disaster. I knew they were the type of family who took in foster kids - teens - because they needed the money. Their townhouse was pretty small and Carson didn't even have his own room - just a bed in the unfinished basement. The woman worked two jobs and the house was always a mess. The man was rarely home, but when he was, he was drunk.

   "He threw a boot at me, actually." The way Carson said this so casually was alarming. "It's fine. Doesn't even hurt."

   "Okay," I nodded, then leaned in to kiss his cheek.

   Carson only gave me affection when he was in a certain mood, but I knew he liked it when I gave it to him. I knew him. I knew what to say to cheer him up, or when to just be with him. But that day at the skate park, my feelings really changed towards him. He said he was fine, but he wasn't. And when he wasn't fine, he exposed his soul to me. Not with words, generally, but with his heart. That afternoon, Carson needed me. He kissed me and an touched me and wanted me. We were in public, so it only went so far, but I would have given him everything, anytime he wanted it. I just wanted him to be okay.

NOW

   I kept Rylee on my hip as I ordered us each a slice of pizza, then got out of the mall as fast as I could.

   Carson Roy was back in Seaside. Was him being at the mall that I worked at a coincidence? Was he at JumpFit because he knew that I worked there?

   My mind was still racing as I buckled Rylee into her car seat, then I got into my seat and took in a few deep breaths, to calm down. My heart was pounding; I could feel it in my ears. I had so many questions, but for now I had to drive home and get Rylee her lunch.

   "Oh my gosh, don't you look adorable," my mom gushed, as Rylee ran into the house.

   "I see Santa, and I got candy cane," she told my mom, hugging her leg.

   "That's great," my mom smiled at her.

   "Can you get her in the seat at the table? Here's her pizza, you can have the other piece," I told my mom, anxious to get into the other room to check my phone.

   I was not hungry anymore. My mom agreed, looking concerned, as I slipped past her. I couldn't calm myself. Why was he back? Why had he been at the mall? Did he know I would be there? Was he tracking me down, or was he as surprised to see me as I was to see him? I was supposed to be enjoying my two days off, for Christmas, and now all I could think about was his face and how he looked at me.

   Before returning to where Rylee was eating lunch in the kitchen, I pulled out my phone. I needed some answers.

   Hey. Did you know about Carson being back in Seaside? I sent to Kaden, and then stared at my phone, even though I knew he wouldn't see the message until his break, later.

   It felt uncomfortable even typing his name. I had spent months being upset about Carson, disappeared. My entire sophomore year, actually. I waited for a call. I hoped he would just walk back into school one day and we would be fine. By the time it was summer again, almost a whole year later, I was finally able to start to move on. But even then, I still hurt. I used guys to try to feel better. I slept with way more guys than I wanted to admit. Kaden was the only one who knew about that. Carson broke me, and I thought I'd never see him again.

   "You okay?" my mom asked, when I sucked it up and went back to join her and Rylee.

   "Yeah. Yes. The mall was just... busy."

   She nodded, pouring some apple juice into a sippy cup for Rylee. "Plans for the rest of the day?"

   "She will nap for a couple hours, soon. Then... I'm not sure," I said, looking at my phone again, as if it was going to help me out.

   "Okay. I have a meeting in an hour, but Dylan will be in soon, and Dalton and Trinity are getting back from her parents' house for dinner -"

   "Right. Great," I told her, only half paying attention.

   At least I had Rylee as a buffer between myself and my brothers. I wasn't exactly looking forward to being in the same room as both of the twins and their girlfriends. I knew they still thought I had messed up my life somehow by not being more like them. Maybe they thought I should have gone to collage.  Maybe they thought I should have been cooler in high school. I wasn't sure, but I knew they didn't think I was worthy of their time, and that hurt.