Chapter 32

I opened my eyes to Rylee's little voice, and the smell of bacon in the air. It took a moment to recall where I was, but Carson's warm body against mine brought back the night before, in an instant. We'd fallen asleep together. We'd spent the night cuddled, tightly pressed against each other.

   Slipping out from under Carson's arm, I left him asleep and made my way to the kitchen, where the sounds and smells were coming from.

   "You sleeped over, Aunty!" Rylee yelled, hugging my leg.

   "Yeah," I smiled at her.

   Kaden was giving me a look, but didn't say anything.

   "So we can go to zoo together? I need to show Carson da flamingos!" Rylee went on, spinning around the kitchen.

   I exhaled, bending down to her level. "I have to work today. But Daddy and Carson will take you."

   "I want you go too," she whined.

   "We'll go together soon."

   I watched as she processed this, and once she was happily eating breakfast at the table, Kaden grabbed my arm. I'd avoided looking at him so far, but now he looked serious.

   "So?" he asked, waiting.

   "Kade-"

   "I woke up at 2A.M. and see you two cuddling, fast asleep, looking so freaking cute. But yet - I'm confused."

   "Please, Kade-"

   "Just tell me the truth?" he said, practically begging.

   "Last weekend... I went to Finn's for dinner." I took in a breath. "I got drunk, we had sex. But then I left when he fell asleep, and I went to see Carson..." I was whispering.

   "Arden!" Kaden was surprised.

   "It's Carson," I said stupidly.

   "Yeah, so end it with Finn."

   "I will," I nodded.

   Kaden lifted his chin and dropped it again, then stepped in closer. "Do you trust him? He was gone a long time. I mean, do you even know him?"

   "I know him," I told him quickly. "I've always known him."

   "Carson!" Rylee squealed and I looked over to see him coming into the kitchen.

   His hair was messy and he kept his eyes on Rylee. "Hey, little girl."

   "You sleeped over, too!" she told him.

   Now he looked over at me and caught my eye. He looked curious, like he wanted to know exactly what I was thinking. We had spent the night together. We had made out, our bodies pressed together, our mouths one. But what did it mean?

   "Eggs and toast," Kaden said, pointing to the counter.

   I was hungry, but I glanced at the clock and realized I had to get going, to get home to shower and change before work. I wanted to stay all day, with Carson and Kaden and Rylee.

   "I have to go..." I spoke, but the words sounded wrong. I was leaving and they were getting ready spend the day together, at the zoo. I should have been going with them.

   Carson was eating a piece of toast, but his eyes were dark and conflicted. "I'll walk you to your car."

   I kissed Rylee and told her to have a super fun day, then hugged Kaden before grabbing my phone and going towards the door. Carson followed, quietly. He remained quiet as we went down the three flights of stairs and out to the parking lot.

   "I wish you didn't have to work," he finally said, his voice low.

   I leaned against the door of my car, wanting him closer. He was resisting, now. Neither of us really knew what we were doing, but we knew it was something.

    "I... I agreed to work before I knew about the zoo," I told him.

   "Yeah, I know. Can I see you tonight?" he asked, still staying back a bit. I didn't know why he was keeping distance between us, now.

   I swallowed hard. "Carson, I don't want to lie to you."

   "Uh, okay."

   "I agreed to have dinner, with Finn, after my shift," I spat out, the words sounding all wrong.

   Carson's face went pale. "I wish you'd stop saying that name."

   "Carson."

   He looked up so our eyes connected. "I can be friends with you, even after you were in my lap last night... but I told you, I don't want to hear about him."

   "I'm going to tell him that I really can't be more than friends, with him," I said, my voice unsteady.

   "You're going to tell him that, over dinner?" Carson looked surprised.

   I shrugged. "That's the plan. I can't lead him on anymore... he's always wanted more than what we are... but I just can't."

   "Because?"

   "Because... you. Because even though I've been broken, using sex with Finn as a way to feel good about myself, I know it will end badly, if I don't end it now." I knew what I was trying to say, but Carson still gave me a look.

   "Sex and Finn in the same sentence?"

   I smiled. "Sorry. You broke me, Carson. But I know only you can fix me. And I need to be fixed."

   He stepped closer, a half smile now on his lips. "Was that an insult or a compliment, or...?"

   I put my hands on his chest. "I'll call you later."

   Grinning, he pulled me closer and kissed my cheek. "I've never fixed anything... not properly. But, Arden, I swear... I'd hurt myself if it meant fixing you."

   Saturdays were weird at JumpFit. Sierra did back-to-back classes all day, while Jack - the owner - hung around making sure things were going as they should. I didn't work Saturdays very often, and this one was definitely strange. The six hours flew by, at least, though Jack was loud and even more obnoxiously friendly than Brandon, his nephew. He had been surprised to see me, but I'd told him that I was covering for Finn and left it at that. He left me alone to do my work, while I ended up working an extra hour, because he had to "run out for a minute" and I couldn't leave until he was back in the gym.

   Once I finally signed out, I didn't feel like going to Finn's for dinner. I didn't want to deal with the adult things that I knew I had to deal with. I wanted to go see Carson and be reckless and not worry about anything else. My phone had blown up with pictures from Kaden and Carson, throughout the day. Rylee eating a snow cone. Rylee and Carson, standing in front of the flamingos. Kaden and Rylee, looking at the tigers. There was also one text from Carson.

   Four words. Wish you were here.

   But even after all of that - especially how I felt seeing those photos and getting that message - I sucked it up and called Finn. I knew I couldn't continue anything with Carson until I told Finn the truth.

   "Hey," he answered right away.

   "Hi. Sorry, I worked a bit late," I said quickly. I felt panicked, talking to him now.

   "Oh, no worries. Are you still coming over?" he wanted to know.

   "Uh, yeah, I-"

   "Good. My mom got to go home this afternoon, so I got her meds from the pharmacy and I just got home, a bit ago."

   "Oh, uh, that's good. I'm just leaving he mall.."

   "Okay. Are you going home first?"

   Part of our "thing" was that I went home and showered and changed clothes, to distinguish between being co-workers and what we did at his apartment. But I wasn't going home to get dolled up for Finn, now. I had always made myself look and feel good for Finn. Now, I already felt bad enough.

   "Um, no. I was just going to..." I let my voice trail off.

   "Oh, okay. See you soon, then?"

   "Yeah."