Chapter 9

Vaguely Lily could hear the distant sounds of "Orange peel!" through the door of her dormitory, but her eyelids quickly lowered and she drifted off to sleep…

Almost instantaneously, her eyes shot open in her dream world.

"Creamy Tortellini Chicken Primavera, Lily?"

Inspecting her surroundings, she discovered she was sitting at a mahogany table of a lofty, well-heeled dining room where Sirius was offering her poultry as her apparent meal.

"Are you wearing anything under that apron, Sirius?" Lily asked, eyeing him up and down. She could just make out his chest behind the monkey-like hair and his furry legs above the 'KISS THE COOK' apron. She sincerely hoped the temperature would not rise and lead to Sirius discarding clothing.

"You know how hot I get when I cook, Lily! HAR HAR HAR HAR Moony, be a darling and pour the wine."

Remus, looking rather huffy, as if annoyed at the guests' presence and interruption of his and Sirius' personal time, made to the wine, pouring them into goblets.

"Your hair is rather unkempt, Remus," a voice commented amusedly. She instantly recognized it belonged to James and faced the grinning boy across her. This dream was getting odder by the second. "I wonder what you got up to before our arrival, eh?"

"So, poisoned wine for you, James?" Remus gritted through his teeth, sliding his drink to him.

"Toxin away, my friend!" he replied chivalrously.

Lily watched as Sirius dunked something that closely resembled coal on to the golden plate in front of her. Though it was a dream, her eyes watered from the smoke of the supposed burnt chicken, and she blocked her nose from the oddly real pong. "I'd like to wake up now," she stated.

"What, orange peel?" James asked absentmindedly, taking a sip of wine. He choked on his drink when Sirius gave him his own portion of the smoked bird. "You're the worst cook ever, Padfoot. Really, let's just order a Chinese takeaway next time."

Sirius gasped at such a suggestion. "I slave, and I slave, AND I SLAVE over the kitchen!" he yelled, his hands placed on his hips. "And this is what I bloody get!" He made an exaggerated sniff and waved his hands at his eyes that seemed to threaten to discharge. "I just won't BOTHER anymore!" He made to untie his apron but Remus cried out, reminding him that he was unclothed underneath.

"Birthday suit, Sirius."

"I knew that," he clarified, storming from the room. You could tell by his clenched buttocks he was not pleased.

"Sorry," Remus apologized for Sirius' rude exit, also making his departure as he fled after him.

James rolled his eyes, squeezing Lily's hand from across the table. "Newlyweds," he laughed.

Just as Lily was about to question Sirius and Remus' apparent marriage ceremony, or even possible elope; she felt a presence behind her, hearing someone's slow breathing. She didn't turn around and instead watched James frown silently in front of her, studying the unknown person as he released her hand.

"You give me heart palpitations," the voice said softly, and noticed James had mouthed the same words, getting up from his seat. "The modest Rose puts forth a thorn-" she knew what words were coming next "-The humble sheep a threatening horn. While the Lily white shall in love delight, nor a thorn nor a threat stain her beauty bright."

She took an intake of breath; James looked enraged, noticing the poem's effect on her. Feeling a need to compete, James fumbled, "Er…roses are red, violets are blue," he tried desperately to remember the rhyme, "Sugar is sweet and- oh, Lily, you've got something in between your teeth." He gestured to his mouth and tapped his front choppers.

Lily was about to rub a finger to remove whatever had got wedged in between her teeth, until she realised James had been so annoyingly unromantic to the point that he couldn't even make up a simple loving rhyme, in a dream. She scowled at him, but almost suddenly made a sharp squeak as a pair of hands grabbed her shoulders and whipped her round. Before she could distinguish the person's face, everything turned black and she was awake, looking up at the ceiling of her dormitory.

"I didn't even have cheese before bed!" Lily complained to her empty room, rubbing her eyelids. Cheese was the reason of all nightmares. Stupid, delicious solid food prepared from the pressed curd of milk.

Glancing at the clock, she realised though the dream felt incredibly short, it was now morning. Slipping on her usual Garfield slippers, she opened the door of her dorm. Just as she did this, James Potter suddenly fell into the room, supposedly using the door's surface from the other side as a support for his back. He fell backwards and made a painful groan as his head collided with the floor.

"Oh God," Lily knelt by her side and observed him as he yawned, massaging his eyes. "You nutcase. Don't tell me you've been sitting by my door all night?" she questioned with disbelief.

"Mmhmm," James nodded with difficulty as he moved his neck and it clicked, "I called 'orange peel' for a couple of hours."

"I didn't hear you," Lily smiled sadly.

"Must be a deep sleeper." James noticed she seemed a little more sociable this morning; he took this opportune moment to apologize. "Sorrysorrysorry," he said, not stopping for air in between the words that should have been said separately. He rubbed her left knee while hoping it would make any angry thoughts go away.

"Knee rubbing," observed Lily, enjoying the massage, "Good tactic, James."

He stopped and cringed. "Sorry I missed patrol, Lily."

She nodded. "I know you are."

"It was all Sirius' fault I missed it."

Lily rolled her eyes; he really did have no shame in blaming friends. "You can't always point the finger, you know."

"Sure I can!" James insisted. He pointed his finger and poked Lily in the stomach. "I'm pointing," he prodded her, "still pointing!" He poked her again, and she reluctantly giggled as the 'pointing' tickled her. "And I'm still pointing! Look at me, I'm unstoppable!" By now he had climbed on top of her and was now prodding, tickling, and groping her in every available place. The two rolled across the floor and though Lily was laughing, she had enough of being fondled after a few minutes and kicked him off her. At such a booting, James flew backwards extraordinarily and banged his head on a bed post.

"Sorrysorrysorry," Lily apologized, now patting James' head as he whimpered painfully into her chest. Of course, she was aware that he was looking down her pyjama top but she'd got used to it by now. Really, he was just being a doctor, checking if her bosoms were still there. You never know, one day they could just evaporate. And he also liked to brag to Sirius his 'Booby Action' as the only breast fondling Sirius had gotten lately was holding a couple of grapefruits.

"You need to take your Head Boy responsibilities more seriously, James."

"I know," he reluctantly removed his head from her chest to look at her in the eye, "I'll try harder, I swear." He squeezed her hand in reassurance and she felt the odd reminder of her dream where he held her hand from across the dinner table.

"I know you'll try," Lily said, "but will you actually do it?"

"Er… I'll definitely try my best shot."

Although it was a lame response, she laughed nonetheless. She observed his dishevelled hair and sighed, running her hands through it as she tried to flatten it down.

"Lily, I told you before, the hair wont stay down."

"But why not?" she said defiantly, patting the top of his tresses. She gave a huff as the strands bounced upwards after being temporarily flattened. "They'll sack you as Head Boy if you don't do your job, you know."

He laughed, "They've never sacked a Head Boy!"

"Exactly. You don't want to be the first, do you?"

James was confused to how she'd turned his own words against him.

"You just… you need to grow up a little, James," she said softly.

He scowled and stomped the floor. "But I don't want to grow up!"

"You're going to grow up whether you like it or not, James Potter," she stated as fact, sounded oddly like his mother.

"But I can't grow up though," he said helplessly.

"Sirius can't grow up," Lily corrected him. "You will grow up to a fine young gentleman. You will be polite. You will say please and thank you. You will notlaugh at the boy's name 'Willy'-"

James snorted.

Lily gave him a derisive look.

"Oh, come on," he chortled, "Willy! Who'd name their kid that, for Christ's sake! They're just asking for the boy to be bullied."

He noticed Lily's cross expression.

"You're looking all mad like last night," James mumbled, gesturing her to face.

Lily softened slightly. "I'm sorry I was so harsh with you," she sighed, "I was just in a bad mood after a bad Head Girl experience whilst patrolling…" Her mind flooded back to the memory of the Derrick's odd behaviour, and she shook image of his face away from her mind, feeling guilty about thinking of that horrid boy in James' company.

"What happened?" He sat closer to her, his face one of concern.

"You know, usual mouthy Slytherin brats," Lily grumbled. "'Mudblood' this-" James tensed "'-Mudblood' that." She noticed his infuriated look. "Oh, don't worry. Derrick came…" She mentally hit herself for letting those last words slip from her mouth.

James did nothing to disguise the irritation in his voice. "Derrick?" A vein in his forehead throbbed. "Derrick was with you?"

"I just bumped into him," Lily said quickly. "Or he bumped into me…I don't know. He just helped me out a bit, that's all."

James looked moody, crossing his arms in a sulk. "I could've helped you…"

"Well-" James did not like the sound of that 'well' and prepared himself for a scolding remark "-You weren't there, were you. I had no idea where you were," she said brusquely.

He didn't like where this conversation was heading and tried to look apologetic. "I promise I won't miss another patrol," he assured her.

"Are you just saying that because you've realised your responsibility, or because you're afraid I'll bump into Derrick again when I'm alone?"

James chose his answer carefully. "Both," he admitted.

Lily shook her head and smiled at him. "Let's just get some breakfast, Head Boy."

James stood up and pulled Lily to her feet, leaning towards her for a morning kiss.

Abruptly, Lily stopped him, covering her nose. "Brush your teeth, Mr. Halitosis," she referred to his bad morning breath.

When James and Lily finally made it to the Great Hall for breakfast, they discovered the rest of the Marauders already at the table near the oak doors, and Sirius noticeably gripping a grapefruit in each hand.

"Are you planning to eat those or are they just for fondling?" Lily asked, taking the seat opposite him.

Sirius looked quite embarrassed at being caught doing such a thing with fruits by a girl, even though Georgina had earlier made a comment about him and the grapefruits 'getting a room' and a bunch of third years had been staring strangely at him for the last ten minutes.

"Are you that desperate, Padfoot?" James teased, sitting down.

He shot the couple scolding looks. "I was just preparing them for eating consumption, actually."

James and Lily watched as Sirius squeezed the fruits a little longer, and Remus tiredly shook his head from behind the Daily Prophet. After much grapefruit-grasping, he finally settled for the fruit being groped enough to eat and dug his teeth into one of the grapefruit, unaware that it was not wise to eat the skin.

"SOUR," he hissed, his eyes watering. The grapefruit dropped to the plate and he grabbed for breakfast pastries to make the taste go away.

"And that was Sirius Black's nonsensical moment of the hour," Remus commented, "Tune in next time where Sirius attempts farting the Latin alphabet."

"That was fifth year," Sirius said, unintentionally spitting out bits of pastry in fury, "And I don't even know the Latin alphabet."

"I know a Latin word!" Peter informed the group, but wasn't receiving the impressed look he would have liked as he was currently making a face of raisons into his porridge. "Puga pyga," he said cheerfully, pointing at Sirius.

Sirius frowned. "What the hell did he just call me?"

Remus hated being the only one at the table who knew Latin; though he guessed Lily seemed to recognize the word as she sniggered into her pumpkin juice.

Sighing, Remus said, "Buttocks."

Sirius punched Peter in the arm. "Butt munch."

"You have nice puga pyga," James murmured in Lily's ear. It appeared the comment was audible enough for the rest of the Marauders to hear as they made overstated moans of disgust.

"Oh really?" Lily smiled coyly, pulling him forward by the collar.

"Urgh, Urgh, URGH!" Sirius exclaimed, shielding his 'innocent' eyes. He bashed his spoon against the table, making the couple break apart at such a noise. "Did I just see tongue? I JUST SAW TONGUE. It's too early in the morning for me to see tongue!"

Reddening, the two remained clean and kept their hands off each other for the rest of the duration of breakfast, though there was noticeable secret smiles and leg nudging under the table.

Lily had to ask a question that had been on her mind ever since she had awoken that morning. Smiling at her plate of pancakes, she asked Sirius, "Do you own a 'KISS THE COOK' apron?"

At such a question, Remus missed the toast he had been directing into his mouth and landed the triangle piece of bread into his eye. He cursed as marmalade now hindered his vision and covered his eyelashes, slightly burning his cornea.

"A kiss the cook apron?" Sirius echoed, ignoring Remus' eruption.

"Yes. You were wearing one and serving 'Creamy Tortellini Chicken Primavera'," Lily quoted, laughing. "In my dream you-"

Remus instantly cut her off with, "Transfiguration now, student bodies!" not liking any sentence involving the word 'dream.'

"But we've got a few more minutes-"

"I don't care. Let's just get going," Remus pressed, already standing up and gesturing them to follow him.

"Remus, you have dried marmalade crust on your eyelashes," Peter pointed to his eye, walking backwards as they strolled down the corridor to McGonagall's classroom. "Peel it off and make a wish!"

Sirius giggled, "I do that with eye gunk."

Remus outwardly shivered with disgust. "I'm sorry but that is just repugnant!"

"Hey! hey, Moony!" Sirius turned around and revealed his bottom to Remus. "Does my puga pyga look big in this?"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that!"

As Lily walked further down the corridor, she frowned as she spotted one odd oblong shaped balloon randomly drifting across the floor. She let go of James' hand to rub her eyes, thinking the balloon was some sort of illusion; it was a rare occurrence to see one in Hogwarts.

"What on earth?" She rubbed her eyelids harder and found the balloon was still there. James tittered nervously by her side and held her hand again, swinging it energetically. "You do see a balloon there, right?"

James smiled his pearly whites in noticeable discomfort. "Nope."

Turning the final corner of the corridor leading to McGonagall's classroom, Lily gasped whilst the boys tried to look as stunned as her, as if they hadn't seen the same scene for the second time in twenty four hours.

"Balloons!" Lily said, truly mystified. She stood at the foot of the corridor, watching students run around wildly, each with a face of utmost glee as the bags of gas floated in the air and knocked against the walls.

There were a variety of students; the eager first years hurrying to their lesson while struggling not to let the temptation of floating balloon goodness tempt them to the dark side. Two make-up face pasted girls were shoving balloons up their blouses, trying to mimic breasts. A group of giggling girls shrieked as two rather cheeky boys tried to make the hair which they had spent at least two hours of the morning to make perfect and sleek, stand up with static electricity. A group of sixth years were playing volleyball…but with balloons, and a second year was currently drowning in the sea of the inflatables.

Sirius was, at present, trying to balance a balloon on his nose, looking oddly like a seal.

James was panicking. Lily was going to ask him if he anything to do with this and James was going to admit with a "yes" because he is a terrible liar when it comes to sexy, vivacious redheads who have the power to take away kissing privileges.

A kiss from Lily Evans a day keeps the doctor away, after all.

Lily turned to James with a sceptic expression, and 'CODE RED HEAD ALERT' triggered off in James' head along with a warning siren and flashing red lights of danger. James was about to admit with a guilty, "YES, I DID IT! I DID IT ALL!" but Sirius finally seemed to realise James was about to blab and saved him by changing the subject. Head butting the balloon away, he offered casually, "So, the plan worked, then?"

Apparently changing the subject succeeded as Lily was completely focused on Sirius' words. She looked back and forth between James and Sirius, looking mighty dubious still. "What plan?" she demanded.

James had no sodding idea what Sirius was on about and decided not to play along. "Yeah, what plan, Padfoot?" he asked perplexedly.

"You know," Sirius punched James' shoulder in a brotherly way and he stumbled back, still looking confused, "The plan where you woke up ten minutes before Lily woke up and sat by her door, made your breath stink worse than usual and your hair more scruffy and defying the laws of gravity to make it look as if you'd slept there all night when you hadn't and you're just a bum."

Lily thought it had to be some form of sick joke and that James was going to say very rapidly: "I have no idea what you're talking about, Sirius."

Any second now…

Lily was clenching her fists. Why hadn't James spoken yet? Right fist clench… Left fist clench…

James finally spoke, but it was not the words Lily wanted to hear.

"PADFOOT, SHE'S STANDING RIGHT HERE!" He gestured to Lily by his side.

With slow comprehension, Sirius' eyes slowly fell upon Lily as if it were the first time he had seen her that morning. "Oh bugger." He cringed, "Sorry, Prongsie."

Lily was busy trying to take such new unpleasant information into her head at once. James cowered at her face of ferocity and he lowered his height a few inches in fear.

"You… YOU FAKED staying by more door all night?"

"Er-I-uh, um, no?"

Sirius, Remus and Peter stepped back so not to be involved in the conversation anymore, as it would only result in casualties. Remus shook his head at James' unintelligent response.

"You just admitted it by reminding Sirius I was standing here!" Lily's voice came out in such a high and angry pitch that it went off scale and James swore his glasses cracked to some extent.

"You actually listened to what Sirius was saying? Because I just switched off after the words 'you know' because when Sirius is speaking disappointment is foreseeable in whatever he says." James realised his adorable rambling was not winning her round. "You're peeved at me again, aren't you?"

"NO, sure I'm not," Lily forced a laugh and punched James' shoulder just as Sirius had done but less in a brotherly way and more in a murderous YOU-WILL-DIE approach. "JUST DON'T TALK TO ME FOR A FEW HOURS."

She made a last murderous glare at James before turning on a heel and entering McGonagall's classroom, screeching, "Boys give me migraines!Migraines! MI-GRAINES!"

James took a dangerous step forward and Sirius took one back in unison.

"Can you murder Sirius after Transfiguration?" Peter asked. He peeped at the gap between the doors of the classroom they were supposed to be in. "I think class is starting..."

"No, I think killing him now would be highly more appropriate."

"Personally, I agree with Wormtail-"

"Shut up, wanker." Clearly Sirius' opinion did not matter to James. "One day, Padfoot, I'm going to spellotape your mouth shut, and then bury you in a shallow grave where people will walk on you every day in punishment for your wicked sins!"

"I think you're being a little harsh, James," Remus said, shooting him a slightly reeled look. "Sirius was only telling Lily the truth. She would have found out eventually, and I don't think lying about doing romantic gestures are the best idea in a serious relationship, do you?"

James gaped at him. "You're on his side, Moony!" he said in disbelief. "Don't be a poof!"

Remus rolled his eyes and sighed. "Forget what I just said, then! Just hurt and Sirius get it over with already."

"Will do," James noted.

"WHAT?" Sirius cried, upset by Remus' lack of help towards him and how the little help was dropped so quickly. "Moony!"

"Step forward, Padfoot," James ordered, "Headlock time."

Giving up quickly, Sirius moved forwards and dropped to his knees. James locked an arm around his neck in a headlock position. "So, I'm thinking, maybe snap your neck?" he suggested. Sirius tried to nod in the fixed grip. "That'll probably get you a couple of days in the Hospital wing…"

"How about a nose?" Peter offered.

"What about a nose?"

"You could break his nose," Peter spoke in too much of a cheery tone to be talking about breaking a friend's facial feature. "And then he'd have an unattractive nose," he pointed out the obvious, "and girls wouldn't find him attractive anymore." James found himself leaning towards the idea. "Then he'd have weird nicknames, like 'the boy with the demented bazoo' and 'Mr. I-have-an-inapt-honker.' And people would call down the corridors, 'Sneezer, wouldn't wanna be ya!' and 'you've got a stupid neb!'"

Remus was mildly impressed. "It really seems as if you've put a lot of thought into this 'breaking his nose' idea, Peter."

"Yeah, Wormtail. It sounds like you've got some kind of wild fantasy about breaking my nose," Sirius managed to speak as his neck was currently in unyielding hold.

Peter did not deny the fantasy, and merely said, "Why aren't women attracted to me?"

The arrival of McGonagall through the classroom doors stopped the boys from answering Peter's question - which they couldn't answer anyway.

The professor's gaze fell upon James and Sirius' position, and she hollered, "Oh, for Merlin's sake, what do you think you're doing, Mr. Potter?"

"Holler holler, professor," Sirius waved, looking blue in the face.

McGonagall shot James a look which said 'release him!' and he dropped Sirius painfully to the floor, dusting his hands on his trousers.

"Explanation, if you will?" she pressed.

"Well, you see, I was just, er," James fumbled, scratching his head, "teaching Sirius how to, um, defend himself, when, er…. oh, screw it. Yes, I'm Head Boy. Yes, I had a fellow student in a headlock. Yes, I will see you tomorrow night at detention for putting a fellow student in headlock."

"Potter, don't try to excuse yourself for… oh," McGonagall went over James' words in her mind, realising he had spoken the truth for once. "Er, well, I, er… get in class, the four of you!"

"Professor, there are balloons in your classroom."

"I am quite aware of that, Black."

McGonagall stared hard at her desk and counted to ten, trying to calm her breathing. She was aware that the class of Gryffindors and Ravenclaws were staring oddly at her, but inhalation was more important right now.

She finally lifted her head to face the class, trying extremely hard not to let her eyes wander on the balloons that floated aimlessly in the air, in her classroom.

She hated balloons. Completely pointless things, they were. And she wasn't just saying that because the static electricity from them had ruined her usually perfect tight bun in her hair, now causing certain strands to stick on end.

"A dim-witted student - or students, more believingly," she shot the Marauders at the back of the class peeved looks, "found it somehow comical to fill up the corridors and my classroom," she paused in annoyance, "with balloons, as you all can see. Irritatingly, we have no evidence who the culprit -orculprits- are. But I'm sure once the Hogwarts caretaker, Mr. Filch, awakes in the hospital wing, he can give us some key information to finding out their names."

"What happened to Filch, professor?" a student asked.

McGonagall looked hesitant to answer. "He…" She sighed. "He fell on balloons."

The class tried to hide back their sniggering as the professor glowered at them.

"We have discovered that the only way to make the balloons disappear is by popping them," McGonagall continued grimly. Some of the class looked delighted; popping the balloons was terrifying fun. "Unfortunately, this cannot be done at this particular moment because a student of this class does not react well to loud unexpected noises." Frank Longbottom cringed. "So, I forbid any of you popping the balloons. If one does get close to you to the point of annoyance, simply pat it away from you. Lightly." The professor made an unexpected smile. "And we may find that in today's lesson that we can use the balloons for Transfiguration practice! So, whoever did this 'prank'," she made air quotes with disgust, "is foolish, because the balloons are great use to me. Therefore, the joke is really on them."

"Professor, why do you look at me directly when you said that?"

McGonagall smiled at Sirius. "I do apologize, Black." She repeated again, in more of a hiss, "Therefore, the joke is really on them,"

"You're looking at me again, Professor-"

"Be quiet!"

Sirius recoiled and shrunk down on his stool.

A balloon drifted in front of the McGonagall's face and the students tried to hide their laughter as it appeared the professor had a balloon as a head. She suddenly sneezed and the balloon shot off, much to everyone's amusement. Wiping her nose, she said, "Let's get today's lesson started, shall we?"

However, the classroom doors squeaked open and Derrick tumbled inside on a very late arrival. His blonde hair was spiked today but not on purpose with its usual grace, and instead with more of a bed-hair appearance.

Uncharacteristically embarrassed that everyone's eyes were on him, he dropped his books to the floor by accident.

"This is the second time in a row you have been late to my lesson, Mr. Slade," McGonagall watched Derrick scramble on the floor for the fallen books. "Mr. Slade?" she repeated, waiting for the boy to look at him.

Finally Derrick picked up the last of his books and bundled them into his arms, looking up at the professor. "Sorry," he apologized. He slightly stumbled as he stood to his feet, trying to hitch his bag back on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I was late, professor."

"Please see me after class," McGonagall said, looking at him sorely. "Take your seat."

"Yes professor."

James had watched this spectacle with bemusement. Sirius, however, found Derrick's behaviour hilarious, hiding his sniggering behind his hand. James had found it… unnerving. He looked at Lily who sat somewhere in front with her friend Nicole, and noticed her gaze was on Derrick too, also portraying the same disturbed frown.

Remus had noticed James' bleak exterior. "What's wrong?" he whispered, as McGonagall had now started the lesson.

"He's up to something. I know he is." James glowered at the back of Derrick's head. "Lily said he bumped into her last night."

Sirius' picked up the conversation and leaned in. "Bumped into her, eh? He bumped into her?" He made a pelvic thrust for effect.

"They didn't have sex, Sirius," Remus said in a low voice.

"Oh." Sirius backed out of the conversation.

"Haven't you noticed how he's been acting lately?" James murmured.

Remus remembered back to the event with Derrick with Lily and couldn't help but agree. "His behaviour has been a little nervy, I suppose." He picked up on James' slightly jealous air. "Lily has absolutely no feelings for him. You know that."

Reluctantly, James nodded. "I know."

As McGonagall began reading a slightly tedious passage out of a Transfiguration textbook, a whiny noise sounding oddly like a fart erupted, forcing the room to fall into silence.

Instinctively, everyone looked at Sirius.

"What?" He noticed their gaze. "What? That wasn't me! It was the balloons squeaking!"

McGonagall continued reading until the noise interrupted her once more.

Every person looked at Sirius again.

"Alright, so that time it was me," he admitted, reddening.

The class exploded into complaints of disgust and the rest of the Marauders looked embarrassed to be his friend.

McGonagall held the usual unimpressed look. "Please try to cease yourself, Black."

Once the class settled again, everyone silently began writing what McGonagall was dictating. Class proved to be harder than usual with floating balloons, but stronger students of the class resisted the urge to play with the inflatable bags of gas and didn't cry out in fury if the occasional balloon tapped them.

Sirius was not one of those people.

"Did you know early balloons were made of dried animal bladders?" Peter asked.

"What do you mean, 'early balloons'? Ones that were made this morning?" Sirius eyed the particular floating object that wafted across his desk.

"Balloons in the olden days," Peter said, "You know, ye olde days?"

"Did you just say 'old' with the letter 'e' on the end?"

"Haven't you heard of the olde English sayings? 'Getting the bum's rush?'" Peter quoted. "'Getting your goat?' 'Getting a squirrel meal?' 'Mind your own beeswax?'"

"Ah, I think I remember one about that flying insect of wickedness," Sirius referred to the bee phrase. As he carried on writing, he suddenly felt something touch his leg under the desk. He shot James a worried look.

James scowled at him in return. "It was the balloon, you poof."

"Thank God I feel glad in you saying that," Sirius commented. He looked under the desk and discovered the oblong shaped balloon prodding his leg. He lifted up the foot and was about to stamp on it when he heard the professor's 'AHEM' from in front of the class. He cursed stupid Frank and his stupid panic-attack condition forbidding him to pop the damn balloon!

"Why aren't you so edgy, Remus?" Peter asked, observing the boy writing with ease, even when one was currently stuck to his head statically.

"I've got used to them," he said. When one drifted to his shoulder and perched on him like a parrot, Remus didn't even bat it away.

Sirius was the complete opposite.

His eye twitched as a balloon hovered over his parchment, preventing him for writing. He smacked it away, making it bounce and hit the back of Lily's head and knock over his pot of ink in the process. The redhead whipped round to give Sirius a mighty glare for wrecking her tresses which were now sticking up like McGonagall's. In turning around, she caught James' eye - he was looking at her with a request for forgiveness. She made an audible huff and faced the front of the class again.

"Do you know how much sucking up I will have to do to make my orange sunset forgive me again?" James complained to Sirius, and Sirius frowned at the nickname of 'my orange sunset' greatly. "She'll take away my kissing privileges, Padfoot! My kissing privileges!"

"No she won't," Sirius argued. "Somehow she takes too much pleasure in snogging you to take the licence away."

James made a rather boastful smirk to himself, and quickly realised he really was an arrogant tosser sometimes.

"God, that is it!" Sirius glared at the balloon that had somehow drifted to his lap and he raised his quill high in the air, ready to stab.

"No, Sirius!" Remus stopped him, wrestling for the quill. "Don't do it! You heard McGonagall. Think about poor Frank!"

"I bet that's a load of codswallop," Sirius said. Managing to push Remus' hand away, he drew back the quill and stabbed the balloon and it burst loudly with a pop.

Promptly, gasps were made and the sound of someone collapsing to the floor was heeded.

"Someone take Longbottom to the Hospital wing, please."

"I got detention for popping a balloon."

"We know, Padfoot."

"I got detention for popping a balloon." It was astonishing how Sirius managed to still speak with the entire contents of his mouth crammed with vegetables, forced by one Remus Lupin who insisted he needed to fill up on them in order to be healthy and considering the large amounts of meat he had consumed these days. "Doesn't the basis for my detention sound like it would happen in a parallel universe?" he asked.

"We live in a world of magic, Sirius."

"….good point."

Remus spiked a fork full of carrots and dumped them on Sirius' plate, much to his dismay. "Eat them or you'll get high cholesterol."

"But I like those cholesterols!" Sirius said happily.

"You're thinking of the bird Kestrel," Remus said.

"Oh, I do believe I am."

Remus checked Peter to see if he was eating his dinner, which he was like a good Marauder.

"That's right, Peter. Chew slowly to avoid choking."

He came across his last friend who hadn't even touched his mashed potatoes.

"Your dinner is getting cold, James. Those house elves did not slave over the kitchen for nothing."

"Hmm?" James was paying more attention to looking up and down the great hall, looking for the signs of his 'orange sunset'. He got over-excited when he mistook the red hair of a first year as his Lily and he slumped back down on his seat.

"So," Sirius made another groan as Remus dumped a spoonful of runner beans in front of him, "Three galleons that Filch doesn't wake up?"

"Make it two galleons and you've got a deal," Peter wagered.

Suddenly, James got up from his seat.

Sirius thought James had got up to eat his dinner elsewhere. "Merlin, if the conversation is boring you that much, all you had to do was say, Prongs."

"No, I'm going for a walk."

"You haven't finished your dinner." Remus tapped his golden plate of mashed potatoes.

"I'm not hungry."

Remus gasped at such a statement; James was always hungry.

"Wait, Prongs, where are you going?" Sirius stood up, grabbing a few chicken drumsticks in preparation as a snack on the totter. "I'll come with-"

"I don't need you to baby-sit me, Padfoot," James laughed. "I'll see you guys later." He noticed his friends' apprehensive gaze on him. "I'm fine, you stupid sods. Enjoy your dinner."

"Where's he going on a walk to?" Peter asked, watching James exit.

Sirius didn't even hesitate to answer.

"Beech tree."

Standing in front of the Great Lake, James threw the last of his flat pebbles which skipped across the water's edge. Unfortunately in its gliding against the water, it hit one of the Giant Squid's tentacles. James winced as the squid splashed water in the air in fury.

Maybe skipping stones in a lake containing outsized seafood was not such a good idea. Really, those Muggles had it lucky. I bet they never had the same problem.

Feeling he had enough of standing, he walked over to his beech tree of sanctuary and leaned his back on the bark, feeling the cool breeze. That woody plant really was escapism for him.

He remembered again exactly what he was leaning on; the bark. He turned around and trailed his hands over the outermost layer of the tree, looking for a particular carving.

After much searching, he located the faded carving hiding in the shadow of the trunk. 'Potter for Evans' was engraved very illegiblyinto the wood in a surrounding messy heart - in fact, it looked more like 'Poonge fire Ethan' in the gloominess. The carving had obviously diminished with the passing years and James found it incredibly hard to write with Sirius' pocket knife back then in fifth year.

He dug his hand into his trouser pocket and picked out Sirius' pocket knife he'd recently thieved. They were practically brothers anyway; stealing was expected. And James knew for a fact Sirius had his invisibility cloak.

Digging the knife into the bark, he went over the faded carving, making the letters more clear. He could have done this with magic of course, but it was always nice to do it the Muggle way, along with the fact that wizards always forget that they were indeed wizards with magic at such fitting times that needed magic.

He sat back and admired his handiwork, smiling, until a person appeared behind him and covered his eyes with a pair of soft, well manicured hands.

"Guess who."

"For the last time, Padfoot, I'm not in the mood."

The fingers were lifted and Lily stood before him, a little affronted. "Please tell me that was a joke because my voice does not sound like that baboon."

"Of course I was joking."

James' answer would have been more convincing if he hadn't inappropriately coughed before it. He watched Lily -looking oddly smiley- sit down next to him on the grass. "What'cha looking at?" she asked, peculiarly cheerful.

James figured she had used those few hours since this morning to cool off her deadly rage and gestured to the famous woody plant. "Beech tree."

Lily inspected the tree and came across the carving of their names, touching her delicate fingers to the bark. "When did you write that?" she asked, softly and quiet.

"Fifth year." He looked charmingly bashful. "After that time you threw mushy peas on my face," he clarified.

"Peas are best mushy," Lily stated.

"If peas were better mushy then they would be mushy in the first place," James pointed out. He realised they were talking about edible round green beans and quickly changed the subject. "Have you forgiven me yet?"

"Partly," Lily said, and suddenly captured him into a hug. "Thank you for the flowers."

As James' mind drifted off into the world of perversity at such close contact, he realised he had no idea what she was talking about. "Flowers?" he echoed.

"The bouquet of flowers you put in my school bag," Lily thought she was reminding him.

OH, THAT bouquet of flowers!

….wait a second, James never sent flowers. James had never bought a bouquet of flowers in his life, except for his mother. In reality, his father had actually bought them on his behalf.

"They were beautiful."

Maybe James had gotten her flowers but had simply forgotten. He replayed the things he had done that today; woke up, put left sock on left foot, put right sock on, realised that he put right sock over left sock, discarded both socks and decided to go barefoot, had multiple toilet outings after stomach disagreement with Yorkshire pudding last night, went to classes, had argument with Sirius on the hypothesis of a Filch/Madam Pince/Peeves love triangle ….

"They were my favourite," she continued on.

James played with the ends of Lily's hair and decided it was getting to point of being too late for him to deny he had sent the flowers. Lily was still hugging him and James was still feeling the usual giddiness. If he was going to deny giving that bouquet of flowers, he should have done it directly after Lily had stated the flower-giving.

Right, James. Tell her. Tell her now.

"It was really sweet of you, James."

"I know."

Or completely ignore the heeding advice from your brain and agree that it was really sweet of you. Truly, both options were similar when you reallydidn't think about.

As James continued to squeeze Lily, an explanation came to his mind: one of the Marauders probably got Lily the flowers on his behalf! That must have been it. It's not as if Lily had a secret admirer or anything…

"Wait, you said 'partly'," James remembered.

"Yes." Lily pulled out of the hug, much to his disappointment, and smiled somewhat maliciously. "I'll forgive you on one condition: you will do a test."

"I don't like exams," James mentioned quickly.

Lily laughed. "No, its nothing like that," she paused before carrying on, "I've got something for you."

Was it just James or did that that last statement sound sultry?

"Lily! Outside and all!" James started unbuttoning his shirt at the collar. "If we must..."

"Not that, you idiot."

…so it was just James, then.

He closed his eyes, ready for the gift.

"You don't need to close your eyes, James."

"No, I want to. I have the most fuckable eyelids and I rarely get to show them off."

"Fuckable eyelids? Oh, good grief… Open your eyes, James."

He was suddenly aware of something shoved in his hands and opened his eyes to see…

"A potted plant?" he said slowly. He looked at Lily, then back at the plant, believing this was clearly a windup. Her jolly smile concluded it was not.

"Not just any plant! A fuschia plant," she divulged.

James smiled weakly, trying to sound interested. "Fuschia? Really?" He stretched the plant further away from him and scrutinized the shrub from afar. "Peter would like this," he stated, trying to hint that maybe she should just give the green thing to Peter instead. He examined the brightly pink flowered plant placed awkwardly in his hands and remained silent, unsure what to do with it.

"Do you want it back now?" he asked finally, supposing he was merely holding it for Lily whilst she did her makeup or whatever girls did.

"No, it's yours," she said, rather annoyed at James' reaction.

"Lily…I'm not a woman. Who have you been taking advice of on giving presents? Was it Sirius?" James groaned; it must have been Sirius. "Men who like flowers are old grand-dads who enjoy gardening."

"It's not a present!" Lily shut him up. "It's a test."

James did not like where this was going. He turned the pot on its sides, trying to find his present still. Lily stopped him before James examined the bottom of the plant and the contents of soil and shrubbery would fall to the ground.

"Try and keep it upright," she advised jadedly.

"I don't understand what's going on here," James admitted, scratching his head.

"This," Lily gestured with her hands to the pot plant in his hand, "represents our relationship."

James really, really didn't like where this was going.

"All you have to do is look after the plant," Lily explained. She gave James a beseeching look. "You can to that, can't you?"

James didn't have the foggiest idea about plants. If it wasn't for Herbology, he would gone along with the theory that plants simply popped out of thin air without any aid of water, sunlight or nutrients. They were just simply there. Merlin up above pointed his finger and plants just shot out like torpedoes.

"Sure," James tried to hide the grimace on his face that he was feeling when holding the green thing, "but what exactly will the results of this, er, 'test', prove?"

"Well, if the plant is still alive then or relationship is alive. If the plant is dead by the end of the duration, that means our relationship is also-"

"Dead?" James finished, looking horror-stricken.

Lily smiled. "You caught on," she said with delight, petting his head like rewarding a pet.

James tried once more to smile, again, feebly. This was clearly some sort of conspiracy from the guy upstairs.

"So…while this 'test' is going on, are my kissing privileges taken away?" James asked with a sense of dread.

"Of course not," Lily laughed, kissing him deeply on the lips to reassure him.

Just when James was starting to get into the snogging, Lily pulled him away too soon and began dragging him back to the castle by the hand.

James took a final look at his new friend for the next few days -the fuschia plant- and said a mental 'hello, nice to meet you, green thing' to the presently living object.

Putting back the thoughts that he was clearly insane for addressing a plant in his mind, he placed the potted plant under one arm so he could wrap the other around Lily's waist, all the while with calming thoughts that this 'test' Lily had set him wouldn't be so bad.

"What are you going to name the plant, then?"

"NAME IT?"

Barely seconds after the couple had entered the castle, had a stranger appeared from the shadows of Hogwarts grounds. Their steps rustled in the grass as they made their way over to the beech tree. They stood diametrically in front of it, studying the bark intently.

Their gaze fell upon the renewed carving.

'James and Lily Potter.'

The person's eyes turned dangerously cold, unmoving. Checking first to see if there was anyone watching, the person whipped out their wand, and heatedly, pointed it at the names within the messy drawn heart. With a tone of ferocity, the person said, "Flagrate" and two thick crossed lines burnt the tree bark, directly over the engraving.