Chapter 7

James stepped into his bedroom and nearly gagged on the green fumes with the familiar smell of blazing socks. "Jesus." He pinched his nose to block his nostrils, making his voice sound comically squeaky. "It smells like a bonfire and sweaty arse in here." He spotted Sirius sitting on his bed, staring at the ceiling, and the pipe in his mouth, the culprit of the bitter smell.

"Alright, Padfoot," James sat on the edge of his book, his arms crossed with a moody expression. "I just turned down fooling around with Lily for you, so you better secretly be a redhead with bosoms under that Padfoot appearance," he looked his friend up and down and decided he was probably not, "ordying or something-"

Clearly mentioning death was not any comforting for Sirius, and James was instantly met with a dramatic down-turned face of despair.

"Er." James frowned. "Was it something I said?"

Sirius quickly erupted into an odd high-pitched never ending wail, only stopping for breath every ten seconds.

Instinctively James covered his ears. "Shut up! I hate it when you do that-that thing!" He didn't know how to describe Sirius' bawling. "It's like a bloody siren in my ears! Shut up!"

"Uuuuuuuugh," sobbed Sirius. He made two rather exaggerated sniffs before starting up again. "UUUUU-"

"Like a siren!" James continued, pressing his fingers harder to ears. "Your howling is like the devil calling out to his spawn-" He was suddenly aware of Sirius hurdling into him and now bawling into his stomach. "Nobhead! You've got fluorescent snot on me!" he cried, trying to push his friend off him.

"Uuuuuuuugh-" sniff, sniff "-aaaaaaauuuugh-"

"Seriously, your snot is bright yellow. That can't be normal."

Sirius finally broke away from sobbing into his chest. "Stop looking at my snot, you weirdo."

James tried not to focus too much on the insult of 'weirdo' coming from The Cry-baby. "I'll stop looking at it when your nose stops extracting it onto my Fooling-around-with-Lily shirt."

Sirius decided not to ask James if he had a special shirt for every occasion with Lily. He wiped his dribbling snotty nose on the back of his sleeve, making James squirm considerably. Lying back down on the bed, Sirius mumbled in between snuffles, "She said I was gonna die…"

Focusing on Sirius' words, James looked deeply regretful. "Oh," he whispered, lying back down on the bed with him, "I'm really sorry, mate." He gazed up at the ceiling. "I told Lily to stop with the death threats already-"

"Not Evans, you stupid git."

"Oh." James scratched his head, looking clueless to who he was talking about. "Who, then?" he asked touchily.

"Professor Cockett."

"Cockett! Harharhar…" James trailed off into silence; realising Sirius was not also finding the professor's rude surname as humorous. This thoroughly bothered him; they always had a good chortle about the teacher's name. It was just as funny as the Charms professor's name: Mr. Balls.

"Wait a sec." James backtracked to what Sirius had mentioned Cockett saying. "That woman always makes death threats. Why've you got so worked up about it?"

"Because she said I was going to die alone," Sirius stressed, taking a deep puff on his pipe.

James couldn't keep his eyes off Sirius' smoking instrument. "What are you, a seventy year old crippled pensioner?" He quickly realised he'd just passed on quite valuable information. "Alone?" he repeated.

Sirius nodded. "Alone," he confirmed.

James scratched his head again. "Alone?" he echoed to the ceiling.

Sirius nodded once more. "Alone."

James stuck his tongue out to one side in thought. "…Alo-"

"God, it's like talking down a bloody canyon!" Sirius complained. "Yes, alone!"

James didn't know what to say and turned his head to look at his friend, trying to appear sympathetic. "I've… I've never heard Cockett say that before."

"Well, don't I feel special to be the only one she's said it to!" Sirius barked.

James lost his patience and sat up in annoyance. "No wonder Moony walked out of here when you're snapping so much!"

"I think I have the right to, don't you?" Sirius wagged his pipe at him and James slightly coughed at the smoke. "Since I'm going to-"

"Die alone," James finished for him. He slapped his forehead and groaned. "Please don't tell me you're going to use this as an excuse for everything now. 'Sirius, you ate the last piece of cake!' 'I think I have the right to when I'm going to die alone!' 'Sirius, you had sex with my girlfriend!' 'I think have the right to when I'm going to die alone!' 'Sirius, you saw my mother naked!' 'I think I have the right to when I'm going to," he paused dramatically with an added clap, "die alone."

"One, you're not funny," Sirius said, "And two, stop with the hand gestures."

James dropped his hands from pressing together to mimic someone nagging, and realised he had been a little harsh. "Padfoot," he sighed, "To tell you the truth, I've never really believed in Divination."

"Cockett said you asked her how Divination could help you to get Evans."

James quickly turned red and pulled on the collar of his shirt, looking uneasy. "Er… that was in fifth year," he clarified, "And I was stupid back then."

"Nothing's changed, then…"

"What did you just say, booger?"

Sirius faked a smile. "Nothing Prongsie."

"Sirius," James began with weary eyes, "I'm going to say what Moony's probably already said and which you probably ignored in the process." Sirius reddened embarrassingly at the truth and tried to hide beneath the green fumes. "You're not going to die alone."

"But how do you know?" Sirius answered sharply. He sat up with his knees to his chest, distress on his features as he awaited an answer.

James rolled his eyes and lay back down on the bed, putting his hands behind his head. "Because I won't let that happen, you berk."

Sirius did nothing to disguise the confusion on his face. "Er… what?" he said lamely.

"If there was ever a situation where you were in danger of being, er, you know," using the 'D' word seemed inappropriate at that moment, "then I'd step in." James noticed the slightly stunned look on Sirius' face and scoffed. "Don't just think it only applies to you, dung brain. I'd do the same for Moony, Wormtail-"

"And Evans."

James looked suddenly solemn. "Most definitely Lily," he stressed, staring at the ceiling.

Sirius was bemused. "But that's crazy," he stated, twirling both fingers energetically to his head to prove the point, "I'm talking Lovegood-crazy here. You'd… you'd just be willing to sacrifice yourself like that?"

James almost laughed. "Of course," he said with a grace of valance. "I'm just that kind of person," he spoke highly of himself to lighten the mood, brushing his chest. Sirius laughed but was also moved by his friend's words.

"If you were a girl, I'd probably snog you right now," Sirius admitted.

"Thank God for my penis, then," James said mercifully, casting Sirius a disturbed look. He patted his crotch to underline his point.

Sirius somehow found himself drifting back to the subject of the Head Girl. "You're gonna marry her, aren't you?" he asked the ceiling, not able to look at James and ask the same question without a cheesy expression.

"WHAT?" James abruptly turned red and had to fan his face because of the heat radiating off his cheeks. "I DUNNO WHAT YOU'RE ON ABOUT, MATE."

Sirius gave him an unconvinced look. "You're shouting, Prongs."

"Oh, am I? Sorry." James continued to fan his face, speaking quieter. He breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed when he thought Sirius had passed on the question of marriage… until he brought it up again five seconds later.

"So you are going to marry her, then?"

James put up his hands, either in defence or in panic. "Look here Padfoot, I have no idea what you're talking about!"

There was an uncomfortable silence until Sirius broke it with the presumption of, "You're going to marry her the second we get out of Hogwarts, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I've even got the image of the ring in my mind."

"WHAT?" Sirius latched his hands onto James' shoulder, looking horrified. "I was kidding!" he clarified.

James tittered. "Er… so was I?"

"Actually, I wasn't," Sirius said, breaking his fake charade of horror. "I'm a great actor, aren't I? Bask in my amazing performer abilities."

"I'm sorry, I seem to be basking in second hand smoke at the moment," James retorted.

Sirius observed his friend in the cloudy room. "I could tell you wanted to marry her," he carried on. James was a little confused to how they'd quickly got back on to the subject of Lily again. "I could see it in your eyes," he pointed.

James frowned and tried to look at his own pupils, which is impossible without a mirror but he still tried unsuccessfully. "How can you tell by looking at my eyes?" He crossed them in confusion.

Sirius poked the skin next to James' eye and he made a mutter of, 'Ow'. "Bachelor-ness has left them," he explained. He observed James' pupils a little longer before confirming it with a nod. "No longer can I call you a spinster or a stag. Your Animagus form will have to be changed into a manky old tortoise. And Evans will be your manky tortoise partner and you shall live in the Galapagos Islands."

James looked a little disgruntled at his fate. "But I don't want to be a manky old tortoise," he moped.

Sirius poked him in the chest with his pipe. "Then you shouldn't have fallen in love, then."

James looked sulky but eventually shrugged it off, focusing on the subject of tortoise reproduction. "How do you think they have sex? Do they have to take their shells off first? Are they just wrinkly prunes underneath with reproductive organs?"

It seemed as if Sirius was not as keen to stay on the subject of tortoises, though he found himself pondering the answers to the odd questions. He shook himself mentally before any disturbing images cropped up - tortoise sex was not what he needed right now. "Promise me something, Prongs."

James' noticed his solemn tone. "What?

"When you marry that bird, you won't drop us. Us Marauders, I mean." Sirius was talking about Moony and Wormtail too but his tone suggested his self more importantly.

"Padfoot, you already live in my house!" James pointed out. "And my mother states you are 'the son she never had' as if she never gave birth to me."

Sirius chuckled. "I do have the tendency to steal people's mothers from their young," he bragged. "Moony's mother loves me. She said she finds my hyperactivity adorable and if Moony ever had a teenage life crisis and ended up being gay, she'd be happy for me to be his partner."

James nearly choked on the surrounding smoke. "That's a rather worrying thing for a mother to say," he stated.

"I thought so too," Sirius agreed, scratching his chin. As he'd mentioned the word 'hyperactivity' it seemed as if this had triggered his usually energetic self. "Let's make a blood brothers promise!" he said, bouncing on the bed.

James was used to Sirius' sudden wired moods. "A blood brothers what?" he asked.

"I read it in a book," Sirius explained. James stopped himself from scoffing 'You can read?' and listened on. "These two best friends cut each others hand and then do a bloody handclasp. It's really gory," he spoke like a first year.

James found himself quite disturbed by such a handshake. "Isn't that really dangerous to your health?"

"Nah," Sirius said, but not too surely. He revealed his famous handy pocket knife from his trousers and raised it high; James was reminded of the sleeping bag incident.

"Wait a second, you lunatic," James stopped him. "I don't want to cut my hand," he put his hands protectively against his chest, "And I most definitely don't want it cut by you and ending up with it being amputated."

Sirius gasped at such a response. "But it'll bind our friendship," he insisted, annoyed by James' refusal.

"Can't you, er, just take my word for it that we'll be mates forever?"

"No, because there is such a thing called lying. And you're quite the mendacious one at times." James didn't like how Sirius had used his Moony-word-of-the-day against him. He grabbed for James' hand but he tugged it away. "Fine, I'll go first!"

James had a bad feeling about where this was going. "No, Padfoot!"

There was the sound of slicing into skin with an accompanied, "AAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"Oh my God, you are insane!" James yelled. He watched Sirius fall from the bed, wailing and clutching his hand. "You know when you were in your mothers uterus, did your brain actually develop because I swear it's the size of a pea!"

Evidently insulting Sirius' mental power did not help the situation. He used his clean hand to try and stop the bleeding of the one cut and carried on howling non-stop. "Prongs, there's a hole," Sirius shook his wounded hand towards James and he tried not to be showered in blood, "in my hand!"

"Well, whose bloody fault is that?" James shouted, trying not to look at such a gruesome sight.

"It feels like," Sirius went back to snuffling, "Someone stabbed me…"

James pointed at him outrageously. "You stabbed yourself, you airy fairy!"

"I misjudged… the depth…"

James nodded, gawking. "I figured so!"

"Help… me…" Sirius whimpered, turning white at the sight of so much red.

"Oh, for goodness sake!" James quickly got out his wand and made the blood disappear with a spell. "There, the bloods gone now."

The grimace on Sirius' face told him that all was not well yet. "It's still painful," he said, opening and closing his fist.

James decided to fix everything with… a sock.

"You put a sock on my hand," Sirius stated slowly, examining his hand which was now covered by the smelly blue foot clothing.

James nodded. "Yes. Yes, I did."

"You put a sock…" Sirius said slowly, trying to find the logic. "On my hand," he repeated in disbelief, as though he were not seeing right. "Don't you have one of the Muggle first aid kits?"

"I'm sorry," James spoke in a dry tone, putting a hand to his chest. "If I'd have known you were going to randomly stab yourself, I would have preparedone!"

"Nyeh neh neh neh…" Sirius mimicked him quietly, making the same hand yapping hand gestures he'd told off James for doing moments before. "Thanks for stopping the bleeding, though. The sock I could probably do without."

James patted him on the back. "What are friends for, eh?" He grabbed Sirius by the collar and began pushing him to the door. "I don't want to ruin the brotherly moment, but piss off. I want to sleep."

Sirius made a noise of disappointment. "But can't I stay here tonight?" He bounced on his feet. "It'll be just like a sleepover!"

There was uncomfortable silence.

"And I'll be leaving now," Sirius clarified, registering what he had just said.

"That was the general idea." James opened the door for him.

"Oh," Sirius stopped on his exit and James tapped his foot impatiently. "Can I borrow your cloak?"

James arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I want take a trip to the kitchens," Sirius rubbed his hands together.

James was boggled by Sirius' stomach but nonetheless walked over to his wooden chest and began to search for the Invisibility cloak.

"Oh, wait! Never mind!" Sirius discovered the cloak was in his pocket all along and displayed it to a miffed James. "Har har! It was in my pocket! Well, ta-ta!" He skipped away.

James had enough time to run up and lean on the door frame to shout, "Thief!" as Sirius crossed the common room.

"Night, Sirius," Lily said tonelessly, from in front of the fire. She didn't even comment on his sock hand.

"Later, redhead." Sirius whipped the cloak on himself -in quite an impressive fashion- and disappeared through the portrait hole.

"Lily?" James perked at the sound of her voice and walked into the common room. She abruptly stood up at the sound of her name. "What are you doing still up?" He noted her tuck strands of hair nervously behind her ears, and he frowned. "You alright?" he asked her in concern.

"Yeah!" Lily answered too fast. She scrunched up the Half Blood Prince's small note in her fist and tried to hide the crumpled up parchment into her pyjama shorts. Unfortunately, the pyjama shorts were too baggy and the note fell straight through to the floor…

Having quick reflexes from Quidditch, James quickly bent down and picked up the parchment as the nosey parker her was. With widened eyes, Lily snatched the parchment from James with a slap.

"Ow," he mumbled, rubbing his sore hand. "What is that?" he gestured to the letter.

"A… um… memo to myself?" fibbed Lily.

James made a mental note that the woman he may marry was a little insane. "And what's today's memo?" he asked.

"To wear tighter pyjama shorts," she grumbled.

"I second that!" James agreed with a wink. "You have an exceptional bottom." He slapped said buttocks which Lily replied with a surprised outcry, and tugged her forward to wrap his arms around her waist.

Tilting his head down, James breathed into her neck, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes," Lily gave him a reassuring squeeze, "Stop fussing. That's my job." She gave him a slow kiss before saying, "I think I'll call it a night."

"Uuh…" James ran a hand through his hair, partly because he thought it made him look handsomely young and partly because he was nervous about the question he was going to ask. Lily, looking mildly suspicious, inclined him to go on. "Can I, er, sleep in your room tonight?"

She had not expected that question out of all the enquiries in the wizarding world. She tried not to react in a rage and calmly asked, "And why do you feel the need to sleep in my room?" while hoping she would not receive a perverted answer.

"Because my room smells of burning socks."

She also didn't expect that reply out of all the responses in the wizarding world. She laughed for a short moment and demanded, "No seriously, why?"

"I'm not kidding. My room smells of burning socks and it's foul," he complained.

Lily laughed once again and quickly halted. "Out of all the ridiculous ideas of getting into my bed…" She stalked off to James' bedroom and opened the door so she could shove the boy inside. "Oh dear God," she slammed the door shut and covered her face with her hands, using her fingers as a gas mask.

James shone a triumphant look, being in the right for once. "So… can I?" he asked hopefully.

Lily shook her head in disbelief. "James, you can't just sleep in my room!" she resorted to a whisper as if people were listening in. "It's against the Hogwarts Sleeping Arrangement Rules! H.S.A.R for short."

James had never heard of such regulations. He did however notice something about the name. "Hey, H.S.A.R spelt backwards spells 'rash'!" he giggled.

Lily giggled along until she realised what exactly she was doing. "Don't be so childish," she told him off.

"I'm not the childish one making up rules when deep down you really want me in your bedroom."

"So what if I made the rules up!" Lily crossed her arms in a huff.

James made a secret smile to himself on how she hadn't denied the latter. "Look, if it makes you happy, we'll ask Dumbledore."

"WHAT?" Lily choked. She could imagine how the conversation with the Headmaster would play out in her head and involved a lot of heating in the face and sexual innuendos. "D-don't you even think about going to ask him!" She latched on to his arm so he wouldn't escape. James took this as undying affection and with a kiss unpeeled her fingers off his sleeve.

"I'll go get him!" He grinned.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Lily chanted in a whisper as he fled. "James, get back here!" she ordered. As she watched him escape, she expected him to run to the portrait. But instead, the boy ran behind the couch, hidden from view.

Lily was very confused. She was quite certain Dumbledore hadn't moved his office to behind the couch of their Head Tower.

"Um…what are you-" she began, but was hushed by James behind the furniture. She wondered if James was playing Hide and Seek, but he had not informed her they were playing the game. Maybe she should start counting to a hundred?

Just as she was about to ask again what was going on; James appeared from behind the couch wearing a long grey beard stuck to his chin, a pointy wizard hat, and his glasses pushed to the end of his nose, giving him an intellectual look.

Now Lily knew what was going on.

"TWINKLE TWINKLE EYE TWINKLE," James said.

That didn't mean she wasn't confused by it all.

"Miss Evans!" James spoke in a Dumbledore-like voice. "Welcome to my office!" He leaned on top of the couch.

Lily gawked before saying, "You've been hanging around Sirius too long."

"What can I do you for, Miss Evans?" James smiled, still remaining in character.

Lily tried to take her eyes off his long grey beard and put her hands together, pressing them to her mouth. "James-"

"Miss Evans, why are you calling me after Mr. Potter? Please address me as 'Professor' or 'Headmaster'. Or," he leaned in closer, licking his lips, "yourmaster."

Lily would never be able to look Dumbledore in the eye again. "James! This is ridiculous-"

"Miss Evans," he interrupted with a wave of his hand. He lowered his glasses on his nose, so much they threatened to slip off. "Please," he tilted his head down in a mesmerising way.

Lily gave in with a sigh. "Alright," she gritted through her teeth, "Professor."

James had hoped she would have gone with the third title option but didn't voice his complaints. "TWINKLE TWINKLE EYE TWINKLE," he said again, widening his eyeballs. Lily found herself quite frightened by this. "Miss Evans, is there something you would like to ask me?"

Lily decided to play along. "Professor," she sat on the couch and began running her hands through his beard. James instantly found his breath more ragged and forced a cough to clear his throat. "Do we really need a Head Boy because I'm contemplating using an unforgivable curse on the current one we have." She made a swift tug to his beard and James made an outcry of 'Ow! Lily!'

She smiled, putting a finger to her chin. "I don't quite remember Dumbledore addressing me by his first name."

James pouted. "You're ruining the game."

Heaving a sigh, she gave in yet again. "Fine! Get on with it," she pressed.

For a second time, James got back into character. "I think there was something you wanted to ask me," he said huskily. "TWINKLE TWINKLE EYE TWINKLE."

Lily was getting a little annoyed by that action he was voicing instead of actually acting out. "Professor, can James—I mean, Mr. Potter," she corrected herself, "sleep in my room tonight?"

"Certainly!" James said in too much of a delighted voice for it to belong to the Headmaster. "In fact, I instruct you to obey any tasks Mr. Potter asks you, sexual or not need not matter, and make your bedroom permanent sleeping arrangements for him!"

James was quite delighted with the surprising sweet smile he received in response from the redhead.

"Come here," Lily said, gesturing for him to come forwards with her finger.

"Why? Do you want detention?" Eagerly, James jumped over the top of the couch to sit next to her. "Have you been a naughty, naughty girl?" He patted his lap, thinking she would jump on to it.

"No," Lily gritted through her teeth, "I just wanted to hit you." She began punching his shoulder multiple times with quite amazing strength.

"Ow-ow-OW!" James complained. He quickly tugged off his beard and hat, and pushed up his glasses normally. "Stop hitting me!" He put up his hands in defence. "It's me! James! Not Dumbledore!"

Figuring he had received enough punching, Lily got to her feet and pointed to her room. "Get in there before I change my mind," she said tiredly.

"You know," James played with the long, grey beard in his hand, "Some people may consider this dressing up thing as foreplay-"

"Now."

"As you wish, my little pumpkin pastry."

Lily ignored the fact that her boyfriend had just named her after a snack.

She followed behind him into the bedroom and automatically rolled her eyes as James began tugging off his shirt. Unfortunately it got stuck as he tried to push it off his head and was now caught up on his arms, hindering his vision.

"Bloody Fooling-around-with-Lily shirt," he cursed, his arms wailing overhead. "Where'd you want me?" he asked Lily nonetheless, as if the shirt was not currently trying to eat his face.

"Preferably alive and—wall, James! There's a wall right in front of you!" she cried out. A thump followed after.

"They should really make the walls cushioned," he said painfully.

"Just stay still and I'll pull it off—James! Dresser! Watch for the dresser!"

"Ow! Bugger!"

Quickly running to his side before James collided with anything else; Lily pulled the shirt over his head with a parent-scolding look.

"Thanks," he said gratefully. With no shame, he unzipped his trousers which quickly fell to the floor, revealing his bright blue boxers, and shuffled his way across to the bed with his trousers dragging along by the ankles. "Where'd you want me?" he asked again, positioning himself on the bed in what he thought was a seductive way. In his positioning, he realised his shoes were still on, along with his trousers by the ankles, and tried kicking off his shoes. This proved to be unsuccessful and nearly ended up with him dislocating his ankles.

"Sodding shoes!" he cursed again.

Lily was quite embarrassed by his shameless attitude. "You know, you could just sleep on the couch," she suggested.

James gasped at such a proposal. "But I'd get a bad back," he said, rubbing his spine at that precise moment. "You don't want me to get a bad back, do you?" He pouted with big puppy dog eyes.

"Alright!" Lily said, feeling guilty. With the Half Blood Prince's note letter scrunched up in her hand, she put the letter in the drawer along with the previous letter she had received.

"More memo's to yourself?" James asked, watching her shut the drawer with a slam.

"Uh…yes?" she answered uncertainly. She nudged James aside who was positioned on top of the bed spread and slipped under it. "So, are we agreed that the right side of the bed is mine, and the left side is yours, and we should both stick to our sides?"

James blinked. Twice. "Hmm?"

"Good," she took his answer for a yes. "I'll see you in the morning." She kissed him goodnight on the cheek and nestled her head into her pillow, turning away from him.

James was still laying on top of his half of the bed spread, perplexed, shoes on, and trousers by the ankles.

Sirius loved to tickle the fruit.

To tell you the truth, it was probably the best part of voyaging to the kitchen. It was just the fact that you had to tickle fruit. Of course, the major factor of eating whatever and however much food the house elves created was a great aspect of the kitchen event. And trust Mr. Padfoot himself, he found it impossible that the house elves could just conjure up anything he demanded out of the blink of the eye. He even tested his theory and ordered a milkshake containing around fifty fruits. Some including mangoes, kiwis, pineapples, lychee, sapodillas, papayas, and avocados. Naturally, his jaw dropped to the floor when his milkshake arrived at the table. Naturally, the milkshake tasted like complete cack.

He pulled the invisibility cloak off of himself and reached out his hand to tickle the fruit. Once the tickling ended -which Sirius very much enjoyed doing- the portrait swung open. He stepped into kitchens and was quickly greeted by the masses of house elves. A recognizable house elf stood out to him and bowed as she stepped forward.

"No need for bowing, Poppet," Sirius told the elf.

"Yaas, Sir."

Sirius chortled into his hand. That house elf's foreign accent always made him laugh.

"Poppet, I've always wanted to ask you something," Sirius carried on talking as he was ushered across the kitchen by the elves to sit on one of the empty great hall-like tables. "You've got a foreign accent," he stated to the elf.

"Yaas, Sir," the elf recurred.

"Yaas- I mean, yes," Sirius corrected himself, accidentally adopting the elf's brogue. "I mean, where exactly are you from?"

"Yaas, Sir."

Sirius bent his elbow and leaned his head on the palm of his hand. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Yaas, Sir."

Sirius tried to keep a straight face. "Thanks, Poppet."

"What would you like, Mr. Black, Sir, Mr. Black, Sir, Mr. Black, Sir, Mr. Black?" a house elf asked, his head bent so down it touched the floor.

Sirius was boggled by so many Mr. Black's and Sir's. He propped the elf into a standing position. "Can I have two jam tarts," he scratched his chin, "three fig rolls. And some of those pink strawberry wafer things, please." The house elf nodded and scurried away.

Sirius shut his eyes to yawn, and the instant he opened them again, discovered his order of food in front of him.

"Chocolate gateau?" an elf offered. A generous plate of the chocolate cake was shoved before Sirius' eyes.

"Go on, then!" he gave in, accepting the plate.

As he began chomping his way through his fattening snacks, the portrait opened. With his mouth noticeably showing pink mush from his strawberry wafers, he spotted fellow seventh year, Georgina -otherwise titled as 'Hot Georgina'- crossing the kitchens.

"Two jam tarts, three fig rolls, some chocolate gateau and a couple of those pink strawberry wafers," she listed to a house elf. She noticed Sirius sitting on one of the tables and took the seat across him.

"Manners, Georgina," Sirius sang.

"What?"

He leaned towards her, unaware that his mouth was covered in jam. "You forgot to say please." He inclined a head to the house elf. "Go on. It's only polite."

"Fine," Georgina groaned in exaggeration. Grabbing the nearest house elf by the lion cloth, she smiled a sarcastically happy, "Please!" and the elf hurried off in fear.

"See, now the elves won't spit in your food."

Georgina goggled at his jam covered mouth. Sirius smirked silently to himself; she was obviously checking him out.

"Sirius," Georgina pointed to her mouth, indicating he should wipe his own, "There's a little jam there."

"Oh!" Sirius rubbed to a great extent at his chin, completely missing the jam that was around his lips. "Has it gone?"

Georgina leered. "Yep."

Sirius observed her whilst starting on his fig rolls. "Nice bed hair," he scoffed, looking at her blonde hair sticking out in all directions whilst scruffily tied up in a bun. It was an obvious change from her normally immaculate self in daylight.

"Shut your face," Georgina cheerfully answered. Her eyes fell on Sirius' unhealthy meal and she frowned. "You took my food," she stated.

Sirius stuffed another fig roll in his gob. "You what?"

"I just ordered that," Georgina said, trying to snatch a jam tart.

"Bugger off!" Sirius shouted, crumbs flying at her face. "I ordered it first, you Ravenclaw fruitcake!"

A house elf quickly arrived at Georgina's side with a plate of the food she ordered. "Sorry for the delay, miss!" he apologized, bowing.

Sirius shot Georgina a look which said 'don't you owe me an apology?' but she made a defiant laugh and took a spoon full of her chocolate gateau. "Shouldn't you be watching your figure?" she asked, looking at his stomach.

"Excuse me?" Sirius choked. "I'll have you know that I have fabulous abs!" He lifted up his shirt, revealing his bare skin and the 'wonderful abs' he had declared. He let out a scream. "Where did my abs go?" He ran his hands down across his chest, as if the abs would suddenly sprout because of his touch.

"I think the question isn't 'where did my abs go?'" She took a generous spoonful of her gateau. "But 'were they ever there in the first place?'" She snorted.

"Have I told you how unflattering you are when you snort?"

"Are you aware there is sock on your hand?"

It appeared that the Ravenclaw had one this round.

"Touché," Sirius grumbled.

Georgina leered again. "What's it covering?" she asked, observing the smelly sock, "Warts? Fungal infections?"

Sirius was tempted to hurl his last jam tart in her face. "A wound, actually."

"A battle wound?" she queried with raised eyebrows.

"No, I, er, stabbed myself in the hand," he mumbled quietly.

"Self harming is not a wise path to take-"

"I did not self harm, you Ravenclaw know-it-all!" Sirius spat. "It was for a friendship bloody handclasp! It was impressive and gory!"

Georgina snorted again. "What are you, six years old?"

"What are you, a pig?" he retorted on her snorting.

"Go play with your sock hand."

Sirius made a 'UUUH' sound of indignation, about to snap back, but Georgina silenced him with the palm of her hand, ending the conversation. He chewed openly on his strawberry wafers in front of her face to spite her. "Do you like sea food?" He gave her no time to answer and played the pink mush on his tongue. "Har! See food!" he pointed to his tongue.

"Oh good God. One, that joke is lame. And two, Peter Pettigrew told me that joke a year ago, and it was still mind-numbingly unfunny back then."

Sirius didn't know what to say. "Shut up…" he mumbled, far too late for it too matter or be considered in the conversation. "Shouldn't you be off, like, snogging or something?"

Georgina glared. "Are you trying to say I'm some kind of tart, Sirius?"

He leaned back, unperturbed. "I do believe I am."

Georgina looked as if she was about to slap him, but folded her arms. "I'm starting a new leaf," she explained. "Its my last year at Hogwarts so I've decided to be less, er, shall we say, easy, and concentrate more on my studies."

"That's very mature of you," Sirius commented. Georgina frowned at such a response. "So, you're going to stop infecting the male -or even possibly female- students of Hogwarts with cold sores?"

Georgina finished her meal and dropped her spoon to the plate with a clang. "I'm going to break both of your legs," she threatened, cracking her knuckles.

"Doing what, exactly?" Sirius said, with an added pelvic thrust. "That's what you're familiar with, right?" he referred to the action.

"Are you, again, trying to say that I am a tart?"

"I do believe I am," Sirius recurred coolly.

Georgina laughed and leaned forwards. "You're only bitter with me because you fancy me," she crooned.

Sirius broke his gaze off her. "I do not fancy you," he stressed. He decided not to mention that he and the boys titled her as 'Hot Georgina' occasionally.

"Fine," Georgina said. She sat up with an expectant look. "Well, walk me back to my common room, then."

Sirius was about to stand but half way in rising he sat down again and shoved himself closer towards the table. "Give me five minutes," he said, looking pointedly at his crotch.

"Would you like anything else, sir?" a house elf asked Sirius.

"Order him a cold shower," Georgina suggested, laughing on her exit through the portrait. Once she'd gone, Sirius slammed his head against the table.

"What I wouldn't give for a piece of that arse…"

James had been watching Lily sleep for exactly five minutes and forty two seconds. It took him this amount of time to realise that staring at a girl when they're sleeping was exceedingly bizarre.

"Padfoot was right," he realised.

He hated it when Sirius was right. He wasn't supposed to be right. He was supposed to be wrong. Erroneous! Why wasn't he being erroneous?

James had to admit it; he was indeed going to marry her one day. They would be sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage…

"Then comes the baby in the baby-"

"James, why are you singing that annoying children's rhyme?"

"WAAAH!" In shock of her actually being awake, James did an odd sort of backwards roll off the bed.

Hurrying to the edge of the bed, Lily peeked over the side and asked, "Did you ever do Gymnastics in primary school? You're tucking of that roll was quite impressive."

James quickly sat up, looking flustered. "So you weren't asleep? Oh, thank Merlin!" He put his hands together and looked upwards. "That means I wasn't watching you sleeping!"

"No, I just woke up now," she frowned, "You were watching me sleep?"

"Er... maybe?" James ran a hand through his hair. "I dunno. It's just... when you sleep, you look so... quiet," he described oddly.

Lily grinded her jaw. "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, THAT I'M LOUD?"

"You shouted that."

Lily reduced her voice to a whisper. "What are you trying to say, that I'm loud?"

James didn't answer that particular question. "Oh, hell!" he wailed. "Sirius was right!"

"About what?"

"We're going to be manky old tortoises and live in the Galapagos Islands," he went on.

Lily looked quite upset. "But I don't want to be a manky old tortoise."

James sat back on the bed and thrust his head into Lily's bosoms as a spot of appease to comfort him. "Then we shouldn't have fallen in love, then," he told the breasts down her pyjama top.

She knew exactly where he was looking and pushed his head away with a roll of the eyes. "Why do I have to be a tortoise?" she asked. "Can't I be a dolphin? Or a… walrus?"

James was confused to why she wanted to be such a, frankly, ugly creature. "Why the hell would you want to be a walrus?" A dolphin he could understand, not so much of the latter.

"Because I find your seal impression funny when you stick straws up your nose," Lily blushed.

James put his fingers by his nostrils and she laughed coyly.

Smiling at her laughter, James realised something. "I wouldn't mind being a manky old tortoise if I was your manky old tortoise," he told her, stroking her hand.

James expected her response as what he said but in return to him.

"This is the most peculiar conversation I have ever experienced," Lily stated.

James gawked, looking a little hurt. "Lily!"

"I'm kidding! The feeling's mutual, you big mummy's boy," she reassured him, kissing him. "Honestly, you act like such a woman sometimes…"

She rolled over to her side of the bed and nuzzled her head into her pillow again. "Don't watch me sleep," she told him softly. James reddened. "You're not my husband and I'm not dying in hospital."

"Yet."

Lily furrowed her brow. "You're expecting me to die in hospital soon?"

"No, er, 'yet' to the, er, first one," he said bashfully.

"God, you embarrass me in a good way," Lily chuckled. "Sleep time, James. Stick to your side of the bed, remember."

James gradually moved to her side and snuggled against her.

Lily didn't push him away.

"Where have you been?"

Sirius turned to the direction of the voice in the common room with his sock hand positioned along side his head. On his journey back to Gryffindor tower, he'd attached two googly eyes to his sock so it was now considered a sock puppet hand.

"What's a sock doing on your hand?" Remus asked from the armchair, closing the book in his lap.

"Kitchens," Sirius said.

"What?" Remus answered confusedly.

"Kitchens is where I've been," Sirius explained. "And James put it on there," he pointed to his hand.

Remus made a slow nod. "Right."

Sirius crossed the common room and took the first step to the stairs leading to the boys' dormitory. He halted with a frown when he discovered Remus had not followed him. "Aren't you coming?" Sirius asked, gesturing a hand to upstairs.

"I'll be right up."

Sirius fixed him with an odd look but Remus broke it by looking into the common room fire.

Shrugging, Sirius skipped up the stairs to his dormitory in a pretty cheerful mood.

The mood deteriorated.

The second Sirius had entered his dorm; he sat on his bed and waited.

He waited a minute.

He waited ten minutes.

He waited an hour.

Remus had still not come up.

"Padfoot."

Sirius turned to the sound of the name and was disappointed to hear it whispered from Peter's lips. He had hoped it had been a certain werewolf returning to the dorm. "Hasn't Remus come up yet?"

"No," Sirius grumbled.

"Maybe you should go ta-"

Sirius had already shot through the door and was tiptoeing down the stairs to avoid waking up the rest of the house. Entering the common room, Remus titled his head up and merely watched Sirius cross the room and take the opposite arm chair across him.

"Alright, butt much," Sirius addressed him, "What's going on?"

Remus didn't answer and stared into the common room fire.

Sirius exhaled noisily with a scowl. "Oh, I see. Not in the mood for talking, eh?" Remus' silence confirmed it. "Why don't we play a game?" he suggested. Remus was not in the mood for games but could not argue. "It's called the sharing game. I share some information, and you share some information. I'll go first. I was in the kitchens talking to Hot Georgina. Your turn."

"Must you be so vulgar by calling her that?"

"Your turn," Sirius reminded him.

Remus gave in with a sigh. "I didn't finish my Arithmancy homework," he said. Sirius gasped obnoxiously at such a statement. "Your turn."

"Hot Georgina's quite a nice girl once you get past her easy demeanour and didn't even try to snog me once," Sirius spoke with a fair amount of awe. His tone even suggested a tinge of disappointment. "Your turn."

"My mind was distracted in the library. Your turn."

"I'm not afraid of dying alone anymore."

Remus -who up until now thought the mood was light humoured and fun- suddenly looked ill.

"I was talking to Prongs-" Sirius moved his legs to rest on the arm chair and tried to a more comfortable position "-and he got me thinking. He was saying how he'd step in if I was ever close to, er, you know. Bloody heroic show off." Remus chuckled sadly. "So, you know, if I ever died trying to save and protect a loved one, I wouldn't die unhappy, I think," he gazed at the ceiling and even appeared to be smiling, "Even if I was alone, it wouldn't matter. Dying alone is the gallant way, eh?" He was quickly aware he'd been babbling and spent too much time on his 'turn'. "Your turn, Moony."

"I don't want to go to sleep," Remus said, looking at the fire. "Your turn."

Sirius found his revelation quite odd but shrugged it off. He lifted up his sock hand. "I stabbed myself with my pocket knife." Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius responded by making his sock hand puppet nod. "Your turn."

"I'm, er, afraid to go to sleep. Your turn."

Sirius eyed him with a grim expression. He said his turn quickly so he could hear Remus' explanation to why he was fearful of sleeping. "Georgina has nice breasts. Your turn."

"My feet are cold." Remus moved his toes around on his socks. "Your turn."

"Why are you afraid of going to sleep?"

"Your turn."

"I'm bored of the game now," Sirius declared, taking his feet of the arm rest. "Why are you afraid of going to sleep?" he asked again, his tone one of concern.

Remus looked reluctant to talk but Sirius always got his way. "I don't want to have any more… odd dreams," he stressed, hoping Sirius would take the hint.

With slow realisation, Sirius cringed. "Oh," he scratched his head, "But how'd you know you'll have any more?"

"I don't," Remus said. Sirius shook his head in amusement at how ridiculous he was being. "But I'm not taking any chances," he clarified.

"What, so you're going to stop sleeping?" Sirius laughed.

Remus shrugged, "Perhaps," and opened up his book again.

Sirius had to force himself not to erupt into hilarity. "Why are you being dumb?" he asked.

Remus' right eye bulged. "I beg your pardon?"

Sirius got more comfy on the arm chair again, showing no respect for the furniture. "You're normally such a brain box, but here you are saying it'spossible to go without sleep for the rest of your life!" He had to turn away from Remus not to laugh. He looked back at him again, chortled, and looked away. This repeated many times. The studious werewolf was not pleased.

"Why don't I help you?" Sirius asked eventually.

Remus was baffled by such a question. "Help me?" he queried.

"You go to sleep, and I'll watch you," Sirius explained the terms, "and if it looks like you're having one of those odd dreams, I'll wake you up."

It was Remus' turn to laugh. "I've never heard a plan so outlandish!" he affirmed. "Just go back to the dorm."

"I think not," Sirius argued. He opened and closed his sock puppet hand to make it look as if it were speaking. "I think I'll just wait until you fall asleep and carry out my plan."

Remus was annoyed by his stubbornness. "I'm not going to fall asleep," he gritted through his teeth. He found himself talking to the sock puppet hand, reddened, and focused on Sirius again.

"Fine. We'll just stay awake here all night." Sirius folded his arms. "You forget Moony, that I have managed to stay awake for at least forty eight hours!" he bragged.

"Don't you mean forty eight minutes?"

Sirius looked upwards, looking unsure, before answering, "Er, of course I mean forty eight hours, you mork!"

"Do whatever you want, Sirius. But I'm not going to fall asleep," Remus told him determinedly. With a mighty smirk, he returned to his reading.

It had only been five minutes until Remus' head was threatening to drop.

Sirius was his usual energetic and awake self and appeared to be having a ball playing wizard chess against his sock hand. "Sleepy yet, Moony?"

"No," Remus snapped. Though the truth was he was so drowsy that the words of the pages in his book had formed into sheep and were now jumping over an imaginary fence hovering above the common room fire. He shook his head.

"I'm so glad I had that coffee before I left the kitchens!" Sirius boasted.

Remus could distinctly see his eyelashes lowering. "Hmm?"

"I said, I'm so glad I had that coffee before I left the kitchens!" Sirius repeated just as lively as the first time.

Remus nodded slothfully. "Mmhmm."

"Didn't quite catch that, Moony," Sirius put a hand to his ear.

Remus slowly nodded off and dropped his book to the floor.

"Stupid werewolf," Sirius murmured.

He crossed the room and picked up the book, holding the page it had landed on. He took the bookmark out of Remus' hand and saved the page to avoid any manic hyperventilating panic attacks because the boy had lost his page (August of fifth year). Figuring his friend might be cold; he grabbed his duvet from the boys' dormitory and laid it on top of him.

Yawning, Sirius took the opposite arm chair across Remus and began his Moony Watch.

Unfortunately, Sirius fell asleep two minutes later. But really, it's the thought that counts, isn't it?

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Sorry for the long wait... enjoy...

<3 Y