Chapter 8-The Wonders of Medicine

Three of the Marauders; Sirius, Remus and Peter, otherwise known as Penelope, Rhiana and Pipi, were currently sitting in the corner of the Gryffindor common room after an exhausting day of classes.

"Penelope, can I touch your-"

"No."

"Penelope? Can I grope your-"

"No."

"Penelope, can I carry your-"

"No," Sirius repeated sternly, frowning at the fifth years which he did have a mild respect for until they drooled over him in his new feminine body. The three nameless and highly perverted boys gave Sirius a look of disappointment. "No-one," Sirius hissed, "is touching my breasts. Groping my breasts. Or 'carrying' my breasts." He made an especially disturbed look at the third boy.

"I was going to ask to carry your books to your classes tomorrow," the boy rectified.

"Oh," Sirius said embarrassingly. "Well, um, no thanks. I am capable of carrying my own books."

The three Penelope-obsessed boys sighed before trudging up the stairs to their dormitory.

"If one more guy tries to seduce you, I will vomit on your face," Remus clarified, trying not to disgorge over the book he was reading.

Sirius sighed miserably. "You know, it was fun being a girl at first. Now it's just sickening." He moved a piece of the wizard chess, winning the tenth game in a row against Peter.

"Don't you like your tissue bosoms?" Peter asked.

"No, it's not that. I've just been thinking, and I've discovered that all men are perverts, aren't they!" Sirius looked at his friends for a reaction. They stared on blankly.

"Are you admitting to your perversity?" Remus asked in surprise.

"No," Sirius dismissed. Remus rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his book. "What I mean is, if you've got breasts, you're like shit surrounded by flies!"

"That's such an intellectual phrase," Remus commented monotonously.

"So," Peter began, mouth open if thoughtful confusion. "You're saying...you are...faeces?"

"No, you moron, I'm just saying, I feel pity for all the beautiful girls who get hit on all the time by disgusting pigs."

"Again, are you admitting your perversity?" Remus repeated.

"Shut up, Moony," Sirius said miserably, "you still haven't told us about your sitting with Snivellus."

Remus quickly went white and avoided eye contact. "You're an honest gentleman, Sirius Black," he made a false compliment; hoping flattery would distract his friend.

"Thanks, Moony! That's nice of you to sa-…hey!" he paused in realisation. "You're using that flatulence thing, aren't you!" he said crossly.

"I think you mean flattery," Remus corrected. "Flatulence is the gas in your intestines."

"I can definitely smell gas." Peter covered his nose, instinctively knowing that Sirius had probably passed wind.

"Well, you're definitely using that flattery thing to distract me!" Sirius said, annoyed.

"No I'm not," Remus denied. "You have pretty eyes, Padfoot."

"I know, I'm blessed aren't I, Moony. Um, what was I talking about again?"

Remus chuckled as his plan of changing the subject worked perfectly. He didn't even have to resort to sidetracking using every flavour jelly beans.

"So, Sirius, are you trying to say that when you do return to your body, you will be more of an English gentleman and stop being a pervert?" Remus asked hopefully.

"No way, mate." Remus rolled his eyes again. "I'd rather have that flatulence thing than stop being my charming self."

"Hey guys."

The boys looked up and saw Lily standing hesitantly before them, holding a school robe in her hand. Sirius cowered at her presence and swiftly cupped a hand over his crotch area.

"I'm not going to kick you again, Black," Lily mentioned. Sirius sighed with a relief. "But you better keep one eye open when you're sleeping," she warned him, smiling evilly. The startled boy whimpered in response. "Uh, Remus?" she called, looking in turn at the three boys as she waited for a confirmation on which boy was Remus Lupin.

"Yeah, Lily?" Remus answered, raising a hand to signify he was the bookworm on the left.

"Can I talk to you? In private," she emphasized.

Remus' mouth opened in a confounded 'o' shape. "Uh, sure."

He was confused, but nonetheless got to his feet and followed Lily a few feet away from the corner they had been sitting at. Sirius watched suspiciously, whilst Peter tried to eavesdrop in the conversation, trying to disguise himself by looking at the 'fascinating' ceiling.

"Uh, I just wanted to talk about last night," Lily explained, fidgeting nervously with her hair.

"Last...night?" Remus echoed.

"Yeah, at the Astronomy tower." Remus started on blankly. "Can you try and not discuss the conversation we had with anyone, especially you-know-who."

"Astronomy tower?" Remus repeated in bewilderment.

"Yes," Lily frowned at his lack of understanding what the hell she was on about. "I was going to give your robe back," she displayed the clothing in her hand, "but you're already wearing one," she said sceptically, examining Remus wearing his school robe. "I thought you said you only had one?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Remus said, clearly dazed.

"This is your robe, right?" She handed the clothing roughly into Remus' hand. He made another look of confusion and handed the robe back to her.

"Lily, I have no idea what you're talking about." He looked at her worriedly, wondering about her lack of sanity. "And that robe isn't mine."

Lily laughed. "But it has to-" she paused suddenly, then looked down at the school robe in her hand, finally spotting the name label on the inside collar. It read boldly: Property of James Potter.

"No…"

She dropped the robe to the floor and covered her gaping mouth with her hands.

Remus looked at her with slight distraught. "Lily, are you alright?"

"He lied to me," she whispered madly to herself. "He bloody lied to me!"

She roughly pushed past Remus and marched over to where Sirius and Peter sat. Not knowing which one was the real James Potter; she made a random hit and slapped the nearest one in the face.

"I'm Sirius," he murmured in pain, clutching his sore cheek.

"Oh," Lily said disappointedly, "sorry, Black."

She quickly swung and thumped the next James Potter look-a-like.

"I'm Peter," he squeaked, falling to his knees, holding two fingers to his bleeding nose.

"Sorry, Pettigrew," Lily apologized. She quickly ran over to the next Polyjuice-d boy and punched him in the eye.

"Third time unlucky, I'm afraid. You hit a Remus," he said sorely, clutching his bruised eye.

"Crap! Sorry Remus!" Lily swore.

"Hey, what's going on?" The real James said much too cheerfully in the sombre atmosphere. He stood at the front of the stairs with a curious expression, wondering why his friends seemed to be all injured, and also why Lily looked wrathfully angry.

"James?" Lily whispered, clenching her fists.

James' face brightened with delight. Lily Evans had called him by his first name and they would soon get married, have children and live in a mansion where they would do continuous violent shagging and-

"OW!" James shrieked, clutching his jaw that had abruptly been hit by Lily's fist. "Christ, give a guy some warning," he said bitterly. His anger then disappeared when he focused on Lily's upset face.

"You're a liar," Lily spoke fiercely, her eyes tear-filled. "And I hate you."

She pushed past James, colliding shoulders, and ran up the common room stairs. James stood, paralysed to the spot, his mouth gaping. He finally turned around to scream his apologies.

"Lily, I'm sorry!" He realised his pleading shouts were to no one.

"Yeah, say you're sorry after she's left the room. Idiot," Sirius smacked him on the back of the head. James was about to retaliate with swearing but gave up, falling to the common floor in a sitting position. He sighed, put a hand through his messy hair with his head in his hands.

"James, what did you do?" Remus demanded, thoroughly annoyed that James had somehow messed up the situation again.

"Mate, I thought you two were doing well! You said you hugged! Why is she annoyed at you again?" Sirius questioned.

Remus and Peter's mouths opened in surprise on the mention of hugging. "You hugged?" Peter spoke in awe.

"Not exactly," James mumbled, banging his head against the floor.

Sirius frowned. "What do you mean 'not exactly'?"

James sat in depressed silence and found his eyes wandering to the abandoned school robe on the floor. He reached over and picked the robe in his hand. He swore loudly when he read over the name label of, funnily enough, his name.

"Damn it! Stupid mother labelling clothes!" Angrily, James threw the robe in the air.

"Oof," Peter breathed, head attacked by the clothing. James made an unenthusiastic apology.

Sirius sat on the floor next to James, dragging a startling Remus with him. "C'mon, Prongs, tell us how you buggered things up."

"You're not being very sympathetic," Remus whispered to Sirius, lying uncomfortably on the floor. "You do know there are chairs in the common room?"

"I am feeling low, so I will be sitting low," James said. His friends inclined him to carry on. "Okay, I went to the Astronomy tower to-"

"Wallow in your self pity," Peter finished.

"Because you got Lily a flower which was totally poof-like!" Sirius added.

James glared at them both. "Alright, I'm not telling you guys." He folded his arms. "Piss off."

"We're only teasing you, Prongsie!" Sirius punched him lightly in the arm. "Do carry on."

James looked to Remus who was giving him an apologetic look for their immature behaviour; although, he knew that sympathetic look wouldn't last after he explained about his lying to Lily.

"Well, I was alone in the tower, and before I knew it, Lily came," James said, his face suddenly blissful as he remembered the moment she somehow beautifully startled him.

"What was she wearing, eh? Sexy lingerie? Something see through or more velvety?" Sirius questioned with excitement.

"Actually, she was wearing...a curtain, I think," James said, puzzled.

"Well, that's ruined my sexual fantasy-"

"Twat," James immediately shut him up, smacking him on the arm.

Remus made a loud cough. "Can we not discuss Lily's undergarments and focus on what exactly happened?"

James cringed and took on a grave face as he explained more. "Then she asked me...who I was..."

"Yeah, and you said you were James Potter. Then what?" Peter pressed.

James made a nervous chuckle. "Well, if I were intelligent, like you Moony," he inclined a head towards his werewolf friend, "then I would have said who I really was..."

"Oh you didn't," Remus scowled, shaking his head as he got to his feet, already knowing the answer from the clues of the conversation with Lily earlier. "Please say you didn't lie and told her you were me."

James smiled guiltily. "Twenty points to the werewolf." He pointed a finger at him on each hand.

Sirius suddenly burst into unexpected hysterical laughter, clutching his stomach with cackles. "Let me get this straight," he said in between breaths as James glowered at him. "You lied and said you were Moony. Then you and Lily hugged. But she wasn't actually hugging you; she was hugging Moony because that's who she thought you were? Blimey. Just when I thought The You and Lily Situation couldn't get any more messed up, it somehow did."

"You're being inconsiderate," James mentioned, banging his head at the floor, slightly causing a bump to his head.

"I am being honest and telling you the truth, not giving you false hopes - or even, false names. Or even, not lying and saying I'm Moony just to get a little snog-"

"Alright, I get your point!" James yelled.

"How did you convince Lily you were Remus anyway?" Peter asked curiously, currently stuffing a tissue up his nose which had stopped his nose bleeding predicament.

"I rambled on about that scientific bollocks," James explained, "y'know, that stuff Remus taught us on stars and stuff."

"To get birds to think you're intelligent," Sirius added. "Works every time," he tapped his nose mysteriously.

Remus sighed. "I taught you the knowledge on the development of stars and scientific facts as general knowledge and to broaden your minds, not to pick up girls."

"I'm sorry; I lost you on the words 'knowledge' blah blah 'development'."

Remus shook his head at Sirius, and then turned to James who looked like he'd been physically beaten to a pulp; which was partly true as Lily had hit his jaw, but Remus guessed he was suffering emotionally from Lily's hateful words.

"James, it's going to take a long time for her to forgive you," Remus predicted. James' face crumbled. "But she will forgive you."

"She has to," Sirius added supportively.

James nodded and stood to his feet by using Sirius as a frame to push himself up.

"I'm going to bed," James announced in a depressed tone. He dragged himself up to his dorm making pitiful groans every five seconds. The remaining Marauders watched in pity.

"Do you really think Lily will forgive him?"

"No hope in hell," Sirius answered Peter, walking back to his original seat next to a game of Wizard chess, intending to win eleven games in a row against his rat friend.

"Teen angst is nauseating," Remus declared.

"La la la..."

Peter paused outside the door of the dormitory and pressed his ear to the wooden surface. He could distinctively hear the sound of sluggish singing from inside.

"La la.. "

It had been a full ten minutes after James had retired to 'bed', so Peter ignored Remus' annoyed protests of leaving James alone and had come to give James some moral support, oherwise known as complimenting his physical and characteristic features, and kissing his arse in metaphorical terms.

"La la la, la la..."

Peter finally opened the door slowly, peeking behind the door to see James sitting on a blow up chair, wearing only his boxers.

"Prongs...?" Peter called with caution, still remaining at the door.

James looked up from staring at his glass cup of thick liquid and turned to Peter with a puzzled face. "Who'a you again?" He yawned, gesturing a finger at Peter.

"It's Wormtail."

James brightened. "Oh," he said with realisation, "it's you mister leprechaun!" He giggled girlishly and carried on sipping his drink, some of it dripping down his chin.

"You're sitting on Padfoot's blow up chair," Peter said fearfully, in fear because nobody except the oh-so-mighty-Sirius-Black sat in the blow up chair because Sirius was the King Of All Blow Up Chairs and also King Of The World, as so Sirius claimed.

"Oh yes," James replied again with realisation, looking down at the furniture he was sitting on as if he'd just seen it for the first time. "I do believe I am."

Peter cracked a nervous smile and hesitantly walked into the dorm, joining James on the floor by sitting on a mountain of dirty clothes.

"Er, have you been drinking Firewhiskey?" Peter asked, gazing at the liquid in his glass.

"Firewhiskey," James scoffed, "no, no, Mister leprechaun." Peter looked to his left and right, still confused on whether James was actually addressing to him. "Firewhiskey is for celebratory moments. This is not one of those moments."

"Celebratory moments?" Peter echoed.

"Yes, Mister leprechaun." Again, Peter looked around the room confusedly. "An example of a celebratory moment is a dance orgy to McGonagall getting it on with Dumbledy-dore."

"So, what would be this moment be?" Peter enquired.

James turned to look at him and fidgeted in his chair, nearly causing him to fall out of the blow up dingy in the process. "This would be a cough medicine moment." He smiled and raised his glass.

"Cough medicine moment?"

"Yes," James smiled. "I have discovered that if you drink too much cough medicine, you kind of get a little high and start seeing things." He stuck out his hand in front of his eyes and watched it distort in his vision. "Pretty colours," he commented.

"No way," Peter dismissed, but found the information truer as he watched James make odd faces and having conversations with the thin air. "You're lying. I don't believe you," he paused, "...can I have some?"

James grinned. "Yes, Mister Leprechaun. You may." He sluggishly handed his glass to Peter who eagerly drank the pink liquid, causing some to drip conveniently onto his trousers.

Sirius walked up the common room stairs and knocked on the dorm door. "What are you guys doing in there?" he whined, banging on the wooden surface. "You've been like half an hour. If I were anybody, I'd think you two were shagging, or something!"

He finally burst open the door and frowned at the scene before him.

"Get off my you chair, you wanker." Sirius said automatically, sulking at the sight of James sitting on his chair, which surface would only inhabit Sirius Black's bottom.

James shone a similarly drunken smile and put his hands in the air as if he were cheering. "Another Mister leprechaun!" he said jovially. Sirius frowned at him. "Mister Leprechaun, where is your pot of gold? And your rainbow?" James questioned, then pointed to the corner of the room with thrilled surprise. "Oh there it is! What pretty colours!"

"You've lost it, mate," Sirius replied in a slow tone for James to understand. He made a clear swirling singer pointing to his head.

Peter slothfully got to his feet and walked towards Sirius with his arms outstretched. Sirius not only minded this greatly, but the fact that Peter had a wet stain around his crotch was very unnerving.

"Hello little bunny!" Peter cooed, stumbling towards Sirius with bright eyes. "Aren't you cute and fluffy! Can I touch you tail?" Peter tried to make a grab for Sirius' arse but Sirius quickly pushed him away with much distaste.

"Get away from!" Sirius brushed off his clothes and then focused back on James who was giggling continuously. "Oi, Prongs, get off my chair," he ordered again.

James scowled. "I will get off your chair," he pointed a finger at him in a 'threatening' manner, "when I am finished!" he cried, and accidentally fell out of the chair with a mighty painful squeak of the material.

"Are you finished now?" Sirius smiled, looking at his friend flat against the floor.

"Yes. Yes, I am," James tried to muster with dignity.

Peter clutched his pillow, thinking it was a 'fluffy bunny' as he petted it.

"Okay," Sirius made a strange glance at Peter, "have you been drinking Firewhiskey?" he assumed.

"No, Mister Leprechaun, you are wrong! We drink cough medicine," James said, taking another gulp of the liquid.

Sirius laughed mockingly, "Cough medicine?"

"Yes," Peter answered. "If you drink lots, you see things. Pretty things. The bunnies are my friends."

Sirius ignored the bunnies comment and focused on the cough medicine. "Are you saying you can get high on medicine? That can't be true," he said in denial. "I think you're lying berks," he paused, "...can I have some?"

James nodded at the eager Sirius. "Yes, Mister Leprechaun...er, junior! You may drink the blessed potion."

"Guys?" Remus called, knocking on the dorm door lightly. "You aren't naked in there, are you?" He winced. "I tried to distract myself with reading but I missed all of your inconsistent whining," he spoke miserably.

His ear pressed against the door, hearing the sound of undying laughter, most probably due to one of his friends in pain after accidentally hurting themselves. Remus finally pushed open the door, discovering his fellow Marauders all dressed in their underwear.

"And then I said," Sirius wheezed with laughter at the near end of his joke, "you are a tangerine!" He started applauding himself whilst chuckling at the punch line, which only he understood as James and Peter gave him a puzzled look.

Remus forced a cough to get their attention. "Must you always wear minimal clothing? Is this another one of your underwear parties?" he said with distaste.

"Muh-hoony!" Sirius cheered, examining his friend from afar. "You are wearing too many clothes," he shook his disappointedly at him. "No nakedness, no dorm entry."

Remus stood in silence and glared, a full I-Will-Kick-Your-Arse-At-Full-moon Glare.

Sirius noticed the frightening glare.

"But, hey, since you're my Muh-hoony pal, you can be an exception!"

Remus did not make any gratitude for being an abnormality.

Sirius waved an encouraging hand to join him in his sitting. Remus narrowed his eyes at the sight of Sirius wearing some sort of cheesy and extremely tacky crown, similarly belonging to a six year olds dress up kit.

"I, King Of All Blow Up Chairs, request your company!"

Sirius patted the smallest minute space on the side of his chair which could occupy an ant.

"No thank you." Remus turned him down and then turned his gaze on James who was in deep conversation with his Quidditch broom.

"Lily? What are you doing here?" James murmured with a tone of passion, while he walked towards his broom which leant against the side of his bed. Of course, he was unaware that he was actually speaking to a broom, in his mind hallucinating he was in company with Lily Evans.

"You're sorry and you forgive me?" James carried on talking, eyes full of desire.

Remus looked deeply confused. "Prongs? What are you doi-"

"Oh, Lily! I knew you'd see sense one day! I love you too!" James cried, grabbing the Quidditch broom and squeezing it against his chest.

"I'm afraid to ask." Remus looked at Sirius for some sort of an explanation and frowned when he saw him making squeezing hands in the air.

"Muh-hoony," Sirius called, squeezing his hands at different points of the air. "All I see are boobs," Sirius made another pinch in the atmosphere, "boobs everywhere," he whispered with delight.

"What?"

"Oh my God!" Sirius shrieked suddenly, pointing at Remus' head. "Even your head is one! Your head is a breast! A breast!"

Remus didn't like to be pointed at. Pointing is rude. He also disliked his head being described as a bosom.

"I'll have you know, that my head is not-"

Sirius interrupted him with ecstatic laughter. "The breast is talking! Talking!" He snorted, collapsing back on his blow up chair.

Remus decided that Sirius was a hopeless case, so instead tried to talk to Peter who looked the most normal, if you called normal stroking a pillow whilst soothing it like a loving pet.

"Have you been drinking alcohol?" Remus asked bluntly, trying to pry the pillow away from Peter's fingers. Peter made a possessive squeak and clutched the pillow closer to himself. "I thought I hid the last stash of Firewhiskey."

Sirius giggled. "If you're talking about the secret," he said the word 'secret' with obnoxious air quotes, "stash of Firewhiskey that was hidden under your bed, hidden by an illusion charm and inside a small, wooden chest, locked by the password 'chocolate frogs', then I'd like to mention that particular alcohol was drunk two months ago."

Remus gaped and was somewhat annoyed that his precautions in hiding his alcohol from his friends had been discovered two months ago when he stashed it away rather securely.

"Al-co-hol?" James echoed slowly, finally paying attention, still holding his quidditch broom in his arms as if it were a real person. "No, no. We have drunk cough medicine."

"Cough...medicine?" Remus repeated, confused yet a little amused. "You mean to say you're acting all delusional because you drank cough medicine?"

Peter confirmed with a nodding head, bulging eyes and a manic smile.

"That's absurd," said Remus. "You cannot get deliriously high on cough medicine. It's unorthodox."

James walked towards him and patted him on the back, holding his broom 'Lily Evans' and patting with his hand currently full of the glass of liquid, causing a lot of spilling and mess.

"Muh-hoony," James had caught on Sirius' abbreviation of the nickname, "you're a smarty pants. You should know what potions and medicines do. But," James paused, smiling wickedly. "If you don't think it makes you high, prove it. Drink some."

James shook the drink animatedly in front of Remus' un-amused eyes before Remus finally snapped and grabbed the glass from him.

"Fine," Remus said shortly, "I will drink the medicine and I will be right," he smiled smugly, "and you will be proven wrong."

Ten minutes later, Remus sat on his bed, feeling heavy and slothful.

"I hate it when you're right, Prongs," Remus said bitterly, wiping the remains of cough medicine around his mouth. He had drunk the right amount of medicine to be come delusional and was now seeing ungodly things.

"Ha, you must be hateful all the time, then." James replied grinning, his arm wrapped around the invisible shoulder of Lily Evans whilst lying on the floor.

"So many boobs, so little time," Sirius spoke blissfully, still squeezing the imaginary bosoms that floated in the air.

"I see dead people," Remus said suddenly, looking very disturbed by what he was seeing and also by how odd the words he spoke must have sounded.

James looked worried, although still in his euphoric state. "What?"

Remus squinted and rubbed his eyes. "Seriously, I see dead people - dead historical figures, to be exact."

Remus sat in minor amusement, watching his illusions of dead figures pondering around the room. "King Henry the eighth is currently testing how firm your mattress is, Padfoot." Remus explained, pointing to his image of the fat Henry bouncing on Sirius' bed whilst chewing openly on Droobles Best Blowing Gum, making permanent bubbles fill up the room.

"That obese bloke with the six wives?" Sirius questioned.

"Yes," Remus confirmed. "And Gandhi is going through your wardrobe, Wormtail," he clarified, tilting his head towards his delusion of the diseased leader Ghandi wearing not much clothing, but humorously searching through Peter's garments for something suitable to cover himself up. So far, he liked one of Peter's knitted bobble hats which was snugly resting on his head.

"And also, Cleopatra is making fun of your pyjamas, Prongs." Remus waved to the beautiful Egyptian queen who was laughing as she held an embarrassing pair of teddy bear pyjamas in her hands.

"Not the one with the teddies?"

"Yes," Remus answered James.

"Even the dead mock me…."

"Well, isn't that typical," Sirius remarked, rolling his eyes. Remus shone a look of confusion. "Even when you're high, Moony, you see intelligent things." He wagged a finger. "Prongs see's Lily-silly-billy. Wormtail sees bunnies. I see boobs. And what do you see? Historical figures."

"Cleopatra says you need a haircut," Remus informed Sirius, waving again at the black-haired queen.

Sirius looked highly affronted, stroking his ebony hair that did seem to be getting ridiculously long these days. "The more hair you have, the more of a man you are!" he tried to excuse himself.

"Does that include your hairy arse, Padfoot?" James laughed.

"Shut up, you broom humper."

James' mouth opened in indignation. "We'll have none of that in front of Lily, thank you very much!" He closed his hands over the ears of his imaginary Lily girlfriend.

"Cleopatra also says hairy arses are very unattractive. Especially in Summer," Remus mentioned. Sirius was getting very annoyed by Remus insulting him through comments of people who weren't even alive and were conjured in his high and intelligent mind.

"Well, er, I," Sirius fumbled, trying to conjure up a snappy retort. "Uh...King Henry the eighth says you need to lose weight!" He smiled with satisfaction at his comeback, then realised what he'd just said. "Well, not that he's one to give advice on weight issues..."

The boys sat in silence before each bursting into laughter.

"You realise we are laughing at you, not with you, right Padfoot?" James asked.

"Yeah," Sirius carried on chuckling on the verge of tears, "but it's still funny," he sniffed.

James would have carried on laughing but he abruptly blacked out with his head in his own lap, a very uncomfortable position that would definitely hurt in the morning.

At daybreak, James woke up in his own bed with his glasses still perched on his nose and his arm wrapped possessively around his quidditch broom. Cringing confusedly at why he slept in his bed with his broom, he realised that Lily Evans hadn't really apologized for being a bitchy, stubborn redhead and hadn't declared his love for him.

"Bollocks."

As he found the rest of the dormitory to be empty, he made a quick check over his body to see if he had all his body parts and physical features, just in case his Marauders had decided to do some early pranking for his lie-in.

"Two eyebrows, ten fingers, ten toes," James listed in counting. He felt over his backside. "No tail," he spoke in surprise. "Wow, that's lucky."

Then suddenly a naked James Potter look-a-like jumped out from the bottom of his bed on all fours.

"AAARGH!" James screamed, jumping out of bed and knocking his head on one of the bedposts. Clutching his painful forehead, he tried shielding his eyes from the naked boy, although he'd seen pretty much everything on him considering that it was his exact body.

"PADFOOT!" James yelled, assuming the naked boy was Sirius Black underneath being a stupid prick as usual. "I don't want to see myself naked in the morning, you bloody turd! Put some clothes in!"

The duplicate stared at him, slightly startled at the shouting and was standing with his head tilting to one side in bewilderment. This only made James madder.

"Sirius! Cover me—I mean, yourself up!" James grabbed his school robe and threw it at him for the boy to catch. The robe hit the nude boy in the stomach and simply fell at his feet. The duplicate stared on confusedly.

"Are you bloody smashed or something?" James asked savagely and marched over to the supposed Sirius, picking up the robe and putting his arms through the sleeve arms.

"Stop fidgeting!" James yelled, frowning at his wannabe that was jerking his elbows and making a strange hiss whilst trying to claw him with his paws -which would have worked if he had sharp nails, which he did not. James finally managed to get the robe on him and tied the belt around his stomach.

"I thought the Polyjuice potion was only supposed to last twenty four hours? Bugger! I can't believe it hasn't worn off already, Sirius." James made a glance at his friend who was following with crossed eyes a fly that was buzzing circles in the air.

"Okay..." James pushed his weird behavior aside. "I'm just gonna have a shower. I won't be long, just wait for me here. Then I suppose we'll have to go see Madam Pomfrey to get you back to your own body. She must have a cure, or something."

The James Potter duplicate scratched behind his ear.

"Oh yeah, do Moony and Wormtail still look like me?" James questioned.

The James Potter duplicate blinked and scratched his other ear.

"Sirius! Are you even listening to me?" The look-a-like stared on, oblivious. "Padfoot! Oi, sleepy head!" James suddenly clapped his hands to get his friend's attention.

The James Potter copy jumped in fear at the sudden sound of the clap, made an odd squeal that sounded a lot like the sound "mrrreeeooow" and scrambled on all fours, hiding in the corner of the room for safety.

"Christ, Padfoot!" James shrieked at him. "What the hell is wrong with you this morning? You're acting more retarded then usual."

The identical Potter tried to make another grab for the buzzing fly with his hand.

James sighed, rolling his eyes. "I need a wash," he announced tiredly. He spotted his friend licking his hands clean with his tongue. "You better have a wash after too, Padfoot," he frowned.

Ten minutes later after some heavy hair conditioning, as James hair thoroughly needed it due to his recently gum tresses, he walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. He was not only annoyed that his Potter look-a-like had not waited for him and had disappeared, but was also startled by a boy storming into the dorm, shaking his shoulders hysterically.

"SHIT!" The boy screamed in James' face.

"Nice to see you too, Frank," James replied, trying to remain calm whilst holding the towel around his waist that was slowly slipping, not wanting to suddenly strip in front of the Longbottom boy who looked distressed enough. James made a glance at Frank's appearance, noticing his hair in disarray and that his clothes that were unusually untidy, missing a few buttons whilst doing up his shirt and his trousers that were back to front.

"What's up, Frank?" James asked politely once Frank stopped with the shaking.

"Have you seen a cat?"

"A cat?" James echoed. "No. Why? Should I be seeing a cat?"

Frank groaned, clearly disappointedly by James' answer. "Shit, arse, bugger, crap." He noticed James' confused look. "I've lost my girlfriend's cat," he clarified.

"Your girlfriend's...cat? You mean Alice's?" James remembered the girl that had took a shine for him recently.

"Yeah," Frank confirmed. "She's going to crucify me."

"I don't think crucifying is allowed in Hogwarts-" James began to say. "How did you lose the cat anyways?"

Frank sighed in preparation for the story-telling. "Well, I was snogging Alice in the tower-"

"Spare me the details on that," James interrupted miserably, not wanting to hear about the couple's love-shacking when his love life was non-existent.

"Yeah, sorry," Frank apologized, knowing James' infamous failing relationship. "Anyway, before I knew it, the fur ball attacked me and scratched my face." He pointed to the deep, blooded cat scratches that were scarred on his cheek.

"Yeah, was gonna ask about that," James mentioned.

"So," Frank said, getting angrier by the second the more he retold the story, remembering the evil cat which was like a girl on permanent PMS. "I was well angry - fuming, in fact! So I told the cat to bugger off, and now it's gone." He threw up his hands.

James pressed a finger to his chin in thought. "Well, it's not really your thought," he defended him. "Merely a coincidence it decided to go bugger off. It just took your heeding advice - or wishful thinking, shall I say," he smiled.

Frank gave him a slight grin, but still remained in his panicked state. "Alice is going to kill me. Stupid animals," he referred to cats. "I hate cats; they give me the shivers. Pointy ears, the tail - doesn't that make you think of the devil?"

James chuckled. "A feline devil? Uh…sure. Why don't you check the Owlery? Maybe it's looking for breakfast." he suggested, guessing the cat might have an appetite for the birds, and sincerely hoped his owl wasn't on the cat's menu.

"Good thinking!" Frank congratulated him, patting him on the shoulder in gratitude. "See you later, James."

"Oh yeah," James remembered, stopping Frank before he exited. "Have you seen Si-, I mean, Penelope? She was supposed to wait for me."

"Er," Frank paused in thinking. "You mean that foreign student with the big breasts?" James nodded grudgingly. "Nope, sorry, can't say I have."

"Never mind," James sighed. "See you, Frank," he waved goodbye to the boy who sprinted down the stairs.

James ran a hand through his messy hair and walked over to his bed, not before walking in a slippery liquid and falling with a slam to the floor.

"Christ!" James swore loudly, looking at the Polyjuice potion that had been knocked over from the small caldron, the mess which his foot had slipped in. "I thought I told Padfoot to clean that up already..."

He pointed his wand at the potion, muttering an evanesco, and kicked the empty cauldron under his bed, along with six years worth of junk that had already fossilised underneath.

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I am sickie.... :( And its sunday... Suckie right? I know.... But atleast i put the chapter up!! :) Please do vote and comment! My dad is irritating me by chat.... :D Please read my new story HP and The Twists of Fate.... Thanks ! BTW i'm uploading a new chap in that too... BYE!!!!!!!!!!!1

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