Chapter 6-Too Many Potters and James=Remus?

"AAAAAAA—"

"Uh, Lily—"

"AAAAAAA—"

"Oi, Evans—"

"AAAAARGH!"

A James Potter clamped a hand quickly to Lily's mouth, muffling her high-pitched scream.

"Shhh," he hushed her softly.

"Shut your pie-hole," Sirius said, not so softly, "Madam Pomfrey doesn't know we're here."

Lily breathed heavily through her nostrils. She was now in the Hospital wing, lying on one of the uncomfortable beds, and had been sleeping until she was awoken by three James Potter's standing over her bed. The scene was funnily similar to the grim reaper appearing to sentence your inevitable death. After seeing the three James' by the lake, she was not as calm at their appearance because she simply thought that was some kind of delusional illusion. Seeing them again for the second time was not at all comforting.

Sirius finally removed the hand from her mouth. The boys gazed down at her with curious eyes.

"This is just like the nightmare I had," Lily murmured, clutching the bed sheet.

"Nightmare?" Remus repeated. Lily's head turned to look at him with fearful confusion.

"I dreamt there were multiple James Potter's and they took over the world," she whispered, not at all relaxed in the triplet's presence. "And the leader made me strip dance," she added.

"Oh WOW," James moaned pleasurably, "that dream sounds so brilliant." He swiftly went into day-dreaming mode and Remus rolled his eyes, while Lily frowned. Even though she was very bewildered and confused on to what had happened previously, she would still be annoyed with whatever words came out of James Potter's mouth.

"What the hell is going on?" Lily demanded, looking at each James Potter in turn, not sure which one to focus on. The real James and Remus were still dressed in women's clothing, which would have been to Lily's amusement if she wasn't disturbed by what was in front of her.

"Let's just say the boys wanted so desperately to be me, as the handsome God I am," Lily frowned at James familiarly, "So, they took a Polyjuice potion to mimic my body."

"Lily, it really is a complex and puzzling story, involving irrational thinking by Sirius Black and nonsensical contrivances."

Lily looked at the boy oddly. "Remus, is that you?"

He was a little taken aback. "How did you know?"

"You used long and complicated words."

"See, Moony!" Sirius laughed. "Even when you switch to someone else's body, you still have your big brain!"

"Black?" Lily's voice sounded dreading, recognising his choice of words and realising the inner person.

Sirius smiled at her. "Yes, Miss Evans? You rang?" He leaned on the bed and rested his head on the palm of his hand. Lily smiled sweetly in response, and then kicked him in the face with a furious jerk of her foot. He squealed and fell to the floor. James and Remus found this very humorous.

"What was that for?" Sirius whimpered, rubbing his nose from his position on the ground.

"Because you are an idiot, and you hit on me by the lake, for Potter, which was one of the most ridiculous ideas you've ever done," Lily declared, crossing her arms. Her eyes finally landed on the small Peter Pettigrew by the three James Potter's side.

"Pettigrew?" she questioned wearily. The boy's pitiful head looked up, still bummed out from his fuchsia shirt being ruined by the lake water's impact. He was now changed into a school shirt, much to his disappointment.

"I'd like to say that I'm glad you're you," Lily told him, "but frankly, I'm not."

"Er...thanks?" Peter said uncomfortably, as he did around all girls. Girls rarely talked to him but when they did, it only resulted in the highest discomfort ever in the history of time.

"So let me get this straight," Lily said, rubbing her head. "Black took a Polyjuice potion to turn into Potter. And Remus, you...?"

"Took it by accident," he rectified.

"Thank goodness," muttered Lily. "But shouldn't the potion of worn off by now?"

"Ah," James made a sound that signalled disaster. "That's where Sirius messed up," he explained, sitting on the side of Lily's bed, touching a hand 'casually' to her leg. She replied with a booting foot that swiftly knocked him to the floor.

"Quick reflex action," Remus commented. James mumbled a painful "mhmm" and got to his feet, carrying on with his explanation of Sirius' mistake.

"You see, Sirius followed the directions of the potion wrong," James spoke in a sarcastically happy tone. "He made it too strong. Instead of the polyjuice potion lasting an hour, it seems as if it'll probably last-"

"A day," Sirius said helpfully, grinning like a small child answering a difficult question in class. James awarded him with a sardonic clap.

"A day!" Lily spurted in horror. She couldn't handle three James Potter's in Hogwarts; the school couldn't handle three James Potter's in Hogwarts. One way or the other, she would end up killing one of the James' for annoying the hell out of her, or they would kill her by annoying the hell out of her.

"A DAY!" Remus echoed, now only informed by this new information. Sirius laughed nervously. "You told me the potion would only last another hour!"

"He lied," Peter said. Sirius shrugged his shoulders as Remus folded his arms moodily. Lily could handle Remus being a James Potter considering he was a prefect and a 'decent bloke' as she'd described. The problem was: Lily didn't think Remus could handle being a James Potter.

"Where does the 'stylish' women's clothing come into this?" Lily said, pursing her lips.

"They don't," James pulled up the red dress that was showing a lot more cleavage then intended. "Don't ask," he said fixedly, noticing Lily's raised brow. The girl sighed and touched a hand to her damp hair. She then remembered why it was wet.

"You pushed me in the lake!" Lily exclaimed, glaring at Peter wrathfully. The boy gave her an innocent look but it only made him look as if he was sucking on a sour sweet.

"Shhh," Sirius hushed Lily, threatening to clamp his sticky hand to her mouth again. She gave him a glare that stopped the threat in an instant. "Madam Pomfrey doesn't know we're here. She doesn't need to know we're here. She must not know we're-"

"-here," Lily finished. "I get it, Black."

James shook his head at Sirius and promptly hit him on the arm. "You're a twat, you know that? You nearly killed her."

"Hel-lo?" Sirius said, annoyed by a lot of the hitting being directly focused on him. "I wasn't the one who pushed her in the lake. Peter did. Stop hitting me." He pouted.

"You made Peter push Lily in the lake," Remus pointed out.

Sirius was stumped. "True," he agreed, stroking a hand to his chin.

"I hope you're being punished for this," Lily said. The boys gave her frowns in gratitude. "You'll be in big trouble when the teachers find out you've used a Polyjuice potion."

"They aren't going to find out," Remus said strongly. The boys and Lily gave him a look of confusion.

"What dy'a mean, Moony?"

"I have not got one detention this year," Remus said proudly. Sirius made an obvious, forced cough sounding like the word 'prude'. "If McGonagall finds out, she will sentence us to removing the gum under the tables of her classroom with our hands, again. Or she'll make us clean the trophy cabinet."

"But they will find out," Lily stressed, "there aren't normally three James Potter's walking around."

"Although the world would be a better place if there was," James grinned, ruffling a hand to his hair. Everyone rolled their eyes at James. His comment was completely unnecessary, however, comical.

"Well," Remus breathed a nervous sigh, "me and Sirius will have to disguise ourselves for classes until the spell wears off."

James chuckled excitedly. "This is brilliant!" he rejoiced. No longer would he wear the horrid red dress and the blonde wig.

"Are you telling me that I will have to wear a wig and a skirt?" Sirius spat. Remus nodded, biting his lip and expecting an explosion of arguments from his friend.

"Cool!" Sirius said happily, shocking everyone. "I bugsy the red haired wig, the black skirt and the high heels," he listed, smiling in pleasure.

James stared at him for a few seconds before saying, "You worry me, mate."

"I think we better go," Remus said, worried by where this conversation was drifting off to. "See you tomorrow, Lily." He dragged Sirius by the arm; he was getting distracted by an ill student in bed who was lying next to Lily's, showered with piles of 'get well soon' chocolates and sweets.

"Mmm, cinnamon..." Sirius said, munching on the jellybean he'd stolen from the packet, belonging to the sick student's goodie basket. Peter copied his 'rebellious' attitude and snatched a jellybean also.

"Crap." Peter's faced winced. "Vomit flavoured."

Sirius cackled. "Only I can pull it off, Wormtail," he laughed, dragging him by the elbow.

"Bye," Lily called, closing her eyes and turning on her side, hearing their walking footsteps. "Nutcases," she muttered. She abruptly heard a loud cough and sat up. She groaned when she realised one of the James Potter's had not left the wing yet.

"Uh, hi?" James said nervously, waving a hand.

Lily sighed. "Potter, if that is you….What are you still doing here?"

"I-uh," James fumbled, uncomfortable under Lily's tired gaze. "I got you something." He displayed a single white lily flower on a stalk from behind his back.

Lily was dumbfounded and gave James a very disturbed look as she picked the flower from his offering hand.

"Er...it's really pretty," she whispered surprisingly, holding the flower in her fingers. "Don't you dare say 'like you', because I will rip your face off," she warned him. James shut his mouth from that exact comment he was going to make.

"Thanks," Lily smiled, grateful for the gift.

She then saw two spying James Potter heads and one belonging to Peter Pettigrew, all with smiling faces, popping out from the door of the Hospital wing. Lily looked horrified at what the boy's must have seen: her thanking Potter.

"Uh, I mean," Lily botched, trying to correct her mistake. "I mean, thanks, for er, being such a dumb arse, Potter!" She turned on her side away from him and closed her eyes ready for slumber.

"G'night!" she said in what she thought was a casual tone.

It was a few seconds of uncomfortable silence before James answered.

"...Night, Lily."

Lily heard his monotonous footsteps exit the wing and the Marauders voices become more distant.

"You gave her a flower!" Sirius teased James. "You are such a poof!"

"Ugghh," Lily groaned, tumbling awkwardly in her bed. She sat up moodily and wiped the sweat that had sweltered from her forehead. She hadn't gotten a minute of sleep and it was that entire stupid flower's fault. It seemed to be mocking her as it sat innocently in a cup of water beside her bed. Bloody Lily.

Sighing exaggeratingly, she threw her bed sheet off of her and got out of the bed.

"I need a walk," she announced, slightly disturbed she'd said this action to no one. She sneaked a look at her clothes which looked like some sort of old fashioned night gown. "Wow, I look so attractive," she spoke sarcastically.

Quietly, she glanced at Madam Pomfrey's office. Seeing no signs of alert, she tiptoed silently out of the hospital wing. She was seriously wondering where this sudden 'rebellious' streak had come out of her. Sneaking out of the hospital wing and wandering the corridors in the late hours of the night like a Marauder.

"I must be mad," she murmured to herself.

After a lot of soundless walking, a collision with a knight, and a swearing match with a Hogwarts ghost that threatened to expose her to a professor for 'sneaking about like a, er...sneaker', she finally made it to her destination: the Astronomy tower.

Typical it was already occupied.

"Oh, for the love of Merlin!" Lily complained, her hands placed on her hips.

The black shadowed figure turned around and jumped at her sight.

"Lily?" James murmured. He definitely hadn't expected to see the girl at this particular place so late.

"Who are you?" Lily asked warily, wondering which boy was behind the body.

James did some quick thinking in his head. At least, he thought it was quick. To Lily, it was practically half an hour.

"I'm Remus," James lied. He told himself he had to lie to her. He knew if he'd said he was the real James then she would probably have walked away. Or maybe she wouldn't of. He'd never know.

Stupid fool.

"Remus?" Lily said suspiciously.

"Yeah," James reassured her. He turned his head towards the black sky of stars and started rambling off in a way that he knew Remus always did. "You know, the reason why stars twinkle is because the light from a star has to get though the atmosphere, which contains moving layers of air, before it reaches our eyes. And the layers keep on bending the path of starlight a little, making the stars appear to twinkle, when they actually shine steadily."

"Umm..." Lily was lost for words, unsure what to respond to that information.

"It's quite remarkable that the nearest star to the Earth is the Sun. It's one hundred and fifty two million kilometres away, or nearly twelve thousand times the diameter of the Earth. The stars seem so close," James stretched out a hand in the air, as if to catch one in his palm, "yet so far."

"Well, uh..."

"And did you know that the brightest star is actually called Sirius? It actually produces twenty-five times as much light as the sun. It's a shame the human Sirius' brain capacity isn't as mutually bright."

Lily smiled. "You're definitely Remus," she reassured herself, leaning on the wall of the tower.

"What are you doing out of the Hospital wing? And wearing just a...uh," James glimpsed down at her fashionable nightwear. "A curtain?" he said uncertainly.

"A curtain? I think you're being way too kind," Lily retorted. James shook his head in amusement before taking off his school robes and putting them around her.

"I don't want Madam Pomfrey made at me if she finds you back even more ill than before."

Lily stuck her tongue out at him but nonetheless wrapped the robe around her tighter. "Thanks, dad," she teased.

They stood in comfortable silence until James had to burst something out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, y'know," he spoke in a sombre tone. "I didn't mean to get you nearly drowned in the lake."

"Remus," Lily said in shock, "it wasn't your fault!" James realised his mistake and was getting confused by the person he was suppose to be posing as.

"Um, I mean, James is sorry," he rectified, looking at Lily with pleading eyes. "It really wasn't his fault."

Lily scoffed, not liking to the new topic change. "It's always his fault."

"No, really, it was actually Sirius' idea. His fault. Nothing to do with me— uh, I mean James." He smiled nervously, aware that he was fumbling but Lily didn't seem to notice. She instead took a sudden interest with her fingernails.

"Don't stick up for him," she mumbled.

James sighed, taking his gaze off her and looking again at the stars and crescent moon. "He really does care about you."

"I'd really like to believe that," her voice sounds strangled, "But I can't."

James was about to run a frustrated hand through his hair but realised that Remus Lupin would not do that. "Why? Why can't you just believe that I—uh, that he is falling in love with you?"

"Love?" Lily repeated, her eyes narrowing. "He only wants me because I'm unattainable! Because I'm the only girl who's ever said no to him! Because I don't worship the ground he walks on and haven't licked his bloody shoes clean with my own spit shine!"

"Sirius did that once when he was drunk," James clarified. Lily gave him an odd look. "Seriously, Lily, James doesn't like you because you always say no to him. He hates the fact that you do," he said truthfully, tugging on his jumper sleeves.

"I really don't get him" Lily bit her lip, "I just don't get his infatuation with me, Remus. He knows nothing about me."

James mouth opened in hurt. "He knows that your favourite lip balm is strawberry and you reapply it in classes of History of Magic, Astronomy, and in Transfiguration when Mcgonagall isn't looking."

Lily's eyes widened in surprise, "How did you know—?"

"And that you wear a different pair of coloured socks every day of the week. Each day coordinated to a specific colour. So, today is Sunday, so you should be wearing the purple socks with the white stitching."

Lily glanced down at her feet, toes moving in her current purple socks. "How did you—"

"James knows that your school shoes are one size too big, so you stuff them with tissues to make up for the feet space."

Lily gawked, "No one's suppose to know about that—"

"He knows that you carry around a green notebook that you doodle and write in and that you pass back and forth to friends writing notes. And that you've used it as a door stop, to hit my friends with, to fan your face in that heat wave of July of third year, to kill flies and to protect yourself from the rain," James chuckled.

"I really need a new notebook," Lily realised, getting distracted.

"He knows that you wear the same locket around your neck every day," James pointed to Lily's necklace which was funnily enough worn at this precise moment. "You never take it off. And before exams or tests, you rub on it for good luck."

"Superstitious nut," Lily mumbled absent-mindedly. "But…he can't know all that stuff, it's impossible. …How do you know?"

"James told me," he breathed. They stood in silent thinking.

"I can't believe he knows all that stuff," Lily whispered eventually.

"Neither can I," James admitted, running a hand through his hair, and stopping when he realised Lily was looking at him intensely and quickly changed his action to a head scratch instead.

"He only likes me because I hate him," Lily murmured mulishly.

James bit his lip. "You don't hate him…" He wanted reassurance from her more than anything. Lily turned to look at him and broke into a guilty smile.

"You're right, Remus," Lily said honestly, "I don't. It's weird talking to you when you look like him," she admitted, turning her gaze off him. "Do you want to know what's odd?"

"Besides the fact that we're talking in the Astronomy tower at midnight?"

"Yes."

"Go on."

Lily made a breath of exhaustion. "It's strange, but…I do sometimes think I like him, until he opens his mouth. Him talking spoils it."

"He can sometimes not think before he speaks," James admitted with a cringe.

"It's really strange, but some days I just…I just can't get him off my brain," she shook her head in slight frustration. "You know, before I was standing by the lake, doodling in my notebook, just looking at the sky. And before I knew it, I looked down, and what happened to be on the page? The initials J-sodding-P."

"Its fate," James smiled.

"More like it's hysterical," Lily muttered, but eventually smiled.

"Give him a chance, Lily."

She observed him, finding it difficult to be looking at James Potter after all the conversation being about him. "I dunno, Remus."

"Please?" James pleaded, holding on to her arm. Lily had to remind herself that 'Remus' was behind the action before she started to believe that she was actually talking to the real James Potter.

"Okay," Lily finally agreed, shocked by her own words. "Maybe…Maybe I will."

James broke into a grin, and was even happier when Lily pulled him into a friendly and grateful hug. This moment would be going in the 'contacts with Lily' notebook.

"Thanks, Remus," she mumbled into his shoulder. "You're a great friend."

James rubbed her back reassuringly, and had to shake himself before he held on to Lily so tightly that he broke her ribs. She eventually pulled away from him with and gave him a genuine smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Better get back before Madam Pom-Poms knows I'm gone." Lily laughed.

"Sirius made up that nickname," James chuckled.

"I know," she said regretfully. "It's catchy. Don't tell him I said that or he'll think I like him or something." She waved a hand then left James to stand in complete bliss and silence.

That was until James decided to some celebratory victory dance, because Lily had hugged him. Lily Evans had hugged him, of all people. And also kind of admitted she like him. This was in need of a definite dance orgy. That was the reason why James Potter was moving his hands jovially in a circular movement whilst doing some fancy pelvic thrusts; complete with some singing of "she hugged me, oh yeah, she hugged me right here-"

"Uh, Remus?"

Oh dear. James had been caught in his dance orgy. He turned around and saw Lily with a look of confusion, wondering what on earth 'Remus Lupin' was doing making pelvic thrusts. James tried inconspicuously to turn the mid pelvic thrust into some odd peculiar stretch and sent Lily a casual look of wonder.

"Um, yes, Lily?"

"I forgot to give your robe back," she said hesitantly, pulling the robe off her shoulders and handing it to James. He batted the hand away.

"No, you keep it."

"Keep it?" Lily repeated wearily.

"Well, not keep it. Because that's my only school robe," James laughed nervously, "just give it back to me tomorrow. It's cold in the corridors."

"Thanks," Lily said gratefully, pulling the robe back on. She waved a slightly disturbed hand and then exited again.

To tell the truth, James was freezing his balls off. But if Lily was cold, he'd even rip off his own skin to her if she had a miniscule feeling of slight coldness.

"Prongsie...?" Sirius said sluggishly, his head popping out from behind his bed cover. James walked into the boy's dorm, practically skipping. Sirius was very worried. "It's past one in the morning. Where the hell've you been?"

"Heaven," James answered blissfully, collapsing onto his bed with an expression of content.

"My God, you sound so queer," Sirius commented, rubbing his eyes with his hands.

"I can't believe I'm looking at myself calling me gay," James paused with amusement. "It's rather odd."

Sirius ignored him. "So, who've you been with to look as if you've been on cloud-bloody-nine?" James replied with a satisfied sigh. "Let me guess, Evans?"

He nodded in his dream like state. Sirius looked suddenly excited. "What you two been up to then, eh?" His face eager on being told the exciting details of his encounter, winking with a smirking face.

"Evans and I," James paused dramatically, "hugged."

Sirius' face dropped with disappointment.

"You...hugged?" Sirius repeated in dissatisfaction. "Oh God, I hope you were using protection!" he said mockingly.

"Shut up," James replied, flinging a pillow at Sirius.

"You know, I'd fling a pillow back at you but my puny James Potter arms wouldn't handle the weight."

James mouth dropped in affront. "Don't make me wake up Moony! He'll kick your arse!"

"He would actually," Sirius agreed. "Because I am currently in your body, and you are lanky."

"I'm going to let that one slide," James tugged the bed cover over him and laid his head on his pillow. "Because I'm tired, and, funnily enough, the whole Polyjuice potion idea has made hugging happening between me and Lily and nothing could ruin this moment."

"One for the 'contacts with Lily' notebook, eh?"

"Hell yeah," James agreed, snuggling into his pillow. "Pads?"

"What?" Sirius called.

"How do you know when you've, um," James paused uncomfortably, "found...the one?"

There was silence. Well, not complete silence.

"Stop scratching your crotch, Sirius. I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you."

"A serious conversation with Sirius," Sirius laughed under his bed sheet. James sighed exasperatedly. "Mate, don't talk Maths with me at this time of the morning," he mumbled. James gave up on asking advice from his friend and tried getting some shut eye.

"You just know."

"What?" James said confusedly, sitting up.

Sirius exhaled noisily. "When you've found the one, there's no thinking about it," he said softly. "You just know."

James smiled to himself. "You're surprisingly smart at this time of the morning."

"Shut up, you tit. Get some sleep."

James laughed. "G'night agony aunt."

"Night, bum boy."

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Hi Guys!!!!!!!!!!!! Really Hope you are enjoying this! Next chapter is something I KNOW you all will enjoy, so i've left a preview in italics!-

"Surname?" Peter yelped.

"P-" Sirius restrained himself. He was about to say 'Potter', as he'd rehearsed many times after turning into James after drinking the Polyjuice potion. Telling the professor their surname was Potter wouldn't be a wise move. "Er..." Sirius stammered. "P...p-pineapple?"

Yes, Sirius had just declared that their surname was a tropical fruit because that was the only word that had come to his head beginning with the letter 'p'. Although, there are many surnames beginning with 'p' that aren't pineapple, such as Patterson, Parker, Phillips...

"Pineapple?"

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