Chapter 20-PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!!!!!!

"What do you think you were doing? The corridor and my classroom are not playgrounds for your amusement!"

Sirius sniffed out the last bubbles of foam that were stuffed up his nose, once, twice, and three times, before focusing his attention on the professor, thoroughly resembling a sneezing cat. "I'm sorry, what?"

McGonagall sat behind the desk of her office, trying to bulge and twitch one eye in a sort of menacing way to terrify him. But this only led to her cursing as she removed her glasses, wiping the corners of eye that foam had somehow gotten into.

"Professor," Lily began, raising a hand politely, "I really don't understand why I have to be present here. I was not involved with Sirius and his prank."

McGonagall made another curse of, 'For Merlin's sake...' as she tried to fix the hair in her bun tidily as the suds had seemed to give her a frizzy afro.

"Miss Evans, I do believe I caught you in the middle of trying to blind Black here with lather." Lily reddened and glared significantly at Sirius. "That was unacceptable behaviour, but do not worry, I will be seeing others later for taking part in the - what was it you called it, Black? 'Foam fight'?" she quoted disapprovingly.

"Minerva! Do not flatter me so!" Sirius laughed. This was not a wise move as his lathery hand left a wet hand print on an apparently important piece of parchment, guessing from McGonagall's wince as she snatched the document away and tapped it dry with her wand.

Just as the professor was about to launch into another speech of gnashing teeth, the sound of scratching made her flinch.

"Lupin, what is the matter with you?" she asked impatiently.

Remus sat uncomfortably in between Sirius and Lily with a reddening face, scratching feverishly at his arms, face, elbows...any limbs that were available to scratch in front of a teacher, or human being.

"Sorry, professor," Remus apologized embarrassingly. "I think I'm allergic to the foam..."

Sirius snorted. "You're allergic to everything, Moony!"

"Including you," Remus gritted through his teeth.

McGonagall looked back and forth between the two, gawking as they continued to have a private conversation without her consent.

"What are you saying, Moony?" Sirius pouted. "That I give you rashes?"

"If you hadn't bit my neck I wouldn't have worn that stupid scarf and gotten the neck rash," Remus reminded him, self-consciously rubbing at his skin.

"Oh, that," Sirius said, forgetting that ridiculous incident long ago, "How's that love bite, then? You have spread around that it was that suh-hexy Hufflepuff that gave you it, right?"

Lily gawked in confusion. "Did you just say sexy with an 'h'?" she asked, leaning over Remus.

Sirius ignored her and thrust a soapy hand in her face. "C'mon Moony, let me see it then, see if it the love bite's gone down or not."

Remus looked at him in disbelief, glancing at McGonagall out of the corner of his eye who seemed to be shaking in anger, foam bubbles protruding off her into the air.

"Sirius, I don't really think this is the time, nor the pla—aaargh!"

Sirius grabbed Remus' neck, examining it closely - the problem was Sirius was kind of twisting his neck in an unnatural position, causing Remus an inordinate amount of pain.

"Yep, just as I thought," Sirius said in a doctor-like examination voice. "It's fading, Moony. If you want, I can renew it for you-"

"Will you two save it for the bedroom?" Lily cut in.

The three sixth years cut off to look at the professor who seemed to be doing an odd sort of meditation as she shut her eyes, mumbling incomprehensible things to herself.

"Eight...students, no sense of propriety...nine...breathe...and...ten." She snapped open her eyes and tried to remain calm. "Black, Lupin, I do appreciate if you do not carry on speaking as if I am not here. The longer you chat, the longer you will be in here."

Sirius made an exaggerated moan. "Uuurgh, don't you hate it when people say that?"

Remus blinked a few times and finally turned his head, realising Sirius was surprisingly talking to him. "What?" he murmured confusedly.

"When professors say," Sirius carried on, completely ignoring the fact that he was slandering a teacher when one was presently in the room and preferably at arm's length, perfect for strangling, "'Ooo!" Sirius adopted a dramatic voice, "the longer you talk the longer you will be in here!'" He wagged his finger.

Lily leaned over ever so slightly to him and hissed 'shut up!' in disguise of a cough. Of course, Sirius could not understand fake coughing and the technique of communicating and saying words in between.

"Hmm," Sirius eyed Lily suspiciously. He ogled at her for a second more, catching McGonagall's eye and miming clearly, 'Smoker's lungs...'

Lily reddened in anger. "You better have not mouthed what I think you just mouthed, tosser," she whispered, practically climbing over Remus to get her hands on Sirius' face, rip it off, then frame it on a wall like a beheaded house-elf, but Sirius bravely talked over her.

"But don't you find it annoying when teachers say that?" he carried on, apparently still addressing Remus. "Because you know no matter that they say it won't matter if you talk or not because you'll still be in there the same amount of time. It's all bollocks and-"

Sirius shrieked as McGonagall's hand came forward. "CHILD ABUSE!" He squeaked, shutting his eyes, expecting physical damage to his lungs or other possible organs as she thrust her hand towards him.

After a few seconds of nothing touching him, he squinted open an eye and discovered the dreaded tartan biscuit tin in front of his eyes, open and full of ginger newts. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Biscuits?" Lily mumbled confusedly, not knowing McGonagall's routine of force-feeding ginger newts to students as she had never been in trouble with McGonagall before. "I would have preferred if she'd just punched him instead," she mumbled acidly.

As Sirius was still in shock, remaining frozen, McGonagall moved the tartan tin to Remus who was still scratching feverishly.

"Biscuit, Lupin," she commanded.

"Er, no thank you. I just had an apple and-"

"Biscuit. Lupin."

"What a splendid idea!" Remus said at once, cowering under her gaze. "Discard the apple! You know what the Muggles say: a ginger newt a day keeps the doctor away!" he laughed nervously, picking up a biscuit and stuffing it in his mouth so he wouldn't ramble any more incoherent Muggle sayings which did not exist, nor make sense.

The professor smiled rather manically at Lily next. "Biscuit, Evans?"

She looked at McGonagall blankly, rather perplexed by the situation of a professor handing out biscuits when she should have been handing out things like, you know, detention?

"I don't understand," she admitted, puzzled.

McGonagall's smile disappeared. Not understanding and not taking a ginger newt was not an option in the office of the Gryffindor Head of house.

"It's quite a simple question, Miss Evans. Take a biscuit."

"But you just said it was a question, but you're commanding me to take a-"

"For Merlin's sake," Sirius butted in, now fully recovered. "Just take the damn biscuit."

McGonagall glared at him for his use of language but continued to poke the tartan tin in front of Lily's face, even adding a jingling shuffle to it.

"Well, I am rather famished," Lily lied. She spun a finger over the tin and waved it round as she tried to pick out a selected biscuit but discovered them all to be ginger newts anyway. She hated anything ginger. Really, what was the woman's obsession with those particular biscuits?

"My favourite!" Lily fibbed, trying to get on the professor's good side. Sirius muttered something distinguishingly similar to the words, 'butt licker...'

Lily shone a fake smile, picking out a biscuit and hesitantly bringing it to her mouth, nibbling it like a hamster.

"And finally, a biscuit for Black," McGonagall said.

Sirius rubbed his hands together before thrusting his hand in the tin, juggling his fingers through the ginger newts, touching every single biscuit which would probably be contaminated for the next person who came into that office and angered McGonagall, and was then offered a ginger newt to eat.

"Inie -meanie-miny-mo, catch a Moony by the toe," Sirius sang, swirling his hand in the tin. "If he squeals, call him a pansy, inie-meany-miny-mo!" He picked up the 'mo!' biscuit but discarded it milliseconds later on the grounds of it not taking 'his fancy'.

"They're all identical ginger newts, Sirius," Remus pointed out the minimal choice.

"You should buy one of those selection boxes, y'know," Sirius advised the professor, examining a biscuit as he held it up the window for light. "Oo, hair on that one," he commented, chucking the biscuit back inside. "Anyway." He spun his hand back in again. "The Muggles sell those selection boxes with all flavours! But there's always a manky flavour left that nobody eats, like the plain biscuits or those cream things..."

He picked up another ginger newt and sniffed. "Oo, smells a bit rank, that one," he stated, discarding it back in the tin. McGonagall's hand started shaking with annoyance as she held the tin, but Sirius was oblivious to it, even when McGonagall's hand was shaking so much that the ginger newt had nearly missed aim as the tin had moved so out of place.

"But, you know," Sirius finally chose a ginger newt and stuffed it in his mouth, chewing openly. "You should just buy chocolate digestives. They're my favourite-o, Minnie Mouse."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"

Sirius winced. "Woops. I stepped over the line again, didn't I?"

Lily sent him an outrageous look that said that he had clearly stepped over the line yonks ago, being so far past 'the line' that it was a tiny little dot mocking him from afar. McGonagall massaged the temples of her head with her forefingers; eyes shut yet eyelids somehow still glaring at Sirius. "Miss Evans and Mr Lupin," she said, "could you please step outside so I can speak to Black in private?"

The two took no time to argue and quickly jumped to their feet, stepping round the chairs and already sprinting to the exit door.

"Muh-hoony!" Sirius hissed, making Remus glance behind on his departure. Sirius magnified his puppy dog eyes and showed a terrified look. "Don't leave me with her!"

Remus was about to answer but took one look at the professor and knew that company was not an option.

'Sorry!' Remus mouthed, following Lily out the door.

"Oh, I am so going to keg you later," Sirius cursed him as the door slammed shut.

Remus and Lily breathed sighs of relief the second they made it into the corridor and collapsed against the wall of McGonagall's office. They both looked down the corridor and spotted a long queue of students lined up to enter the professor's office next.

"Wow, McGonagall's got a lot of punishments to give out today," Lily mumbled.

"Somehow I think Sirius will get the worst," Remus said dreadfully.

"Really?" Lily said sarcastically. "What makes you think that?"

"WHAT ON EARTH POSSESSED YOU?" McGonagall's voice rang through the door. The words of 'HAD ENOUGH', 'HANGING BY A THREAD' and 'RIDICULOUS ANTICS' were shouted audibly afterwards.

Lily shone an evil smile. "He deserves whatever sentence he gets."

"STEALING SCHOOL CARRIAGES! RIDING A RAMPAGE WITH A HIPPOGRIFF IN HOGSMEADE STREETS! BLATANTLY AVOIDING ME SO I CANNOT PUNISH YOU! FILLING UP MY CLASSROOM WITH FOAM!"

Lily waggled a finger in her ear at the ear-piercing shrieks. "I'm going back to the common room. Are you coming?" she asked Remus.

He shook his head tiredly and took an uncomfortable seat on the corridor floor. "Have to wait for Sirius," he sighed.

Lily smiled. "What would he do without you, eh?"

"Probably get lost, then sent to a dog pound and be put down..."

"What?" she replied confusedly.

"AND FIREWORKS, MR. BLACK! Writing filthy messages about your Head of house and highly honourable Headmaster will not do you any favours at all! And don't you dare to try and charm your way out of it! I know from many methodical sources that it was YOU who was responsible! Writing 'Mcgonagall likes to lick Dumbledore's chocolate mud painted body inside and out!' was irresponsible and brainless! You have no idea how much trouble you are in!"

Remus cringed and mumbled, "Er, never mind." Just as Lily was about to make her way back to the tower, he called her name. "We're probably going to see James in the hospital wing later. Do you want to come with us?"

She stopped in her tracks and felt her throat tighten. "Um, no thanks," she answered quietly.

Remus tried to mask his disappointment in her. "He'd like to see you. Have you gone to see him yet?"

Lily swallowed and hesitated to answer. "Uh, no…. No. I've been busy," she fibbed, avoiding eye contact.

"Right," Remus replied, showing slight annoyance.

"I'll see you later, Remus?" Lily said, forcing a smile as she walked backwards in departure.

"Bye, Lily," Remus said sombrely, turning his back to her.

Lily bit on her lip and sighed, affronted by Remus' coldness, before breaking into a dejected walk back to Gryffindor common room.

"Can you believe it, Moony? Can you bloody believe it?"

"Yes, I believe you with utter utmost belief."

Sirius and Remus lay in their beds of the sixth year dormitory, somehow not quieter without the presence of two ill Marauders considering Sirius was so loud and made all the noise, and Remus' consistent clawing at his skin also interrupted the silence, which Sirius jumped at many times, whispering fearfully, "What's that, Moony? What's that? What's that? What's that? I hear scratching! Do you think its rats? Do you think rats have migrated into our dormitory? Aaaah! I think one's crawling on my face! Wait, that's my hair..."

This process repeated at least six times, which Remus continuously repeated, "No. There are no rats, though our abode is certainly dirty enough for rats to live in. No offence to Peter."

Both boys had collapsed onto their beds after having another late night visit to James and Peter in the hospital wing, and after having a day of classes which weren't as much as fun as having the earlier foam fight and stuffing bubbles down a person's pants.

"Detention for the rest of the school year! Can you bloody believe it?"

Remus groaned into his pillow and rested on his stomach. "Sirius, I swear, if you say 'can you bloody believe it!' one more time I will hurl my pillow at your head."

Sirius grimaced in the darkness and fidgeted in his bed. "But it'd have all your Moony slobber over it!"

"I do not slobber!" Remus argued. "You are a dog. You slobber."

"Your insults are getting a little shabby, Moony. You must be tired."

Remus considered ripping the pages of his Defence Against the Dark Arts book from under his pillow, which he used as late night reading material, and stuffing the pages in his ears to block out the Sirius Noise. Sirius also had the exact same copy of the Defence Against the Dark Arts book, but the difference was that Sirius hid different kind of material inside his book to disguise it as if he were reading something intellectual.

"But can you bloody be-" Sirius stopped, reframing his words as he heard Remus make an infuriated groan. "It's so unfair that Minerva gave me detention for the rest of the school year! SO UNFAIR."

"Yes, Sirius."

"I mean, McGonagall really has to lighten up! Y'know, she's so...what's the word I'm looking for, Moony?"

"Priggish? Prissy?" Remus suggested. "Pedantic?"

"No," Sirius said, shaking his head as he sat upright. "I'll stop you when you've found the word I'm looking for."

Remus sighed and also sat up. "Demure? Meticulous? Stringent? Austere? Scrupulous? Rigorous?"

Sirius shook his head again. "No, that's not it. What's that word that sound like's prune?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Prude?" he guessed.

Sirius' eyes lit up. "That's the one! Prude-y!"

"Prudish."

"Prudish! What were we talking about again?"

"Go to sleep, Sirius."

"But I'm not tired! I fancy marshmallows. Do you want to go to the kitchens and get some marshmallows?"

Remus looked incomprehensible. "It's midnight, Sirius! Why the heck do you want marshmallows at this time?"

Sirius snorted at him lamely and patted his stomach. "'Cause Mr. Belly needs a feeding."

Remus collapsed back down on his bed and tried to snuggle comfortably into his pillow. "Honestly, Sirius, you are bizarre."

"...Are we going or what?"

"Padfoot, we're not going to get bloody marshmallows!"

"But Merlin would want you to."

"Sleep, Sirius."

Sirius stuck his tongue out at him from across the room and dug deeper under his bed sheets. "You've been acting quiet since you got out of McGonagall's office. What's up with The Moonykins?"

"Nothing, Sirius...Don't call me that! It's bizarre!" Remus coloured.

Sirius laughed. "Bit of a slow reaction there, mate. Is 'bizarre' your word of the day?"

Remus sat up again and leaned with his arms over his bent knees. "Alright! It was what Lily said," he came clean finally, defeated.

Sirius eyed him thoughtfully. "What about Evans?"

Remus sighed, hesitant on saying what was on his mind. There was muteness and Remus decided to scratch at his skin again to avoid the awkward silence.

"D'ya hear that? It's the rats again! I swear-"

"There are no rats, Sirius!" Remus cut in, wishing he'd just gone to sleep and spello-taped his mouth shut.

"Do you want some cream for the itchiness, Moony?"

Remus was taken aback. "What? You have some?" He asked in surprise, trying not to think why Sirius hadn't informed him earlier.

"Yeah, do you want it?"

"Er, sure," Remus shrugged. A tube was pelted from the other side of his room and landed on his bed sheet. "Thanks, Padfoot," he said gratefully.

"See! I am a good friend!"

Remus chuckled and shook his head in amusement. He took the tube of cream, feeling another fit of scratching, and quickly screwed off the lid and started squeezing a large clump on to his hand.

"Ugh," Remus grimaced, feeling the cream extremely wet and oily than the average anti-itchy cream. He started wiping the lotion onto his arms and legs eagerly. "This is rather peculiar and oily cream," he stated, massaging a blob of the lotion on both cheeks.

Sirius' eyes bulged in the darkness. "Oh... dear, I think that might be lubricant actually..." he trailed off.

"SIRIUS!" Remus screamed, completely mortified. He didn't know what to do with his pasted appendages so decided to just sit completely still, and also fling the tube of lubricant at the other side of the room, which came into contact with Sirius' head as there was defiant sound of a 'clunk'.

"Ouch." Sirius rubbed his forehead. "It's an easy mistake to make in the dark, y'know. Look on the bright side, Moony."

Somehow, Remus was not looking on the bright side of things lately. He was permanently on the dark side. There was no greener grass on the other side. There was no grass. There was just sticky, smelly mud.

"You'll have nice oily arms. They'll be all shiny. Maybe it's good for dry skin," Sirius suggested.

Remus grumbled, "I have dry skin?"

"Yes, you do. You should take better care of your werewolf-y floppy arms."

"Well, I do apologize that I am not like you who uses a bombard of rather feminine beauty products every day."

"That's where you and I differ, my friend. You. I. Differ... Seriously, what did Evans say?"

Remus moaned and spread out his arms and legs, avoiding their pasted neighboured limbs. "I thought you'd forgotten about that..."

"Nuh-uh," Sirius sang. "What did she say?"

Remus fidgeted by grabbing an old piece of clothing from the floor and started to wipe his oily face. "I asked her if she'd gone to see James in the hospital wing and she said she hadn't," he said with a tinge of bitterness.

There was a few seconds of silence until Sirius broke into laughter. Remus predictably glowered in the black.

"I do no see what's so humorous," he furrowed his brow.

Sirius stopped laughing, realising Remus' obvious moodiness by now and lack of Sirius Humour. "You've been quiet because of that?" he said with a sincere face and much surprise. "You think too much, Moony," he sighed.

Remus couldn't help but agree with him. "How could she not go see him, though? After what had happened and after he nearly got killed! Those two...they're as bad as each other," he spoke with annoyance.

Sirius exhaled noisily. "Why are you getting so worked up about this?"

"It's just...James is my friend. He's done so much for me, and I all I want to do is help him and return the favour. And we've gone so far encouraging James to 'get the girl'. Well, maybe...maybe 'the girl' isn't 'the one' after all," he said with regret.

Sirius clicked his tongue disapprovingly and put his hands behind his head to rest as a pillow. "She's the one, Moony. No doubt about it."

"What makes you sure, though?" Remus asked.

"Because she went to see him in the hospital wing," Sirius said matter-of-factly.

Remus opened his mouth in astonishment. "She did? When did you see her?"

Sirius smiled and shut his eyes. "I didn't see her," he admitted.

Remus looked at him confusedly. "Then how did you know she went to see him?" he spoke slowly, completely bewildered.

"I just know."

Remus was annoyed by the lack of elaboration. He wanted everything explained fully detailed to him so he would know and wouldn't be in a loss of information. "But how do you know?" he questioned.

"I just do," Sirius grinned.

"But you told James it was, I quote, 'unlikely' that Lily had gone to visit him," Remus reminded him.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I don't want James getting too cocky that his head is up his own arse."

"Is that even possible?" Remus grimaced.

"With flexibility," Sirius explained. "Don't worry about it, Moony. Everything will be fine soon. I think James and Lily will finally be together very soon," he said encouragingly.

Remus couldn't help but feel hopeful, even if his arms and legs were covered in ghastly lubricant. "Are you always this insightful and surprisingly intellectual late at night?" He asked amusedly, scratching at a rash that was forming on his left cheek, looking like a permanent blusher that girls would envy.

"The rats, Moony! I hear them! I hearken them! I HEARKEN! We must inform Dumbley-dore first thing tee-morrow morning! And what did you just say?"

Remus shut his eyes and arranged his head back on his pillow. "Nevermind, Padfoot."

"...So, we getting those marshmallows now?"

"For the last time: no."

Sirius bounded out of his bed with a mighty Tigger Bounce. "Let's go, marshmallow boon companion!"

Remus sat him up hysterically, about to lecture Sirius for his hyperactivity, but instead, screamed.

"Put some clothes on! PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! CLOTHES ON!" Remus shrieked, covering his head with his pillow case.

Sirius looked down and discovered his thoroughly naked self. "Right," he cringed. "Tonight was commando night."

"Attire, Sirius! ATTIRE! AAAATIRE!"

The next day, James was out of the Hospital wing. And Peter, too.

James was free!

James was let loose!

James was liberated!

James was—

"Frank?" He acknowledged the boy at the breakfast table. The fellow sixth year gave him a smile as he and Alice stood before him on the way of exiting the Great hall.

"How are you feeling, James?" Frank asked.

James tried not to scream the words: "GO AWAY, YOU STUPID LOVED UP COUPLE! STOP TORMENTING ME SO WITH YOUR LOVED UP COUPLE-NESS!"

"Better," James feigned a smile.

Frank patted a hand to James' shoulder. "I heard about Snape and the ketchup. I mean, him blinding you with tomato sauce? Low," she shook his head, "Just low..."

James looked at him blankly at the mention of the added flavour to meals. "Ketchup? What?" He furrowed his brow.

"Glad to see you're looking well," Alice said, ignoring his confusion and blaming it on too much tomato sauce blinding. "See you later, James."

"Right. Bye," Frank said, following her lead.

James watched in agonising suffering as the couple sauntered away, whispering sweet mutterings into each other's ears.

James wanted to gag himself.

He turned round in his seat and faced his friends. "Ketchup? What the hell was that all about?" He asked confusedly.

Remus sighed from behind his newspaper with a definite sound of scratching, refusing to answer.

"Snape blinded you with ketchup, Prongs?" Peter said with utter astonishment, choking on his toast. "I never knew that! That's low. Real low," he mimicked Frank's words.

"Of course not, Wormtail," James rolled his eyes. "You were there, after all. I don't know where that ketchup thing came from," he frowned, continuing back to his porridge.

Sirius whistled and kept quiet.

"Are you whistling the Loco-motion song?" Peter asked excitedly.

Sirius shut his mouth...for five seconds.

"So, Prongs," Sirius began lightly. James stopped eating his porridge and put his spoon down, preparing himself and avoiding a spurt of hot porridge jetting at his friend. "I was thinking to get Snape back you could dress up as Rhiana Penelope and agree to be his girlfriend. Then - here's the bets part- dump him in front of EVERYBODY! The best way to kill a guy is through his heart, after all."

James was rather nonplussed. "Rhiana...Penelope? Go out with Snape? Dump him?" He echoed.

Remus slammed down his newspaper in rage and crossed his arms in a stubborn House-wife way. "I knew I shouldn't have told you about that thing with Snape!" He said crossly.

"Oh," Sirius raised his eyebrows. "So it's a 'thing' now, is it, Moony?"

Remus thoroughly reddened and started his usual grumbling, clawing at his rashes on his red cheeks.

"Something happened between Rhiana and Snape?" Peter repeated slowly, and was about to mumble the word 'gavomitting' but was talked over by James.

"Why do you keep talking as if Rhiana is a separate person?" James asked. "Rhiana is Moony. Moony is Rhiana."

"Aha! You're right there, Prongsie!" Sirius pointed at him, congratulating him on his intelligence.

Remus looked enraged. "No, I am not Rhiana! James is Rhiana because I looked like him, dressed as Rhiana! Therefore, I am not Rhiana!" He finished, looking determined.

"Aha! You're right there, Moony!" Sirius pointed at him, congratulating him on his intelligence.

"But, wait," Peter cut in. "It was Moony's self inside Rhiana, and his personality. So really, wasn't it Remus all along? Because it was still Remus' mind inside Rhiana. And whatever appearance doesn't really matter, does it?"

"Aha! You're right there, Wormtail!" Sirius pointed at him, congratulating him on his intelligence.

"Will you stop that," a third year asked him, sitting on the other side of him of the breakfast table, elbowed three times by his pointing.

"Look, Prongsie," Sirius said, "If you don't do it, then I will," he patted his chest.

"But you can't, though. You'll have to take another month to make another Poly—wait, you already have another emergency cauldron of Polyjuice potion under your bed, don't you?" James asked dreadfully.

Sirius grinned, "Yes-sir-ee."

James sighed. "Do what you want, Padfoot. Just...don't make more of an arse in a copy of my body, alright? I want that girl wig on at all times, understand?"

Sirius nodded eagerly and continued so slurp up his breakfast so quickly his mouth looked like a Hoover.

"I do not agree to this, Sirius," Remus mentioned, arms still crossed stubbornly.

Sirius pouted at him. "You're just annoyed because you put lubricator on your arms, legs and cheeks. And you're a little rashy again."

James flinched at the mentioned word of 'lubricator'. "Excuse me?"

"I am more than a little rashy, Sirius," Remus hissed. "People are afraid to sit next to me because they think I have leprosy," he waved a hand indicating to the big space next to his seat at the breakfast table.

"You're over-reacting!" Sirius said.

"Do you have leprosy, Remus?" Peter asked, horrified.

The werewolf breathed angrily. "Yes," he said sarcastically. "It's highly contagious! Get away from the freaky leprosy man!"

Peter squeaked and jumped to his feet, running out of the Great hall screaming.

Remus winced at his odd departure. "Well, that's the best reaction I've had so far," he acknowledged, looking at his patchy skin. "I should go see Madam Pomfrey later for a proper cure," he glowered at Sirius.

"It was dark!" Sirius protested. "DARK."

"I'm not even going to ask what that lubricator was for," James grimaced.

"It was from your drawer," Sirius mentioned, smirking.

"Shut up," James mumbled.

Lily had been avoiding James yet again the second she heard he was out of the Hospital wing. She'd made a decision and she was going to keep it: she was going to have nothing to do with James Potter. It was safer, she wouldn't get hurt from any heartache and he wouldn't get hurt for trying to risk his life to save her. It was rather understandable in the end, about as understandable as a giraffe mating with a kangaroo: odd and rather impossible.

All morning she had been talking deeply into conversation with anyone she could find, trying to look as if she were busy the second James tried to drag her away to speak in alone. She had talked to Alice, Frank, the boy with the glass eye, even Professor Slughorn, which was rather a bad mistake because she had to accept the invitation to another 'Slug Club brunch' tomorrow.

She'd even tried the Pack of Hyena's technique, which involved yourself being completely encircled by your giggling friends at all times, utterly intimidating the average male. It worked like a charm - that was until she was walking back from the library, alone, as the giggling hyena friends didn't quite understand the idea of books or reading for enjoyment.

Then she spotted James.

'Sodding flobberworms!' as Lily liked to quote repeatedly.

She quickly grabbed the shoulders of three chatting second year girls and begged them to encircle here, but were rather afraid of her and ran off in hysterics.

She and James' eyes seemed to meet across the corridor, hazel meeting green. Just as Lily was about to avoidably make a run away from James' grasp, he had quickly cornered her and held her arm, dragging her inside an empty classroom.

James shut the door, enclosing them inside. They both breathed heavily as they stared at each other in very noticeable tension.

"This shouldn't be happening," Lily stated, self-consciously playing with the ends of her hair. "We really shouldn't be alone together," she said firmly, but couldn't help making a groan of pleasure as James pressed his body against hers and kissed her deeply on the lips.

She tried to raise her knee to kick him in the gonads again, but somehow couldn't bring herself to do it. She told herself it was because he had been ill and just gotten out of the Hospital wing, not on the fact that she might possibly have romantic feelings for him.

"Damn it, stop doing that!" Lily said, breaking the kiss with all the force she could muster, which really wasn't much considering she liked it and really, really shouldn't. She put her hand to his chest and pushed him away but couldn't get her fingers to dispatch off him. She had to physically beat her left hand with the other until her fingers removed themselves from James' shirt.

"Okay, one problem solved." Lily tried to calm herself.

"You're not still mad about the Whiskers thing, are you?" James asked her, eyes sorrowful.

"Oh, God, don't look at me like that," Lily said, purposely not looking into his eyes. "I wish you had conjunctivitis."

James had a smile creeping to his lips. "You don't want to know my wishful thinking," he raised his eyebrows roguishly.

"Does it involve: you, me, this empty classroom, a classroom desk," James nodded his head as she listed each object. "Oh yeah, and this," Lily smacked him upside the head. "Pervert."

"Why didn't I see that happening?" he muttered, rubbing the pain away.

"I have to get out of here," Lily told herself, glancing back at James who was looking, in her mad opinion, adorable as he smoothed his head with a pout. "Have to get out of here now. Now, Lily, now!"

She tried to make a run for the classroom door but James had stopped in front of her, looking inquisitive.

"Stop forcing this not to happen," he murmured in a low voice, walking towards her, intertwining their fingers.

"Damn. Too late, Lily, you're a goner." She felt herself melt to a pulp. "We really shouldn't be doing this," she turned her head to the side, missing the kiss James was about to give to her lips, making him again peck her ear by mistake which seemed to be getting a lot of attention lately.

"Why not?" He smirked, thinking Lily was just playing one of her teasing games.

"Because..." Lily paused, making a remorseful sigh. "Because I have a boyfriend."

"Well, that shouldn't be a problem considering you're with him now," James laughed. "So, we're finally going out, then?"

Lily fell silent and closed her eyes regrettably.

"Hey, what's up?" James pulled away from her, noting her shoulders tensing and her look of utter travesty.

He made to a rub a hand smoothly to her arm but she flinched away. "I'm sorry, James. The boyfriend isn't you."

He froze. She bowed her head.

"Derrick asked me out this morning."

James had to physically stable himself. "And what did you answer him?" He asked hysterically, not fully believing she would say yes to going out with anybody after what had happened between. Lily refused to answer and felt her eyes getting shiny, not in a good way. "What did you answer him?" He demanded again.

"What do you think, James?" her voice faltered.

James ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Why?" Lily remained quietly, not truly knowing herself. "But why?" He yelled, his anger slightly scaring her. "What about us? We're meant to be together-"

"That's bollocks and you know it," Lily cut him off with watery eyes. "You can't honestly say you believe in soul mates."

"I believe in us," he said strongly.

Lily threw her hands up in the air, "But we're the worst couple ever! On our first date we walked five steps out of Hogwarts doors and were knocked unconscious, for Christ's sake!"

"I thought we'd forgotten about that…"

"Our first kiss was based on a lie, James! The first kiss I thought I had with you was with a bloody cat! The start of our relationship has all been based on lies."

"Misunderstandings," James tried to correct her. "Why him, Lily? Why?" he choked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "He asked me. He makes me happy, I suppose," she said uncertainly.

"If he makes you so happy, then why did your eyes start to water the second you mentioned him?" James questioned her, wiping a soft finger to brush away her tears. She closed her eyes and shivered at his touch.

Suddenly, there was a loud creak as the door opened and a suspicious Professor McGonagall stood at the opening - her face said she was wondering what exactly was going on and what they were doing in her empty classroom. James and Lily panicked, being caught in her empty classroom and using it for private conversations was inevitable death sentence from the professor, who was already hanging by a string after all the incidents with Sirius Black.

So James did the first thing that came to his mind: he pushed Lily to the floor. She shrieked and collapsed backwards into a classroom desk and landed painfully on her bottom.

"And THAT is how you protect yourself from a dark wizard!" he declared audibly.

McGonagall flipped.

"What on earth do you think you're doing, Potter!" She said madly, hurrying to Lily's side.

"I was, er, just teaching Evans here how to protect herself against dark wizards!"

"I think you should leave that job to the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher," she said icily. "Are you alright, Miss Evans?" She helped her to her feet.

Lily tried to force a smile, though it was rather undermined by her glistening eyes. "Yes, professor! I'm fine!"

McGonagall shook her, unconvinced; she glanced skeptically at James who was trying to mask his anger and annoyance at Lily. As McGonagall looked way, Lily mimed a pleading, 'I'm sorry,' to James, but he merely turned away from her.

"You two should get back to your common room," she suggested as more of an order, directing them to the door.

The second McGonagall slammed the door shut from the inside, Lily looked over to James with more truthful apologies behind her eyes, but he'd given her a broken face and stormed away.

Unfortunately, the other three Marauders were ambling their way up the same corridor, on a trip to the kitchens as Sirius wanted those marshmallows he'd been craving the night before.

The second the boys saw James marching down the corridor with a dejected face, Remus instinctively told Sirius to leave him, but Sirius as the worried friend he was caught up to James as he passed them, too upset to greet the three.

"Sirius, leave it!" Remus told him crossly again.

Sirius grabbed James' arm, forcing him to stop. "Prongs, what's happened?" He asked uneasily.

James wrestled his arm free and showed definite darkness in his face. "Pad, I don't want to talk about it."

"C'mon, Prongs-"

"I don't want to talk about it," James spoke again more forcefully.

"Sirius, maybe you should-" Peter tried to drag him away but he did not budge.

"But-" he began.

"Fuck off, Sirius!" He bellowed - at such a flare-up Sirius jumped back and landed into Remus with wide eyes. James gave his friends an apologetic look the second the words erupted from his mouth, but didn't speak as he spun around and stormed away.

Seconds later, Lily speeded up to them, watching with the boys as James turned the corner and was out of sight.

"What did you say to him?" Sirius demanded harshly, turning on Lily.

"Get off me, Sirius," she murmured, pushing his tight fingers off her arm. Her eyes were determinedly looking up to refuse any more tears from falling down.

"Padfoot," Remus began weakly, pulling his hand off her.

"What did you say to him?" Sirius said more aggressively. Remus murmured, "Calm down," in his ear, trying to get his anger under control.

"Why do you keep interfering?" Lily suddenly flared up as well at the boys. "It's none of your business!"

And on that note, she ran her way back to the common room, wiping furiously at her eyes.

"I suppose you don't want those marshmallows now, then?" Peter asked Sirius awkwardly.

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