Chapter 18- MUH-HOONEY's False Fabrications May Give Out A Duel...

Just as she was about to walk away, Snape grabbed her wrist and pulled her dangerously close to him, sneering with hatred behind the locks of his greasy ebony hair.

"Maybe you should look where you're going instead of daydreaming," Snape said, with a distinct hint in his voice that she was daydreaming about a particular messy haired James Potter.

"Let go." Lily tried her wrist away from his grasp.

"Lily!"

Their heads snapped down the corridor to see James hurrying forwards with immense concern plastered across his face.

"There's your daydream now," Snape sneered, glancing at him. "Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions...are weak."

Lily frowned, trying to interpret what he was trying to say.

"Goodbye, Evans," Snape scowled familiarly.

Lily puckered brow, but sighed in great relief as Snape let go of her wrist and shoved her away, so hard she faltered backwards. Before Lily could comprehend what had happened, Snape had stridden down the corridor and in direction of the Hogwarts' grounds; too far away for James to catch up as Lily fell backwards into him.

James managed to stable her as she tumbled in to him, instinctively holding on to her wrist, just as Snape had done. But Lily somehow felt content when James did it to her, not shivers and feelings of cutting her own hands off.

"I went to check on you in the Hospital wing but you weren't there," James said with a hurt expression.

"You did?" Lily replied, her stomach jumping.

"What did Snape say to you?"

"I don't know, something mysteriously incoherent," she said confusedly.

"I'm going to…" James trailed off into wheezing angry breaths, looking in the direction where Snape had strutted off to with fume.

"Don't do anything to him, James." Lily warned him. "Just…don't."

James eyed her sceptically. "There isn't anything, y'know, going on between you and him..."

His words dropped like a bomb.

"Excuse me?"

James winced. "I said another stupid thing, didn't I," he said regrettably.

"I cannot believe you'd even suggest that!" Lily cried, disgusted. "I shouldn't even be talking to you right now. I'm supposed to be ignoring you," she said firmly, as more of a reminder to herself.

She was about to walk away but James held on to her shoulder to stop her from turning around. Without thinking, which James seemed to do a lot whenever Lily was around, or just in general, he kissed her.

Not a good move.

At first, Lily seemed to gasp in his mouth at the sudden action and appeared to like it. That was until she remembered she wasn't supposed to be talking to him, besides exchanging saliva with the guy. She managed to dislodge her lips off and his and did the first thing she felt instinctive: she kicked him in his gonads.

Because violence is always the answer.

Lily had never kicked him in his testicular area, only occasionally hit him upside the head, but that was more of a playful way. This one was in his delicate area - it was a hard kick and the classic sign that you had successfully buggered things up big time.

"You are such a twat," she declared, this time making a dignified exit of flouncing.

James fell to his knees, making a groan, before humming painfully the funeral march as he dragged himself by sliding his hands across the corridor floor towards the exit of Hogwarts grounds.

"Your favourite book is Hogwarts: A History? That's mine too!" Remus said excitedly, walking across Hogwarts grounds with a brunette and fellow sixth year.

He was on his way to meet at the lake by orders of James' note, after doing some pass-time reading in the library and luckily getting into conversation with a pretty and intelligent witch. Sirius nor Peter wanted to join him on the escapades of reading after breakfast, so abandoned him for hiding out from McGonagall in the Room of Requirement.

"I tried taking it out of the library," Remus carried on, "But it was already out."

The girl blushed. "That's because I've got it."

"Oh," Remus laughed.

The girl quirked an eyebrow, "Maybe we can go back to my dorm and read it together."

Remus somehow guessed that reading wasn't really on the agenda. "Well, er I-"

"MUH-HOONY!"

"Oh, Christ," Remus muttered.

An energetic nutcase with no sense of privacy bounded up to them both with an uncomfortable Peter in tow.

"Wahey," Sirius greeted them, "Who's your lady friend?" He focused on the dark-haired girl next to him.

"Er, Holly, this is Sirius," Remus waved a hand vaguely, "Sirius, this is Holly."

The girl immediately looked daggers, closing in on Sirius. "I know who you are," she snapped at him.

Remus quickly exchanged a look with him. "You do?"

"Yes. He snogged my best friend in the broom closet and never talked to her again," she explained.

"I can't say I'm surprised about that," Remus muttered, shaking his head.

Sirius cringed, unconsciously fiddling with his hair. "Er, was her name Marlene Simmons?" he asked, remembering the name he quoted to Lily in the bathroom lock-in.

"No," she grumbled. Remus shook his head again. "Her name was Elizabeth."

"Oh!" Sirius said, in a way where you try and fake recognition when really you can't remember a damn thing about the person their talking about. "Oh,her! Eliz-a-beth! Elizabeth," he feigned a smile, "Such a great gal."

"You don't know who I'm talking about, do you."

"No sodding idea."

The girl scowled.

"So, what did she look like?" Sirius asked curiously.

"She was my identical twin sister."

The boys winced.

Sirius opened his mouth and closed his mouth in flustering until he finally murmured the word "Shit," the only word he could form from his mouth.

"So..." Sirius broke the tense silence, "Are you two dating?" He asked them both.

"Padfoot! You're being inappropriate!" Remus told him off.

Sirius got a mischievous glint in his eye. "I thought we had something special, Moonykins," he drawled.

There was silence and everyone looked at each other in turn.

"What?" Remus hissed, definite worry written on his face; especially as Holly was looking in between the two, highly unimpressed.

Sirius turned his head away dramatically and raised his chin high as he sniffed. "So last night," he put on an emotional tone, "meant nothing to you?"

Remus' eyes widened in horror. "What do you mean, 'last night!' What are you even talking about?" he howled.

"Oh, Muh-hoony," Sirius sniveled, "So it is true."

Peter was making an occasional concerned squeak, wondering what exactly he missed whilst he spent the night in the Hospital wing.

"Our one night of passion," Sirius made pelvic thrusts to indicate to Holly what exactly he was talking about, which was not needed as she had guessed exactly what he was referring to and was covering her gawking mouth in shock, "Was just a silly little fling."

"What night of passion?" Remus echoed. "What fling? I hope you're talking about throwing objects of some sort!"

"I've never came like that before in my life," Sirius ended the trifle, dessert and act, with a cherry on top, making a sigh to greaten the last line.

Remus made choking sounds. "W-WH...WHAT?"

Peter squeaked again and appeared to be turning the odd colour of—yes, you guessed it: fuchsia.

"I'm not quite gagging, and I'm not quite vomiting," Peter shrilled, "I'm gavommiting." And on that note, he made an arm action with his hands that was supposed to be wave, but looked more like pointing back and forth between Remus and Sirius, screaming, and then hobbling along to meet James at the lake.

"I'm leaving," Holly announced, appearing as red as a tomato for being in such an inappropriate conversation. "Er, nice meeting you," she said uncomfortably, and was about to shake the boys' hands but didn't know where exactly they had been, especially since 'last night', and also by the fact that what she has said was a lie and it had NOT nice meeting either of them. "Bye!" she bleated, and ran off back into the castle.

"FALSE FABRICATIONS!" Remus howled after her. "FALSE FAB-RI-CA-TIONS!"

Sirius broke into deafening laughter, lolling back his head so much that he nearly fell backwards and his head nearly dispatched off his own neck. Remus just stood frozen, very, very pale.

"THAT was SO FUNNY! " Sirius trailed off into giggles. "Merlin, did you see her face! Completely floored. That was such a great prank! Best to date, I'd say. No hard feelings, eh, Moony? Moony? Muh-hoony?"

Remus remained frozen, but instead of looking pale was getting redder by the passing seconds.

"Er...Moony? You're turning red, that's a bad sign in the distinguishing signs of Remus Lupin. You're either embarrassed or you're just getting really mad."

Remus' left eye twitched.

"Eye twitching? What stage are we at now? Isn't it normally the mouth flinching first?"

Remus' mouth flinched repeatedly, as if he were having mouth spasms.

"Ah, there we go. But if you're really, really mad, which can't be now because I'm your buddy, there would be nose enlargement following. You're like that Pinocchio - instead of your nose growing when you lie, your nose grows when you're super mad."

Remus' nose appeared to grow at least an inch.

Sirius blanched. "Holy Merlin," he murmured, watching Remus close on him dangerously.

Sirius instinctively covered his hands over his man chest. "Not the nipple cripple, Moony. They HURT. You haven't given me one of those since second year!"

"You KILLED my owl!" Remus reminded him.

Sirius put his hands in the air. "How was I supposed to know Snowy would die if he ingested too much gravy?"

"Nobody can survive ingesting two times the amount of body weight in gravy, for Christ's sake!"

Sirius snorted. "Who are you, Frankenstein or something?"

Remus somehow knew that Sirius had meant Einstein.

"Just gimme a dead leg instead, Moony? C'mon, be reasonable!"

"Dead legs don't hurt as much," Remus grumbled.

"Hel-lo? Dead leg. A lot of pain happens, hence the name. How about a wedgie?" Sirius suggested.

"We're not in America, Sirius."

"A Wet Willy?"

"There is no pain involved in a Wet Willy! All you do is lick your finger and put it someone's ear!"

"Technically if Snape done it, your face would be like burning and-" Sirius broke off into high-pitched shrieks. "My manly chest! Le'go, le'go, LET GO!"

As the two were now fighting on the floor, Peter ambled up the two, still gavommiting.

"Er, guys?"

"Stop twistin'! STOP TWISTING!"

"Guys!" Peter interrupted. "Look what James is doing!" He pointed over to their friend by the lake a few feet away.

"Oh no," Sirius and Remus said in unison.

They both scrambled to their feet, running with Peter as they hurried over to lake where James was wading in the water.

"Anyone going to hum the funeral march?" James mumbled to himself. "Nobody? Fine, I'll do it- dum dum dumdum, dum dumdum dumdum, dum duuuu-"

"PRONGSIE!"

James turned his head to face his three friends, standing by the shore with horrified expressions. He was presently managing to keep afloat in the water as he kicked out his legs, presently trying to avoid the giant squid's tentacles, and presently quite naked.

"Oh dear God, please say you're wearing trousers below," Remus said; as he could only the see top half of James' bare chest.

"No," he replied, rather smug. "Just boxers."

Sirius burst into disbelieving chuckles. "Chowderhead, what are you doing?"

James took in his friends' appearance and shook his head disappointedly at them. "The invitation specifically said to wear black. And you're late! I mean, I don't even know why I bother to make an effort. You guys don't appreciate me."

"You're acting bent again," Sirius said tonelessly, "I just thought I'd mention that."

Remus backtracked to what James had said. "Invitation? Black? I take it this is another suicidal attempt. And are those handcuffs in your hand?" He asked suddenly, spotting the handcuffs James was trying to unsuccessfully chain to his wrists.

James nodded. "It's to stop me from saving myself when I drown. They're quite hard to put on yourself..."

"Hey, they're my handcuffs!" Sirius shouted, examining them from a distance. "Oh, wait. Those are pink and fluffy. Mine are black. I do apologize."

Nobody bothered to give Sirius an odd look because that line was probably the sanest of his today.

"You can't drown in the lake, James!" Peter drawled from the water's edge.

"Why not?" James whined back.

"Because you can swim!"

"So, I'll forget!" he snapped.

"You can't forget! It's from the heart!" Peter patted his chest. "From your sooooul!"

Remus raised his hand. "I have a more plausible reason that you cannot drown in the lake."

"Why, Moony?"

"The squid will save you."

James huffed. "Not if I chain myself to the bottom!"

"The squid can just, er, unchain you!" Sirius said lamely.

James laughed. "They don't have opposable thumbs, Sirius."

"But they have those sucker things," he pointed out. "Sucker things, Prongsie. Suction. Heh, that's a funny word. SUC-"

"Anyway," Remus cut him off with a look of rage. "Just come out of the lake, James. Then we can discuss whatever stupid thing you did this time which involved Lily."

He splashed the water in uproar. "What makes you think this has anything to do with Lily, you berks?"

Remus tried to calm him, "Okay, I apologize for jumping to conclusions. Just come out of the lake, okay?"

James pouted, looking a lot like a sulking housewife. "Alright," he gave in, "the water is kind of cold."

He was about to waddle back to shore but the giant squid had got so impatient that James was bathing in it's water, that he picked up James by the tentacle and flung him on the grass.

James gazed up at the towering heads of his friends as he lay on the ground.

"Ah," Sirius tapped his nose, "Suction."

"So, being curious, what was this all about?" Remus asked, already knowing the answer.

James sighed. "Evans..."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Exactly…"

"Somebody give me my clothes," James grunted.

"Looking for these?"

James leaned up on his elbows as the boys turned their heads to face Severus Snape holding James' beloved clothes as he appeared from behind the shade of the beech tree, or as Sirius called it: The Marauders beech tree.

"You did not just touch my beech tree, git-face," Sirius gritted through his teeth, watching Snape's fingers tap the trunk with his spindly fingers.

"Heaven knows what you've been doing with this tree, Black," Snape retorted.

Remus had to hold Sirius back by threatening earlier manly chest twisting again. Peter remained silent, quietly excited on what hell would break loose soon.

James tried to muster his dignity in his nudity and instead focused full on glaring at Snape. "What are you doing, Snivellus? Stealing clothes for a living now? I know you may admire my appearance, but to go as far as stealing my clothes to be me?" He sighed. "How pathetic."

"I wouldn't dare talk to me like that in the position you're in, Potter," Snape snapped.

Remus made a worrying glance as he eyed James and Sirius' glowering with the enemy. "Snape," Remus said firmly, "Please-"

"Don't you say 'please' to him, Moony," Sirius cut in shortly. "Dark arts prick."

Snape faked admiration. "You have such a way with words, Black. As do you, Potter," James flinched, "I mean, those impressive firework displays in the sky last night." James shook with anger. Snape sneered and quoted with sniping air finger quotes, "Your beauty stupefies me," he made an evil snicker, "You rock my wizarding world."

"If I had my wand right now-" James started.

"Why don't you check your underwear?" Snape suggested.

Remus gritted his teeth and forced James to the ground as he was about leap in hysterics, which was not a good move in nakedness.

"Snape," Remus said steadily again, "Just...return James' clothing."

Snape's eyes widened aback and he laughed mockingly. "The mediator," he sighed, "Rather shocking for someone like you. Knowing...what you are."

Sirius' eyes blazed. "OH, that is IT! NOBODY picks on Moony...except ME!" He poked himself squarely in the chest, already bringing out his wand from his pocket.

But it already seemed as if Snape was prepared, getting his wand out faster and already muttering a spell in Sirius' direction.

"Furnunculus!" Snape bellowed.

Sirius ducked out the way, pushing James and Remus to the ground out of the spell's reach.

Unfortunately, the spell had skipped past them and hit Peter in the chest instead, making him fall to the ground, squishing many nasty boils.

"I always forget him," Sirius said confusedly. "He's too bloody small and quiet."

Remus hurried over to Peter. "Are you okay?" he asked him, holding him by the shoulders.

"Ay, ay, a scratch," Peter murmured, boils compressing.

"You're covered in boils, that's more than a scratch."

"Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man."

"Peter-" Remus tried to cut in.

"A plague a' both your houses!" he yelled.

"You have got to stop reading my books of Shakespeare," Remus grumbled.

"Rictusempra!" Sirius yelled.

Snape had no time to block the charm as it him, making him burst into uncharacteristically girlish giggles. The sight was gruesome as they watched Snape struggle to contain himself, wailing his arms whilst he snorted with the oddest smile on his face.

"Get it off him! It's weird!" James commanded.

Fortunately, Snape managed to get the tickling charm off himself and sustain his ground again. Shaking himself to think straight again, he pointed his wand once more at the boys.

Remus got to his feet, trying to make a block in between Snape and his friends. "This is completely inane! Stop this!"

As expected, everyone carried on acting foolishly.

"Tarantellegra!" Snape yelled again.

"Protego!" Sirius blocked the curse.

"I have James' clothes!" Remus announced, holding the bundle of clothing in his arms that was abandoned by Snape as he was now wizard duelling. "Now the duelling can stop, okay?"

As expected, everyone carried on acting foolishly.

As Snape seemed distracted by Sirius, James quickly scrambled over to the frozen Peter who was near the water's edge. Fumbling quickly in his pockets, he rustled around for Peter's wand as some sort of defence.

"SECTUMSEMPRA!"

James whirled around, holding Peter's wand in his hand.

"Prongs!"

Though it was too late as Snape's brutal spell slashed him boldly in the chest, splashing blood in all directions. He made a choked coughing sound as his wand hand fell limply, his body arching and falling back into the lake's water. Red coloured water covered everywhere.

"James! JAMES!"

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MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes i greatly enjoyed the cliffie... I remembered i had a cliffie for the last chapter and i wasn't supposed to upload, but i did promise... :D So i got another cliffie to go with it... :P I enjoy this..... Tell me what you think! Sorry its not sooooo much funny in this chap... It has it "Sirius" moments... ;D

<3 Y