Chapter 17- Suicide Notes, with a Side Dish of....?

In the late hours of Sunday morning, following the disastrous date (or slightly insightful, depending who you were) of James and Lily, Peter trudged up the common room stairs and pushed open the door to his dorm.

"Hey guys!" Peter chorused, expecting a welcome party of ecstatic, "We missed you SO MUCH," and, "DONT EVER leave us again, Wormtail! Oh so help me GOD, I will hunt you down and smother you with hugs."

Peter stood at the doorway, awaiting the pleasant cries of acknowledgement.

There were none.

Peter squinted. "Why is it so dark in here? Did someone block up the windows?" he asked.

"Light hurts eyes. So we must be bathed in darkness. Like vampires," a voice mumbled.

Peter frowned confusedly and ambled into the gloom, ripping off the sheets of the Daily Prophet that blocked the morning's sun light. The second luminosity entered the room a strangled cry broke out.

"OH, MINE EYES! They BURN! What shmuck let in light! WHAT SHMUCK!"

Peter took one look at the two Marauders, Sirius and Remus, sprawled out on their beds and asked, "What happened last night?"

Sirius formed an exaggerated moan as his head tipped upside down at the foot of his bed. "I'm too hungover to talk." He gazed at the upside-down Peter. "Since when have there been two Peters?"

"One Peter is a special Peter that only drunk or hungover people can see," Remus explained, his arms and legs sprawled out in a starfish position.

Peter glanced over at Remus and made a grimace. "Remus, you appear to have had...an accident," he said weakly.

"What?" Remus grumbled, and then looked down at his trousers.

"Oh, Moony," Sirius laughed. "That is rather revolting."

"Sirius!" Remus moaned. "You vomited on my pyjama bottoms!"

Sirius snorted. "Do not blame your toilet problems on me, fellow partisan. And besides, pyjama bottoms? Why don't you just wear boxers to bed like everyone else?"

"Because I do not like to strip down to boxers every night before bed quavering the Full Monty tune, whilst thrusting my pelvic area in an ungodly fashion."

Sirius pouted. "Prongs finds it funny..."

Peter showed a hurt expression as Remus and Sirius continued to argue how a liquid patch had gotten on Remus' crotch. "Er, guys?" He cut in. "Aren't you going to say how glad you are that I'm back?"

Sirius gave him a blank look. "Back from where?"

"The Hospital wing, negligent," Remus reminded him.

"Oh," Sirius yawned, "Whatever." He batted a hand and closed his eyes, trying to get back to sleep whilst Remus tried to doze off in unison.

Peter forced a cough. "Um, aren't you going to ask how I am?"

Remus smiled nicely, "How are you, Peter?"

"Well," Peter began, now feeling rather chirpy that he was getting the attention he thought he deserved; although Sirius had nodded off and was mumbling something about 'chocolate body paints'. "I'm feeling better now. Madam Pomfrey managed to fix my bones in a jiffy." Remus gave him an odd glance, wondering who said 'jiffy' these days.

"That's fascinating, Peter," he commented in what he thought was an enthusiastic tone.

"Oh, and I saw Evans in the Hospital Wing, too," Peter added.

"Lily was there?" Remus raised his brow. "Speaking of Lily, where's James?" He looked around the dorm and found James' bed empty. "Must have gone for breakfast early," he shrugged. "So why was Lily in there?"

"I think she had a bad foot," Peter guessed. "I asked her how she got it and she threatened to rip out a kidney."

"Oh." Remus was not surprised.

"And then I asked her about James," Peter carried on, "And she actually tried to rip out a kidney." He rubbed his stomach.

Remus winced, "I was going to ask about those rips on the front of your shirt."

"Oh, don't worry, Madam Pomfrey got rid of the blood."

"What!" Sirius tried sitting up in bed but only tumbled back down with a painful moan. He was awake from his chocolate body paints dream now the conversation was starting to get interesting. "Did she actually rip out a kidney?"

"Of course she didn't," Remus scolded him, then glanced at Peter, "Er, did she? Though it is possible to survive on one kidney, so if she only tore out one, you'd still be alive."

"No, she just got rid of the blood from the scram marks on my stomach," Peter explained, "Both babies are still here." He patted his hands at his chest, which was the wrong part to indicate where his kidneys were, unless his kidneys were hovering somewhere near his collar bone.

"You are referring to your kidneys, aren't you?" Remus asked. "Not actual babies? Because it's physically impossible for a male to have infants born inside him."

"Not to mention the world would be a better place without mini Peter papooses running around."

"Sirius," Remus sighed, "A papoose is a Native American Indian baby. Peter is not Native American Indian."

Peter made an 'o' shaped mouth, as if he to say a surprised, "I'm not?"

"A papoose can be whatever I bloody want it to be," Sirius said. "I could even call you a papoose." He pointed a finger at Remus. "Papoose!"

"Hey, Padfoot?" Peter asked. "How come you were so concerned that Lily might have ripped out one of my kidneys? Do you really value my friendship that much?" he said admirably.

"No," Sirius scoffed, "I was just worried that you'd given a kidney away to her. So when I'm older and might be an alcoholic, you wouldn't be the one to save my life by giving me a kidney. How could you do that to me, Pete? Huh? Huh! You selfish human being!"

"Oh God, you're right!" Peter's eyes began to water in horror. "How could I be so insensitive? I'm so sorry, Sirius!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Peter, why are you apologizing to him? You didn't give her a kidney, remember?"

He cringed in realisation. "Oh yeah. Oh, and guess what, Padfoot?"

"What?" Sirius grunted.

"I got a lollypop from Madam Pomfrey before I left. It was strawberry."

"Oh woop-de-fucking -doo. Let me shit myself with envy."

Remus rolled his eyes and made his new crucifix position more comfortable. "Now, if this conversation is over, I will be going back to sleep." He shut his eyes but then sniffed the air towards his pyjamas. "Maybe after I take these off."

"Duh nah nah nah, dun nuh-"

"Stop singing the Full Monty, Sirius."

He stuck out his tongue. "If only James was here to appreciate my wit. Where is the mork?"

Remus shrugged, "Maybe he's with Lily."

"Oh yeah, how did the date go?" Peter asked curiously.

"Well," Remus stretched, "Let me sum up the date in a few nonsensical and rather peculiar words." Peter nodded. "A carriage. Hippo. Top hats. Hog's head. Dodgy door. McGonagall. Fireworks."

Peter nodded slowly. "Wow, that is rather non...nonsi...whatever you just said."

Sirius groaned in annoyance. "Will you guys stop talking? I'm trying to sleep and I'm not planning to move for the rest of the day."

"But how will you go to the bathroom?" Peter asked.

"I will simply hold it in," Sirius said. "Or I'll pee in a container. Like, an empty Firewhiskey bottle," he pointed to one on the floor, "Or an old cauldron," he pointed again.

"We need to clean this dormitory," Remus stated.

"And I need to be more rational. But that's not going to happen, is it, Moony," Sirius retorted.

The two exhausted Marauders tried to snooze again, whilst Peter walked over to James' bed to try and find out why he had gotten up so early, especially as he was known as the one who slept so late that he was putting on his trousers in class.

"Guys," Peter addressed his friends. "Prongs left a note." He waved the small piece of parchment he found on James' pillow.

Sirius snorted, "He left a note? What are we, his parents?"

"Is it a suicide note?" Remus drawled tiredly.

"No."

"Is it Prongs' will?" Sirius asked.

"No."

"Then I'm not interested."

Remus hurled a pillow at Sirius for his insensitivity. "What does the note say, Wormtail?"

Fellow Marauders,

Meet me later at the beech tree by the lake. WEAR BLACK.

Yours Marauderingly,

Prongs

No hugs or kisses

...Except for Lily Evans

"Marauderingly isn't a word," Remus commented shrewdly.

Peter shrugged unhelpfully. "I wonder why we have to wear black. Black's not a good colour on me."

Remus and Sirius looked at him oddly at the slightly girlish comment.

"I'm guessing you prefer fuchsia, Peter?" Remus assumed.

"Black is a flattering colour on me," Sirius said matter-of-factly, "It makes me look thinner and brings out my eyes."

Remus and Peter looked at him oddly at the slightly girlish comment.

"Not to mention," Sirius carried on, "It's the same as-"

"Your surname," Remus finished. "Yes, we knew that."

Sirius again tried to prop himself up but lay back down again as any upright position made him feel nauseous. "I wonder why Prongs wants us to meet him at the Marauder Lookout."

Remus sighed, "You do realise you're the only one who calls the shade by the beech tree the 'Marauder Lookout', or shall I say: the spot where peeping toms otherwise known as Sirius Black spy over at the girls on the other side of the lake."

Sirius gasped, "I do not spy! I merely observe."

"Whilst holding your crotch?"

Sirius reddened. "Wow, it wasn't as dark as I thought under the shade of that beech tree..."

"Why do you think James wants us to meet him by the lake, though?" Peter asked, folding up James' parchment note into a small hat. He propped it on his head and made a cheesy grin.

"If you wear that in public I will cause some serious hurt on you."

Peter sulked and took the hat off on Sirius' orders.

"It is rather strange though," Sirius said thoughtfully. "We haven't met up at the lake since those Marauder Meetings we did in second year."

Remus grimaced, "I remember those. You made me correspondent and I had to write every word down of the conversations we had, including the Chocolate Frogs or Sugar quills debate, and how many times Dumbledore can wrap his beard around his own neck."

"Chocolate frogs," Sirius commented, "And 28 times. I was chairman. I had a badge and everything with the initials CM, but Prongs kept calling me-"

"Contaminated Molester," Peter smiled, "Good times, eh. Good times. Why did we ever stop the meetings?"

"Because they were lame," Sirius said simply. "Now," he yawned, "Stop with the early Hogwarts reminiscing and leave me to hibernate in my own filth. I am not moving from this bed," he declared.

Peter tried to disguise his disappointment. "Well, I'll just go for breakfast by myself, then." He showed a sulky expression as he stood by the doorway. Sirius and Remus made unrecognizable mmhmms and waved rather pathetically for his depart. "Oh, and by the way," he added, "I bumped into McGonagall and she said she was on her way here."

"WHAT!" Sirius flung off his bed and crawled to his feet. "On second thought, I think I'll join you, Pete!"

Peter eyed him up and down. "Shouldn't you put some clothes on first?"

Sirius looked at his half naked self of boxers. "No time for meaningless materialistic objects," he said, grabbing his robe and putting it on himself loosely.

"I hardly think clothing is a meaningless materialistic object," Remus retorted.

"Moony, you will also accompany us!" Sirius decided. "You can either be a witness to my death, or bodyguard me!"

"Sirius, for Christ's sake!" Remus cursed, trying to grab for clothing as Sirius dragged him out of the dorm. "Will you let me put my trousers on? I'm onlywearing underpants, you eccentric lunatic!"

"Is McGonagall in there?"

Peter poked his head from the entrance of the Great hall and over to the Professors table where the teachers ate their breakfast and pretended to enjoy each others company. Thankfully, McGonagall's seat at the table was empty.

"Coast is clear," Peter informed.

Sirius strolled into the hall, not at all bothered by his open robe displaying his boxers and the fact that he was walking bare feet without shoes. Peter stuck to Sirius' side because people admired Sirius, if 'admiration' meant 'gossip about him'. And if 'gossip' meant 'worry for his safety'. And if 'worry for his safety' actually meant 'worry for their safety'.

Remus quickly took a seat at the Gryffindor table so people wouldn't think he associated with him, although everyone knew their friendship because the Marauders were well known like an annoying mother-in law; they were constantly in the background and always would be, until they dropped dead or you cut off their air supply first.

Unfortunately, the boys had taken seats next to a disgruntled redhead.

"I thought you were still in the Hospital Wing?" Peter asked the girl.

Lily dropped the croissant she was half way in the middle of eating and fixed him with a glare. Peter instantly held on to his stomach, protecting his internal organs.

"I swear, Pettigrew, talk to me one more time and I will rip off your limbs and use them as Quidditch bats," Lily threatened.

"Wow, a Quidditch related threat. That's new," Sirius commented.

"Why are you wearing just boxers and a robe?" Lily asked, covering her eyes with toast. "I know it is the weekend but you take casual appearances too far."

Sirius snatched her half eaten croissant and munched on it openly. "I am making a point, protesting to people of today how materialistic objects are worthless and it's each others love for one another that counts."

"In other words," Remus said, "Sirius was in too much of a rush to change, hiding from McGonagall."

Sirius scoffed and perched his bare feet on the table as surrounding students made disgusted cries of the smell, especially Lily who chucked her orange juice at him. "Moony," Sirius wiped his wet face, "You make it sound as if I am scared of the woman, which I am most certainly not. I'll hex her to Siberia."

"Oh, look!" Lily yelled. "It's McGonagall!"

Sirius let out a girlish scream and hid under the table, holding on to Remus' legs.

"She was joking, Padfoot."

Sirius grumbled as he got out from under the table and sneered at Lily who was sniggering. "I'm confused, at which part of that girlish scream were youhexing her to Siberia?"

"Nyeh neh nyeh neh," Sirius mimicked her voice immaturely.

"So," Lily tried to hide her tone of concern, "Where's the fourth urchin?"

Remus eyed her sceptically. "We thought James was with you. Didn't he come see you in the Hospital wing?"

Lily frowned. "No," she said disappointedly. The boys looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Which was a good thing!" she added hastily.

"Why don't you go find him?" Remus suggested, not so subtly.

Lily looked at him indecorously and folded her arms. "I'm not talking to him," she declared.

"Oh God," Sirius moaned, legs again perched back on the table. He grabbed a knife and tried using it to clean his nails that had somehow got filth underneath. "Don't tell me you're still not going out with him?"

"That's none of your business, wanker."

"Nyeh neh nyeh neh..."

"What did James do?" Peter asked, his hands still safely protecting his stomach.

Lily huffed and nibbled on another croissant. "I don't want to talk about it."

"So if you're not talking to James," Sirius said, "then why exactly are you talking to us?"

Lily huffed again. "I sat here first!" she yelled angrily. "You were the ones who took seats next to me!"

"Whatever."

"Sirius," Lily began in a deadly tone, "Just do me a favour, okay?"

"Sure. Just bend over and I'll remove that stick up your arse any time now."

"Look," she began, grabbing the knife from his hand and pushing it to his throat, "You mention James one more time and I will slit your throat."

"Message understood," Sirius nodded, pushing the knife away, "Lily-cidal maniac," he muttered.

Remus glanced from his paper. "I recommend the fork, Lily. The knives aren't that sharp, they're only good for buttering toast."

The four sat quietly as they continued to eat their breakfast.

"So did you smooch?"

Lily impaled a fork into Sirius' neck.

"Christ, woman!"

Lily stood up from his seat, ready to leave. "You just tell James," she addressed the boys, "To not even bother trying to talk to me again, because I will be ignoring him." She made a final hellish glower and walked away.

A couple of seconds later, she backtracked back to the table and grabbed a croissant, making another final malicious glare, and walked away again.

Another couple of seconds later, she backtracked again to the table, grabbed a knife and cut open the croissant.

"Weren't you making a dignified exit?" Remus asked, quirking an eyebrow as the boys ogled at her.

"I don't like my croissants plain!" she said, buttering the inside.

Finally finishing the buttering, she fixed another glare and stomped away.

For the third time, a couple of seconds later, she jogged back again to where the boys were sitting, biting her lip with a worried look.

"What now? Do you want jam on your croissant?" Sirius teased.

"No," she snapped. "Just," she sighed and her face gradually heated, "Don't tell James that earlier message, because I'm not talking to him. So tell him nothing. Nothing. Don't even tell him you saw me. You saw nothing. I said nothing about him."

Remus nodded. "Yes, we understand the nullity."

"Good."

For the final time, she glared and stomped away.

"Is she going to come back again?" Peter asked, expecting the redhead to grab another morning pastry.

"I think that was the last time."

The three remaining boys continued eating.

"They so smooched," Sirius couldn't help but snigger. Remus and Peter agreed.

Lily was busy slamming her heels into the floor as she walked with definite rage in her steps. "Nyeh neh nyeh," she mimicked Sirius' voice childishly. "Did you smooch? Bloody wanker Sirius Black."

Just as she was about to turn on her way to Gryffindor tower, she bumped into someone as she turned the corner whilst she was mumbling offensively to the Hogwarts floor. For some odd reason, she was hoping the chest she had bounded into to be James.

"Watch where you're going, Evans."

She really wished the body has been James'.

She shivered as she eyed the scowling boy closely before her. "I do apologize," she gritted through her teeth, though it took her a great amount of strength to say it.

Just as she was about to walk away, Snape grabbed her wrist and pulled her dangerously close to him, sneering with hatred behind the locks of his greasy ebony hair.

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Hi there! Old and new!!!! Lol.... OLD is going good... I really love writing this story and i hope you like reading... :) I went for a sleepover yesterday and i got such a surprise when i came home this afternoon to have 5 more fans!! I still have to thank them, but i'm too lazy.... Well, this story seems to have a mind of its own... I wasnt expecting Snape to come in, but blame the epicness on my fingers... I belive the above note can be counted as a cliffie, so i hope you enjoy it! I am going to concentrate on my originals for some time... I hope you like them too! Thanks!

<3 LOADS!!! Y