I know i dont normally do this at the starting.... BUT, YOU WILL ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Chapter 13-A Cairrage, Hippo and Top Hats?

"First I was afraid, I was stupefied!"

"Sirius, please. Not the singing-"

"Kept thinking I could blah blah blah dah-nah dahnanana...

But then I spent so many nights blah blah blah doodoodoo...

Dah-na nah...strong! And I learned blah blah...along!

OH NOT I! I WILL SURVIVE!

OH, as long as I know how to SNOG, I KNOW I'LL STAY ALIVE!

I've got all my tongue to give,

I'll use it as long as I live,

I'LL SURVIVE! I WILL SURVIVE! HEY, HEE-"

"Oh for the love of Merlin, SHUT UP!" Lily screamed, opening her eyes and discovering a dark roof over her, and in her surroundings, an odd sound of travelling in some sort of mode of transport. "Where am I?"

Vaguely, she remembered being knocked out by some large invisible weight. She expected to be in the Hospital wing right about now, definitely not in the seats of an unknown enclosed space. She was about to lift her head from the comfy pillow which she assumed was a cushion of some sort, until she realised it was actually a lap, or to be more specific; the crotch of James Potter.

"Who's bloody singing?" James snapped, finally awakening from his unconscious state. His eyes widened when he discovered Lily's head placed delicately in his...groin-oh dear, he had to stop those teenage hormones before he made himself out as an even more embarrassing, perverted arse.

"Hullo," he greeted her, trying to control his male anatomy before it flung Lily's head a fair distance.

"Hi..." She blushed furiously. She quickly lifted her head whilst trying to get in to a sitting position opposite him. "Am I some sort of victim of a date rape?"

"I don't think so," James shook his head, "I don't remember any alcohol... Where are we?"

Their head's turned around confusedly as they focused on where exactly they were situated. They were sitting on the seats of what appeared to be a carriage which was plodding along slowly to Hogsmeade, passing the Quidditch pitch.

"Isn't this one of the carriages that takes us up to the castle at the beginning of the year?" Lily asked.

"I think you may be right," replied James. He and Lily moved their heads in unison to pop outside the window of the side of the carriage, unfortunately colliding heads in the process.

"Ooow," James rubbed his head through his peculiar tea cosy hat.

"You'd think with a hat like that your head would be protected from pain," Lily stated. "Is your head made of concrete or something?" James cringed, knowing Lily's painful bump was probably due to his rock solid Snape hair.

"You look first," James offered, holding on to his head as he backed up for Lily to look outside the window.

"No, you go," she replied modestly.

"No, you."

"Go, I insist."

"I insist more."

"One of you bloody go!" A voice was heard from outside.

James and Lily exchanged a disturbed look.

"Who was that?" queried Lily.

"Probably the same guy who was singing was like a strangled Hippogriff."

"How dare you!" Sirius yelled, his head appearing upside down at the window looking oddly like a bat.

"AAAAARGH!"

Lily backed up against her seat, startled and pale.

"Christ! Can I go one day without screaming?" James yelled, clutching his chest.

"I have the voice of an angel, you bastard." Sirius hit James in the arm, which was a pretty impressive thing to do upside down. "Moony, say hello."

Remus' head also appeared upside down for five seconds of waving before oddly disappearing again.

"Er, Sirius? No matter how much I don't really care for your well-being, I don't think you should be upside down for that long," Lily observed him. "Your head is turning many colours."

"Ah," Sirius squeaked, turning a definite blue in the face. "We can stop - I think the Hippogriff needs a bathroom break anyway."

"The Hipogriff?" James said with dread.

Lily shrieked as the carriage came to an abrupt halt, making her suddenly fling across the seat opposite into James' crotch yet once again. Her mouth made a muffled squeal as her head landed into James' private area, which was extremely painful for James to have a particular heavy object bash into his particular delicate area so forcefully.

"Glad you kiddies are awake. So wha-" Sirius stopped, smirking in surpise as he had opened the carriage door and discovered James and Lily in rather rude positions. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"Piss off," James hissed.

"Sorry." Lily finally managed to remove her head from his now familiar area.

"S'not your fault," James winced. "Blame it on the unexpected breaking."

"Sorry about that," Remus apologized, appearing at Sirius' side with a thoroughly displeased face.

"The Hippogriff's a bit hard to handle," Sirius explained.

"The Hippogriff?" James echoed again.

"What are you-" Lily paused, about to ask what exactly this carriage predicament was all about, but then burst into laughter as she took in Sirius and Remus' appearance. "What are you wearing?"

Remus scowled. "I'd like to clarify that I did not agree to this ludicrous clothing," he said, raising his hand in protest. "Sirius is the one who picked these ridiculous clothes."

"I think we look rather becoming actually," Sirius said, tilting his black top hat over one side of his face, shooting them a seductive wink. Lily-along with James who had recovered from his heart failure and pain in the male anatomy-broke into more laughter.

"What look were you going for?" Lily tried to keep a straight face and act as if she were serious about knowing their opinions on fashion. "I mean, what was your influence?" She bit on her tongue as she hid back a giggle, taking in their rather smart black suits complete with top hats - and what she could see from the corner of eye, Sirius twirling a walking cane.

"Well," Sirius formed a flattering laugh, "I thought we'd try and go for the a-"

"Arse look," James finished for him, exchanging a chuckle with Lily. Remus turned a bright red and scowled.

"I was going to say 'aristocrat' actually," Sirius continued.

"Where's Peter?" James asked, noticing his fourth comrade not to be present.

"Hospital wing... He's not a good flier." Remus shot James a look.

Lily held a puzzled expression. "Pettigrew was flying?"

"Unnecessary topic," Sirius said loudly, waving a dismissive hand.

"Er, not that I don't love your costumes," Lily smiled in amusement. "But what is with the carriage?"

"Ahh, glad you brought it up! It was all James' idea." Sirius patted his friend heartily on the back.

James gulped. "It...was?"

"Don't be so modest!" Sirius patted him on the back harder.

"It was James' ingenious idea to do this romantic gesture," Remus said in a clearly miffed tone, mostly due to the clothes department of the plan. "He thought it would be simply amorous to take a utopian stroll in the carriage to Hogsmeade and through the village."

"Not in those exact words obviously," Sirius said, slightly confused by Remus' descriptive diction. "'Cos Prongs probably doesn't even know what 'amorous' means."

"Neither do you," James pointed out.

"Amorous is a tiny creature composed of one cell only," Sirius replied matter-of-factly.

"That's an amoeba, dimwit," Remus rolled his eyes.

Sirius cringed, "Easy mistake to make..."

"Right," Lily tried to brush aside the boys neverending bantering. "So, what exactly is controlling this thing?"

"Not a Hippogriff?" James repeated for the third time in a dreading, knowing voice.

"Might as well introduce you to Hippo," Sirius grinned.

"I told you already, don't call the creature that, Sirius," Remus said sternly. "She might be offended. And we do not want to offend her."

James and Lily exchanged a wary look before popping their heads out of the window to the front of the carriage, where a Hippogriff stood proudly in a bad temper as reins had been attached to her like a horse.

"She's beautiful," Lily admired from afar. Basically because she had read that Hippogriffs were dangerous and preferably wanted to keep her arms and legs attached to her body.

"We found her in the forest," Sirius mentioned. He looked a little taken aback that he had not received any type of praise, congratulations, well dones, medals or even trophies for finding the magical creature. "I've got a feeling I'll be flying on Hippogriff's when I'm older."

"Whatever, Sirius," James made a whistling sound as he twirled his finger towards his head, illustrating Sirius' blatant insanity. "And you named her Hippo," he said slowly. "She must feel honoured."

"Aw, Hippo loves me, don't ya?" Sirius went up to the Hippogriff without bowing, which instantly made Remus make a warning cry - but Hippo simply squawked, making a soothing cooing sound as she was petted at the neck.

"Even creatures are attracted to you," Remus frowned as Hippo rubbed her head playfully into Sirius' shoulder. "It's rather horrifying."

"Jealous, are ya, Moony?" Sirius winked. "I'll give you loves and cuddles later," he teased.

"Don't even joke about that."

"Um, guys? Maybe we should get going," James suggested. They were attracting quite the attention, James spotting a group of students approaching them whilst pointing at them from a distance away.

"Sure, Hippo's done her bathroom break anyway," Sirius informed.

The boys peeped down at the ground, immediately looking away as they spotted a large heap of what they guessed was Hippogriff dung which had started to attract flies and cast a ghastly smell. Lily saw no point to contradict Sirius so didn't bother to even look.

"You better feed her," Remus advised.

Sirius revealed a bag which smelled of rotting and pulled out a dead rat without any signs of being appalled. He tossed the rat to Hippo who impressively caught it in the air and chomped it down with minimal chewing.

"I'm not even going to ask," Lily said, suddenly feeling sick in the stomach.

James looked a little worried, glancing at the bag of rats. "You did check Peter was in the Hospital wing... right?"

"Of course we did!" Sirius reassured them, but then made a quite nervous cough afterwards, and James thought maybe they hadn't after all. Lily watched on in bewilderment.

"Let's get going, then!" Sirius said eagerly. He jumped back on the driving seat of the carriage, helping Remus who had clear signs that he really, reallydidn't want to get back on but would have to anyway. James and Lily started to get comfortable inside and decided to sit on the same seat instead of opposite ones, so no more embarrassing 'My head-your crotch' situations would happen.

"We better split before-" Sirius started, but was interrupted by an incoming scream.

Sirius and Remus turned round to discover Professor McGonagall speeding towards them from the main oak doors of Hogwarts, her wand raised threateningly as she held her robes higher above her feet so she could run.

"MR. BLACK!"

"Oh bollocks," Sirius cursed. He pulled on the reins of Hippo who had annoyingly chosen this moment to stand still as possible.

"Bugger! McGonagall's coming!" James shrieked, popping his head out the carriage window. "C'mon Padfoot, get moving!"

"Oh we're in so much trouble," Lily put her face in her hands.

"Don't worry, Lily," James rubbed her arm reassuringly. "Sirius will get all the blame."

"Oi, sod you!" Sirius appeared at the carriage window upside down again, a heated frown upon his face.

"Sirius, this isn't the time!" Remus pulled him from the window and back in to the driver's seat. "Why isn't the Hippogriff moving?"

Sirius pulled on the reins once more but Hippo refused to move, only squawked in bad temper - apparently she hadn't finished resting. "Come on, Hippo!" He tightened again on the reins. "Come on, love! Move for me! Please?"

"MR. BLACK!" McGonagall's scream came louder.

"Oh Jesus," James muttered in horror. "This exactly like this Muggle film I saw where these kids are in these dark woods in one of those Muggle cars, and the car won't star--"

"Oh yeah," Sirius popped his head at the window again. "And the guy keeps turning that ignidi...ig...ig-"

"Ignition?" Lily guessed.

"Yes! And the car still wont start-"

"Were they out of petrol?" Remus questioned.

Sirius pulled an ugly face, "I dunno. I dunno even know what petrol is. Anyway, there's this-"

"What exactly was wrong with the car? Why wasn't it starting?" Remus interrogated. "Why were the kids alone in the dark woods? Did they have the wrong directions? Where exactly were they going? You say 'kids' but how old were they? Were there an adults-"

"You're ruining my story, Moony."

"I do apologize."

Sirius sighed and muttered the word "butt munch" which none of the others recognised as an everyday saying, assuming the name as another one of his laughable made-up insults.

"Anyway, the kids are in the car, and they can hear these pounding footsteps outside." Sirius knocked his hand on the carriage for a dramatic way of story-telling. "And he turns the ignition thing but the car still won't start, and the monster moves closer in the darkness, and he turns the key again, and it comes closer, and closer, and closer..."

"Then what happens?" Lily whispered tensely.

"The monster smashes through the window-" Sirius created an explosive sound of a window smashing which sounded oddly like the emphasised word of 'pow!' "-And the monster grabs the kids by their necks, and..."

"And what?" Lily murmured, clearly traumatized by the story.

"It..." He paused dramatically. "Eats them."

Lily paled and started hyperventilating, whilst James to fan her with his hands.

"I sincerely doubt McGonagall will eat us," Remus said, grabbing Sirius' top hat to get his attention.

"My top hat!" Sirius cried, removing his head from the window and scrambling his hands to reach the hat that Remus' was dangling away from him.

"I will give it back when you stop getting distracted!" Remus said. "No more Muggle television."

"Give it back, Moony!"

"MR. BLACK!" McGonagall screamed for the third time, now barely feet away from them. "All of you: get out of this carriage this second!"

"For goodness sake! Why won't the hippogriff move?" Remus complained. He tried for himself to tighten on the reins of Hippo but she stubbornly remained frozen, even yawning in a bored fashion.

Lily suddenly had an idea. "Insult it!"

"What?"

Lily poked her head out of the window to look at Sirius and Remus. "They don't like to be insulted, remember?"

"I don't think insulting Hippo will help the situation, Lily!"

Lily groaned. "Just try it! Maybe the Hippogriff will move if you aggravate it, like you're aggravating me."

Sirius clutched his chest. "Merlin, that was harsh."

"Just do it, Padfoot!" James urged him.

"But I don't want to insult my lovely Hippo-"

"Sirius," Remus growled, sending him a deadly glare.

"You werewolves are so bossy," Sirius muttered to Remus quietly. "Fine." He turned to Hippo. "Er," he fumbled for a particular insult.

"You don't need to be picky, Padfoot. Any one will do."

"Ooo," Sirius made a noise of delight. "I got one! Hippo, your mother is so fat, the only thing that is attracted to her is gravity!" He burst into unrequited laughter.

"Not 'your mother' insults, you imbecile," Lily smacked her head.

"But I've got so many good ones!" Sirius protested. "For example: your mother is so fat, she needs a map to find her own butt. Hehe..." Remus glowered at him. "Alright, Moony!" He turned back to Hippo. "Uh, Hippo? This whole 'not moving thing' is really boring. You suck. And er, your feathers are all...overlapping!"

"That was pathetic, Sirius," James remarked.

"And you're ugly!" Sirius added.

Hippo screeched indignantly and kicked back on her hind legs.

"I think that hit the spot," Remus squeaked, holding on the carriage for dear life as it nearly tipped over.

"Go, Hippo!" Sirius called mightily. The creature grinded her hooves to the ground and started galloping towards Hosgmeade, squawking and holding its head high.

"Come back here!" McGonagall coughed as Hippo left a cloud of dust behind her in such a fast getaway.

"Sorry, can't hear you, Minerva!" Sirius shouted, putting a hand to his ear. "Talk to you later, bye bye now!"

Lily pressed a hand to her mouth, trying not to disgorge her last meal as the carriage moved. "Isn't there some sort of speed control?" She gripped the carriage walls with her fingernails.

"I don't think Hippogriffs are meant to pull along carriages," James said, feeling as if his face was pulled back from the amazing speed.

"They probably don't like it," Lily said.

"Which is why they aren't used for pulling carriages."

"A group of third years at two o'clock!" Remus warned, keeping a look out for all obstacles which included people, rocks and trees. Sirius quickly swerved right at Remus' news.

"What are you doing? You're going to bash right into them!"

"I'm not at good at time! That's why I wear a digital watch!" Sirius shrieked, dropping the reins and covering his eyes so he wouldn't see the destruction of Hippo mowing down a group of Hogwarts students.

"Don't close your eyes, you imbecile!" Remus grabbed for the reins.

"Yeah, that's what she told me. And then I said," the third year paused as she chatted to her friends, her back facing the oncoming carriage and deadly Hippogriff coming her way, "I'd believe that when I saw a Hippogriff." She laughed. "Like that would ever happen."

"Er... Amber?" Her friend pointed behind her.

At the sound of galloping and a tremendously loud squawk, the girl turned around and screamed, diving out of the way as the carriage nearly ran over. Her friends wailed their arms as they watched the wrathful creature pass, blaring their lungs dry.

"Sorry, ladies!" Sirius apologized. "Don't sue us! Bye!" The carriage zoomed away.

"Did you see that?" One of the girls asked, gaping.

"I know," the girl named Amber replied. "Sirius Black and Remus Lupin in top hats. So hot."

Back in the carriage, James and Lily squealed as it swerved to right, pushing them both against a wall, fatefully making Lily stumble and fall onto James'-

"Lap. You're in my lap," he stated. "Not that I'm complaining or anything..." He noticed Lily's deadly raised eyebrows and smiled with mischief. "You're becoming rather familiar with my lap, you know."

They both made another squeal as the carriage swerved to the right, pushing them both against a wall. This time, making James fall on to Lily's-

"Lap. Now you're in my lap." Lily said, smiling at how the tables had turned. "What do you have to say about that, Potter?" she teased.

"You fell headfirst into my crotch twice," he reminded her.

Lily's smile disappeared. "Touché," she mumbled, folding her arms.

"Watch the tree, Sirius," Remus said simply, not making any elaborations because the obstacle was close and bold enough to see. When Sirius didn't seem to be making any signs of turning, Remus started to worry.

"Tree at twelve o'clock, Sirius."

Still no signs of swerving.

"SIRIUS, THE TREE!"

"Alright, keep your hair on," he said, making a tug on the reins and luckily scraping past the tree by inches, but unfortunately thwacking Remus with a tree branch and many, many leaves.

After much Hippogriff galloping, they'd finally entered the Hogsmeade village with a very might entrance of... screaming.

"It seems we've caught a lot of attention..." Remus pulled down his top hat as much as he could over his face.

"I really don't know why," Sirius replied, clueless.

"Uh, James, I've really...um, enjoyed this romantic carriage journey-" Lily said, "but I'd appreciate if we got out of this thing. I feel really nauseous..."

"That's a shame, I've really enjoyed it," James fibbed. "Christ!" His head connected with the roof as the carriage bumped over something. "Did we just run over someone?"

"Don't worry," Sirius replied. "Won't be missed."

James looked horrified.

"We ran over a bench, James," Remus rectified. James breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's right, folks!" A salesman with a particular surname of Fletcher stood next to his stall of stacked delicate plates of china. He gestured to his merchandise and waved to the colourful sign that displayed the words: 'Your heart can break but not this plate!'

"These genuine plates 'ere-" the ginger haired man picked up a plate and displayed it next to his face with a cheesy smile "-are unbreakable! Wiv a special permanent charm inside the plates, even if they're dropped and smashed to the floor, the pieces instantly stick back together. Without y'even lifting yer wand to mutter a fixing spell!"

"Hmm," a witch observed, interested as she looked at a plate, front and back.

"And a special deal for only today, five galleons for a complete set of twelve! What a bargain, I hear you say! Here you go." He handed another set of plates to an eager customer as the galleons poured in. "Who else would like to purchase this once in a life time offer?" He looked among the crowd. "How about you?" He pointed his finger at a woman.

The witch had only been passing the stall and was fully aware the crowd was looking at her.

"Er...sorry?" she spoke, unaware of the question.

"Tally ho, Hippo!" Sirius shouted, the carriage barging down the street and towards the crowd of onlooking plate purchasers. "Oo, that rhymed," he noted with delight.

Fletcher spotted Hippo and waved his hands back and forth in distress. "No, no! Not the plates!" he cried.

The crowd wailed, fleeing as the carriage charged into the stall, destroying every plate which smashed to the floor in minuscule pieces.

"Sorry!" Sirius apologized. "Don't sue us! Bye!"

The carriage plodded along, trampling over the broken plates and down along the street of Hogsmeade, where more people screamed about a Hipogriff leaving its trails of dung in its wake.

"Oh dear, that man's stock is ruined," a woman said.

"Don't worry, the plates are unbreakable!" her partner reassured her with a grin, a bag of the set of plates held proudly in his hand.

The crowd watched in anticipation as they waited for the plates to spring alive and repair themselves.

They did not.

Fletcher laughed nervously. "Oh, well, er, who wants their money back 'en?" He asked the crowd.

Everyone raised their hands.

"Well...tough! No refunds!" Fletcher said, before Disapparating with a crack.

"COME BACK, YOU THEIVING LIAR!" The scammed buyers shouted.

Meanwhile, the carriage was still hurtling through the street of Hogsmeade, Hippo clearly not stopping anytime soon.

"Guys?" James thumped the roof with his hands. "Can we make a stop somewhere please?"

"We've been trying to make a stop for the last five minutes," Remus clarified, bouncing in his seat as Hippo ran over yet another Hogsmeade bench.

"Well, what are we going to do then?" Lily questioned.

"We'll have to jump it," Sirius said.

The others burst into laughter.

"Jump? Don't be illogical," Remus said.

Sirius kept a straight face. "There's no other way, mate. Hippo's not going to stop so we'll just have to jump off."

"The pavement is hard, Sirius," Remus pointed out. "Although your head seems to be immune to heavy collisions, I'd like to keep the brain cells I have taken my life to produce."

"I think Padfoot's got a point," James said regretfully, drooling ever so slightly when they passed Honeydukes for the second time in two minutes (Hippo seemed to be circling the village for fun). "I'm getting hungry anyway."

"You're risking your head being impaled into the ground because of food?" Remus said indignantly.

James shrugged his shoulders, "Sure."

Lily laughed in disbelief. "No way am I jumping!" She shook her head at once. "No bloody way am I-JAMES!"

She yelped as James picked her up by the waist and slung her over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" She kicked her legs manically. "Potter!" she resolved back to use of his surname to get her anger across.

"Ah, the surname thing won't work on me. Only turns me on," James clarified, pushing open the carriage door. He tried to block his ears as Lily's cursing shook through him. "See you outside, Padfoot?" He thumped on the roof again.

"Yep," Sirius rolled back his sleeves, stretching to prepare himself for the hurling. "Just jump and roll, Prongs. It'll hurt less."

"That sounds like the same guidelines for when you're on fire," James said, squirming as Lily kicked him in the shin.

Sirius addressed Remus, "So... come on then, Moony."

"I am not jumping!" Remus asserted firmly. "There is no way I am jumping off this carriage."

"Remus, Remus, Remus," Sirius sighed, then quickly grabbed for Remus' top hat and pulled it down over his eyes.

"What the-I can't see!" Remus shrieked. He tried to pull the top hat upwards but it was stuck over haf his face.

"Perfect," Sirius smirked.

"What do you mean perf-AAH!"

Sirius picked Remus up and hurled him over his shoulder, with much struggling as Remus was not particularly light as Lily's frame was.

"Christ, Moony. What have you been eating lately?" Sirius tried to stable himself as he nearly toppled over.

"Right, on the count of three, then?" James suggested. He formed a steady breath out to calm his nerves as he watched the ground zoom past below him - perhaps this wasn't such a good idea...

"Okay," Sirius agreed. "One-"

Lily screamed as James jumped from the carriage and dived to the ground.

"You cheater!" Sirius shouted after him. "You're such a... mork!"

"What's a 'mork'?" Remus asked, though still annoyed that he was currently carried by his so-called friend who was also the reason for being temporarily blind.

"It's a concoction of 'moron' and 'dork'."

"That's rather clever."

"I know."

"Well, since I complimented you... why don't we not jump and-"

"Nice try, Moony."

"Bugger."

Sirius took a deep breath before hurling himself off the carriage and onto the pavement; Remus was even more frightened as he was blind and couldn't see what was going.

In the meantime, James and Lily lay very uncomfortably on the street, finally making a stop after much revolving.

"Thanks for breaking my fall, James," Lily said, poking her elbows deliberately into his stomach she was on top of.

"I thought you broke my fall," he said with confusion.

"No...that's why you're currently used as my cushion," she gestured to her position on top of him.

"But if you're on top of me, who am I on top of?" He said in horror, realising he was indeed lying on a particular lump.

Lily pulled James to his feet, both gasping as they spotted the crippled old witch they had landed on.

"Sorry, miss," James apologized. "Er, don't sue us?" Lily rolled her eyes at the overused line that day.

"I can't move my legs..." the old biddy whispered.

"Um, good for you! Bye!" James quickly grabbed Lily's hand and ran down the street towards where Sirius and Remus had painfully landed.

"You know," Remus said in a strangled voice, "the person who forces the other to jump is normally the one to protect the other's fall."

"Really?" Sirius said with curiosity. "Never heard of that." He yawned, slowly getting to his feet as he'd been sitting on Remus' face.

"You guys okay?" asked James.

"Oh, I'm fine. Sirius just sat on my face, that's all," Remus responded dripping with sarcasm, wiping his cheeks.

"Hippo's gone," Sirius said in a hollow voice. He wiped a tear from his eye as he watched the Hippogriff stampede away, the carriage bumping along with her.

"I'm sure you'll have other opportunities to hump magical creatures."

Sirius gave Remus a Chinese burn.

"We'll see you guys later," James told his friends. "I booked a table for me and Lily at the new restaurant opened up."

Lily beamed a smile of surprise at such news, flattered that James had made such an effort.

"What restaurant? Where is it?" Sirius asked.

"I'm not telling you, you'll just follow us," James said, smirking. "Bye." He and Lily waved as they strolled down the street, surprisingly in close approximates of each other.

"So...what do we do now?" Remus broke the silence, watching the couple wander off.

"Spy on them under the cloak," Sirius revealed the invisibility cloak from the inside of his suit and shook it in front of Remus' disapproving face.

"You stole James' cloak again?"

"He really shouldn't hide it in his underwear drawer," Sirius shook the cloak animatedly in front of him once more.

"Fine," Remus gave in. "But we're not wearing the top hats because they won't fit under it."

"Spoilsport," muttered Sirius.

"What do you mean my name isn't on the list?" James said, glaring at the burly man who stood in smart robes, holding a parchment on a clipboard tapping impatiently with his wand.

"Your name ain't on the list, mate," the man repeated, tapping the parchment of surnames. "No booking, no entry," he said simply.

"Check again, will you?" James pleaded, "A table for two. The name is Potter. P-o-t-"

"I know how to spell, mate," the man interrupted, pushing up his glasses. He glanced over the list and shook his head.

James tried to remain calm. "But I came here yesterday! Remember? The guy with the dark messy hair," he tried to trigger the man's mind, poking to his hair which was unfortunately covered by his tea cosy hat. "Glasses? You called me 'four eyes'?"

"Maybe if ya take yer hat off I might recognise you," the man compromised.

James paled. "Er, I'd rather not actually," not wanting to show his Snape hair in public. "Please, you don't want to disappoint my date now, do you?" He tilted his head towards the discomfited redhead beside him.

"I know your type," the man growled, closing on him. "Try and blab that your name is on the list when you aren't booked. Tryin' to get yourself in a fancy restaurant with your fancy bird."

Lily said a rather unsettled, "Excuse me?"

The rude man pointed his wand at them both. "Get out of here before I hex you!"

"Wow... A date in the Hog's head," Lily finally broke the silence a few minutes later. She glimpsed around the pub and sipped on her Butterbeer brewing in a filthy glass. "How... imaginative."

James reddened, "Sorry about the restaurant mix up. That guy at the door was a total mork."

Lily gave him a blank look.

"Oh, sorry," he chuckled. "It's one of Sirius' insults. A combination of the insults 'moron' and 'dork'," he explained.

"That's rather clever," Lily said with surprise.

"Don't make him catch you saying that."

She smiled, "So, do you come here often?"

James' eyes widened. "Lily Evans, are you hitting on me?"

She laughed. "No, James," she rolled her eyes. "I'm just asking if you always come to this pub. The Three Broomsticks seems to be more popular."

A loud shout of, "And I told him he was an anal buccaneer!" came from a corner of the room, followed by roars of laughter.

James bowed his head embarrassingly as Lily raised an eyebrow. "There's more...er, real people here, I suppose. Different kinds of company, if you catch my drift."

Lily nodded understandingly, and then made a grimace as a drunken wizard came over to their table and leaned over her.

"You lookin' for a good time?" the badly shaved young man licked his lips at her.

"Not with you," she made clear.

"Do you come here often?" He began to slur, leaning closer to Lily, but James had stood up and dragged him by the arm, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry, Fletcher, she's with me," he clarified, pushing him on his away back to his table.

"Oh, sorry, James, mate," he apologized, wiping the back of his mouth. "Didn't see yer 'ere."

"That's because you're shit-faced, Fletcher," James laughed.

"Yes," he pointed a finger. "Very...very shit-faced."

"Lay off the whiskey, mate." James slapped his back, before leaving him to wallow in his alcohol and self-pity. He went back over to Lily shaking his head with a sheepish grin.

"Friend of yours?" she asked.

"Sleazy regular. Sorry 'bout that."

"You can stop apologizing, James," she told him. "I'm just gonna get another drink," she gestured to her empty glass and stood up, walking over to the bar.

"So, how's the date going?"

James jumped out of his skin as Sirius and Remus revealed themselves behind his invisibilty cloak. Sirius gladly dragged up a chair for him and Remus, both sitting down whilst Sirius took generous gulps of James' Firewhiskey.

"Great until you guys showed up," James mumbled.

Sirius scoffed. "No it hasn't. We've been under the cloak for ten minutes watching and the most exciting thing that has happened is Fletchy hitting on Lily. You could cut the sexual tension between you and Evans with a spork."

James frowned, "Don't you mean a knife?"

"Spork is funnier to say, don't you think? Spork, a combination of a-"

"Spoon and fork," Remus finished. "Yes, we know."

James rolled his eyes, sneaking a look back at the bar to check if Lily had been molested by a drunken bum yet. "Why don't you guys go...er, follow Snape or something?" He attempted to lure them away.

"We did that," Sirius said.

FLASHBACK

"Ooo, look! A shop!" Sirius pointed, skipping under the invisibility cloak.

"Yes," Remus responded slowly. "There are many shops in Hogsmeade, Sirius."

"Ooo, look! A bird!" Sirius pointed to the sky where a bird was flying overhead.

"Yes, there are many birds in the Wizarding world," Remus gritted through his teeth.

"Ooo, look! A Snape!"

Remus looked up with mild interest at Sirius' mention that Severus Snape was a passing object. The moody boy walked gloomily past The Three Broomsticks, his head down as he hid behind his black hair.

"Um, can we go in the opposite direction?" Remus pleaded, not wanting to be anywhere near Snape since his exchange student from Jamaica persona: Rhiana Peenapul.

"BUT WE MUST FIND HIS NEST AND DESTROY THE EGGS!" Sirius cried, shaking Remus by the shoulders.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Then what happened?" James asked, not really paying attention as he kept his eyes on Lily.

"We followed him to many," Remus sighed, "many bookshops. Sirius poked his back a few times under the cloak," he added.

Sirius giggled. "And he bought a few Potions and Dark Arts books. Then he went over to a Hogsmeade bench and started wanking-"

"He did not do that, Padfoot," Remus interrupted, disgusted by his imagination.

"Well, he was breathing a bit too heavily in my opinion."

"He always breathes like that. It's his big nose. He has some sort of permanent asthma. Anyway, Lily's coming back soon," James mentioned, hoping this would be a clear message to his friends to GO AWAY.

"Yes, we better go, Sirius," Remus realized. He pulled Sirius by the ear but his bottom was glued to his seat.

"But we haven't seen you all day, Prongs!" Sirius complained.

"You saw me an hour ago."

"Well, who keeps track of time these days, eh?"

James smacked his head against the table. "You are such a pain in my arse, Padfoot," he mumbled against the wood.

"I think he's a pain in everyone's arse actually," Remus corrected, whistling and turning away as if he hadn't said the remark.

"Well, why don't we let the arse speak for itself, shall we?" James said.

There was confused silence.

Sirius looked on blankly. "What do you-?"

"Oh!" James sounded delighted. "Listen, do you hear that? The arse speaks now!"

Sirius finally got the joke and mumbled, "Butt much."

"Can you please refrain from using my arse in this conversation?" Remus asked politely.

"No," Sirius folded his arms. "You cannot excuse your arse. You can excuse the whole of your body, like excusing 'yourself' when you burp or fart. But you can't excuse one particular part of your body, like an ear. Or in this case: your arse."

Remus scoffed. "Was there some sort of logic behind that sentence? Because if there was, I did not understand it."

James stroked his chin, "I wonder how many times the word 'arse' has been used in this converation?"

"Eight times," Remus answered automatically. James nodded thoughtfully, then brightened as Lily joined the table again, returning with her glass of Butterbeer.

"I see the guys have joined us," Lily noted as she sat down next to James.

"They were just leaving," James said.

"After I finish my Firewhiskey," Sirius added, raising his glass for a toast.

"Well, drink slow and safely," James gritted through his teeth. "I wouldn't want you to choke or anything." His eyes noticeably bulged.

"So, what were you guys talking about?" Lily asked curiously.

"Arses," Sirius said.

"Nine times," Remus said counting.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Arses?" she repeated.

"Ten."

"What intellectual conversations you have," Lily said dryly, her knee knocking against James' and making him spill the entire contents of his Butterbeer down his front and on Remus' right cheek. "I mean, with subjects such as a dark wizard rising in the world, politics and global warming; you choose to talk about arses."

"Eleven."

"You have one mighty fine arse by the way," James purred in Lily's ear, somehow finding a new confidence in himself because Lily's knee had touched his, which could have been considered as an accident. "Mrs Potter," he added.

There was complete and utter silence and everyone in the Hog's head seemed to stop what they were doing, turning their heads to stare at James because of his, albiet, very stupid words.

"Er," Lily blushed furiously. "What did you just call me?"

James whitened, looking at his two friends across him who were not helping with their wide open mouths. "I said you had one mighty fine arse and then I just STOPPED TALKING." He grabbed Remus' Butterbeer and hit behind it, which only magnified his fearful eyes in the curve of the glass, purely horrified by his slip of the tongue.

"Right, I'm just going to the bathroom," Lily squeaked, jumping to her feet and hurrying off to the barman for directions.

"Mate," Sirius had another gulp of his Firewhiskey and slammed it back on the table, the alcohol affects only slightly effecting him. "You're ability to scare off women is," he slurred, pausing for the perfect words to describe that horrifying moment, "sodding unbelievable."

"I hate you." James slammed his head on the table again.

Remus massaged his head. "Why did you just call Lily your future wife?"

"I dunno," James groaned dramatically. "It slipped out of my mouth before I could process it in my brain..."

"Butt munch," Sirius snickered into his glass.

"I mean, I can understand a female making the same mistake, because women are stereotyped to having dreams of a 'big white wedding' since they were a young age," Remus said in theory. "But you're a guy, James."

"Hmm, I noticed definite uncertainty in your voice then, Moony." He feigned a glare at Remus. "Maybe I should go check on Lily..."

"Prongs," Remus sighed. "If you sit and wait eventually everything will sort out by itself." It was clear he was hinting to James that he should just leave Lily in the bathroom to compose herself for a moment, not make everything worse like he always did.

"Yeah, sure, Moony." James patted him on the shoulder. In barely seconds, he'd ran off towards the girls bathroom.

"Mork," Remus couldn't help but mutter.

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lol.... Wait for the next part... Typical Maraunders coming up! With some dash of Lily and James and FIREWORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Enjoyed? Vote and Comment!

<3 Y