Chapter 12-Romantic Notions Wil Try To Kill You

James sat back on his stool, conveniently placed on his arse for sudden perching due to sudden Lily Evans encounters where she has a sudden change of heart, added with sudden flusters of sudden redness.

"You're going to die..."

James shot to his feet at the sound of the harsh whisper, his stool lifting bizarrely with him as he whirled round the common room which was strangely empty.

"Who's there?" he quavered. He grabbed for his behind, trying to rip the stool of his arse and use it as some kind of weapon. Sure, it wasn't a sword, but he'd left his wand his in his dorm and it was either the stool or the common room cushions.

"You're going to die..." the voice whispered again, making a manic evil snicker after.

"Shut up, you idiot," another voice murmured.

"Who's there?" James demanded more confidently. "I'll kick your arse!" he warned the voice, but was undermined by the fact that he was trying to rip a stool of his trousers, and it wasn't working. As he wandered over to the clothed common room table, he was about to make another warning to do with more "arses" and insults including phrases such as "your mum", until something grabbed his leg from under the table.

He tilted his head down and discovered a hand gripping his foot.

He did not react well to this. Hands didn't normally latch on to your foot. Especially with chewed nails.

"AAARGH!"

James kicked his foot out manically. He wailed as loudly as possible as if to deafen the hand, and cursed when he realised that plan wouldn't work because the obviously severed hand did not have ears to listen. He knew the hand was chopped off, obviously from some crazy homicidal murderer, like he'd heard in those Muggle stories where the hand ran around strangling people and attached itself to Muggle car roofs. Of course, the hand was obviously possessed by the spirit of the crazy homicidal murderer, and was obviously jealous of James' good looks, thus, wanting to murder him, then rip out his dashing, messy hair and his dreamy hazel eyes and somehow plant them on himself. Obviously.

"Alright, you severed hand!" he yelled, still jerking his foot. "I may be too handsome for words, but I will not let you rip out my hair or spork out my eyes and-"

"Prongsie, you loony!" James immediately stopped kicking. "It's meee!" The hand quickly unfastened off his foot and disappeared under the table.

James frowned at the 'me' who was talking and bent down to his knees, lifting the tablecloth up with a sharp tug.

"Sirius, you...you...you're more bloody annoying than a septic testicle!" James glowered at Sirius who was sitting in a yoga-like position with his hand in his mouth. A habit which he'd inherited from hurting his paw whilst he was in Padfoot form.

"That's a new insult," Sirius mumbled over his saliva covered fingers.

"And you, Wormtail," James shook his head disapprovingly at Peter who was crouched and waving to him. "Though I'm not surprised considering you'll follow Padfoot anywhere. Including toilet cubicles."

Peter was about to argue but didn't feel he was in the position to tell James that he was in the wrong.

"Moony!" James said disappointedly, gawking as he watched Remus reading a book very closely to his face. "I thought better of you."

"Well," Remus fumbled as he began to defend himself, "Sirius threatened to burn another one of my books."

Sirius barked a laugh. "You're such a liar, Moony!"

"Excuse me?" Remus pressed a hand to his chest. "I'll have you know that I am the most honest of the Marauders." James was busy tapping his foot impatiently as Remus and Sirius continued to chat. "You are the one telling a cock and bull story."

"I'm bullshitting am I? Telling a bull and...cock...or however the bloody 'cock' comes into it!" Sirius said confusedly.

Peter was busy humming as he blocked his ears, a habit he'd learned from when his parents argued - in this situation, Sirius and Remus being the arguing couple.

"Do any of you know the meaning of the word 'privacy?'" James asked, thoroughly annoyed that his friends had been spying on his conversation with Lily— if you could even call it a conversation.

Remus raised his hand, "I tried to teach Sirius the meaning of the word 'privacy'. But he keeps getting it mixed up with the word 'privy'."

"What's that?" Peter questioned, unblocking an ear.

"A shrub used for hedges," Sirius said.

James sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Can you guys get out from under there?" He straightened. "I'm getting a bad back and people might think I like talking to table legs," he frowned.

"The common room's empty, doofus," Sirius pointed out, making a roll from under the table and jumping to his feet, his fingers tempting into Secret Agent mode and those well-known gun fingers.

"Yes, I know," James said, "but there might be another group of weirdo's hiding under a common room chair, or something."

"When you mention weirdoes, I hope you're referring to Sirius and his imaginary friend," Remus raised an eyebrow, smoothing his clothes as he got to his feet more gracefully and without any energetic rolls.

"Oh, me too, Sirius!" Peter said.

Sirius sent him a disturbed look. "Moony was joking," he clarified.

"I knew that," Peter said feebly.

The boys took their seats in front of the common room fire. James was about to sit down on one of the comfortable chairs but then remembered that a stool was stuck to his backside, so that action would be denied. He gave Sirius a mighty glare.

"You've got your own personal stool, Prongs," Sirius tried to lighten the mood. "Just think: no one will ever steal your seat again."

James grumbled moodily and sat on his stool.

"God, if you're gonna be such an arse about it, I'll get it off." Sirius slightly snickered at his bad use of the word 'arse' at this inappropriate time.

"What do you mean you'll get it off?" James said with a puzzled look. "I thought you said there was no way to get it off!"

"No I didn't." Sirius rolled his eyes. He got to his feet, revealing his wand from his back pocket and pointed it at the place of where James' trouser stuck to the classroom furniture. He said an unrecognisable spell which made the stool fall off in an instant, unfortunately as James was sitting it on it, and he stumbled and fell to the floor with a loud slam.

Sirius smiled with satisfaction, dusted off his hands and sat back down. James was livid.

"You said there wasn't a way of getting the stool off! I've been going round with that stool on my arse all day! Why didn't you tell me there was a spell to unhinge that thing off my buttocks?"

"You never asked," Sirius said simply.

James made another grumble, restraining his hands from gripping Sirius' neck by folding them under his arms.

After James had calmed down after many "breathe in...and out..." utterances to get him in a collected state of mind, Sirius immediately started teasing James as the good friend he was and would always be.

"You shook her hand!" he sniggered, making unflattering snorts. "You...shook her...hand." He giggled girlishly.

"I know." James put his head in between his knees as if he would suddenly vomit all over himself.

Remus smiled sympathetically. "Not one of your wisest moves," he commented.

"Maybe Evans thought it was..." Peter paused, trying to think of a word that wouldn't cause offence to James and end up with him being smacked upside the head. "Er, cute? Maybe?"

Sirius shook his head in disagreement. "I know cute," he pressed a hand to his chest. "For example: I'm cute," he made a charming smile whilst Remus muttered,"Oh God".

"And..." Sirius pondered for another object that made girls coo and bright-eyed. "Um...Prongs' pyjamas!" Sirius said. "The one with the teddies. They're kinda cute."

"Cleopatra made fun of them," Remus reminded him, remembering back to his cough medicine memories. "She laughed and pointed."

"Well," Sirius floundered, "she was some dead girl that you made appear from your unbelievably high, and brainy mind, Moony." Remus couldn't help but nod. "And what does she know about pyjamas, eh? I bet they weren't even invented back then!"

"Right, Sirius. They just slept in the nude," Remus said sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, me too!" Peter said again.

Sirius sent him another disturbed look. "Again, Wormtail, Moony was joking."

"And again...I knew that," Peter said feebly.

"Why are you bringing my pyjamas into this conversation?" James asked, confused.

Sirius batted a hand, dismissing him. "Anyway, back to the whole 'cute' thing. Another thing that is cute is..." Sirius glanced around the room and came across Remus. Remus immediately gave him a worried look.

"No, not you Moony, you berk," Sirius remarked as Remus pulled an ugly face. "Your Christmas socks. They're...um...rather disturbing. But you could call them embarrassingly cute."

Remus swiftly tugged on his trouser legs, trying to hide his green and red socks that had stitched holly and Christmas trees on them. "Damn short trousers," he cursed as his trouser leg refused to pull down. "All my other socks have holes in them," he explained bitterly.

"Was there a point to this conversation?" James asked.

"Yes," Sirius said. "I'm saying; I'm cute, your PJ's are cutee, Moony's socks are...cute-ish." Remus generated another tug on his trousers. "But you shaking Evans' hand?" He grimaced. "Not cute at all."

Peter sighed disappointedly - he hadn't been used as an example for cuteness.

"How about... adorable?" James suggested.

"Okay, not cute, or any other word with the same definition as cute," Sirius rectified.

Remus suddenly took on his thought provoking face as he ran through the mental dictionary in his mind. "Actually, the definition of the word 'adorable' means something that is worthy to be adored. And the word 'adore' meaning to love intensely or worship, which has no implications on hinting that the object, or such thing, is cute. Therefore, the words 'cute' and 'adorable' cannot be justified as having the same-"

"Shut up, Moony."

Remus was about to continue but had forgotten his place and what exactly he was talking about.

"So…you must be happy...right, Prongs?" Peter said positively.

James gave him a blank look. "'Bout what?"

"Your date with Evans, dimwit," Sirius smacked him upside the head.

As the slap hit James, reality also hit him. It finally dawned on him again that he had a date with Lily Evans. Metal Overload time.

"Oh God," James murmured, pressing a hand to his mouth. "Oh God...oh God, oh God..."

"You're panicking, James," Remus said, trying to focus on his fidgeting friend that was walking back and forth with an expression of horror. "Stop panicking."

"Easier said than done!" James ran both hands through his hair to take out his frustration. Those poor James Potter tresses.

"But why exactly are you panicking?" Remus asked.

"I have a date with Evans," James said, mouth slightly agape. "I'm going to mess it up! I know I am!"

"I'm sure you won't," Peter said helpfully.

"Just be yourself, James," Remus patted him on the back.

Sirius snorted. "Be himself?" he said mockingly. "He lied and said he was you, Moony, just to talk to Evans. Remember?"

Remus inwardly groaned, forgetting that particular James Potter mistake.

"If he can't even tell her who he really is, he is most definitely screwed."

"Not helping, Padfoot!" James cried, covering his ears with his hands. Sirius apologetically cringed.

"Okay then," Remus paused trying to use his ingenious mind to conjure another plan for his doomed friend. "Er, don't be yourself, then. Just try and do three things for me; first of all, be polite."

As if on cue, James made a very impolite cough in Remus' face, splattering him with spit.

"Okay then." Remus wiped his face with the corner of his shirt collar, mentally making a cross on the box under the word polite on the list of James Potter characteristics.

"Try and be mature," Remus told him secondly.

"There's a bogey hanging off your nose." James pointed directly at Remus' face, as if to flick the bogey off himself. "It's MASSIVE." In addition, Sirius and Peter nodded with agreement.

Remus sighed. "How about being an English gentleman?"

"Sod off. Your advice is well crap. You're talking out of your arse."

Remus smacked his head against his knees and muttered, "I'm sorry, I cannot help you," abandoning his student and declaring him as a hopeless case when it came to manners.

"Sir Padfoot has brainwaves." Sirius made a mischievous smile that warned trouble was ahead and ridiculous plans were forming in his mind.

"Are you sure you're not just constipated?" James asked.

"Har-sodding-har. Although my stomach didn't really agree with those cockroach clusters...But back to what I was saying," Sirius tried to redirect himself, "Moony?" Remus looked up with sudden dread. "Have you got those Muggle fairytale books?"

Remus looked at him sceptically. "Why...?"

"I need that book I read before, the one with the blonde girl and the shoe."

"The old woman who lived in a shoe?" James frowned.

"No," Sirius scoffed. "The one with the mice," he explained, as if the additional information would explain everything.

"Oh!" Peter said. "That one. Cindy...Cindy-fella?"

"Cinderella," Remus corrected.

"That's the one."

Remus raised another sceptic eyebrow, but nonetheless walked over to his book collection and searched for the sophisticated reading material Sirius had ordered. After a few minutes he finally managed to find the fairytale book and was about to hand it over to Sirius but hesitated, bringing the book to his chest.

"Will you please try not to get any crumbs on it or spill anything on the pages? Unlike last time when you returned one of my books with a gracious amount of white stuff on it."

James snorted at the mention of 'white stuff', whilst Peter erupted into giggles.

"I told you before, that was milk." Sirius snatched the book off Remus and stuck his tongue out at him. "Dirty minded werewolf."

"Milk's your codeword for it then?" James smirked.

Sirius scowled at him. "Shut up, I'm trying to help you. So be a good boy and stop yapping."

"Helping? How exactly does a Muggle fairytale help me?"

"These Muggle books are the answer to all your problems, mate!" Sirius flicked through the pages of Cinderella before shoving it in James' face and tapping the cover. "This is what all girls want," he pointed to the front of the book, showing the picture of Cinderella in the arms of her Prince. "They want to be her."

"They want to be a girl who has two ugly sisters and an ugly stepmother who treat her like a maid and slave?" Peter said confusedly.

"No, dimwit. They want the fairytale story."

James seemed to somehow understand Sirius' theory. "I think you've got a point, Padfoot. Girls do want all that romantic fancy-pants stuff." Remus frowned at the sophisticated wording of "fancy-pants."

"Evans is probably like all them girls," James reassured himself.

"Don't you think Lily would prefer a simple date?" Remus began to say, but was hushed by James who was deep in thought.

"I know!" James cried, jumping to his feet. "I have a vision!" He posed his hands together to make a square frame as if he were a film director or artist in the middle of creative inspiration. "You know in this book Cindy...Cindyfella-"

"Cinderella," Remus tried to correct again.

"Whatever," James said. "Anyway, in the book she has that carriage, right?" Slowly, Remus nodded in bewilderment. "Well, like that fairy grandmother, I could transfigure a pumpkin into a carriage for us to go to, and through, Hogsmeade!"

"Groovy," Sirius commented. "And I could be the carriage driver!"

"That's such a great idea, Prongs," Peter said loyally.

"That is one of the most ridiculous ideas I have ever heard," Remus said, his mouth slightly twisting at the corners because of how ludicrous it was. "Although I congratulate you on your creative imagination. You are quite the visionary."

James furrowed his brow. "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not."

"Do you know how to transfigure a pumpkin into a carriage, Prongs?" Peter questioned.

"Er," James fumbled, "not exactly." Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "But I'm sure it's easy. You know I rock at Transfiguration." Peter nodded his head eagerly. "I'm sure it can't be much harder than transfiguring...say, a cat, into a er...kitten," he suggested.

Remus laughed with disbelief. "How on earth is transfiguring a cat into a kitten similar to transfiguring a pumpkin into a carriage?"

"Ooo! I have another vision!" James announced, putting his hands again into a square frame. Remus shot Sirius a foreboding look that blamed James' lunacy on Sirius who started the Muggle fairytale story theory.

"Evans and I could be walking to the carriage, and there could be Lily flower petals falling from the sky!"

"That is so romantic!" Peter said. "You have the best ideas, James."

"Sounds good, my Prongsnated friend," Sirius stuck a thumb in the air.

"And how exactly would you make Lily flower petals fall from the sky?" Remus asked with a hand on his hip.

"Uh..." James tapped a finger to his chin in thought. "There could be...someone flying on a broom under my Invisibility Cloak! And they could be holding a bowl of the lily flowers and could drop them on us!"

"Ingenious," Remus breathed with definite satire.

"I've got an idea!" Sirius jumped from his bed and bounced on his feet. "We could display her a message on er...t-shirts!"

"Fuchsia t-shirts!" Peter added with much enthusiasm.

"And they could spell out the words 'You rock my wizarding world', or 'Your beauty stupefies me' or... 'Shag me senseless-"

"That's enough, Sirius," Remus pleaded.

"I have another vision!" James raised his hands in the air once more.

"Oh no..." Remus put his head in his lap and covered his ears by bending his ear lobes over in a way which makes your ears very warm and very red. "The date is going to be a disaster," he muttered knowingly.

"Balloons! Lots of balloons!"

There were much agonising days; agonising for Remus as he prolonged the agony of listening to James and Sirius' ideas which he couldn't comprehend how were thought up, and agonising for James as he counted the days, hours, minutes, seconds; which were then nicknamed as 'Lilyseconds' because it sounded more appropriate, until his date with the red headed girl of his dreams.

Then Saturday came.

It was clearly a day that would be marked down in history. It would possibly be made a national holiday.

The day everyone would be in awe of the-boy-who-lived-through-a-date-with-Lily-Evans-the-permanant-PMS-monster.

James could imagine it all now...it would be like Christmas, everyone giving presents. Except they would all be for him. And people would dress up in some sort of costume, but he would decide on that later. He would have to think of a shorter name for the day, something snappier and to the point. The day the-boy-who-lived-through-a-date-with-Lily-Evans-the-permanant-PMS-monster would not fit on your usual greeting card.

"Prongs..." Peter stood over James' bed, shaking James who was in a deep sleep with a happy sappy smile on his face.

"Breathe on him, Wormtail," Sirius advised him, observing his slumbering friend. "That'll wake him up."

Peter got millimetres to James' face, sucking a large breath before blowing it into his face, making James' hair flicker.

"Mmm...Lily..." James mumbled, breathing contently out of his nose, eyelids still closed.

"I was sure that would have worked," Sirius frowned with confusion.

"Will you just get him up," Remus said, making a grab for his robe. "He's got fifteen minutes to meet Lily in the entrance hall."

As Peter peeked closely again at James' face, nudging him to awake, James suddenly sprung out his hand and snatched Peter's hair as he was snoozing.

"Prongs, can you let go of my—owowow..." Peter whined as James' fingers tightened around his tresses, inhaling the scent as he carried on sleeping, eyes shut with innocence.

"Mmm Lily...your hair smells like the stuff my mum puts in the bathroom...Pou...Pou something..." James mumbled.

"You're so gifted with your words, James," Remus said. "Such a romantic."

"Moony? Why are you in my dream?" James spoke sluggishly, finally opening his eyes a fraction. He made a horrified scream as he discovered his fingers in Peter's hair - Peter on the verge of tears as his hair was closely dropping out from how tight James had secured it. He thrust Peter away, clearly disappointed that he had not been running his fingers through Lily's hair, or even a girl's.

"W-what time is it?" James yawned, making a stretch with no signs of concern.

Remus was annoyed at his poor time keeping. "James, you've got exactly thirteen minutes and thirty two," he paused, noticing James' raised eyebrow before he said the next word which had been 'seconds'. "Thirty two," he carried on, making a sigh, "Lilyseconds."

James inclined an impressed nod towards him. "A little bit of hesitance but you got it in the end. Well done, Moony." He congratulated him, making another stretch but stopped in between. "Wait, I've got thirteen minutes until my date with Evans?" he said in horror.

"And forty Lilyseconds."

"Shit!" James raced out of his bed, crawling in just his underwear as he searched for a pair of jeans from the dormitory floor. He grimaced as found a decent looking pair, but unfortunately had a lollypop stuck to the backside. He finally settled for a pair of black jeans and a blue shirt, which Sirius described as 'banging', which James guessed to be a compliment.

"Maybe you should do something about your hair, James." Remus advised, pointing to his hair, but not too close incase it suddenly sprung alive and ate his finger.

"Like what?" James frowned, examining his reflection in the bathroom dorm mirror.

"Here, have some of my gel," Sirius said, as more of an order, producing a tub of thick disgusting goo. James was about to protest with a definite no, but Sirius had already scooped a hand in and dropped the goo onto his head looking similar to some sort of bobble hat.

"Ahh! What are you doing, you mongrel!" James shouted, watching the goo wobble on top of his head like jelly.

"Don't use dog insults at me, Prongsie."

James apologized, smoothing the gloop over his untidy hair which flattened in an instant, but now looked as greasy as-

"Snape. Your hair looks like Snape's," Peter stated, wincing as he got a handful of goo splatter forcefully in the face.

"The gel shouldn't do that. It's supposed to make it soft, like mine," Sirius petted his hair in front of James, which to his annoyance was shiny and under control.

James watched as the gel had disintegrated and poked a finger to his own hair. It was rock solid.

"It's about as soft as concrete, Padfoot," James said bitterly.

Sirius narrowed his eyes and picked up the tub the gel came out of. He examined the label, and suddenly cringed. "Oh dear." He tried to hide to tub away from James' eyes.

"What?" James said worriedly. "What've you done?"

Sirius shone a pitiful face and widened his puppy dog eyes so hoping he would not get a beating by James. "Well, I kinda mixed up the gel with my moisturiser mud cream."

"You have moisturiser?" Remus said with slight amusement. "That's rather feminine, isn't it?"

Sirius punched him in the arm.

"How do I get it off?" James cried, tapping his hair which created a solid echoed sound.

"There's no time," Remus told him. "You'll be late to meet Lily. Just wear a hat."

"A what?" James spat. He did not wear any type of object on his head. Things didn't belong on his head. They were just irritation or gave him headaches. He didn't want anything suffocating his head or giving him brain damage, which he assumed you would get for wearing too tight hats.

Peter ambled up to him, displaying a badly tasted hat from behind his back and plopping it on James' head with a beaming face of what he thought would be praise in return.

"What the hell is that?" James spat.

"It's my favourite hat," Peter pouted, a little insulted by James' reaction.

"Looks like a tea cosy," Sirius commented, poking the material. It was definitely the colour of a mouldy tea bag, a murky brown which forced your stomach to unsettle. It was rather tight on James' head but was long enough that it covered his ears, solid flicks of his fringe sticking out in all directions.

"Let's hope Evans has lowered her expectations and makes do with you," Sirius teased.

"Har-sodding-har."

Remus peeked at his watch, finding there was hardly any time but a few of the castle shortcuts would help them.

"You've got the mirror, right, Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"Oh yeah," James reassured him, slipping out their Marauder created mirror from under his arm sleeve. James made a middle finger at the mirror, where Sirius pulled a face in the reflection.

"Try and be a discreet with the mirror, James," Remus advised. "If you look at it too much, Lily might think you're shallow."

"'Think'?"

James automatically smacked the back of Sirius' head.

"Don't worry, Moony." James pocketed the mirror back under his arm sleeve. He turned around and found Sirius making an ugly face to his half of the mirror.

"Finished?" James asked Sirius whilst he was in the middle of a sticking up pig nose. Sirius nodded, his finger still positioned on his nose.

Five minutes later following James' manic running to the Entrance hall, he finally spotted Lily waiting alone looking impatient.

"There she is, Prongsie," Sirius said in his ear, a few feet away from Lily who hadn't noticed their arrival. "Go get her, tiger! Grrrr-"

Remus smacked a hand to Sirius' mouth, silencing his growling.

"Just...don't do anything Sirius would do," Remus said. "Please."

James barked a nervous laugh. "Don't worry, I'm James Potter. Nothing can faze me!" He pointed his fist in the air for the added tasteless effect.

"James? There you are," Lily said, finally spotting him as she called from across the room. She waved and gestured for him to come over.

James squeaked and hid behind Remus.

"Smooth... Very smooth," Sirius observed.

"What are you doing, James?" Remus asked him, trying to tug his friend behind his back. "Stop being gormless."

Sirius pushed him forward. "Get over there and stop being a prat."

"She'll love the hat!" Peter said supportively.

James walked over to Lily, making a glance over his shoulder at his friends who gave him encouraging thumbs up, and an odd "Grrrrr!" from Sirius, before they hurried outside through the oak doors.

"Were you trying to hide from me behind Remus?" Lily asked immediately, instead of the usual greeting of 'hello'.

"Hullo," said James, not answering the question. "Sorry, I think I have something on my face!" He quickly removed his two-way mirror from the inside of his sleeve and put it in front of his face. Lily watched in annoyance as James held the mirror in front of him and started mumbling things in between gritting his teeth and casting Lily apologetic looks.

"What are you doing? It's been TEN SECONDS and you've got the mirror out!" Remus hissed in the reflection of the mirror. "Put it away! Put it away!" He looked simply enraged as James did not carry the action out. "PUT IT-"

Remus was roughly pushed aside as Sirius came into frame. "You rang?"

"What do I say to her?" James murmured, very impressively as his teeth were jammed together.

"Say she looks pretty," Sirius told him. "And that's true as well! It's not even a lie! I mean, that skirt...mhmm," he trailed off.

"Are you having dirty thoughts about Lily?" James said angrily. "You are so getting a beating later! When I get a hold of you I-"

"Er, James?" Lily's head appeared at the side of the mirror, looking at him inquisitively.

"WAAH!" James cried, quickly dropping his arm and slipping back the mirror under his arm shirt sleeve.

Lily's eyes widened with shock as James screamed in her face. "Um..." she started uncomfortably, "were you… threatening the mirror?"

"No!" James said, pushing down his tea cosy hat agitatedly. "Me, talking to a mirror? That would be totally unbelievable. As if there were actual people talking in the mirror...which there are not. Definitely not." He smiled to confirm he was well and not ill, which she must have been thinking he was, and more of the mental side.

"Right..." Lily tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. "There are no real people in the mirror. Have you considered seeing a psychiatrist for professional help?" She joked, making a hearty laugh.

"Yes," James quipped, joining in her laughter. "Especially after this date." He meant it to sound like a joke, though he meant every word.

After the laughter had stopped, there was uncomfortable silence and much looking-down-at-shoes nature. James quickly thought back to what Sirius had advised him to say.

"Say she looks pretty," James told Lily, then realised his mistake as he wasn't supposed to mention the 'say' and 'she' parts of that sentence. And unfortunately as James had said the comment, a girl had passed the couple, making Lily presume he was talking about her.

"What?" she hissed, hoping her ears were deceiving her.

James tugged at the collar of his shirt, feeling very hot and anxious, especially with his tea cosy suffocating his head and possible blocking of intellectual brain waves. "I...er...I said, 'say, she looks pretty...ugly!' Yes, extremely ugly," he fibbed.

Lily fixed him with a suspicious look but simply nodded, looking satisfied. She glimpsed at James' hat which he had been pulling down every five seconds.

"Why are you wearing a hat? You never wear hats," she stated.

James sighed and was about to explain the gel-moisturiser mix up, but Lily had already started talking.

"Did you wear it for me?" She smiled. "Because I always say you play with your hair. So you wore a hat for our date?"

"Uhuh?" James tried to confirm as a yes.

"That's so...sweet."

"Uhuh."

"I mean, somebody going out on a date looking ugly, just for me!" She pressed a hand to her chest, clearly flattered.

James frowned at the word 'ugly' but nonetheless forced a smile and said, predictably, "Uhuh..."

Trying to change the subject, James said, "We better get going," following behind the queue of students signed out by Filch. As the groups of students started walking down the path to Hogsmeade, James held Lily back as everyone trudged ahead.

"What's going on?" Lily raised an eyebrow as he held on to her arm. She was about to state "My arm. Your hand. Much holding happening," but James had interrupted her.

"Just wait a sec," he told her. "Er….Oh, look! A squirrel!" He pointed to a random bush of the Hogwarts ground.

"What?" Lily's head turned to the pointing; balancing on her tiptoes as if to spot the animal would be more probable if she were a few inches higher.

As James had distracted her with the non-existent squirrel, he shouted loudly to the clouds, "If anything were to fall from the sky, I hope it would fall…Now!"

Lily turned back round, purely miffed that James had lied to her about the furry animal and wondering what on earth he was shouting about. As her mouth opened in indignation to give him a telling off, a light and white something had fluttered past her, dropping to the floor.

"What the-" She dropped to her knees, picking up the lily flower petal and examining it closely. "Where the heck did that come from?" She turned to James who smiled mischeviously and pointed to the sky, where more Lily flower petals were falling over them.

"Wow," she said in amazement, watching the petals twirl around them and fall to the ground. "It's as if they're falling from the heavens."

"Yeah, the heavens..." James echoed, when really they were falling from a chubby boy who was currently flying on a Quidditch broom, which was swaying as if trying to push him off, holding a bowl of petals.

Peter sat on the broom, hyperventilating as the broom started to jerk, nearly causing him to fall off.

"Ooooh dear! Woah, woah!"

"Did you hear that?" Lily asked James, turning her head wildly, but still in awe of the petals as they fell through her fingers.

"No," James said, making a hiss in the air of "Shut up, Wormtail!"

"Aaaaaargh!"

"I definitely heard it that time," Lily said, now a little annoyed by the fact that a lot of petals were falling and were getting caught in her hair and plastering her face. James was also a little aggravated, waving his hand as the petals began to suffocate them.

"Why won't it stop?" Lily cried, now coughing.

"That's enough," James hissed again. "Enough, Wormtail!"

"WAAAH!" Peter screamed, the broom jerking with so much force that it forced him to drop the bowl of remaining lily flower petals. He squealed as the bowl fell out of his hands and started falling to the ground.

"That's enough bloody petals!" James hissed again to the mirror down the inside of his arm sleeve.

"Why are you talking to your sleeve?" Lily asked in between coughs, trying to find her way out of the petal tornado as she covered her eyes.

"No!" James said quickly, making fists as he started making slight Kung Fu moves, punching and kicking the petals that got dangerously close to him. "Me, talking to a sleeve? That would be totally unbelievable. As if there were actual people talking in my sleeve...which there are not. Definitely not."

"Watch out!" A shout was heard from above.

"What?" James and Lily said unison, tilting their heads upwards. Together, they frowned in confusion as a circular object closed down towards them. As Lily was more intelligent, she quickly jumped out of the way. However, James was less intelligent, staying still as he watched bowl get closer until it was so close that it smacked him in the head, making him unconscious. He slumped to the ground and the bowl landed next to him with a loud clunk.

"Thank God I have quick reflexes," Lily muttered, grateful that the petals had stopped falling and very confused on what exactly was happening and what exactly had just happened. As she was about to drop to James' side and check if he was alright, she was suddenly forced to the ground and also knocked unconscious by an invisible weight, otherwise known as Peter Pettigrew, James' broom and his extremely poor Quidditch abilities.

"Wow, they didn't even make it to Hogsmeade," Sirius said from the reflection of the mirror.

"Ooo! I have another vision!" Remus mocked from the mirror inside James' sleeve, taking on a perfect James Potter tone in his hysteric state. "Evans and I could be walking to the carriage and there could be flower petals falling from the sky!"

"Great impression, Moony." Sirius complimented. "I'm full of admiration."

"You're definitely full of it."

Sirius could tell there were two ways of reading that sentence and wasn't sure which way to interpret it.

"And," Sirius joined in the James Potter mocking, "there could be t-shirts, with crappy messages which make you want to gag. That was such a lame idea."

"That was your idea."

"Maybe we should stop pointing the finger accusingly in error and come out from behind this tree and help Prongs and Evans."

"In error?" Remus snorted, pocketing the mirror and walking with Sirius from behind a tree of the Hogwarts grounds they'd been concealed behind, over to the couple enshrouded in flower petals. "Another cock and bull story," he said simply.

"Bullshitting am I?" Sirius repeated again. "Telling a...bull...cock...oh, I hate that saying."

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Lol.... Actually even i dont remember that saying.... Sorry if its crappy... I wrote on my iPod while going fridge shopping with my parents... I have a teeny bit of writers block so i dont know how i managed to write this, but all credit for pushing me goes to xX_Lil_Mee_Xx Go read her comment on the chapter before!

Sneaky Peeky time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-

"Ooo," Sirius made a noise of delight. "I got one! Hippo, your mother is so fat, the only thing that is attracted to her is gravity!" He burst into unrequited laughter.

"Not 'your mother' insults, you imbecile," Lily smacked her head.

"But I've got so many good ones!" Sirius protested. "For example: your mother is so fat, she needs a map to find her own butt. Hehe..." Remus glowered at him. "Alright, Moony!" He turned back to Hippo. "Uh, Hippo? This whole 'not moving thing' is really boring. You suck. And er, your feathers are all...overlapping!"

"That was pathetic, Sirius," James remarked.

"And you're ugly!" Sirius added.

**************************

"You cheater!" Sirius shouted after him. "You're such a... mork!"

"What's a 'mork'?" Remus asked, though still annoyed that he was currently carried by his so-called friend who was also the reason for being temporarily blind.

"It's a concoction of 'moron' and 'dork'."

"That's rather clever."

**************************

"I know your type," the man growled, closing on him. "Try and blab that your name is on the list when you aren't booked. Tryin' to get yourself in a fancy restaurant with your fancy bird."

Lily said a rather unsettled, "Excuse me?"

The rude man pointed his wand at them both. "Get out of here before I hex you!"

*************************

"So, what were you guys talking about?" Lily asked curiously.

"Arses," Sirius said.

"Nine times," Remus said counting.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Arses?" she repeated.

"Ten."

Series, but hanging.... ;)

<3 Y