Chapter 10-The Cat Who Got More Then Cream

"Dun-dun dahna! Dun-dun dahna!-"

"Quit it-"

"Dun-dun dahna! Dun-dun dahna!-"

"Quit it-"

"Dun-nah-na! Dun-nah-na! Da-na!"

Sirius dived to the ground, making a very impressive role.

Peter hid himself behind the knights of armour along the corridor, peeking behind them to see the enemy...that wasn't there.

James slid against the wall, inconspicuously trying to blend in with the surrounds - which was unnecessary because he was invisible anyway.

"Will you guys just quit it!" Remus complained. He had watched for the past ten minutes his friends made extreme fools of themselves. "You're not bloody secret agents!"

Unfortunately, in Sirius' impressive role to the floor, he had collided into a gigantic menacing seventh year.

Peter in his haste to conceal himself, tumbled into one of the knights of armour, setting off a very loud crash.

James' sly sliding against the wall caused some furious portraits to shout and scream because they had been smudged and nearly suffocated by an invisible weight.

"Woops," Sirius cringed, looking at the tree trunks that were the seventh year's legs. The giant stepped over him as if he were a dirty puddle. Sirius was very much relieved and got back to Secret-Agent-Mode. He jumped to his feet and stuck his hands together making a gun sign with his fingers, pointing it to the first person who regrettably got in the way of Double Agent Padfoot, or James' more appropriate nickname: Double Agent Pervert.

"Black, do not point that finger gun at me!" Professor McGonagall said menacingly, the unlucky woman to be Sirius' first target.

He instantly dropped his hands to his front and bowed his head. "Sorry, Professor," he mumbled. McGonagall gave Sirius and the boys a strange look before walking hurriedly to her office.

"Oi, Double Agent Pervert," James hissed.

"I told you, it's Double Agent Padfoot," Sirius corrected him, "Or Double Agent Sirius-Black-the-Mighty-King-of-blow-Up-Chairs-and-King-of-the-World."

"I think we'll pass on the latter," Remus said. "Can we please quit the secret agent thing? It's completely pointless and I doubt it'll help us find Whiskers quicker."

"So, back to running around the corridors aimlessly?" Peter suggested. The others nodded before all breaking into a run again.

Five minutes later, the Fantastic Four-I mean, The Marauders, had stopped again in an unknown corridor to catch their breath; each boy was wheezing from running and clutching their stomachs painfully.

"I think I've got a stitch," Peter said.

"Okay, this whole running thing I do not like," Sirius mentioned, stabling himself as he leaned against a wall.

"God, you're so...unfit...Padfoot. I don't know what...you're complaining about," James managed to muster in between breaths.

"It's the best thing we can do," Remus told him, but was unsure where he was supposed to be addressing to as James was currently invisible. He looked at Sirius and where he thought James was standing. "Besides, you both play Quidditch. You should be fit enough."

Mutually, James and Sirius barked a laugh; which unnerved Remus especially when James' laughing appeared to be coming from nowhere. "C'mon, Quidditch is ea-sy!" James insisted.

Remus and Peter gave replied with equally unconvinced looks. They'd never been near a broom ever since their first flying lesson, where Peter's broom was determined to be glued to the grass and not move on command, whilst Remus' broom had flown him on a wild assault course of the forbidden forest where he'd been hung upside down and Sirius had to save him from a high tree branch.

"It's easy as pie," James continued. "All you have to do is sit on a broom, bang a couple of balls-"

"You do that a lot-"

"And score a few things-"

"You don't do that a lot."

"Shut up, Sirius!" James snapped, not liking his added commentary.

"But with running," Sirius continued, "you actually have to...?"

"Move your legs?" Peter suggested.

Sirius pointed a finger of confirmation. "Yeah! Like, what's up with that?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes...moving your legs. The lazy Sirius Black actually doing something strenuous," he pressed a hand to his dramatic gaping mouth, "that is a surprise!"

Sirius was mildly insulted. "I can't help but feel you're making fun of me," he pouted, "and that's-"

"WHISKERS!" James screamed suddenly, pointing to the cat that had currently inhabited a copy of his body. Whiskers had made a wrong turning, unfortunately trampling down the corridor of where the Marauders were presently resting.

"Get him!" James commanded. The four boys stampeded forwards, each making a high pitched animal call, all except Remus who was giving them a ridiculous look and thought it was completely superfluous. They followed Whiskers who hissed and bolted down the corridor once more.

James gritted his teeth under the invisibility cloak as he passed the gossiping students.

"Oh my God, is that James Potter?"

"What's he doing? He's running on all fours like a wild animal."

"I heard that exact same rumour, but it was about what he was like in bed."

"Is he wearing just a robe? Oh Merlin, I just saw his-his privates!"

Sirius tried to contain his amusement as James mouth opened in horror. Indeed, Whiskers was running very fast and the robe that was covering could not keep up with him.

"Where is that bloody cat going?" James yelled, pushing himself through a crowd of corridor passers, which again disturbed many people that an invisible entity was pushing passed them. They watched as Whiskers propelled past the Entrance Hall and shot through Hogwarts oak doors, escaping into the grounds.

"It's outside!" James said hysterically, pointing his finger. "Outside!"

"Yes, James, we can see that...We have to get that cat before it goes near the Whomping Willow or the lake." Remus realised.

"Cat's can't swim," Peter added.

As James' face fell in to one of even more despair, he sprinted through the main doors and outside into the grounds, tugging off his invisibility cloak that he felt was weighing him down.

The boys wobbled in their running as they trampled over the bumpy grass and stones. Peter tripped over a boulder, falling with his face in a mound of grass.

"C'mon, Wormtail!" Sirius pulled him to his feet. "We can do this! Don't give up! We're nearly there, Wormtail! Keep at it! Yes, my minion, keep going!" He carried on encouraging Peter who was running along with a limp.

"Please, stop talking, Padfoot," James said with distaste. "It sounds like you're blowing each other's brains out."

Remus was busy trying to run as one of Sirius' running elbows nearly punctured his arm. "Sirius, will you stop banging your elbows into me!"

"I can't help it! It's the way I run!"

James, Remus and Peter stopped in their running, pausing to watch Sirius run ahead looking oddly like a chicken; his arms stretched out as if he was preparing for flight, and his legs running wildly as if they weren't attached to his body.

They burst into laughter.

Sirius finally stopped his demented running and realised he was sprinting alone. He spun around to see his friends snorting at his expense.

Sirius stuck out his tongue. "I'll have you know that the greatest sprinters run like this. It gives you more speed."

"More like it gives you permanent blinding to anyone who watches you," James muttered. "Right, what were we doing again?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Chasing the cat that has given you a reputation for liking to streak whilst hissing offensively," he reminded him.

"Oh yeah." James' amused face went back to the devil feline reality.

"This is crap," Sirius stated, walking back over to his friends. "I can't keep running like this. Let's transform!" He concocted suddenly, eyes alive with adrenalin and irrational thinking. "I can probably catch up to him as Padfoot."

"Don't be stupid, Sirius," Remus said, "People could be watching." He looked around the grounds, which to his disappointment, was pretty much deserted.

"Prongs, you better stay as yourself under the cloak, though," Sirius advised him, ignoring Remus' furious looks that transforming into their Animagus forms was absurd. "Wormtail, you might as well help and transform, too."

"What!" Remus hissed. "Peter can't transform into a rat! Whiskers is a cat, for Christ's sake! Don't-"

But before Remus could yell anymore ignored disagreements, Sirius had had shut his eyes, and as his limbs rearranged, he malformed into his dog self. And more to Remus' horror, Peter had swiftly joined his side and turned into his rat form.

"Why do I think this is a bad idea?" James muttered, nonetheless patting Sirius' shaggy head and noting a worried look at his rat friend who was looking around in a paranoid state.

Then, out of the blue, Whiskers had funnily enough appeared, approaching the odd group of the invisible James, annoyed Remus, a hyper dog and highly concerned rat. The James duplicate was covered in mud and grass, sticks matted in his more than messy hair. Padfoot looked excited, jumping around eagerly in anticipation - not only did Sirius love chasing, he loved chasing cats.

"Wow, the plan's actually working," James said in surprise, not expecting Whiskers to come anywhere near them.

Remus knew what was about to happen. "Oh no," he muttered.

Whiskers' eyes suddenly landed on Wormtail, the rat twitching as it curled up on the ground with terrified fear. The cat hissed, clawing out his James Potter hands in threatening paws before running at Peter with its feline instincts.

"Oh dear," James said quietly.

Running as fast as his little rat feet could take him, Peter made his way back inside Hogwarts castle. Barking instinctively, Sirius ran after them both, looking happy at the chasing adventure.

Silently, James and Remus watched them flee.

"Why am I the only intelligent one of the Marauders?" Remus asked aloud, breaking the muteness.

James couldn't help but chuckle. "It's complimentary. There's always a ridiculously smart one in a group of friends that scold the others for being stupidly...er, stupid."

"Why on earth did Peter run back inside? Is he insane?" Remus yelled in bewilderment. "What are people going to think when they see a rat, chased by a half naked you," he pointed at James, "chased by a dog of ineptitude!"

James rubbed a hand to his chin. "They'll think, 'hmm, that James Potter maybe the sexiest thing I've ever seen in just a robe and... and..." He noticed Remus' exasperated look aimed at him. "Following them?" he asked Remus knowingly.

"Following them," Remus confirmed.

James sighed and put his cloak back on, sending his body into invisibility.

"Stop tapping my shoulder, James. You may be invisible, but I'm not dense."

James chuckled embarrassingly, abandoning attempts of tapping Remus' shoulder and hiding - which again, was unnecessary because he was imperceptible.

Must chase cat. Must chase Whiskers. Must help friend Prongs out and-ooo, look! People! Lots of people! Pet me! My fur is so soft!

Sirius was currently trying to chase Whiskers down an unnamed corridor, but predictably got distracted by a girl group girl fifth years, and was now nudging the hand of a raven haired girl who looked down at him with elated surprise.

"LOOK AT THE CUTE DOG!" The girl shrieked, extremely loudly. She bent to her knees and hugged Sirius tightly, not caring or checking if Sirius had fleas (a definite possibility).

Lots of people! So happy to see me! Who are you? Who's she? Who's that person!

Sirius was bounding up and down energetically, turning his head and licking the many stranger hands that reached out to stroke him.

"Why's a dog here? Do you think it belongs to someone?" Another girl asked. She rubbed a finger soothingly behind Sirius' ear.

That feels nice! Do it again! I'm hungry! I want food! Who's going to feed me? My head itches, scratch it for me!

"Aw, isn't he adorable," a ginger haired girl cooed, nuzzling her nose against Sirius'.

I'm adorable! They all think I'm adorable! AAAAH, the dog thoughts are taking over my mind! I should be doing something...chasing Whiskers! Damn it...What's for dinner? AAARGH! Stop thinking of food, stupid dog mind!

Quickly, Sirius got out of the grasp another hugging girl and escaped the disappointed cries of the group of fifth years. He ran down the corridor, using his good dog nose to trace the smell of Whiskers and Peter.

"Hey? Doggie? Where are you going? Come back! COME BACK!"

"Frank...Frank, please. You'll be fine. Calm down. I'm sure Alice will understand."

Frank broke into another hysterical sob as he wailed uncontrollably, resting his head on Lily's shoulder. Her school shirt was now damp and dripping with snot.

"No...she's gonna...crucify me," Frank mumbled in between sniffs.

They had searched endlessly for Whiskers the feline devil but couldn't find the cat; of course, because Whiskers was disguised as a half naked James Potter. Luckily they hadn't run into Whiskers in his present form.

"I'm not sure crucifying is allowed in Hogwarts," Lily said thoughtfully, again echoing James' words. "But, er, I'm sure it won't come to that!"

"She's the only girlfriend I've ever had," Frank made another sniff, wiping his nose on the back of his hand in a very unhygienic way. "She's gonna dump me. She loves that cat more than she loves me..."

Lily patted his back in comfort. "I'm sure she doesn't!" She reassured. "You could, er...always buy her another cat?"

The suggestion of buying another cat only made the sobbing boy somehow cry louder. Lily was getting very wet and many people in the corridor were looking at them. She was starting to get desperate; she had to find that cat so she could unhinge Frank off her shoulder.

"WHISKERS!" Lily cried, not caring if she was being stared at with very amused yet bemused looks. "Whiskers, please come here!" she begged, nearly on the edge of tears as she again patted Frank's back in sympathy.

Just when Lily began to lose all hope, she squinted as a few blurry figures were coming towards her. As the unknown figures got closer, she made a horrified scream as she recognised the first physique to be a rat; she hated vermin of all kind.

As Lily squealed, a startled Frank broke away from her, which she was incredibly grateful for.

"Ugh! A rat!" Frank yelled, trying to stomp on Peter. Peter squeaked and ran faster, sprinting past under Lily's legs.

As Lily's eyes followed the rat pass under her, she tilted her head upwards to find a half naked James Potter pounce and push her to the floor. Padfoot sat to one side looking very curious - at least, as curious as a hyperactive dog could be.

"POTTER! What the HELL are you doing?" Lily screamed, pinned down as Whiskers was on top of her on all fours.

Perfectly on time, an out of breath James and Remus had caught up them, their mouth's dropping in horror at the scene before them.

"Shit," James muttered, invisible under his cloak and completely helpless.

"Oh my God, Potter! Why are you half naked? Get off-" Lily broke off as Whiskers looked down at her, his eyes curious and warm. Then suddenly, Whiskers stretched out his tongue and licked Lily's cheeks as if they were a very nice delicacy. Lily was frozen with confused shock, peeking at the saliva that was trailing from her face to his mouth.

"Shit," James repeated again.

"That's rather unhygienic," Frank noted, standing next to Remus observing. Slowly, Remus nodded.

"Why...did you...just-" Lily began to murmur, wiping a hand over her saliva-covered cheek, but was interrupted when the James Potter's mouth brushed with Lily's lips.

Whiskers, of course, had no idea what he was doing, merely think he was doing normal cat affection, brushing his nose with her face; not intending to kiss Lily Evans, or any person, considering he was a cat and didn't even know what kissing was.

Of course, James knew what kissing was and it looked pretty plain to him.

"Well, that's just typical! Even the cat kisses her! Arghhh!"

Remus quickly shot a hand over James' mouth -in his very disturbed state- to stop any more of his loud cursing that was scaring people, mainly Frank as he didn't know where on earth the shrieking was coming from.

Meanwhile, Lily was trembling as she touched her lips, gazing into the eyes of what she thought was James Potter currently sitting on her. Remus decided that this might be the opportune moment to get Whiskers away when Lily seemed so stupefied.

"James, there you are!" Remus walked over to Whiskers and Lily, noticeably sweating. "I've been looking for you everywhere, mate!" He grabbed Whiskers so he couldn't escape and pulled him to his feet. Lily watched in confusion as Remus struggled to get a hissing 'James Potter' in a headlock as Whiskers tried to scratch him with blunt fingernails.

"You're ill, aren't you, James? You're very, very ill," Remus stated, jerking as Whiskers tried to escape. James -who was trying to recover from his coronary attack- helped Remus with Whiskers whilst he was under his cloak, but couldn't help looking back at Lily who was still frozen to the floor.

"C'mon, James!" Remus tried to say enthusiastically. "Let's go to the Hospital Wing! Since you're so very ill! Very ill!" He repeated again, finally managing to control Whiskers as he muttered a sleeping spell using his wand, making James' body limp and Whiskers go into a nap.

"Is he alright?" Frank asked politely, moving toward Whiskers as he examined him. "Do you need any help?"

"No, no, no!" Remus replied, putting his hands in front of him, accidentally dropping Whiskers to the floor. "Bugger." He picked the James Potter copy up by the shoulders. "No, no! I'm fine! Me and Ja-no, just me, nobody else helping me! I'll be fine carrying him!" He assured Frank who looked worried, forgetting the fact he'd been sobbing moments earlier about the lost pet.

"Sorry if James has been rude to you or anything, Lily," Remus apologized.

Lily was still lying on the floor, still holding her fingers to her lips. Sirius was busy trying to nudge her in the stomach for some soothing petting but Lily didn't seem to notice, her eyes glazing over in pure shock.

"That's my dog," Remus clarified to Frank and Lily, pointing to Sirius. Lily stared on, mouth still open in a surprised expression. "C'mon, dog, let's go. Get here, Sirius," Remus ordered more viciously as Padfoot spaced out. Sirius finally realised who was talking to him and sat up, wagging his tail happily as he trailed behind Remus' legs.

Frank held a slightly amused smile. "You called your dog 'Sirius'?"

Remus' eyes widened, realising his mistake. "Er....yes.....sure. Sirius is such a great guy," he gritted through his teeth. Padfoot was now drooling dog slobber over his shoe. "I just had to name...my dog...after Sirius..." he said quietly, regretting every word.

Gradually, Frank nodded, and then turned his attention to the sound of squeaking. Lying against the corridor wall making small rat wheezing breaths was Wormtail looking very tired and ill. Lily turned to Remus with an even more confused expression; Frank, to Remus' horror, made his way towards the rat and raised his leg high in the air to stomp him dead. Luckily, Remus jumped in and scooped Peter up and away from the foot that would have caused murder.

"And that's my rat too! Haha!" Remus laughed tensely, grabbing the rat in his hands and stuffing him into Padfoot's mouth. Remus turned back to Lily who looked even more disturbed, still laying on the floor in silence.

"He won't eat him or anything. Don't worry. They're friends...not that they're humans or actual people! Haha! I just mean, they are animal pals! Definitely animals! Haha!" Remus was aware that he shouldn't be laughing this much or in the particular way he was doing it because it was scary andinhumane.

"Well, er, bye Frank! Bye Lily!" Remus waved, before breaking into a run as he tugged the slumbering Whiskers by the arm and down the corridor. A still horrified James followed behind while an energetic Padfoot made random jumps in the air with Peter nestled in between his molars; wet and saliva-ridden.

"Better go back to our dorm," Remus told the others. Pulling Whiskers around a corner, he accidentally knocked into a wall. James did not reply, remaining still and frozen with horror; not even reacting when Padfoot, as a joke to cheer his Marauder friend up, tried to hump his leg - at least, James hoped it was a joke.

After Remus managed to pass through the portrait of the Fat Lady, who was seriously suspicious to why there was a half naked James Potter sleeping, he quickly attempted to make it across the common room without any interrogations.

As if that would happen.

Instantly, Remus and the invisible stopped in their tracks, looking at the fifth year girl who was surrounded by her friends, and then back at Padfoot who looked highly on edge.

"Hey! It's that cute dog!" one of the girls cried, the same hysteric girl who was in the group of fifth years that had pet and hugged Padfoot to the point of nearly squeezing his internal organs.

"Aw, you've come back to mummy, haven't you," the girl cooed, running over to Padoot and hugging him to her chest. The girl's friends followed and made loving noises about how adorable he was. Padfoot looked extremely happy as his head was thrust into the girl's bosoms.

"Ugh, you've got a rat in your mouth," the girl said distastefully. She wrestled the rat out of Padfoot's mouth and chucked him on the floor. Wormtail made a squeak, slightly swaying as he was dripping with saliva, and ran up the common room stairs to their dorm for safety.

"Excuse me?" Remus frowned.

The girl looked up from petting Padfoot to face Remus with a puzzled expression, which greatly matched Remus'. "Were you the one who found my dog?" she guessed. "Thanks a lot!"

"What? What do you mean your dog?"

The girl's friendly gratitude turned to glaring at Remus' words. "My dog," she repeated. "I found him earlier. Didn't I, girls?" She inclined to her army of friends who made obedient nods. "He's mine."

Remus tried to contain his anger, dropping Whiskers to the common room floor. A few of the Padfoot-obsessed girls made 'wahey' noises and raised eyebrows when Whisker's robe showed a particular something down below. The real James quickly turned red and repositioned the robe over the particular area on show.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but he's my dog," Remus explained sternly.

Padfoot attempted to bark but a girl had currently wrapped an arm around his stomach as if he was a handbag. He whimpered painfully when her sharp, manicured fingernails dug in his fur.

"Look here, Mister," the girl tried to keep her tone in a happy tone, "I don't see a collar on him, so finders keepers."

On cue, James waved his wand under his invisibility cloak and made a spiked collar appear around his neck. The girls made gasps of surprise.

One of the girls pointed at Padfoot. "Did you see that? He must be a magic dog! He made a collar appear around his neck!" The girls shrieked with delight and amazement. Remus massaged the bridge of his nose; surely these girls couldn't be in this house?

"There you go, there's a collar round his neck. He's my dog, so I appreciate it if you'd hand him over," Remus ordered.

"No way! You can't be his owner! He's too cute-" Padfoot instantly made a jovial bark "-to have a guy owner! What are you, gay or something?"

By now, Remus was not amused. He was not having a good day, and being accused of being camp was not lightening his mood. Just when Remus was considering whether to physically wrestle Sirius away from the girl's arms, a loud 'BANG!' was heard as the common room instantly filled up with smoke and the smell of dung. Instantly, the fifth year girls started screaming at a high pitched frequency.

Remus blocked his nose from the harmful smell and made a feel for Whiskers, tugging him by his robe as he felt his hands for the dormitory staircase. Padfoot had quickly made it out of the girl's arms by a mechanism of biting and was holding onto Remus' legs as they ambled round in the smoke.

"Christ, James! I knew we had to get away, but using a dungbomb! Not one of your best ideas!" Remus yelled, coughing in the smoke. "Where are you?"

As Remus started coughing again, he was quickly tugged by the collar and pulled towards the stairs. Remus waved the fog away from his face and was quickly blinded by James who shone a lit wand at him.

"C'mon! Quick, upstairs!" James shouted over the girls' shrieking. Remus nodded and pulled Whiskers up, feeling with his stumbling feet for the steps.

After much falling and slips due to the heavy mist and overpowering smell of dung, they managed to find their dormitory door and heaved inside, quickly slamming the door shut.

"The Gyffindors are going to be extremely cranky tomorrow," Remus noted, spluttering a few coughs. He dragged Whiskers over to a bed and managed to heave him on top of it. Whiskers curled into a cat-like ball and purred in his sleep.

Remus sat on his bed, rubbing a hand to his forehead, feeling a painful headache, not just due to the dungbomb fumes.

"Ooo, that was rather horrifying," Sirius said, transforming back to the annoying but loveable teen. "Don't you think this spiked collar suits me, Moony?" He admired the collar James had made appear on his neck.

Remus was about to answer but Sirius had already carried on talking, obviously making up for the talking he'd missed out on whilst he was in animal form.

"Those girls were scary. They wanted me so bad." Sirius shivered. "You know, being a dog really makes you think of what it's like being in their position. We shouldn't keep dogs on all fours because it gives them bad backs," he rubbed his own back that creaked; "we should let them stand on their hinds legs! Like, when we dance with them." He demonstrated a dog dancing as he waved his hands in the air like dog paws.

Remus gave him the most disturbed look he'd given him all day and ignored Sirius' compassion for dogs and his apparent fetish for dog-dancing. "What were you doing earlier?" he asked with annoyance. "God knows how many people -besides those hysterical girls- saw you as Padfoot."

Sirius pouted. "I couldn't help it! The girls were there and the dog part of my mind took over and started thinking-"

"Ooo! Look! People! Lots of people! Pet and fondle me!" Remus finished, making a scarily perfect impression of Sirius as his Animagus form.

"Funnily enough, yes," Sirius said narrowing his eyes. "Don't do that again, Moony. It's frightening."

They focused on the sound of squeaking and looked over at Peter who had transformed back into human form and was now lying on his bed; his hair bedraggled and looking very soggy and pale. It was clear he was still recovering from being chased by the dangerous cat. He seemed to be making squeaking noises as he was snoozing, possibly having a never-ending nightmare to do with being pursued by devil felines.

"Poor lad," Sirius said in pity, "he's had a tough day."

"Speaking of a tough day..." Remus winced, forgetting about the boy who had suffered the most.

Together, Sirius and Remus turned to look at the real James Potter who was standing in the middle of the dorm, frozen and clutching his chest.

"You alright, Prongs?" Sirius asked, walking over to him and giving a hearty pat on the shoulder.

"I think I'm having a heart attack," James mumbled. A noticeable squirm was seen on his face; the image of Whiskers kissing Lily replaying in his mind again and again.

"Oh, I had one of those," Sirius said casually. "Not nice."

Remus rolled his eyes and went over to James, sitting him down on a bed as he appeared faint.

"It wasn't that bad, James," Remus said, but didn't sound very encouraging with the forced smile and twitching eyes. "I'm sure Lily will forget about it," he said dismissively and gave James a pat on the back - he fell forward on to his bed duvet.

"C'mon, Prongs," Sirius said. "Stop being all bent. It wasn't even a proper kiss."

"His lips touched hers. That's enough to say it's a kiss," James said bitterly.

"Look on the bright side! Maybe Whiskers did you a favour."

James turned to face Sirius with utter annoyance. "How exactly did that bloody cat do me a favour by jumping on Lily half naked and...and..." he trailed off, not feeling he could carry on as it was too painful.

"Well...the licking thing we won't discuss," Sirius waved offhandedly, knowing Whiskers licking Lily's face could not have brightened James' chances of Lily liking him. "But the kind-of-kiss, that's a positive thing! She might have even liked it!"

"Or she might hate you even more for trying to physically accost her..." Remus added unhelpfully.

James made a strangled cry and broke into whimpering.

"Don't worry, Prongs. We'll talk to Lily tomorrow and try to convince her you were ill or something," Sirius told him, forcing a smile.

"We will?" Remus said dreadfully.

"We will," Sirius confirmed.

"We have to?"

"We have to."

The boys sat in silence, watching James make unnecessary mournful sighs every five seconds.

"So, um...what do we do about Whiskers?" Sirius asked, trying to make conversation.

Remus pondered an answer. "I suppose we just keep him until the spell wears off. He's sleeping anyway so he can't do any more harm." He suddenly heard the sound of liquid escaping. "Do you hear that?" James looked up curiously.

Collectively, the boys stared at Whiskers snoozing peacefully on the bed....and also the large puddle of pee on the bed duvet. Sirius burst into laughter while Remus looked away with revulsion.

"I don't know what you're laughing about," James said shortly, not appearing to be out of his bad mood anytime soon. "That's your bed, Padfoot."

Sirius quickly stopped laughing and swore.

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OMG!!!!!!!!!! 10 mins into Vampires Suck and i am laughing like hell!!!!!!!1 Decided to give you guys a laugh too......... Enjoy!!!!

<3 Y