It was hard for me to breathe, to move. I was hot and unsure of where I was.  I cracked my eyes open as my heart pounded and looked around confused.

I lay under a tangle of multi-coloured fur; wolves, huge wolves. I tried pushing their limbs off to give me space but instead of moving, the cocoa coloured wolf rolled onto my legs more, snoring sounds emanating from his muzzle. I’m not sure who it was, probably Matt or Jesse since their hair colour matched the coat of the wolf. His paws twitched and his lips pulled back to bare his teeth, slight rumbling sounds coming from his throat- was he dreaming? Probably.

I must have fallen asleep during the movie Drew had put on to keep me occupied.

It took me ages to slowly edge out of bed. I didn’t want to wake up the boys, they’d dealt with a lot of my drama in the last few days, it was time for them to sleep and relax.

I looked down at myself and wrinkled my nose. I was sweaty, my clothes were wrinkled and my hair felt greasy- disgusting.

The door to the bathroom was open, chilly air kissing my skin; a hot bath sounded amazing right about now.

-

I sunk down to my nose in the steaming lavender scented water, bubbles moving around my neck. I looked out the window above the bath, watching the clouds drift slowly through the sky.

I was beginning to appreciate the daylight immensely the more I found out about vampires; I was safe as long as the sun shone. I had witnessed what happened when a vampire went outside during the day; it looked like their skin was being burnt by acid, bubbling and peeling, a bright sunburnt red.

Day meant Paul couldn’t come for me. It was a comforting thought; albeit small it provided peace of mind during the day.

I heard growls and crashes outside and my eyes widened; what was going on out there? I sat up and reached for a towel as the door burst open. I shrieked, ducking to right under my nose as Drew burst into the bathroom.

“Whoa.” His eye widened in shock. Once he registered what he’d seen, his eyes began to darken and his chest began rumbling. Matt and Jesse ran in and I wanted to shout at them but that would require rising out of the tub; they might see my scars and I didn’t want to chance it.

“Go for a run and cool down!” Matt said, pushing him out of the room with Jesse’s help.

After the door slammed I grabbed a towel and dried myself, putting on a robe that was hooked behind the door. I walked out the door to see the two sleeping wolves and the rest of the boys raiding my fridge. I was glad that the staff in the castle topped up my fridge otherwise I would have run out of food a long time ago.

“What just happened?” I asked quietly, watching the two wolves on my bed. Matt, Jesse and James were in the kitchen so the sandy and caramel coloured wolves must have been Cam and Archer.

James snorted and shook his head, taking a swig of orange juice right from the carton. “Drew freaked when he came back to find you gone and woke us up to find you, you should have told us where you were going shorty.”

I huffed and crossed my arms, walking up to him and snatching the carton; they all know how I hate them drinking directly from the bottle, it’s one of my pet peeves, yet they do it anyway.

I took a glass down from the cabinet as he growled lowly and poured him a glass. “Stop growling like a rabid dog.” I snapped as he took the glass.

“Better not let Drew hear you growling like that at her.” I spun around as the door shut and Zander appeared with a small smile. “I need to talk to Riley.”

I walked over to Zander but Matt stopped me, gripping my upper arm. “She can’t go alone.”

I shook my arm from Matt’s grip and shot him a glare. “I’m not a child, I don’t need a keeper.” I saw Zander smirk from the corner of my eye as I walked past him and out the door. I loved the boys but they were so damn protective! They really needed to lay off; this is why I would never tell them the extent of what Paul and his friends did, they wouldn’t ever let me out of their sights.

“W-what’s this a-about?” I began shivering as we walked down the corridor, wearing only a robe was not good enough protection from the cold stone walls. Zander took off his coat and draped it over my thin frame and I shot him a small smile.

“I’ve heard Liam’s side of the story and he’s in my office, now I want to hear about Paul Lee from your point.” I stopped midstride and shook my head.

“No! I can’t do it again!” I was sick and tired of others bring up Paul; I wanted to forget it and move on but obviously fate had other ideas.

I saw Zander size me up with a determined look. “If it makes you more comfortable then I’ll ask yes or no questions based on what Liam has told me.”

I wanted to tell him ‘no’ again, go back to Drew’s room but I knew that it wasn’t an option. “Fine.” Once this was all over, Paul would be gone for good and I would live in peace.

-

“Did he ever hit you?”

“Yes.” I said; they already knew that. Liam sat in the darkest corner of Zander’s office which had heavy drapes covering the windows and door- there was no natural light.

“Did he use any kind of sharp instrument to inflict pain?”

“Yes.”

“Did you ever have non-consensual sexual relations with Paul Lee?”

I paused, taking a deep breath; I knew they’d ask me this, I knew I would have to answer sooner or later, that I’d have to face up to what’s happened. I had gaps in my memory for the last year, my subconscious was blocking some of the more horrifying things that Paul had done and I was scared to remember them. I didn’t want to go back down memory lane or answer their questions

“Riley?”

I watched as Liam’s expressions became guarded and Zander’s body ridged and tense, a terrifying snarl covering his normal cheerful features with low growls emanating from his chest; he looked ready to kill.

“Did he rape you?”

I opened my mouth, preparing to answer him but the words were stuck in my throat. Tears welled up in my eyes; I was frustrated I couldn’t even answer the question, angry that I had to answer the question and sad that Paul violated me like that. It was one of the worst things he did to me; the pain of fists, feet and knives hurt but at least I still had something special that no one could take from me, at least something I thought no one would take from me.

“Riley!”

I shook in fear as Paul burst into my room. I snapped ‘Alice in Wonderland’ closed and hid it behind me- I’d managed to smuggle it with me, it bought me comfort.

“Y-yes-s?” My voice shook so hard that I could hardly speak one simple word.

“What is that?” He hissed, gesturing to the book behind my back.

There was no use trying to hide it from him, he would just hurt me more for lying. “Alice in Wonderland.”

I knew that it was the wrong thing to say the minute his face darkened. “You shouldn’t be reading that shit, you should be serving me for taking you in, you bitch.” He lunged forward and grabbed my wrist, dragging me to the floor and pinning me underneath him.

Black dots filled my vision as I began panicking, pain exploding in my cheek where he had slapped me. “It’s time you paid your dues.”

I began lashing out as I comprehended exactly what he meant as he tore at my clothes. Paul was too strong, inhumanly strong. His grip was bruising and I felt like I was about to pass out until I felt something press against the spot between my legs.

A searing, white hot pain ripped through my body as he grunted and I screamed in pain, tears falling down my cheeks.

I felt myself nod, my vision blurry as I came back to the present. “H-he d-did.” I muttered, curling up on the chair. I was ashamed, ashamed that someone had done that to me and I felt dirty just thinking about it.

I don’t know what happened but one minute there was silence, it was so quiet I could hear a pin drop. The next second the door was being thrown open, six people rushed in growling.

I couldn’t take it.

I ran past the boys faster than even their eyes could see. I ran until I ended up in the orchard. I lay on the grass and watched the clouds, wiping away my tears.

“Riley?”

A sob escaped my lips as Drew’s voice reached my ears. Why did he have me as his mate? Why did he have the broken, shell of a girl? It wasn’t fair to him or me; I couldn’t love him like he deserved to be loved. I don’t deserve him.

“Shh, it’s ok Riles.” I felt him bend down next to me, his arms wrapping around my shaking frame.

It wasn’t fair.

 “Why didn’t you tell us?” He asked quietly as I began calming down. I rested my head against his shoulder and leant against him. “We all love you; did you really think we’d hate you?”

I watched birds fly through the trees as I answered him. “I was trying to protect them. I’m ashamed of what happened, what he did.” I wiped away the tear that had trickled down my face and sniffled.

“I have waited two hundred years for you Riley; if I had to, I would wait all eternity for you. I will love you tomorrow and forever, simply because you are who you are and your imperfections are perfect to me.” He said slowly. “What’s past is past, don’t let him control you anymore Riley; I know you’re stronger than that.”

I felt his lips on my cheek, sending warm fuzzy tingles through my body. A small smile crept onto my face despite everything that had happened.

I felt loved.

I felt him move and he stood in front of me. “I have to go.”