Here's the chapter as promised. Please read the note after the chapter.

Enjoy

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Shehnaaz

I am standing at the gate my safe place, my peace maria de'cafe. The owners of this cafe, Maria and John, are the sweetest people I've ever known. They know everything about me. Yes, everything, that Sidharth himself didn't. But they still don't know about me and him being together. I have to tell them and I know that they are the only ones who can give my mind some peace.

Taking a deep breath, I entered the cafe. There they are, at the counter, having their usual cute banters.

"...John, tum bat ko samajhta kyun nahi ho. Humko in dikra dikri ki chinta hai. Aisi choti age mein kaise chipak chipak ke baithte hai. Hum tumko bata raha hai, jamana bigad gaya hai." Maria Aunty complained. Well, she is always like this, complaining about the young boys and girls being all lovey-dovey, but by heart she adores them.

"Offo Maria darling, tum hamara time bhool gaya hai kya? Kaise hum tumko roz ek gulab deta tha aur tum red red ho jata thi. Ekdum tamatar lagti thi." John uncle said making Maria aunty blush but that soon changed into a frown listening to his tomato comment.

"Kya bola tum, hum tumko tamatar lagta tha. Tum na...Bat mat karna humse." She huffed and looked away in the direction where I was standing. She saw me and passed me her ever so charming smile.

"Sana dikra...Tum kab aya? My goodness kitna time ho gaya hai tumko dekhe." She gushed coming towards me and hugged me.

"How are you Maria aunty? App to aur bhi beautiful lag rahi ho." I complemented making her blush. I chuckled looking at her blushing like a teenager.

"Are humari maria to humesha hi beautiful lagti hai." John uncle commented from behind. I know he was trying to make up to her now as he knew she will give him a tough time. They are just so cute.

"Shut up..." Maria aunty said and took me with her. I chuckled at John uncle who stood there making a babyface.

"Kitne din baad aya tum yaha. Yaad nahi ata na tumhe hamara." Maria aunty complained, settling beside me on the bed. They have a two-floor house. The first floor had been converted into a cafe and the second floor is their home sweet home.

"Nahi aisa nahi hai. Bas thora busy ho gayi thi." I said sighing.

"Kuch pareshan hai kya dikra?" Maria aunty asked making me smile slightly. She doesn't need me to say that I am sad or confused, she just gets it.

"Patani Maria aunty, mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa rha." I said lying in her lap.

"Bol na dikra. Kya problem hai?" She urged me to speak. Taking a deep breath I spoke.

"You remember Sidharth right?" I asked looking up at her.

"Your boss Sidharth?" She said. I nodded and looked away.

"Hm...But ab vo mera boss ke sath sath boyfriend bhi hai." I whispered.

"What? My god, you have a boyfriend. And you didn't tell me." She asked raising her brows. I pouted looking at her. My eyes are moist.

"Hey, what happened? Are you not happy?" She asked concerned.

"Nhi, aisa nahi hai but I feel like I don't deserve him and it's true. Vo bohot accha hai, mujhse bohot pyaar karta hai aur main...Main to uske pyaar ke badle use pyaar bhi nhi de paa rahi." My voice choked as I said this. This is the one insecurity that eats me up.

"Use tumhare bare mein sab pata hai? I mean..." I shook my head before she could complete. I can't hear that.

"Usi vajah se dar lagta hai ki chorh dega vo mujhe jan ne ke baad. Bohot time bad khushi mili hai Maria aunty. Ab aur strength nahi hai mere andar. Thak gayi hoon. Lekin yeh dar, yeh insecurities aur ab to vo bhi insecure hai." I said in a dejected tone. All this is really exhausting.

"Use pata hai ki tum usse kuch chupa raha hai?" She asked and I nodded in answer.

"Oh...Just answer yes or no. Do you love him?" She asked making me silent. I went into deep thoughts, all about him. His care, his concern, his love, everything came in front of my eyes. His selflessness and his family, my fear of him going away, my want to just be in his arms. Do I really love him? I know I feel for him but is that feeling love?

"Yes, yes I do," I said looking up at her with a shy smile etching my lips. She smiled at pecked my forehead.

"I believe that you haven't said that to him yet and knowing you pretty well, you are not going to say anything soon. Right?" She said making me sigh. She is right. I may sound like a coward but this is me. I suck at confrontations and confessions.

"Okay tell me everything, how and when it all started." She said making me smile.

I told her everything, how I fainted on the trip and how he got angry with me. How he was adamant to know my problems and how he tried to comfort me. How he earned my trust to confide in him and how he got tensed when we visited the doctor. How he didn't let me go back to my house and how he asked me to be his girlfriend.  She scrunched her nose at this as this was too plain, not at all romantic, making me laugh. Then I told her how these three months went with all smiles and laughter and small cute fights. I told her about his family and how they accepted me without any question. How they treat me like their own daughter. I told her about today's incident and how he was being all restless and how I just ran from the office.

"I know that it's time for confrontations. He's gonna ask me assurance which I know is right for him to do but..."

"But you are scared, right?" She asked cutting me. I just nodded in answer.

"I can understand. But sweetheart you gotta give him something to hold till you are ready to confess. Whatever happened with you is not easy to forget or get past through it but darling this is affecting your present and future, which you can't let happen. You can't always live in fear." She said.

"I know all this. What I don't know is how to. I want to but I am not able to." I said defeated. Believe me or not, I  fight with myself daily to overcome my fears. I fight with myself to be able to say things to Sidharth, to trust him completely, to trust him that he won't leave me as everyone did.

"Hey everything's gonna be fine, don't cry." Maria aunty said wiping my tears. It was then I realized that I was crying.

"What should I do? It's all so suffocating." I sobbed hugging her around the waist.

"Show him," John uncle said from behind. I sat back and looked at him confused.

"Sometimes action do what words can't. If your mouth can't then let your eyes say. Make him feel special, just the way he makes you feel. He is insecure that you will get someone else and it's normal, I also had this fear when I and Maria were dating, even after we expressed our feelings. But you haven't done that. And most importantly, talk to him. Vocalize your fears. The words I love you are not only the thing to give assurance. Tell him that you are not going anywhere. Tell him that you are trying to get past your fears. Let him help you to do that...Listen to me sweetheart, whatever you told about this guy Sidharth, I believe that he's got a hell of patience. He is the only solution to your problems. We are here for you to confide in, Anushka is also there but you need someone to tell what you can't tell us. A partner, who'll be with you no matter what. Who will know you, inside out? Sana dikra, remember don't let that person go away who is with you at the tougher times. Happy moments mein to sab sath deta hai, dukh mein jo sath de, vo saccha hai. Don't let fear control you sweety. Love might be a pain sometimes but believe me, it's a beautiful feeling." John uncle explained. He came and sat in front of us.

"This will solve my problems? Because honestly hurting him is hurting me more. He has always been sweet and patient and I don't want to push him to the edge. I wanna give him the love he deserves." I asked unsurely. I am just too much into my head right now. I know this is somehow the after-effects of cutting the antidepressants. My brain is overthinking every damn thing.

"It will, give yourself a chance to love and remember we both are right here for you." He assured caressing my face.

"So should I go now?" I asked and I know he got that I am still unsure by this expression he had on his face.

"No, stay the night. Give yourself a prep talk. Clear your head and then you go and talk to him." He said. I nodded and hugged him saying a thank you. They have always been the best confiders for me.

"By the way John, eavesdropping is such a bad thing. You shouldn't hear someone's conversation." Maria aunty whined. I know this is just to uplift my mood but I didn't say anything. Some distractions will do good.

"Well, I have to be sure that you were not conspiring against me." John uncle said making her gasp and me giggle.

"You think this about me." She scowled at him.

"What can I do? You still got men drooling over you. I have to be sure you are not planning to leave me. I don't wanna lose a gem." He said too seriously making her gasp loudly. This converted into banter and then a pillow fight, in which I was also included. We laughed and enjoyed the time. This is one of the best things about them. They make me forget everything. This is my little bliss. John uncle's right, I can show if I cant say. so wait and watch Mr. Shukla, I am not going to cower back now. Also, I promise I am going to tell you everything soon. I can't hurt you more. I just hope my reality wouldn't be too much for you to accept.

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Note

Sana needed this, doesn't she? What do you think?

Well, I watched the sidnaaz movie by voot and I loved it. Did you guys watch?

I'll tell you what I missed the most is how they used to mannoify each other. So I decided that the next chapter will be on the same.

Till now we have seen Sid going behind Sana, now it's her time. It was wrong of her to hang him and run, so we will see her doing all things to mannoify him. I'll be adding all the cute stuff I could think of.

The target for the next chapter is
VOTES- 130
COMMENTS- 45

I'll be regular now. Sorry for the delay once again. Will be posting the next chapter as soon as the target is completed.

Also, I know you guys are waiting for the past. So it is almost there. I have a good way for it to come out, in my mind. It will start from chapter 72.

Till then signing off.

Stay safe and happy reading