Shehnaaz

What Sidharth said was still roaming in my mind. I have seen his family picture, of course. Rita aunty, whom I call maa, is his mother. She knows about me, about my past, yes not everything but all those things that Sidharth knows. And honestly, this is my biggest fear. My insecurities start from here only.

What if she rejects me as his partner?

What if she doesn't want a broken person like me for her son?

What if his father rejects me?

What will happen when his father will get to know about my past?

What if I become a disgrace for them?

What if they lose their reputation because of me?

What if he leaves me after everything?

I am not able to work after he told me that his parents want to meet me. No doubt Rita maa is the sweetest lady I have ever met but she is a mother. No matter how much she loves me, she would not want someone like me in her son's life. I mean, I am not at all of their standards. I don't have anything to give them, not even love. I am so broken.

The past two months were the best months of my life. I was happy, actually happy, not pretending to be happy. I was smiling more, laughing, and enjoying. Time spent with him was the best time. How he behaves like a kid when I refuse to kiss him, How he cuddles me like a teddy bear at night, how he prepares meals for me, and how he sneakily behaves naughty with me in the office. I have never shown him that I actually like all that he does. It gives me a different kind of feeling, a feeling of being wanted by someone. Other than Anu, Sidharth is the first person who wants me for who I am.

Speaking of Anu, well when I gave her the news of my decision, this is how the conversation went,

"Anu I...I...Want to tell you something." I said shuttering.

"Yeah, go ahead," she said unpacking her clothes. The whole group have returned yesterday only.

"I have decided to leave medical," I said quickly. She paused in her track and came back to me. The look on her face is really scary right now.

"Come again," she said raising her eyebrows. Since when did I start to be afraid of her.

"I can't continue medical," I said with as much confidence as I could gather.

"Tu mera popat banane ki koshish kar rahi hai na." She asked to which I sighed.

"Anu, listen to me. I can't study medicine with the amount of stress I am having right now. I am not in a correct state of mind. I have thought a lot about it and I have decided. I am quitting." I tried to explain to her.

"But it was your dream. What about that?" She asked. Well as much as I am surprised that she hadn't pounced on me to change my decision, I am equally happy to have her with me this time as well.

"I don't think it was ever my dream. Honestly, I am not even sad about it. It's neutral. Like doesn't matter whether I leave it or not. I am good." I said go which she nodded and then we continued our talks. I told her about my plans and everything.

So yeah, this was a little shocker for me but I got to know afterward that it was Sidharth who has talked to her and made her understand before I do the talking. I was surprised by this action but I didn't confront him as I accidentally got to know about this. But I am grateful to him for so many things now, I can't even count.

Anyways, let's get back. My main problem is how to make him understand, I haven't told him that I know his mother yet. I don't know how will he react.

"We have reached home." I came back on earth by his voice. I looked around, yeah we were in the car on the way back home.

"Let's go," he said unbuckling his seat belt. I nodded and got out of the car. I am too tired today but I know that we have to talk. Honestly, I dread the moments for confrontation. Communication has always been my drawback.

We reached his flat and opened the door and...No No No I am not ready for this. I looked towards Sidharth and he was equally shocked. I am somewhere relieved that he didn't play this stunt on me by calling his MOM before talking to me but...But I am not ready to face her.

"Mom..." He said astonished and ran towards her to hug her just like a little baby but maa was looking at me surprised. This must be a shock for her.

"When...How...Why didn't you tell me that you were coming?" He asked breaking the hug but still holding her hands.

"Why, aren't you happy to see me here?" Maa asked faking sadness.

"Of course I am happy. God, I missed you so much." He said and again hugged her. She chuckled taking him in her embrace.

"Are...Sana, bachha darwaze pe kyun khadi hai, aa na." She said sweetly breaking the hug. It was then I realized that I was still standing at the door.

"You guys know each other..." He said making me gulp. I moved in closing the door behind me. I am blank right now. I don't know what to do.

"Haan bilkul, itni pyaari bacchi hai yeh to." She said coming towards me and taking me in her embrace. I would be lying if I say that I didn't feel good. This motherly warmth is something I am always craving for.

"Kaisa hai mera baccha? Kitne time se bat hi nahi ki. Yaad nahi ayi na maa ki." She complained breaking the hug. My eyes were slightly wet because of her love.

"Aisa nahi hai, bas busy ho gayi thi." I said lowly and looked down.

"Yeh chal kya raha hai? app dono ek dusre ko kaise jante ho and maa, she calls you maa." He asked us, all confused.

"Han yeh mujhe maa bulati hai aur kahan mile, kab mile, kaise jante hai vo sab chor na. Tum dono batao kya chal raha hai. Is she the one sidharth, haan?" She asked looking at us with narrow eyes making me panicked.

"No..." I answered before he could say something stunning both of them.

"I mean that I am just his P.A and a good friend. I...I...Came here to take a file, yeah a file of a really important project. Right sir?" I said looking at him but the look on his face made me feel so guilty. His face reflected hurt. I just hate myself for causing him pain.

"Ohh...So Sidharth, I am not going back until you tell me the girl's name and show me her photograph." Maa said with finality and sat on the couch. I nervously looked at him but he wasn't looking at me.

"Mom, give me some time, please. I will definitely tell you everything." He said kneeling in front of her. His voice was dejected and sad.

"Is everything all right beta? Kuch bat hui hai to bata na mujhe." Maa said caressing his hair.

"Aisa kuch nahi hai maa. I am fine." He said but anyone can figure it out that he is not fine at all. His face is dull and his voice is full of sadness. See, this is what I have done to him. Why would his mother want me in his life?

"Mujhe pata hai Sidharth tu theek nahi hai. Kuch jhagda vagda hua kya? Ya aur kuch." She again asked.

"Nahi maa," he said defeated looking down.

"Theek hai tujhe nahi milwana na mujhe us ladki se, to ab mujhe milna bhi nahi hai aur tu bhi nahi milega. Samjha? Maine tere lie ek ladki dekhi hai. Main chahati hoon tu usse mile, jane, samjhe aur shadi kare." She said taking him in shock and I am frozen right now. I will lose him. I am looking at him in a daze. He looked at me for a second, but when I didn't say anything, he got up from the floor, rubbing his face and sighing frustratedly.

"Mom, listen to me. You...You are right. I...We fought. Kuch differences hai but I'll sort out everything. And I promise you, I'll tell you about her soon. But please don't do this. Please," he pleaded in front of his mom. He is on the verge of crying. This is what I have done. This is what I do. I make people suffer. I hate myself right now.

"Okay fine." Maa huffed and looked at me.

"Sana, bacha sun na." She said bring me back. I blinked my eyes to stop my tears to come out and went to her.

"Itne time baad mile hai baccha, yahi ruk ja. Rat bhi ho gayi hai. Khoob sari batein karenge. Theek hai." She requested me. I was hesitant at the start but had to give in at last. But the thing that was making me restless was Sidharth, he didn't say a word to stop me here. He was just standing beside me.

After that all three of us had dinner. Most of the talking was done by me and maa. Sidharth was almost quiet, just humming or responding in one word here and there. His silence is scaring me right now.

Have I drifted him apart?

Was he having second thoughts about me?

What if he decides to leave me?

My head was hurting with all these questions right now. We went to our rooms as it was pretty late. I went to one of the guest rooms as I can't stay in his room while his mother is there.

"Maine sahi nahi kiya. He...He must be regretting being with me. Why do I always push people apart from me? Agar usne mujhe chorh diya ton. Nahi, nahi maine abhi abhi jeena shuru kiya hai, main dobara se akeli nahi hona chahti." I broke down in tears as only negative thoughts were coming into my mind.

After some time I started to breadth heavily. I was taking so much stress that I wasn't allowed. I searched all around for the tablets. It's been a long I have had an anxiety attack. Then I realized that it was the guest room. My medicines are in his room. But I can't move. I am sitting on the floor clutching my chest, breathing heavily. I took my phone from the bed and dialed his number. He picked up at the fourth bell.

"Hello..." His voice is low and heavy as if he was crying.

"H...He...Si...Sidh...Med...Atta..." I can't speak as I am breathing heavily. Suddenly the door of the room burst open. Here he was, panicked seeing my state. He ran back to his room, for the meds I guess. Yeah, I was right, he came with my tablets and helped me gulp down those tablets. He helped me breathe after that. I hugged him tightly until I got my breath back. I am feeling so exhausted right now.

I don't know for how much time we stayed like that. I was drifting into sleep slowly when I felt him picking me up and lying me down on the bed. After that, I don't know when I went into a deep slumber.

*

I was disturbed by the sun rays falling on my face. Groaning I hid my face in the pillow.

"Wake up sleeping beauty. It's already nine." I heard his voice but got up with a jerk listening to the time.

"I am so sorry. I don't know how I slept till late. I'll just get ready quickly then we can leave for the office. Or you do one thing, you go ahead and I'll join you soon. I don't want you to be late because of me." Blabbering I got up from the bed, went to the washroom and came back, and then went to the closet but it was empty. Confused I looked at him who was standing with hands crossed across his chest and looking at me astonished. It was then l looked around and realized that I was in the guest room. I facepalmed myself and mumbled a small sorry. I was about to go to his room but he stopped me in my tracks by hugging me from behind.

"Tu hamesha shatabdi express pe sawar kyun rehti hai, haan?" He asked kissing my earlobe sending a shiver deep down my spine. I bit my lip in response. All these mushy mushy feelings are so new to me. I can swear that I am giving competition to tomato in looking more red.

"Sidharth," I whispered his name trying to get out of his hold. He groaned and turned me around still in his embrace.

"Today's off for you and me. Mom wants us home." He informed me tucking my hair behind my ears. I nodded and suddenly the incidents of last night came in front of my eyes. I looked at him with wide eyes and tears sprung in them.

"Sidharth, I...I am so sorry about yesterday. I...I got pa...I panicked and said whatever came into my mind. I know you are hurt but please trust me I...I didn't want to hu...Hurt you by any means..." He cut off me by taking my lips in his. I was taken aback by his sudden action that it took me few seconds to respond back to the kiss. This wasn't a passionate or hungry kiss. It was a slow, smooth kiss as if he was trying to show his love through this.

And it did work. I felt all the insecurities and fears slipping through my brain. After behaving so stupidly yesterday, after lying to his mother, and most important after hurting him yesterday, he was still here, giving me comfort, a sense of security, and all his love. I might freak out when he says that aloud but I can't deny the fact that he does love me. His every act reflected the amount of love he had for me. And somewhere I had started to realize that the feelings I had for him are nothing but love. Though I know I can't verbalize my feelings now. I don't have the guts and will to face his rejection when he will get to know about my past.

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Here we go. Guys, don't feel like I am exaggerating. I honestly feel that if I were at her place, I would have reacted like this only. 

Anyways, as I asked you guys in the previous chapter, it will be a little romance, more like getting more close and then past and then romance.

Till then you guys tell me how was this chapter? 

The next update is also ready, complete the target soon to get the update.

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