Sidharth

Her changed expressions worried me. What was it? What was she hiding? What's going on in her mind? Her pale face was making me conscious.

"Bol na, kyun nhi deposit ki fees tune." I urged her to speak because her silence was making me uneasy.

"Woh...Actually...Mai...Umm...mai," now she is stammering and I am sure it's something serious. Why god! Why? After such a beautiful and peaceful evening and night, why this tension? I sat beside her but she was not looking at me. I cupped her face and made her look at me.

"Bol na kya bat hai. Tu mujhe dara rahi hai abhi. Agar koi prob hai to bol na, we'll sort everything out." I said hoping she would speak now without any hesitation. She moved away from my hold, stood up, and walked towards the balcony. I went behind her. She was standing in front of me, facing her back towards me. She took a deep breath. I think now she's gonna say. I just hope it's nothing big.

"I...Uu...I have decided to withdraw my name from college." Okay, now she gave me a shock.

"Wh...What? You have decided what? Look at me... Kya kahan tune abhi." I said when she turned around. I don't know what emotion I am feeling right now. Am I angry? Or am I sad? Or confused? Yeah definitely confused.

"I can't peruse medical anymore." She said. There's finality in her voice, which scared the hell out of me.

"But why?" I asked in a whispered voice. I don't why but I felt choked. Was she killing her dream?

"Kyun ki mujhse nahi hoga. I am too messed up. I can't heal people when I am dead inside. Padhke degree le bhi loon, but ek acchi doctor kabhi nahi ban paungi." I felt myself tearing up. Why did she say she dead inside? She doesn't say anything about her pain but kya vo itna zada hai ki she feels dead? I marched towards her and cupped her face. My eyes were wet and I am sure they are red.

"Tu kya bol rahi hai. Why you said that you feel dead inside. Baby please mujhse share karna tere andar kya chal raha hai. Tune promise kiya tha." I begged her to speak her heart out. Her eyes her also wet. I just don't like that. Her beautiful orbs, filled with tears.

"Sidharth...Listen to me." She said taking my hands in hers and making me sit on the swing on the balcony. She sat down on the ground with my hands still in hers. She looked into my eyes and wiped the tears from the corner of my eyes.

"Sometimes in life, we have to take certain decisions. I took one back then when I left my parents house. I have taken one now. Trust me this is best for me for now." She said but my questions are still the same.

"But why? Mujhe reasons chahiye. Is it because of money? If it is then you don't have to worry. Main hoon na." I said hoping this to be the only reason and also for her to accept my help.

"Money will always be the factor of most of the decisions I will take. And you know I will not take money from you until I am capable of returning it. But for now, It's just that I can't do this." She said but I can't let this happen. I can't let her kill her dreams like this.

"Kyun nahi kar sakti. Because of your emotional condition right now? To uske lie hum hai na. Main hoon anushka hai, sab hai. Everything will be fine. Kuch time de bas. Is wajah se apne sapne mat thod please." I pleaded in front of her. Tears were now flowing down my eyes and her eyes too.

"Aisa nahi hai." She said sniffing now. She cupped my face and brought me close. We place our foreheads against each other, both crying silently.

"Tu mujhse paise nahi le sakti na, theek hai. I'll do something. Loan, yeah loan, vo le sakti hai na. Main...Main bank mein bat karta hoon. Haan abhi karta hoon." I said hastily. I can't let her do this. I got up to search for my phone. She got up with me and ran behind me to stop me.

"Sidharth...Sidharth ruk ja please. Shant hoja. Sun meri baat please." She said holding my hand, stopping me from searching my phone.

"Aisa kuch nahi hai jaisa tu soch raha hai. I am not killing my dream." She tried to explain. I need to calm down. A lot of things are going on in my mind right now. I sat on the bed, holding my head in my hands. She was standing in front of me.

"But you always wanted to become a doctor," I said. Today I realized that I am deep into her, much deeper than I had thought. Her single problem or pain hurts me like hell.

"No, that's not true." She sighed.

"The reason why I chose medical as my career was not because I wanted to become a doctor. It was because I wanted to get away from my so-called family." She explains surprising me. Why would someone choose a career for this reason?

"Huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, I wanted to go away from them. I wanted something that could last long and I would not have to meet them again and again. I wanted to get so busy doing something else that I won't get a chance to think about my life. Aur in sab ke lie medical se accha kya hota. 7 se 8 sal padhai aur fir bhi busy for a lifetime. But life always plays its game. Kitna bhi plan karlo, kitna bhi chahalo, milta vahi hai jo likha hota hai. Pata hai mujhe lagta tha ki main apni kismat khud likhungi. I won't let anyone control, not even that so-called god sitting up there. But guess what, I was wrong. Uske age kisi ki chalti nahi aur meri usse banti nahi. Badi fursat ae baithke meri kismat likhi hai usne, bhar bhar ke pains and tears." What she just said blew my mind away. Aisa kya hua jo ye apni family se door rehene ke chakkar mein apna future, apne sapne sab chorne ko tayar thi. I just thought that money is the reason but no. Why the hell her life is so fucking messed up? Ab to mujhe bhi us upar vale se shikayat ho rahi hai.

"Toh tu exactly karna kya chahti thi. I mean kuch sapne to dekhenge honge na." I asked. I want to fulfill all her dreams. But she chuckled in return, a sad chuckle I guess.

"Patani yaar, creative thi. Shyd kuch aisa karna tha ya shyd music, I don't know. I actually never thought of that. Hamesha bas yeh hi socha ki ghar se door jana hai." She said rubbing her face and sighing. I can't even imagine what's going on inside her right now, How tiring this all could be for her.

"Toh ab kya karna hai tujhe?" I want to know if she has planned anything yet or not.

"I'll apply for diploma in pharmacy, in may I guess the forms will be out. 2 sal ka course hai and then a job. Tab tak gonna do some random jobs here and there. Abhi to filhal I need to earn for my fees." To say that I am convinced will be a lie. I am not even a percent convinced or happy with what she had planned.

"Sana, listen to me," I said holding her hand and Turing her towards me.

"This is not a good idea according to me. Tu please apna medical continue kar na. You were doing great in that. Mana ki yeh tera sapna nahi tha but you were still devoted towards it warna koi aise hi top nahi karta. Please, don't spoil your future. Please," I hope she understands what I am trying to say. But she laughed, what is so funny about what I said. I don't get it.

"I am doing great, seriously. Either you are fooling me or yourself. I will be failing this year if I give exams and you are saying I am doing great." She laughed. Why the hell is she so underconfident about herself.

"Uska solution bhi hai na mere pas. You have these 8 days when others are enjoying there in Shimla, you study here. I know a professor of MAMC, I will talk to him to teach you or help you in whatever you want. You just have to believe in yourself Sana." I explained to her. For the fuck sake, please manna yaar.

"Sidharth it's not just about passing or failing. There are many other things as well." She said.

"Like what?" I immediately questioned.

"Like, like money. You know my fees right. From where would I get such an amount. Fees ka agar kuch kar Bhi loon to books, you don't even know how fucking expensive my books are. Aur bhi bohot se kharche hai yaar. You can't keep feeding me your whole life. I have to earn a living for myself." She said exasperated. Now, this money thing is getting on my nerves seriously.

"Yaar sana please just stop this earning life and feeding and all this drama yaar. Har kisi ko kabhi na kabhi help ki zaroorat padti hai. Why can't you just take my help for once? Just try to keep your ego aside for a minute and think about it. Tere future ke lie hi bol raha hoon na." I snapped. She looked away and I realized that I raised my voice a little. Fuck you Sidharth. She is already too stubborn and now you made it more difficult.

"I am sorry, so sorry. I should not have reacted like this." I immediately apologized. She is still not looking at me. She is staring at the wall, lost! I held her hand to gain her attention. She closed her eyes and her face reflected pain.

"When I left the house with Mrs gill and her son, Mr. Gill threw a bundle of cash on my face like literally threw. I remember his exact words, "is ghar se ja to rahi hai par jayegi kahan. Main bhi dekhta hoon kaise reh payegi. Agar bhagte hue vapas na ayi paiso ki bheek mangte hue to mera naam badal dena. Yaa nahi, tere pas to talent hai na, fasa legi kisi ameer zade ko paiso ke lie. Yeh le, yeh rakh jab tak koi aur nahi milta tujhe palne ke lie. Aur yeh dono jo tere sath ja rahe hai na, yeh bhi wapas yahi ayenge, mere pass. Main fir dekhta hoon kitni akad bachti hai tujhme." She had tears pouring down her eyes now. I can't believe a father can be so cheap and can say such things to her own daughter.

"Yeh ego nahi hai sidharth. Ladai hai, khudse aur un sab logo se jinhe lagta hai ki main khud ko nahi sambhal sakti. Jinhe lagta hai ki I need someone to spend money over me. Mrs gill aur unke bete ne to unki bat sach sabit kar hi di hai. Teri bat karu toh, unhone to vaise bhi declare kar hi diya hai that I am having an affair with you and having a physical relationship for the job and money. Adhi ladai to vaise hi haar chuki hoon sidharth, baki adhi bhi kamzor padkar haar jaungi to mar hi jaungi na," I kept my hand on her mouth to not say such things. I don't wanna live without her. Vaise bhi hamari story to abhi abhi shuru hui hai na.

"Aise mat bol please. I am sorry maine jaise react kiya uske lie. I promise main kabhi bhi aisa kuch nahi karunga jisse teri self respect pe bat aye. But we still have a loan option. Usme to tujhe sab khud hi karna hai na." I tried to reason with her.

"Sidharth..." She sighed. She cupped my face in her little hands and caressed it.

"It's not just about money. Medical mein bohot zada padhna padhta hai. Main kya koi bhi medical ke sath job and all nahi kar sakta. Maine socha tha main kar lungi but look where I am standing right now. Thoda bohot padhke degree le lene se kuch nahi hoga. I don't wanna be a namesake doctor. And why are you thinking so much about it? I have always wanted a simple life, with people who care for me. I am happy, living a simple, sober life in this bubble with you. So please relax. Na to mera koi sapna toot raha hai aur naa hi main kisi majboori mein yeh sab kar rahi hoon. You wanted to heal me right, medical studies ke stress ke sath I will never be able to Heal. I hope you now understand what I am trying to say." She said explaining to me. I now can understand and in fact, I feel somewhere she is right. But a diploma course is still bothering me.

"But..."

"No buts and whys now Sidharth. I have made my decision." She said cutting me in between.

"One last thing...Nahi second last, pakka." I said promising her to not bombard more than two questions on her. She sighed exaggeratedly but nodded nevertheless.

"Why a diploma course? Pharma ka to bachelor's or masters course bhi hota hai na." I asked her.

"Hmm...Hota hai but I don't think I will get admission in a bachelor's course. Government college mein merit basis pe admission hota hai and looking at the result of present years, I don't think I will get the admission. And isse pehele ki tu private ki bat kare, that's too expensive." She explained.

"Okay nahi karunga but promise kar ki tu try karegi. Aise hi apne lagne par nahi chorh degi. Kar promise." I said heading my hand forwards. She smiled and kept her hand over mine saying promise.

"Aur..."

"What aur ho to gayi 2 batein. Tune 2 hi bola tha." She said cutting me in between.

"Are ek hi hui abhi. Vo promise vali bat to uska solution tha na." I reasoned with her. She shook her head and I grinned.

"Accha I was saying ki tu koi random jobs nahi kar rahi hai idhar udhar. You are working with me as my P.A like before. And this is final. Ab isme koi bhi bhais nahi chahie mujhe." I said with finality.

"But Sidharth..." I cut her off by a peck.

"No buts. I know what is going on in this little head of yours. Just don't overthink." I said smacking her head from the side. She pouted still not convinced. Ugghh...She is looking so edible right now.

"Listen baby, koi bhi kuch bhi soche usse hume farak nahi padhna chahiye. I promise you ki office mein no favoritism. You will be paid according to your work. While working, I am your boss and you are my employee. Tu jo bhi earn karegi vo teri mehenat ki wajah se hoga. Okay," I explained to her and now she is looking satisfied. I smiled making her smile too. I pecked her forehead and hugged her.

"Vaise is bat ka ek fayeda aur hai." I said still hugging her.

"Kya..." she asked.

"As for next 2 months, no college and you are my P. A and you'll be staying here, s I can be with my girlfriend 24/7." I said looking down at her ginning as she came out of my chest a little, just to look at me.

"You are forgetting Mr. Shukla ki meri shift sirf second half mein hi hai. To adha hi din sath reh sakte hai hum." She pointed out a good point. But, but, but I am the boss here.

"That, not a problem, from now onwards you are my only P.A, so subha se sham tak office mein and then ghar par, my girlfriend," I said grinning.

"Aur us dusre vale P.A ka kya hoga." She asked.

"Kushal needs a P.A since his previous one left due to some health issues, so I am gonna send him to Kushal, simple," I answered.

"You are such a..."

"Smarty, I know," I said cutting her in between. She shook her head chuckling. Okay, so this conversation ended up on a good note. Ab kamse kam job ke lie zada nahi manana padega ise. But ek bat to hai Sidharth, beta tu kaske seat belt bandhle, this girl is gonna drive you insane. And then only our stomach growled. We looked at each other and laughed.

"Chal I have prepared a special breakfast for you," I said walking off with her towards the dining area.

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what do you think? what sana did was right or wrong? tell me in the comment box.

this is the longest update till date. I have tried my best to make it as realistic as I can. yes it's not a lovie dovie update but life mein sab kuch ekdum se toh theek nahi hota na. I hope you guys like it.

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