its 10 'o' clock when sana returns home. she was exhausted. exhausted from all crying, thinking and trying. exhausted from fighting from self to not give up but eventually she lost the battle. she sat on her bed sighing. she held her head in her hands. she do not have energy for more. she took her phone, it was ringing for the 1000th time since she left the office and she didn't even looked who called. it was anu. though she didn't have any energy to talk she picked up the call.

"where the fuck you have been?" anu growled from the other side. 

"stop shouting anu, please. send me the car in 15 mins. i am coming over and please no questions. i am already too drained." sana pleaded.

"okay i am sending. just tell me you are fine. i was hell worried since once again you left the office without informing."

"how do you know that i left?" sana frowned.

"your boss sidhath called. he.... Sounded worried and little guilty." anu sighed.

"guilty?"

"yeah he told he shouted on you that's why you left."

"that wasn't the reason. anyways i am fine. I'll be there in sometimes."

"yeah. umm...you should inform him. he was actually tensed."

"yeah" sana sighed and hanged up the phone.

"sidhart! i have to now tell him. i can't keep doing this when that man was just being nice to me. ughh... i am pathetic." sana sighed. she picked her phone back to dial his no. but was not able to gather courage to do so. so she decided to msg him. after 15 mins of typing and deleting she finally was able to type something sounding apologetic and regretful.

umm....hey. i don't know where to start from. so 1st of all sorry for everything i guess....i wanted to call and talk but was not able to ....you know i was embarrassed. ughh...this is way too difficult to write to someonw..so fuck it.. 

so here's the thing. i am writing to you as a friend, though i know i don't deserve to be called a friend. i am pathetic i know. so 1st of all sorry for every time i hurt you. you don't deserved to be hurt. you deserved to be loved. sorry for every time i behave rudely with you when i am the one who deserve that rude behavior. sorry for every time you felt humiliated because of me. sorry for everything. sorry for the loss you would have to face because of me and i know this sorry can't do any good to you but trust me i don't have anything else. since i have met you, you have been nothing but good to me and a great friend but me. i know i ought you an explanation and most importantly answers to your questions you asked that day and many more that would have came in your mind after that. but honestly i don't know how to tell you. i am not strong enough to do so. vo kehete hai na koi dusra apka dil tode to apne sambhal lete hai par jab apne ais akuch kare to kahan jaye sambhalne samajh nahi ata, kuch aise hi situation me thi. i have already told you you deserve much more better than me. jiske pass koi baggage na ho jo meri tarah fucked up na ho aur jo tujhe pyar ke badle pyar de. mujhe to is word se allergy si ho gayi hai. ek bat honestly kehena chahti hu jab ab sab clearly bol hi rahi hu to. tune poocha tha na mera tujhe door karne ka reason kya hai, to jo tune kaha tha vahi hai 60%. par kya karu yaar i am a coward. i am insecure and most importantly i know i will hurt you always. mai nahi kar sakti yeh tere sath. tujhe rudely bat karne ke lie roz kudh se nafrat karti thi aur jab us din tujhpe chillaya to kudh se nazar nahi mil rahi thi isiliye sorry bolne ki bhi himmat nahi kar payi. nahi nahi bahana nahi bana rahi sacchi bol rahi hu but i know i am not trust worthy. aur ajj aise jane ka reason tu chilaya ye nahi tha, i know i deserve that brhaviors of yours balki ye tha ki mujhe kudh me gussa aa raha tha. meri wajah se tera nuksan hua, jab tune mujhpe trust kiya. as usual i broke your trust. friendship ka matlab nahi samajh payi yaar mai ya fir yeh kehele ki mere insecurities ne mujhe aisa banaya hai. but jo bhi hai ab aisi hi hu. akele hi better hu kam se kam yeh guilt to nhi hoga ki kisiko hurt  kiya maine. i will my whole life regret the way i behaved with you. sorry hi hai mere pas abhi tujhe kehene ke lie. to i am sorry really really sorry. tune ek baar kaha tha na tujhe jab bhi zaroorat ho meri to bula lio to ajj hai teri zaroorat. selfish samahjna hai to vo hi sahi because i know i am being selfish. so i need you to lemme go. job ke lie appropriate nahi hu yeh ajj prove kar hi diya maine aur moreover ab merese nahi ho raha. maine kudh se bohot lad lia ab, ab aur nahi ho raha. dekha jayega age jo bhi hoga but abhi i need a break. to please please, tujhe bohot acche secretory mil jaynge yaar but mujhse nahi hoga. maine contract sighn kiya tha ki jab tu nikalega mujhe job se tab hi mai yeh chorh sakti hu to plz plz i beg you just lemme go. and i am sorry for everything, even for coming in your life. i am sorry sidharth....

she send this msg to sidhart and switched of her phone. she packed her bags and left the house after locking it. anu's car was already waiting for her outside.

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okay gys..i know short update but my laptop isn't working so sorry...phone pe type karna is so mushkil to itna hi ho paya .......i hope kal tak aa jaye laptop. tab tak so so sorry. 

baki now i am thinking to have some positivity in sana's life, bohot negative aur rona dhona ho gaya right? app log batao ki kya karu aisi hi chalte rehendu ya fir kuch positive?

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stay safe and healthy