01/02/19

FRIDAY

JANA

"Do you love Noah?" Ryan asks, staring deep into my eyes in the darkness as we sit in the car. I freeze in my place. My lips quivering not able to reply. "Tell me, Jana," he places his hand over my shoulder, getting closer to me.

"I... don't know," I stammer. A drop of tear falls from my eyes. Why am I even crying?

"Why you don't know?" Ryan raises his voice as he shakes my shoulder in anger.

I gasp as I wake up. I immediately sit on my bed, panting for breath. Why the same dream again? I switch on the bedside lamp and grab a bottle from the table. I gulp half the bottle of water in a go. I sigh. Why do I have this dream every day? What's wrong with me?

I lay back on my bed again, eyes wide open. I don't think I can sleep again. After Serah's birthday night I wanted to ask Ryan about what he said, but I couldn't bring it up. People say things on their minds when they are drunk.

But... what if he doesn't remember? Do I have to bring it up again? Won't it be awkward? Did Ryan really feel that I love Noah? Do I love...? No! I don't. Oh god! I was just rambling because I was so happy that I got Noah back... as a friend. That was it! Ryan just misunderstood. There is nothing between Noah and me. I will talk about this with Ryan today itself, I can't handle it anymore.

I close my eyes, hoping this will be the last night with the same dream.

************

I

hop into Ryan's car, trying to look happy even after knowing it's his last day at school. "Good morning, Ryan," I wish with a smile.

"Morning Jana," he wishes back. "Don't give me that fake smile."Oops! He knows me well. "I know how much you will miss me at school, but... don't you remember telling me that we should enjoy the present moment?" He asks.

I nod, "You are right." I shouldn't be a hypocrite!

He nods me to buckle my seatbelt. "But you can show the real emotion, doesn't fake happiness."

"I just didn't want to let you down," I reply as I buckle up.

"It's fine. I understand Jana," he pauses. "So make me happy! So I have lots of memories to think of when I leave the town," he cheers me up.

"Sure," I immediately take Ryan's hand in mine and squeezes. I will miss going to school with him. I will miss him a lot!

Ryan starts the engine. "So how many couple goals left?"

"There's many more. We have only done one," I inform.

"Oh... yeah. So we can do one by one," he suggests.

"Mr. Ryan, do you know that from today onwards you have a study leave and not a vacation?" I questions.

"But-" "You have to take it seriously as to get into your dream college," I cut him off. "I know-" "I don't want to distract your studies. There's barely a month left," I cut him again.

He sighs, "Please don't cut me off again." I giggle as I nod in agreement, keeping my finger on my lips, nodding him to continue. "We will make a deal then."

He always makes deals. Usually, it's hugs and kisses. What is it about now? "Okay... what kind of deal?" I ask, unsure about what's on his mind.

"We will meet twice a week and can do couple goals so we won't miss each other so much," he comes up with the idea quickly.

"Cut it down to one," I say, sternly. Ryan pouts like a kid, waiting for me to change my opinion. "We have plenty of time after our exams. But for now, the exam is the most important thing. Is that a deal?"

"Deal..." Ryan agrees reluctantly.

We remain silent after making the deal and I look out the window. I'm going to miss him so badly. Thinking about that brings the same thought back. Should I ask him about it now? I guess I should. But... will I regret asking? Oh god! This is so confusing. What should I do?

"Jana, what are you thinking?" Ryan asks, bringing me back to reality.

I look back at him and shrugs. "Nothing," I lie.

I turn on the radio to cover up the awkward silence and look back out so I don't have to face him after lying. Ryan immediately turns down the volume. "You are still thinking about some-" "Do you remember anything about Serah's birthday night?" I cut him off suddenly. I mentally curse myself. Damn! I shouldn't have cut him off like that. This is going to be damn awkward!

Ryan turns off the radio as he slows down the car, noticing something wrong with my sudden behavior change. "Is there any problem?" He asked, worriedly.

"No... nothing. I was just... asking if you remember anything after getting drunk," I awkwardly smile. I know that's an unbelievable lie. I'm going to ruin everything.

He giggles, "Oh god! Was there any drunk drama by me?"

I mentally squeal. Thank god! He doesn't remember anything. I shake my head with a stupid grin, "No, you were acting fine."

He nods in response. Everything alright! "Do you have something else to tell me?" He asks.

There it goes again. I'm not good at acting! Should I tell him now? I guess I shouldn't remind him. "Nothing, Ryan." I should stop lying to him. Ryan looks at me like he can read my mind. I can't act like there isn't anything. What will I do now? I should say it now... just breath. I sigh deeply, "It's just that you asked me if I love... Noah."

He laughs, "And I have probably added that I'm drunk."

I look at him unbelievably. He remembers. But why is he laughing? "Do you remember?" I glower, my expression changing in sudden. I thought he said that because he was drunk! Without giving me a reply he concentrates on the road, making me more annoyed. How can even act like there is nothing wrong on his side? "Ryan, do you really feel so?" I yell in anger.

"Jana, calm down."

I groan. How can he even ask me to calm down after not trusting me? "I was rambling a lot since I was very happy that Noah was back and you thought I'm in love with him?" I look at Ryan in disgust.

"Jana, I don't actually remember asking you anything like that," he replies calmly.

I roll my eyes at him, "But you just said-" "I was drunk and I thought that may have struck me then. To be honest, I don't remember anything at all."

"That thought struck your mind because you were thinking about it," I shout. He remains silent. This is really annoying. "Ryan," I call him sharply when he didn't respond.

"I just felt like..." he trailed off. "I'm sorry Jana," he apologizes. "I know you both are friends..." Really? He knows we both are friends and he thinks that... unbelievable. I looked out the window not wanting to listen to him anymore. I don't care whatever he thinks!

"Jana, look at me," he requests. I'm not going to. "I'm really sorry. I know that you love me so much," he says. Oh really? Then he thinks like... even thinking about that is disgusting. "It was my mistake thinking something like that..." he apologizes again.

"Yeah!" I say in a sarcastic tone, crossing my arms.

"Will you be mad at me forever?" He asks.

I can't be. I want him to trust in us. I know he feels so bad about himself right now. He admitted his mistake and already apologized. I don't want us to fight over this, I should forget about it! I sigh, turning to him, "Promise me, you will never come up with this again."

"Never again. I promise," he replies, looking apologetic.

*************

R

yan parks the car in the school parking. I still can't believe that Ryan felt like that. I shouldn't be thinking about that again. We sorted it out! As I get out, Ryan comes and stands in front of me. I look up to him, "Can we forget about the whole thing?" He pleads, placing his hand over my shoulder. I nod in response. Even I don't want to think about it anymore. "I'm really sorry," he apologizes for the millionth time.

"It's okay. I know you have the reasons to think that I love-" "But I shouldn't have ever doubted you even after knowing you love me endlessly."

I know he really felt bad for even thinking so, but I shouldn't ruin his last day at school. "So much drama huh?" I giggle. "Now we should stop talking about it."

"Yeah. Sorry for-" "Shut up or I will never kiss you," I warn naughtily. Ryan smiles at my stupid blackmail. This is all I need!

Ryan shakes his head as he laughs, "I can't let that happen."

NOAH

I notice Jana and Ryan in a distance talking with each other as I pull in my car in the lot. They don't look so happy. Harry and I get out of the car as I continue watching them. We walk further and I hear Ryan laughing, "I can't let that happen." Jana leans on Ryan's shoulder and they walk to the school building. They are laughing, but something is wrong. What is happening between them? Jana doesn't seem so good.

"Done checking out?" Harry asks, snapping me back to reality.

"I was... just-" "I know that you can't see her just as your friend. I understand Noah. It's okay," Harry says understandingly. At least he knows! He walks to meet his latest girlfriend and I make my way to class.

**********

Scanning the room, I notice Serah and Alex talking with each other. Jana isn't here yet... I look back at Serah. Wait... Lyra is along with Serah? They are laughing together? What happened? I walk over to them in surprise. "Am I dreaming?" I ask looking at the two girls in surprise.

Serah chuckles, "No, Noah."

I glance between the two again. "Then, what's going on?" I ask curiously.

"I just kept my promise," Serah responds. What promise...? I raise my brow in confusion, not remembering the promise. "You forgot?" She asks, in doubt. Serah groans, "I promised that I will be friends with Lyra when you speak with Jana."

Oww! How come I forget that? I nod, "Now I remember." I smile at her gratefully. I look back at the doorway again. Where is Jana? I have to tell her about the letter. She will be so happy to hear that. I look back at the girls. "I received another letter from Jenny," I say, smiling.

"That's good news bro!" Alex exclaims, tapping on my back.

"I was expecting Jenny herself. Anyway, what's in the letter? When is she coming back?" Serah started to bombard me with questions.

"She will be here during the summer," I answers.

"Finally, you two will be together!" Lyra smiles, but I can see the pain behind her smile. I wanted to tell Lyra that won't happen. But I can't take the risk anymore... From now onwards I have to act like I have no more feelings for Jana.

As we talk Jana walks in, her face dropped. Something is wrong with her. "Hey, Jana!" Serah calls out.

"Hey," Jana just waves and walks to her seat. She usually joins the conversation, this is unusual.

"She doesn't look so good," Lyra says, concerned.

"It's Ryan's last day at school," Alex reminded. So that's the reason why she's gloomy. I will tell her about the letter later then.

"Oops! I forgot!" Serah says.

************

Ms. Leena enters the class with her usual happy smile. We wish each other before settling down in our seats. "All of you open your textbook," Ma'am orders. "I'm going to teach you the final chapter of this term, which is Romeo and Juliet."

As we all reluctantly take out the book she starts narrating the story. Finally, I started listening to the class. Maybe because it's a romantic tragedy. She looks up at us from the book now and then to make sure we are listening. She stops nearly after 30 minutes and glares at someone behind us. Who's Ms. Leena glaring at? That will probably be Serah doing something naughty.

I chuckle as I turn back to see what Serah has done. "Jana, stand up!" Ma'am yelled at her. Jana? My heart skips a beat. What had she done? "I have been noticing you looking out the window for the whole time," she scolded. Jana's probably sad that it's Ryan's last day at school.

Jana quietly stands up, looking at Ms. Leena apologetically. "I'm sorry Ma'am."

"Write the summary of this chapter and submit it to me by the evening." After assigning the task to her Ma'am continued her class until the bell rang.

As soon as Ma'am left the class, I turn back to make sure Jana is okay. "Are you okay?" Serah asks before I could.

Jana shrugs, unsure of her feeling. "It's just that... my head was filled with thoughts."

"Jana, don't worry about you and Ryan. You guys will be together forever," Serah says, wrapping her hands around her.

Jana leans into Serah's shoulder, "Yeah."

**********

When the school got over I went to the library in search of Jana. I look around and spot her in the corner, her head dug into a book. I quietly walk over to her, "Hey."

She looks up from the book and smiles. "Hey, Noah."

"You want any help?" I ask, sitting opposite her.

"I guess I can manage... I have done almost," she says as she continues writing.

"Alright!" I sit there looking at her in awkward silence. She seems fine now. Should I tell her about the letter?

She looks up from her work noticing my stare. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

I guess I can tell her. I shrug, "Uh... maybe after your work."

"It's fine. You can tell me now," she urges.

"I received another letter from Jenny," I say.

"Wow!" She exclaims as she closes the book as if she's no longer interested in that. She smiles widely, "What's it about?" I take out the letter from my pocket and hands her. "Let me read the letter," she says, unfolding it curiously.

Dear Noah,

I know you have been waiting for me instead of another letter. But sadly things didn't go according to my plan. I really wanted to come in February and go to all the places we went to together on my birthday. I really miss Memories Café, it's a place with lots of sweet memories of us... can't believe it's been two years.

But I promise I will come during this summer and can go to all those places and dig up the time capsule. I'm curiously waiting to see what you have kept for me. I hope you aren't mad at me. Again, I'm sorry for not keeping my address with this letter. I can't risk doing that. I hope you are doing well. See you soon. And... I still love you, Noah. I never stopped loving you.

Love,

Jenny

"Aww," Jana smiles at me, handing back the letter. "I told you right she still loves you."

"I..." I stop. I nod in agreement as I mentally prepare myself to act like I'm nothing more than a friend to Jana. I can't say again that I love her not Jenny. I have promised to be a friend. I shouldn't break that promise, it will break her heart. I can't... I have already done that once, making me regret it so much.

"Helloooo!" She snaps her fingers in front of my face to get back my attention.

"Yeah... Jenny loves me." I silently pray that she won't ask if I love Jenny. I don't think I can lie to her again.

"Hush," the librarian shushes us. "Library will be closed within 10 minutes. Complete your work soon," she informs.

Jana groans, "Oops! I have to talk to you about the letter, but first let me complete this," she whispers.

"I will help," I offer.

She nods, "Yeah, thanks." She hands me a few books to help her write up. When the librarian walks away, she silently taps on the table to get my attention. "Can we go to Memories café after this?" She asks.

"Sure!" I agree.

***********

We settle in our seats opposite each other at Memories Café and order our drinks. "Noah," Jana softly calls me. "Will you honestly answer me if I ask you something?" She asks slowly, doubting my reply.

It's definitely about Jenny. I hope I can answer without hurting her. I hesitantly nod, letting her ask.

"Do you still love Jenny?" She shot quickly. I was right. She's been thinking about this. That's what she really wanted to talk about.

"Jana... it's-" "Yes or no?" She cut me off.

I take a deep breath, "Yes," I reply. I never stopped loving Jenny but it isn't the same way I loved her earlier.

Jana's eyes glow, "You know how much that makes all of us happy," She says and then takes as taking a sip from the drink.

I just smile in response. If this makes her happy, that's the least I could do after hurting her a lot.

"I hope Jenny will never leave you again." She says, sitting back straight. "Jenny is the one for you Noah. She left you because she never had any option. She couldn't tell you the reason because she never wanted you to get hurt over her. But now I know she won't leave you ever again. She's your soulmate and will be with you forever," she pauses. "Maybe you felt that you have feelings for me because you thought Jenny betrayed you and she will never come back."

Some part of me wanted to agree with Jana and believe that Jenny is the one for me. My first and only love. But the other half still believes that Jana is the one for me. "Yeah," I agree. "Now tell me about you and Ryan. Are you okay now?" I ask, changing the subject. I can't handle it anymore.

"About us... yeah... I'm fine now. I was a bit sad in the morning, but now I'm getting better. I really want to do something special for us before he leaves."

"That's nice. What are you going to do?" I ask.

"I haven't actually made any plans yet..." she trails off. "Hey, you guys buried a time capsule?" She again wanted to know more about us. I just nod. "You guys should open it back when Jenny comes back. She is so excited to see what you have kept for her."

"Yeah, we should. I have Jenny's scrapbook about all the places we went together..."

"I guess that will help me to make plans for me and Ryan!" She smiles happily.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey guys, thank you so much for reading. If you liked it, please do vote, comment, and share.

Do you think Jenny is Noah's soulmate?

Will Noah and Jenny get back together?