Dani

It's been over a month since that night I decided to give Leo another chance. And ever since, he has never left my side. He dotted on me and took care of me. He made sweet love to me every night and every morning, and many times in between and I couldn't be happier. Everything was perfect. Well, almost perfect. If only he would say the words I long to hear. But I can't rush him. I don't want to. I want him to mean it when he say it. I want the words to mean something.

"Smells good," he said as he wrapped his arms around me. I snuggled back and sighed in contentment.

"What did Gavin say?" I asked.

"I'm needed back for a few days," he said, and I couldn't help but feel disappointed. I know it's selfish of me to ask him not to go, but I've loved living in our bubble this past month.

"Hey, I'll be back or you can come with me," he said.

"You know I can't. Especially now in my condition. I don't want my parents or the press getting wind of what's going on in my life."

He sighed. "I know."

"Besides, it's only for a few days right?" I asked. "And you'll call? Everyday?"

He chuckled. "Of course I will," he said pulling me closer to him.

"When do you have to go?"

"I leave tomorrow and I'll be back by the end of the week."  He kissed the tip of my nose making me smile. He smiled back at me.

I sighed. "I'm gonna miss you," I said.

"Me too," he said.

I wanted to ask if he was going to see Andi as well while he was in LA, but I stopped myself. I trust him and I know he cares about me and he's committed to me. I don't want to be one of those women.

Soon, he was distracting me with his kisses.

"Leo," I protested weakly. "I need to finish this so we can have dinner."

"I want dessert first," he grinned wickedly, before turning the stove off and lifting me up in his arms, making me squeal.

"Put me down. I'm too heavy," I pouted.

"You're not heavy. You're perfect." And once again, he melted me with his words.

Leo

"So, how's the missus?" Gavin asked once I got off the phone to let Dani know that I was coming home tomorrow.

I laughed. "Not my wife yet, Gav," I said.

"But you're thinking about it," he said.

"Of course, I am. She's going to be the mother of my child," I pointed out.

"Is that the only reason?"

I shrugged. "I like her. I care about her."

"Do you love her?" he asked making me frown.

I shook my head. "It's too soon for that."

"Don't tell me you're still hang-up on Andi."

I glared at him. "Andi has got nothing to do it, in fact I haven't even thought about her at all." Once I've said, I've realized the truth behind my words. I haven't thought about her at all.

"That's good. I'm glad to hear it. She's happy. You deserve it too," he said.  "Dani loves you and whether you want to admit it or not, you love her too.

I frowned at his words, but before I could tell him he was wrong my phone rang. It's probably Dani, I smiled.

Then frowned. It wasn't Dani. It was Ethan.

"Hello?"

"Andrews, it's Ethan."

"Yeah. What's up? Is everything okay?" I asked. He sounds off.

"You need to come here. I'm at the hospital," he said.

Andi. I just knew it, before he even said the words.

"I'm at UCLA. It's Andi. It's bad, Leo. They don't know if she's going to make it," the man sobbed.

"I'm on my way."

"Gav, we gotta go. It's Andi," I said in a hurry.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. Ethan said she's in the hospital and it's bad."

"He called you?"

"Gavin, I don't have to time to think about that okay? We have to go."

Dani

Where is he?

He's supposed to be here by now.

He's flight landed over an hour ago. I know he didn't want me to pick him up at the airport, but I wanted to surprise him.

I tried calling his phone, but it keeps going to voicemail.

Then it came to me. Gavin. Leo gave me his number. I pulled it up on my phone and called him.

He picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Gavin?"

"Yeah. Who's this?"

"It's Dani."

"Oh. Yeah. Hey," he said, but he sounded weird.

"Leo gave me your number. I was just wondering if he left on time? I'm looking at his flight information and it says that he's plane landed over an hour ago. I was just wondering, and I'm getting a bit worried. I'm here at the airport," I continued.

"You're at the airport? Right now?"

"Yeah." I confirmed.

"Oh."

"Is he there?" I asked.

"Yeah. Something came up and he couldn't make his flight. Listen, I'll get him to call you okay?" He said.

"Oh. yeah. Okay. Thanks," I said.

"No problem," he said before ending the call.

Weird, I thought.

What came up and why didn't he call me to let me know he wasn't be coming home today?

It wasn't until later that night that he finally called me.

"Leo? Where are you? I've been worried about you?"

"Yeah. Sorry. My phone died and I didn't realize until Gavin told me you called," he explained.

"That was four hours ago," I said.

"I didn't get back to the hotel until now," he said.

"And you couldn't call me using another phone?" I asked. "I've been worried sick about you!"

He sighed on the other end. "Look, I said I was sorry. I've had a long day and," he snapped at me. Then he paused and took a deep breath. "fuck. Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay," I said softly. "I'm more worried about you. Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Listen, something came up."

"I know, Gavin told me, that's why you missed your flight. Want to tell me what came up?"

"Dani, I just don't want to fight or have an argument with you about this," he said.

"About what?"

"About Andi, okay?"

Andi... of course.  Did he go see her.  Did he realize he was still in love with her? Is he leaving me?

Fear gripped me.

"Andi? She's the something that came up?" I asked, and I couldn't help the jealousy that washed through me.

"Her husband called me. She got into an accident and it's bad. They didn't think she was gonna make it through."

"Oh god. Is she okay?" I asked immediately feeling guilt for my thoughts.  God I hope she's okay.

"She's in the ICU. The next forty eight hours is critical, but she made it though surgery. She's still in critical condition."

"I'm so sorry, Leo. I wish I was there with you right now."

"I know. I wish you were too," he said.

"When are you coming home?" I asked. 

He sighed again. "I don't know yet."

Something squeezed my chest. "Leo..."

"Dani, she needs me," he said.

No. You need her, I thought painfully.

"What about me? Us? Me and our baby? We need you too," I pointed out.

"Dani. Please. I don't want to fight about this. Just give me a few days and I'll be home."

"Leo, why do you need to be there? I get that she matters to you, but her husband is there. You're not him." I pointed out harshly.

"I know that. But she's important to me." Ouch. Again.  What about me?

"And I'm not?"

"Don't do that. You know you're important to me.  You know I care about you. This isn't about us. I just need to make sure that she's okay."

"I need you here," I said. 

"Dani, you and the baby are safe there. I'm going to ask Lyn to," he started to say but I wouldn't hear any of it.

"I don't need Lyn. I need you!" I pointed out.  "I need you here..."

"Don't act like a child."

I let out a bitter laugh. "I'm acting like a child for needing you?"

"No. You're acting like a child for acting like a jealous wife, because you're not my wife any more than I'm Andi's husband."

I gasped.

"Dani, I didn't mean that. Look, I'm sorry. I'm just tired and you're emotional. Let's just talk when we've both calm down. Get some rest. I'll call you," he said before I could say anything.

I looked at the phone in my hands as my heart broke into a million pieces once again, his cruel words ringing in my head.

"You're not my wife any more than I'm Andi's husband."

Sobs erupted from throat. I wrapped my hand around my bump.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I bit my lip to stop my sobs. I took deep breaths and tried to relax. The pain eased a little, and I knew I needed to relax and get some rest, because the stress isn't good for the baby.

The next morning he called and I almost didn't answer, but curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Hello?" I answered, then winced at the stomach cramp I was having since last night.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Look I'm sorry about last night."

I closed my eyes and said nothing.

"Dani?"

"I'm here."

"Listen," he started to say, but I didn't let him finish.

"Do you still love her?" I asked.

"Dani... please."

I closed my eyes as pain threatened the rip through me. I decided to change the question, because I could live with the fact the he still feels something for her as long as he loves me. Stupid and pathetic, I know. But I love him that much. "Do you love me?"

"Dani, don't do this. You said you would give me time."

"How much time do you need, Leo?" I asked. "One month? A year? Two years?"

"Dani that's not fair."

"I don't want to be just some girl, Leo.  I want to be the girl.  The one" I said as tears rolled down my face.   "The one you want to wake up to and lay beside with at night.  I want to be the one that you lose sleep over thinking about. The one that you want.  The one that you need. I want to be the one that you gaze at with love in yours eyes."

"You're asking for too much of me, too soon." He said, shattering my heart into a million pieces.

I shook my head as I covered my mouth with my hand to silence my sobs.  "I will never be those things to you."

"Dani, I care about you and our child."

"If you did, you would be here."

"I'm just asking for a couple days. Is that too much to ask?"

"I need you here."

"Dani. Two days. That's all I ask. Two days and I'll be back. I'll be there."

"I need you here now," I said.

"Dani, please. I don't want us to fight. It's not good for you and the baby. If what you need is assurance then I'll give it to you. I am committed to you and our baby. I want a life with you and our baby. I just need to be here. Right now. It doesn't mean I'm leaving you."

"If you're as committed as you say you are, you'd come home."

"I will. In two days."

"No. It's either you come home now or don't come back at all," I said, but I wanted to take them back as soon as I said them, but I wanted him to choose me. For once, I want someone to choose me.

"I don't do well with ultimatums, Danielle. You'd do well to remember that. I'll be home in two days and you and I will talk about this and we'll put your silly fears aside. I'll call you, later," he said, and that was it.

End of discussion.

"Wait, Leo..." It was too late.  He already ended the call.

I hissed in pain. Something's wrong. I just know it.

Leo

"Thanks for being here," Ethan said.

I nodded. "Of course. I care about her."

"She would want everyone she cares about to be here."

"Hey, she's gonna be okay. She's a fighter."

He nodded. "I won't make it without her. I can't lose her, Leo."

It was the firs time he has called me by my first name, and I have to admit, it feels like we've moved pass the past. It feels good.

"You won't," I said.

Then my phone began to ring. It was Dani. I was torn between answering the phone and not wanting to have another fight or argument with her. So, I ignored her call and continued to sit beside Ethan. I looked over at Andi and I couldn't help but feel sad. She's gone through so much. She deserves to be happy. She deserves a full and happy life.

Over an hour later, Gavin came in a rush.

"Leo! What the hell? Why haven't you been answering your phone?"

"I turned it off. Why?"

"Damn it. You fucking idiot!" He growled.

"What the fuck?"

"You know what? Fuck you," he growled. "Dani has been trying to reach you."

"I know," I said guiltily.

"You know? That's all you have to say?"

"Look I'll call her back okay?"

"Don't fucking bother. She won't be answering and if you just answered one of her calls you'd know exactly why. While you're here fantasizing to be Andi's husband, the mother of your child is fighting for her fucking life!"

I felt the blood drain in my entire body.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, as fear gripped me.

No.  I can't lose her or our baby.

"Now you care?"

"Damn it, Gavin! Tell me what happened!"

"She's in the hospital. Something's wrong with the baby. She's been trying to call you but she couldn't get a hold of you, so a friend of hers got my number from her cell and called me."

I didn't wait for anything else he had to say, I was sprinting out of there and back to Dani.

Oh god. Please no. Oh god, no.

I turned on my phone and played her messages.

They were all cries of help and fear. It made me feel like an utter bastard.

What have I done? Oh god! Please. Please don't let anything happen to Dani and our baby.

The last four was from Lyn yelling at me telling me what has happened and that I needed to get back.

"No. NO. no. no."

Dani

"I'm so sorry, Darlin'" Lyn said.

I closed my eyes and cried.

"These things sometimes happen," she said.

I covered my mouth with my hand. "Why does it always happen to me? Why do I always lose the people that I love?" I cried out.

"Shh..."

"I don't know. But I'm sure God has a reason."

I shook my head. "Why?"

"Oh sweetheart," she said, as she wrapped me in her arms.

"I just want my sister. Please..."

"Okay. Okay. Hush. I'll call her."

Leo

"I'm looking for Dani. Danielle Williams," I said to one of the nurses at the nursing station.

"And you are?"

"Her husband," I said.

"She's in room 301."

"Thank you," I said and ran to find the room.

It didn't take me long. The door was closed and I had to stop for a second. I felt frozen to the ground, afraid to open the door and what's waiting for me.

What have I done?

Dani

"You need to wait another day. You just got out of surgery. You need to listen to your doctor."

"You didn't tell mom and dad did you?" I asked, completely ignoring what my sister just said. 

She shook her head. "Of course not. I really should, but I know that I shouldn't."

"Thank you," I said.

"Dani, I'm so sorry," my sister said, her voice cracking.

Tears filled my eyes. I nodded. "Me too."

"You would have been a great mom."

I smiled tearfully.

"You would loved and protected that baby with everything you are."

My shoulders shook with sobs.

We hugged each other for the longest time, until I groaned in pain.

"Sorry. I'm going to see what's taking so long with your pain medication. I'll be right back," she said, but then the door opened.

"Finally, what took you–" the words died in my sister's mouth as we both realized who was at the door.

It was Leo.

"What the hell are you doing here asshole?" My sister hissed.

"Sam," I reprimanded softly.

"What?," she snapped. "He's got a lot of nerve showing his face when he's the reason you're here."

"Sam. Please. Just give us a minute."

"Fine," she said grudgingly. "I'll be right outside the door. Call me when you're ready to kick his ass out," she said.

I nodded.

"Bastard," I heard her mumble to him on her way out.

I watched him for what felt like forever. Just standing there. Pain and guilt in his eyes.

"Dani... I'm sorry."

I closed my eyes and more tears fell.

"I... I'm so sorry. I should have been here. I... I didn't think this would happen."

"You really shouldn't have come," I said. "You're too late."

"Dani, please don't say that. I'm here and I'm never leaving you again or our baby," he said. "I made a mistake..."

And pain ripped through me once again. I shook my head.

"Please. Please tell me the baby is okay."

I shook with sobs. I took a deep breath. "Like I said. You're too late. There is no baby. Not anymore."

He let out a pained breath. "Oh god, no. Dani..." He tried to touch me, but I flinched away from him. 

"Dani..." He tried to come closer and hold me again but I stopped him with my hand. 

He dropped his hands to his side and clenched his fists.

I cleared my throat, fighting back tears.

"I just want to know one thing," I said. "Did you purposely ignore my calls and turned your phone off because you didn't want to deal with me?"

The look on his face gave me the answer I needed.

I closed my eyes and swallowed back the sobs and cry that threatened to come out. My heart shattering into a million pieces once again. 

He doesn't love me.  He never did and never will.

God, Dani... accept it already.

"Dani, I'm sorry... I," he tried to say but I don't want to hear it. 

"Get out," I said.

"Dani, please."

"Get. Out." I said louder this time.

"Dani..."

"Get out!" I screamed at him. "Get the hell out!" I broke off in tears. "Just leave..." I sobbed.

"You heard my sister. Get out or I'll call security and have you taken out."

Leo looked back at me and I looked away, not being able to bear to look at him.

I heard his steps get further away, then the door clicking shut and that's when I fully let
go and cried.

Leo

"I oughta kick you outta here," Lyn said, when I sat at the bar asking for beer and to keep it coming.

"Wouldn't blame you if you did," I said, as tears filled my eyes and my chest threatened to explode.

"What were ya thinking?"

"I wasn't. I didn't think something bad was going to happen. I... I don't know." God, what an utter bastard I am.  Dani lost our baby... because of me... If I had been beside her I could have done something.

What did I do?

"You have to be the dumbest person in the world. Can't ya see, you're in love with her. Has been from the moment you laid eyes on that girl. Why do you think you kept coming back and fighting for her? It sure as hell isn't because you just want her for sex. You could have that with any girl without all the emotional involvement and complication."

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Is she right?

"She told me about that girl you fancy yourself in love with."

I frowned.

"I remember her. I remember that one time you came here with your band. She was in it. And let me tell ya something. I don't doubt that you feel something for her, but what I saw back then, I don't think it was love. Not the way it should be. Not the way a man loves a woman. You never looked at her, the way you looked at Dani."

"What do I do?" I said. "I fucked up."

"You did. It ain't gonna be easy. You both lost something and you both need time to grieve. But you don't give up. You don't stop until she forgives you or you'll never forgive yourself."

I took another long swig of my beer.

"Tonight, you do what you need to. Drink as long as you want and as many beer as you want, but come tomorrow. Pull your shit together. She's going to need you more than ever, even if she thinks she doesn't."

***

The next morning, I went back to the hospital, only to find Dani has checked herself out against doctor's orders.

Panic cursed through me.

I quickly drove to her–our house and nearly broke the door in my haste to get inside. But the house was quiet. Empty. I raised to our bedroom and to our closet and all her clothes were gone.

Pain and panic thumped in my chest.

I called her and her phone was disconnected. It's as if she's disappeared from the face of the earth.

No.

God. Please. No.

I looked over on her night stand and resting there was a picture of the two us. My arms wrapped around her, hand resting on her protruding belly.

I grabbed the picture and my tears dropped on the frame.

I ran my fingers through her face... vividly remembering the day we took this photo.  I was watching her looking at belly in the mirror.  Rubbing it in circles.  I was mesmerized and in aw of her beauty and the fact that she was carrying a life inside of her.  I walked over to where she was and wrapped my arms around her. Wanting to remember this moment, I pulled out my phone and took a photo so of us. 

My tears feel on the photo.

Pain gripped me as I shook with tears. "I love you, Dani. I love you." How could I have been so blind?

How could I have been so stupid and let it get this far?

How could I have not known how I feel for her?

Now, I've lost her. Her and our child. A child that I wanted the moment I learned of him or her. A child that I wanted to look exactly like Dani. Now it's all gone.

Gone in an instant. All because of me. Because I didn't see and recognize what I had and how I feel.

The pain I felt with losing Andi, is nothing compared to the pain I feel right now. I feel like I've died a thousand deaths. I feel empty. Like a part of me has been ripped away. I never felt that way with Andi. Lyn was right. I did feel something for Andi, but it wasn't love. It was infatuation. She was the first woman I trusted after losing my parents. I saw her as the picture perfect woman. Just like my mom. And I mistook that for being in love with her. I admired her. I respected her. I loved her. But not in the way that a man loves a woman. I loved her like a friend. Like a sister. Why I'm only realizing this now? I don't know. But I know now, the difference with what I felt for Andi and what I feel for Dani now. It's Dani I'm in love with. She's the one that I want to wake up to and lay beside with at night. She's the one I lose sleep over thinking about. need. The one that I want. The one that I need. The one that I gaze at with love in my eyes.

I closed my eyes.

I can't lose her.

I won't.

Even if it takes her forever to forgive me, I won't stop. I won't stop until I find her and make her realize and believe when I say that she's the one. The one that I love.