ANYA

I DIDN'T HATE Levi always. Not in the literal meaning of the word 'hate' at least. Ambitious enough to want to surpass him? Definitely. Annoyed at his casualness and the fame he possessed? Yes. Jealous of his achievements? Perhaps. But even I knew that deep down there was a part of my soul that wanted to befriend Levi, hang out with him, engage in friendly banters and competitions, and at the end of the day, let go of the bloody battles that sizzled between us every now and then. This feeling existed ever since I met Levi and made an enemy out of him, in elementary school.

We were in 1st grade, and I made Levi cry after coming first in art class. I wanted to, like really wanted to be friends with the adorable, popular, wealthy kid everyone was talking about ever since he had transferred to my elementary school but being socially awkward I failed badly. And in fact, when Levi cried and proclaimed me as his enemy in front of the entire class, I cried too and returned the nasty behaviour. Ever since then, our ongoing battle has been on.

Yet, as the years passed by and we moved from elementary school to middle school and then to high school, I hated how much I still yearned to learn how it might feel to just...have a nice conversation with Levi Auguste, without negative feelings between us.

That never happened as a result of an incident in 9th grade. Levi had submitted a Biology project that closely resembled mine. To anyone's eyes, it wasn't complete theft but to me, it was. Why? Because we were project partners and trusting in his academic brilliance, I had made the mistake of spilling ideas for my Biology project for our 9th grade finals. Probably it was the desperation to test the waters and see if we could talk without arguing for once.

And the next thing I know, Levi is presenting a wonderfully but closely copied project to our teacher. Beginning from the topic, concept to the structure of the model, everything was done just how I had said I would do my project. There were few improvisations included but otherwise, our projects were very similar. It was even worse since Levi had submitted his project earlier than others, knowing he wouldn't be accused if he did that. Naturally, refusing to risk my scores, I made an entirely different project than my almost finished one, within a day. It was poorly done and the marks I had received were below satisfactory, at least to me but yes, that was the day I truly began hating Levi Auguste.

Hating in the sense animosity, loathing, hostility, resentment, disgust, contempt and all synonyms of hate that there is.

Levi grows silent. His expression stills as soon as the words of the past leave my lips. He doesn't speak a single thing before silently taking a seat beside me. With much reluctance, may I add. Levi is such a despicable person that he keeps on avoiding my eyes, and instead continues to chat with the students near us.

Professor Rodriguez speaks, "Settle down students. We shall begin our class now."

Suppressing the unnecessary emotions that begin to surface, I focus on the class, with my notebook, other necessary books, writing equipment, ready. Even my arms are prepared to raise them up anytime, Professor asks a question.

"What is your perspective of the word love?"

Fucking shit. Without thinking, I raise my hand only to regret seconds later. But now what's done is done.

As the attention is now focused on me, I slowly stand up and open my mouth with a clear of throat. "Love is a beautiful emotion, but an ugly one as well."

"Elaborate." Professor Rodriguez hums, his fingertips under his chin which shows I have managed to grab some interest. Good going Anya. Show the bastard beside you, who the real intellect is everywhere.

"First let me elaborate on the different types of love. Love comes in various types. Not just romantic. And all these types of love have an ugly side to them. That's a similarity they possess. Let us take an example. For example parental love. We all yearn for our parents' love but..." Rainy nights, loud yells, and screams fill my brain. Stop it Anya. Stop it. Focus. "But, if that very parental love turns against us, fails to provide the right amount to the respective children, it affects their lives in unimaginable ways." I exhale a heavy breath at the prospect I managed to go through the explanation without having flashback episodes. The only reason why I wanted to avoid answering this very topic but my stupid hand rose out of reflex.

And like everyday, I blame them on Levi because when he is around, my life is always ruined somehow or in some way.

"That is not wrong, Miss Saha."

"Thank you, Professor."

"Miss Saha, your views on parental love, and in that manner, all kinds of love are correct. Even though they are general views, your explanation has its unique touch as well. That brings me to the point. Now I am curious to know your perspective on romantic love. Spare me the same details of toxic love which we all are aware of, give rise to obsession, possessiveness, and everything 'ugly' as you said. Tell me something new. Something that defines your personality, your individual view," Professor Rodriguez says.

"Well..." I trail off, taking a moment to think. My mind searches through the books I have read and memorised, the articles I have spent hours researching, online lectures I have browsed, but nothing works. Professor Rodriguez has asked for my individual perspective, after all.

I think. Think. And think. What do I think of romantic love? Do I not believe in it? No, I do. But I am also sceptical of it because I am inexperienced, out of the other many reasons.

And then it all clicks me. "Professor, my individual view is that, I do believe in romantic love but I also do not believe in it. Perhaps—because I have never fallen in love, myself. Or maybe I have yet to see a love so real that it makes you the happiest person in the world. All in all, when I read romance novels, or watch movies of the said genre, I feel giddy and happy and it makes me want to believe in this complex emotion. I go to bed thinking it would be so nice to find a man who understands me but the next morning, I wake up and am back to square one, questioning love. Its purpose, concept, and even the questions why do people fall in love, how do they know they are in love, what is love trouble me for a while.

Forever being a rational person, I feel confused knowing love generates due to a few hormones like Oxytocin, Dopamine and Norepinephrine. And it's just that. Because of these hormones, an inter-connected chemical reaction in our brain, and certain functions, love generates.

Then can we say that humans truly fall in love? That it is not just Science? An external force working to make them fall in love?

This is my individual perspective, Professor Rodriguez."

"I would like to state my individual perspectives of love as well," Levi's hand shoots up beside me but his eyes and 'polite' smile are on Professor.

Our eyes clash with promises of having the best possible answers in this class.

Professor Rodriguez nods with a smile. The previous buttering up seems to have worked a lot on him.

"For sure, Mr Auguste. It only seems fitting since Miss Saha and you will be working together for this project."

"How fortunate," I scoff under my breath but make sure Levi hears the words.

Levi brushes off them, being the infuriatingly nonchalant guy he is, stands up the moment I sit on my seat, and he flashes his ever charming gaze and smile to the corny, eyelash fluttering glances. Any more minute of putting up with this, and I might as well puke the contents of my breakfast out.

Probably vomiting on the open notebooks of Levi would be more satisfying.

Levi begins speaking soon, "Love is dependency."

"Please explain your view."

"It is very simple, Professor. Love is based on the person. One can love selflessly, and they are the 'blind in love' ones, will 'do everything, even give up their lives' types, and often face unrequited situations, or unexpected heartbreaks. They could also just be delusional. And the ones who love selfishly are the obsessive types. All in all, love is a plethora of complications that need not be encouraged if you wish to live a happy and comfortable life. Relationships that wouldn't last long? I think they are fine for fun. But if I were to be asked," Levi hums arrogantly, "I would say I don't see myself getting in a long, committed relationship. Like ever. I mean, even the 'happy' relationships that manage to survive, are the results of years of sacrifices, forgiveness and apologies. I don't think I will ever be able to do so." Levi shrugs, taking his seat.

As much as I'd hate to admit, I somehow can relate to his words. I can't see myself in a long, committed relationship, either.

"Others, please do not hesitate to speak your perspectives on different human emotions," Professor Rodriguez says and the rest of the class continues with students presenting their perspectives on the emotions. If only I hadn't raised my hand, I could've spoken about another emotion.

For instance, pride. Pride can be seen as a foul emotion due to the tendency of giving birth to arrogance, narcissism, ego, etc. (like Levi). But, if inspected closely, pride also gives birth to self-confidence and lights up the path to success. I think it is a beautiful emotion and closely related to my ambitions and the power I'd like to achieve one day.

As the class nears the end, Professor Rodriguez asks for everyone's attention as he will finally be announcing our project for the mid-semester. "Human Emotions. If it was not already clear from today's class, your project for mid-semester will be conducting a deep, analytical and detailed research on any one human emotion. You are free to use the method of experiments in whatever way you'd like, and include your observations for a more scientific approach. Your individual perspectives should align with your partner's, as well as be contradicting enough to challenge theirs. Why did I mention this? Because all of you will be individually graded. If you manage to show enough effort, and be able to provide thorough contributions to the project, you will be graded better than your partner.

Amongst the better graded students, four brilliant individuals from this class will be selected by me, after the mid-semester evaluation. They will be given an opportunity to attend a Psychology workshop of three months, organised and led mainly by Isaiah Davis, in London. Attending the workshop isn't mandatory but it would be a good opportunity for the ones in the Science line, no matter which way you decide to go. Your résumé would shine basically if you were to add that part. Besides, Mr Davis will guide you all regarding necessary internships, and companies you could interview for, degrees you could pursue, and so on, based on your line of profession. Your project topics will be emailed to you by today."

Students brim with excitement. This is the opportunity I have been waiting for. A workshop under Isaiah Davis, the God of Psychology who is also an expert in literally every Science field? My career will shine with sprinkles of gold and glitter scattered around. I have to get that opportunity, no matter what. And for that, first I have to win against my partner.

I glance at Levi, expecting the equal ambitious shine reflecting in others'. But he seems—disinterested. Almost, as if he couldn't care less about such a workshop. That is weird.

But it is also scary. If I were to work with Levi, we wouldn't be able to finish the project perfectly, either because of constant conflicts or his lack of participation.

I chew on my lips before taking the risky decision. Grabbing my bag, I head down the stairs to Professor Rodriguez. "Professor, if you don't mind, could I request a favour?"

He looks at me with a neutral expression but something tells me, he already knows about this favour.

Still, I speak. "Could you please consider changing my partner? I am sure anyone would love to have Levi Auguste as their partner. As for me, I'd prefer anyone else but Levi. You see Professor, I know I am being unprofessional, but Levi and I have a long history of conflicts. It would only slow down the process of completing the project. I hope you understand, Professor."

"Anya," he begins with my first name, "Why do you think I paired you two?"

I keep quiet. He smiles. "You already know the answer. In the future at your workplace, you'll face situations where working with people you're not fond of, will become inevitable. It is your responsibility to figure out how to work with them. That's all professionalism is all about and no, I will not be granting you this favour."

"I understand, Professor," I smile through my displeased emotions.

"And since you are here right now, there's no harm in informing you about your and Levi's project topic. It's love."

Love. Oh fucking great.