Owen's breath shudders out of him and he pulls me tighter against his body, cupping my head to lean on his shoulder.

Then, he begins.

"My parents died in a gunfight that broke out in a subway station. Our driver had called in sick that day and my parents didn't want to bother me. So they decided to take the subway."

I wonder what his parents' death has to do with Noah's mother, but I don't interrupt.

"Although my father was from a prestigious family, my mother wasn't. So she still wasn't used to being rich. She was actually excited to take the subway again and my father was more than happy to oblige her. So I let them ride the subway."

He swallows hard and I instinctively rub his arm up and down. He seems to gain strength from that and continues.

"They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'd come to terms with that after a few years and stopped blaming myself, but I was depressed. I was all alone, and I was managing the company that constantly reminded me about them."

I suck in a breath, because I know how it feels like to lose a parent. 

That's what my grandmother was to me.

"I used to work like crazy during weekdays, and then splurge on alcohol on weekends. I went to bars and clubs to find a peace of mind, to lessen the pain and loneliness."

I feel him stiffen for his next words.

"And one year during their death anniversary, I crossed my limit, drank myself into a stupor. So... that's how Noah came along."

This new insight shocks me completely. It wasn't what I expected.

"I didn't even know I'd gotten a girl pregnant until Noah was born and the girl's mother brought him to my doorstep, crying and cursing at me."

A pained sigh leaves his lips. "She said she didn't want the baby and that I should take him. She said her daughter believed that I would've forced her to abort the child so she kept it a secret and planned to raise him on her own."

There's a heavy pause.

"Noah's mother died in childbirth."

My heart aches for him, the guilt he must have felt and being alone all through it.

I entwine my arms around his torso to offer comfort.

"I found out that the girl was a university classmate of mine but we weren't close. I remember seeing her at the bar and then it's all a blank. Next day, I woke up in my bed, alone. But there were hints of what happened... but I never expected..."

The agony in his voice is palpable and I lift my head to look at him, grabbing both sides of his face.

"Don't, Owen. It's not your fault."

He shakes his head and clenches his jaw, trying to get out of my grip on him.

"I got a girl pregnant because of my stupidity and recklessness, and she lost her life because of it.  I wasn't even there for her during the whole nine months. The worst part is that Noah... he will never know what a mother's love feels like."

His voice cracks at the end and my heart cracks along with it.

"Stop, Owen. Even though she met a tragic death, it was her choice to keep the baby without telling you, and her choice to be with you that night too."

He releases a tortured sigh.

"Owen, if none of it happened, you wouldn't have the angel that is your son now. He's brought you so much happiness. Or am I wrong?"

He remains mum with downcast eyes. I tangle my fingers through his dark blonde locks and coax his gaze to meet mine.

"Noah has given you a purpose in life, one that you were without after your parents passed."

A little light emerges in his glossy eyes and I press on.

"You're a good person, Owen, and an even better father. So stop blaming yourself because none of it is your fault."

A shadow of a smile gleams his mouth even through the sadness.

"You have your way around words, fireheart. But if you can say that to me, why can't you say that to yourself?" He whispers and I freeze up.

I let my hands in his thick hair fall to my lap.

"What happened to me... it's different. It was completely my fault and no one else's."

"Well, I don't think that for one second."

It's my turn to be silent.

"Whatever happened, I want you to know that you have me to lean on. No matter how bad it was, I won't run. So... I hope you won't too, Cyra."

I stare at him as an imaginary hand grips my throat in a stronghold.

"I'm not running."

Liar.

"Does selling the diner and moving away have anything to do with what happened?"

His question catches me off guard, because even I myself am not too sure.

I'm doing it because I don't see meaning here and my family is the ultimate driving factor, but does it have to do with what happened three years ago?

"No, it doesn't. It's simple. I want to move because I'll be happy with a job there. There's nothing for me here."

Liar.

"Then, we can manage even if we live in different places."

My brows crease with confusion. "Manage what?"

"A relationship. Us."

A protest is making its way out my throat when he stops me.

"I'm not asking you to immediately make your decision, but give us a chance. Don't deem it impossible without trying. Please, fireheart."

Rayla's words come back to me.

Do what makes you happy.

So, I respond accordingly.

************

We talk somemore, about random things, from the weather to how long it takes a chicken egg to hatch.

Basically everything and anything that comes to our minds.

But I don't tell him about my miscarriage. I'm not ready.

"Oh shit! What time is it?" I suddenly remember that I have to go home but then stop short.

I didn't drive here.

"It's past twelve. Are you tired?"

"Uhm... Well, I don't want to hold you up any longer. I'll take a cab since you can't leave Noah here alone-"

"That's why you should stay the night."

My eyes widen and I hiccup.

"I uh... I - hiccup - don't think - hiccup -  that sleeping - hiccup - together - hiccup - so soon - hiccup - is a good - hiccup - idea."

An amused look lights up his features. " I was going to suggest the guest room but if you want to sleep in my bed, I'm all for it."

Isn't he supposed to be the shy one!?!

Why are our roles reversed?!

"Wait here, I'll get you a glass of water."

"Not like - hiccup - I have - hiccup - a choice."

By the time I'm finished, a glass of water is already being handed to me.

I finish the water while he looks at me with his eyes crinkled at the edges and a smile decorating his lips.

"Feel better?" He takes the glass from my hand while I wait to see if I'm still hiccuping.

After a few seconds, I'm sure they're gone.

"Thanks. And I think I should-"

"It's too late to call a cab now and there's no way I would let you do that either. So guest room. Now."

Dominant Owen is sexy.

I clear my throat and stand up. "Can I... Can I see Noah first?"

Owen's eyes soften. "Of course you can. You can see him anytime you want, Cyra."

We go up to his bedroom and I softly pad in the darkness towards his bed.

It's dark but the moonlight streaming through the windows illuminates his sleeping form, making him glow so beautifully.

My hand comes up to stroke his blonde hair. 

In my heart, I apologize to him for my hurtful words, wishing I could take them back.

He stirs in his slumber but doesn't wake up, instead, he nestles closer against my hand and sighs contently.

His delicate hands come up to cling on my arm and I don't have the heart to snag it away just yet.

"Do you want to sleep here instead?" Owen's speaks softly to me.

I look behind and give him an expression, asking if I really can.

When he smiles and nods, I carefully untangle my hand from his grip to wash up first.

Just as my hand leaves him, he whimpers in his sleep. 

"Mommy."

Heart rippling with vehemently ambivalent feelings and feet held still by an invisible force, I sweep a gentle gaze along his angelic baby features.

Owen's voice breezes towards me in a low timbre. "What I said earlier was wrong."

"Hmm?"

"I said that he'll never know what a mother's love feels like, but I think he already does."

We share a gaze, and I still my heart to make a decision.

I don't know if I can ever bear being called his mother, but I will be there for him whenever he needs me.

************

I woke up to the sound of Owen's phone ringing this morning.

I cracked an eye open and saw him push off the bed to grab it, sending me a loving smile.

I replicated his smile and then after he left the room, I looked down at the little beanie still sleeping soundly.

Owen ended up sleeping in Noah's bed as well, with the both of us flanking Noah.

We cuddled close, my arm hugging Noah, while Owen's long arm extended past Noah's small frame to support both our heads for most of the night.

And I've never slept so well before.

I sigh with a smile thinking about it as I unlock the house's front door, glancing back towards the SUV to wave goodbye to the two beanies.

But once I step into the house, my mood sours.

Monica eyes me from her place at the couch. My father is deeply engrossed with whatever they're watching on Netflix with the twins there as well.

"Where did you disappear to for a whole night?" 

Since I'm still a little high on the happy potion brewed by Owen and Noah, I answer her.

"A friend's." My answer is short as always, to avoid conflict, which seemed to happen a lot more after Duncan and I split.

"Which friend?" She looks me up and down with squinted eyes as if I'm a person put on trial after committing a serious offense.

I'm still wearing the same outfit from last night after changing out of the T-shirt and sweat pants Owen lent me for sleeping.

But I brought them back so I can wash them first.

Or maybe I just wanted to keep his clothes.

Like a creep.

I ignore her question and suck in a prolonged breath, deciding that now's the time to tell my family.

"I'm selling the diner."

She springs up from her seat as my father pauses the TV to frown at me.

"What do you mean?" His gravelly voice booms against the four walls and my sisters turn their attentions to me too.

It's now or never.

"I'm selling off the business. I've received a corporate-level job in Columbus and I'll be moving there soon."

"How could you do that without consulting us first!?" Monica, as usual, pretends to be concerned about the business, but on the inside she probably leaped in joy when she heard of my new job.

Because the money flowing in will definitely be more.

Even my father is placated. "At least you're going to do something better than lounging around all day and sleeping over at other people's houses."

And the twins, are just their spoiled selves.

"Corporate sounds expensive. Does this mean you're gonna get paid more?" Hestia perks up with an excited gleam, and so does Alinta.

"Does this mean we'll get more allowance? We need more money for our school project."

I scoff inwardly.

I used to pamper them when they were young but now, I'm doing it more as a chore.

"Yeah and also, we wanna go to Columbia university!"

Hestia's statement almost makes me puke blood.

Columbia!? That's the most expensive private college in the United States!

I pinch the bridge of my nose and exhale. "I'll see what I can do about your allowances after I start working there, but not immediately."

Their expressions fall but my assurance is enough for them because they know I never go back on my words.

Yet, I'm going back on my words to the one person in this family who mattered most to me.

************

It's been about a couple of months and while Owen and I are definitely more open about our feelings for each other, there's still my past dangling between us, like a gap yet to be closed.

I go over to his place quite regularly to spend time together. Our sleeping arrangements are always the same; me on the left of Noah, and Owen on his right.

December is approaching so quick that I'm suddenly reminded that I'm starting my new job soon.

I went to Columbus with Rayla last month and decided on an apartment unit.

I've packed my things and transferred them in batches. Every round makes my insides wither, but something pushes me on.

We'll work it out.

I don't have to give one thing up for another.

I can have both a fresh start in the city and a relationship.

Am I being greedy or in denial. Or both?

My teeth rattle as I walk from my parked car towards the diner.

The weather is getting colder with chilly winds . It might even start snowing in a couple of weeks.

My high school clique is gathered at Jones' Diner right now because they're all home for Thanksgiving which is tomorrow.

My grandmother was always the one who prepared the feast while I helped, but with her gone, I took up the task and have been doing it for seven years.

The bell above the diner door dings as I step through, spotting my friends immediately.

"Goshhhh I hate the cold!" Paige whines while rubbing her hands together.

I call out to Amara and tell her to ram the heat up, then I slip into the booth beside Rayla.

"Hey guys."

"Cee!" Rayla and I give each other a peck on the lips and everyone gags dramatically.

"The diner has changed quite a lot since the last time I was here." Yonah casts his eyes about the place.

"Mhm. I made some adjustments to suit the trend."

I asked for Rayla's help actually when she was in London. She came up with a few ideas and I started a small renovation after that.

Daniel gives me sound praise. "I think it's really nice. Kinda modern but it still retains the retro vibe."

Paige sighs with nostalgia. "We used to come here so often when we were kids."

She reminisces our carefree days when all we worried about was homework and how to get our crush to notice us.

"Yeahhh! I loved the meatloaf! Still do! I could have it almost everyday!" Rayla joins in the walk down memory lane, munching on a fry.

"We've got Jack to thank for that." I give praise where it's due.

"Yeah he's been here ever since we were kids huh." Rayla waves a fry around.

"So how many days will you guys be off work?" I ask them.

"Only two days for me." Reese is the one who answers after sipping his hot lemon tea.

He apologized already and I let it go since it wasn't a big deal come to think of it.

Everyone echoes his reply except for Rayla, who is still in the process of setting up her business, with my help.

We chat like old times when my phone vibrates with Owen's name blinking on the screen. I excuse myself to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Fireheart. I know you're with your friends now, but could you do me a favour?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"I need to go to the company for a board meeting. So could you...take care of Noah? I wanted to bring him to Claire's but you know him..." He huffs a laugh but there's a subtle plea in his tone.

"Of course I can. Should I go to your place now?"

"I'm actually on my way out of town with Noah now, so I'll drop him off at the diner and pass you the house keys for when you want to head home."

I glance at my friends with a soft groan. 

They're going to ask a ton of questions for sure!

Only Rayla knows the full story. 

I let out a resigned sigh but agree. "Okay. I'll be here waiting."

Sooner than I expected, the doors swing open with the arrival of Owen and Noah. 

They're walking hand in hand with thick clothes on. They look like they could model for parent-child matching clothes.

I leave my seat to meet them halfway.

"Fireheart, I didn't want to do this but... I don't want to bring him there. He's been a little bit unwell recently so I'd rather him stay here with you instead of travelling with me."

"Don't worry, Owen. I understand. I'll take good care of the little beanie." 

I bend down to boop his nose and he giggles, the sound a little brittle which makes me worried.

"Ready to have some fun with aunt Cee?"

He nods enthusiastically at me. "Yes yes yes! Aunt Cee is the best!"

"Daddy is boring right?"

The term I used to refer to Owen has my eyes growing in size and a dust of blush sprinkles on my cheeks.

I shyly peek at him from beneath my lashes.

He has a look of satisfaction and desire in his eyes, though a little bit red on the cheeks as well. Then he ruffles his son's hair before passing me the keys to his house.

"Thanks fireheart."

"It's no problem."

He smiles warmly and leans in as if to join our lips, but he stops midway.

His Adam's apple bobs as he peers into my eyes. I wet my lips and dip my gaze to his pink and sexy full ones.

He alters the line of his pathway and gives me a chaste kiss on the cheek instead.

Yeah.

We haven't even had our first kiss yet.

It's like we're back in first grade.

"I'll be back before midnight. Make sure you check all the windows and doors."

I roll my eyes playfully. "Yes dad."

-dy.

Stop it you kinky bitch!

Owen leaves with one last look. Then, I bring Noah to another table, my friends' eyes tracking our every movement and burning across the space into me.

I'm sure they saw our exchange and can remember Owen very well.

How could anyone not?

He looks like he stepped out of a Vogue magazine.

I'm pretty sure they're now bombarding my best friend with questions about us right now, but I only have eyes for the little beanie.

"Chocolate smoothie?" I ask him and he nods happily.

"What else do you want? Food? Snacks? Aunt Cee will get anything you want mmkay?"

Am I indulging him too much?

Well, he needs to eat more because I'm afraid he's undernourished.

Just when we're having fun with each other making monster fangs with fries, the diner doors open. 

I send a fleeting glance at it, but do a double take.

It's like everything falls into a pin-drop silence.

Because the person who entered...

Is Duncan Mitchell

My ex.

************

A/N:
Are my chapters too long and boring?

I would love some feedback.

Vote and comment too if you feel like it. xoxo