AFTER THE night before, Karson swore she wouldn't drink with Nowi alone again. Mas lalo kasi itong tumatapang kapag nakainom. Siya naman, sinusumpong ng kaduwagan. Kagat-labi niyang tinitigan ang chat conversation nila.

        "Ingat ka paakyat," her last message read.

        Karson groaned. Siya pa pala ang nag-ayang sa k'warto na lang sila uminom. Kung totoong umalis na si Nowi noong sinabi nitong aalis na ito sa bar, ilang minuto na lang ang mayro'n siya. Karson contemplated on changing her shirt. She still probably smelled like sweat and sunlight.

        Nasa gitna na siya ng pagbibihis nang matigilan siya.

        "'Tangina, bakit ko siya pinaghahandaan?"

        Karson ended up changing into her black cropped top anyway. Nagpalit na lang din siya ng pajamas. Katatapos lang niyang mag-apply ng lip balm nang may kumatok sa pinto.

        Tatlong beses iyon. Natatawa siyang lumapit sa pintuan.

        "Tinotoo mo talaga 'yong tatlong katok, a?" tanong niya sa kararating lang na si Nowi.

        "Of course," he answered with a smile. "How would you know it's me?"

        Karson walked towards the balcony. Nowi followed her. Hawak nito sa kanang kamay ang bucket ng beer. As if they had a secret understanding, he pulled one of the nightstands. Dalawang upuan naman ang hinila ni Karson palabas ng balcony area.

        Kauupo lang niya nang mapasinghap siya. "Oh, my God. I don't think p'wede nating i-rearrange 'yong furniture."

        Nowi opened a bottle for her before sitting down. "We can just return them to their original place naman." Inabot nito sa kanya 'yong bote. "So what were you doing while I was at the bar?"

        Karson sipped her beer. "I was talking to Jai. Ang tagal mo, e."

        "Jai as in your friend or do you mean your colleague Jae who can pass as the poster boy of Korea?"

        "My colleague? Sa 'kin lang?" Tumungga siya at saka, natawa. "Colleague mo rin kaya 'yon."

        Sumandal si Nowi. "Sure, I guess. But you meant Jai, right?"

        Tumango siya. "Nangungumusta lang ulit."

        Minutes passed. They drank their first bottles of light beer in silence. Pinanood lang nila ang mga ilaw sa baba. Tanaw pa rin iyong mga higanteng decoration sa plaza. Even from afar, it was still lively.

        Parang wala pang balak matulog ang buong Lucban.

        "Hey." Nowi elbowed her arm. Halos magkadikit lang sila dahil magkatabi ang mga upuan. "If you want to sleep na, it's okay. I'll finish this alone na lang." Ngumuso ito sa bucket na may tatlo pang bote.

        Karson chugged her first bottle. "Nope, 'di pa ako inaantok." Inilahad niya ang kamay matapos iyon simutin. Nangingiti siyang pinagbuksan ng bagong bote ng katabi. "Thanks," she mumbled as he gave her the beer.

        "How was today pala? Were there any issues?"

        Umiling siya. "May nahulog na lens kanina. Nakalimutan ko kung taga-saang media org pero ayon. 'Yon lang naman 'yong nangyari kanina."

        "What about Jae?" Nowi hummed, his eyes avoiding hers.

        Karson squinted at him. He looked nonchalant. His eyes were a bit glossy as he looked in the plaza's direction. Imposible namang nagseselos si Nowi. "Anong mayro'n kay Jae?"

        Nowi was about to answer but was interrupted by her phone beeping. Nang makitang si Jai na naman iyon, nalukot ang noo niya. Mahina siyang napamura habang binabasa ang bagong message ng kaibigan. Jai was asking a sex question. Hindi niya tuloy mapigilang mapangiwi.

        "Is something wrong, Miss Chua?"

        Umiling siya. Hindi yata naniwala si Nowi sa sagot niya. "Sorry, mag-reply lang ako." Sumimsim siya ng beer. "Promise, wala lang 'to. He's just asking me something."

        "Oh, okay." He smiled meekly. "Take your time, then."

        Karson felt his eyes following her movements while she talked to Jai. Kung minsan pa nga, parang sumisilip si Nowi sa screen ng phone niya. She threw him a sharp look. Nowi just mumbled a "sorry".

        "Ayan, okay na." Karson set her phone down the table. Ibinaligtad niya ang screen niyon. "Medyo private pero. . . about intimacy 'yong question."

        "Intimacy?" Nowi tried stifling a yawn. "Oh, okay. I think I get it."

        "Kadiri, 'di ba? Sinabihan ko na nga siyang 'wag masyadong detailed kasi ew, pinsan ko si Mon."

        "Right, right." He cleared his throat. "So what was the problem? Only if you feel comfortable to share, of course."

        "It's nothing weird. 'Yong usual lang naman na nagkakahiyaan kasi first time."

        "Oh, right. That happens." Nowi chugged his beer. His throat bobbed up and down. Hindi napigilang tumitig ni Karson. Napalabi siya nang magkasalubong ang mga mata nila. "Why, Miss Chua? Do you want more beer pa ba?"

        "Uhm—" Sumulyap siya sa hawak. Wala pa sa kalahati ang bawas ng bote. She took a sip. "Mamaya na lang siguro. Anyway, anong gagawin mo kung ikaw 'yong nasa gano'ng situation?"

        "What situation?" Nowi removed his knitted bonnet. Saglit nitong ipinagpag iyon at saka iyon ibinato sa kama. "Do you mean Jai's ba?"

        "Mm-hmm."

        "I try not to feel hiya kasi, Miss Chua so. . . I don't know," he answered, chuckling. "If I'm attracted to someone kasi, I make sure that she feels that I'm attracted to her through both little and grand things. I would take her to fancy restaurants but it could be something simple din naman."

        "Simple? Ikaw?" Pumangalumbaba si Karson. Mahina siyang natawa nang napangiti si Nowi. "Dinala mo nga ako sa Nobu no'ng friendly date natin. To think na friendly date lang 'yon, a?"

        Nowi sipped his beer, trying to hide his smile. "Like I said, it ranges from grand to simple things. The grand thing would be taking her to a fancy restaurant like Nobu, then the simple thing could be as simple as staring at her like this."

        "Ha?" His smile widened when she faced him. Their eyes met. Umabot sa mata ang ngiti ni Nowi. "Hindi ko gets," natatawang sabi ni Karson.

        "Really ba? You didn't get that?" He had this look of disbelief on his face. Of course, his instincts were right. Nakuha naman kasi ni Karson ang ipinararating nito. She just didn't want to give him the satisfaction. "I can explain it to you naman. I want to answer your question properly, e."

        Karson rolled her eyes in response. Tinawanan lang siya ng katabi.

        Nowi cleared his throat after a few minutes. Muli nitong kinuha ang atensyon niya. "So about Jae. . . why did he invite you to drink with them kanina?"

        "Hindi ko alam, actually." She stretched her legs. "Hindi naman bawal makipag-date sa fellow journalist or writer pero nasa Pilipinas kasi tayo. Ang liit lang ng community natin. I don't want people to talk about us. Ang awkward naman no'n if mag-break kami."

        "I don't know whether I'm amazed or annoyed that you think so far ahead—" He heaved a sigh. "—that in your head, Jae's already your boyfriend and you're breaking up with him."

        Muling uminom ng beer si Karson. Pinaningkitan niya ng mata ang katabi. "Nagseselos ka ba?"

        Instead of answering, Nowi just stared at her. His lips curled into a small smile.

        "Nagseselos ka, e!" she declared. Parang bata pa niyang sinundot ang braso nito.

        He tried so hard not to smile but failed. Lalong lumawak ang ngiti nito nang pinagpatuloy niya ang pang-aasar. "If I say yes, I did feel a little bit jealous, what do we do? What now?"

        Karson shrugged. "E, 'di nagselos ka."

        Nowi pouted at her answer. She just stuck her tongue out in response. Kahit totoong nagseselos si Nowi, wala namang dapat gawin. P'wede kasing passing fancy lang siya nito. P'wede ring nagseselos ito bilang kaibigan. He could also be joking around. Nakainom sila, e.

        It's one of the good things dating around taught Karson. Hangga't walang verbal confirmation, hindi siya p'wedeng mag-overthink.

—

        ONE-AND-A-HALF BOTTLES of beer each later, Nowi was still wide awake. Mukhang ganoon din si Karson. Nakasandal lang ito sa upuan habang malayo ang tingin. "Hey," he called her.

        "Hmm?"

        "We can order room service if you want. I just realized we've been drinking on an empty stomach, e."

        "Hindi ka ba nag-dinner kanina?"

        "I did but it's past 12 na kasi. The dinner I ate is long gone."

        Chuckling, Karson nodded. "Kahit anong pasta na lang siguro sa 'kin tapos order ka ng dessert, 'ha?"

        "Hang on." He stood up and dialed for room service. Pagkatapos, pabagsak siyang umupo sa tabi ni Karson. "They have strawberry cake and chocolate mousse. I didn't know which you prefer so I told them to bring both."

        "Alam kong walang point 'tong sasabihin ko kasi na-order mo naman na pero—" Pareho silang natawa. "—ang gastos mo."

        "I know but it's dessert naman." He drank the rest of his beer. "And it's for you naman. I have no regrets."

        Karson crossed her legs. "Bolero ka talaga, 'no? Ang dami mo sigurong nadadaan sa gan'yan mo."

        "Gan'yan? What do you mean by that?"

        "'Yong gan'yan na pa-cute pero kunwari, hindi sinasadyang magpa-cute." Nowi couldn't help but smile. Karson was calling him out. Ilang buwan pa lang silang magkakilala pero kabisado na yata siya nito. "And yes, I'm calling you out. Not because uncomfy ako, a? Napansin ko lang naman."

        Nowi shrugged. "I don't know if you'll believe me but when I say something, I don't consider if it will make me look cute. I just say what's on my mind kasi. If that makes me cute, then okay. I can't help it naman."

        Karson laughed. Umalog pa ang mga balikat nito, katatawa. "Ginagawa mo kaya ulit. Sure kang 'di mo sinasadya?" nakatawa pa rin nitong tanong.

        "Yeah, ha-ha," Nowi said, grinning proudly.

        That was partly a lie. Minsan kasi, sinasadya niya. Karson just has this glint in her eye whenever he says something that makes her think. Her laughter was also contagious. Kapag ngumingiti naman ito, parang ngumingiti rin lahat ng muscle sa mukha nito.

        Nowi didn't even know that that was possible until Karson. And he liked that about her.

        Once, when they were on their date, he took a picture of her in the middle of laughing. Sure, she looked radiant but it still didn't do her justice. Kahit ilang filter o enhancement tool ang ginamit niya, hindi niya makuha 'yong tamang timpla. Hindi niya mapantayan 'yong kinang ni Karson sa personal.

        Nowi posted that picture on his private Instagram account, though. Pangingitiin na lang niya siguro si Karson para hindi na niya kailangan ng picture.

        "Uy." Napakurap si Nowi. Karson was waving her hand in front of him, smiling. "Lasing ka na ba? Tig-dalawang bote lang tayo. 'Di mo na ba naririnig 'yong katok?"

        "Katok?"

        They heard a knock on the door. Nakagat ni Nowi ang pang-ibabang labi. Dumating na pala 'yong in-order nilang pagkain. He threw Karson a glance before standing up. Sa bandang sink na lang nila ipinalagay iyong pagkain.

        As soon as the hotel staff left, they brought the food to the balcony. Muli silang pumuwesto roon.

        Binigyan siya ng tinidor ni Karson. "Buti hindi nakitang naglabas tayo ng furniture dito, 'no?"

        Nowi just hummed. Tahimik niyang itinabi iyong mga bote ng beer. Pinagitna niya sa mesa iyong dalawang mangkok ng pasta alfredo. After that, he gestured at Karson. "Let's eat na, Miss Chua?"

        "Marunong naman akong maghain," naiiling nitong sabi.

        The next few minutes were filled with low hums. Pagdating sa dessert, ibinigay ni Nowi kay Karson iyong strawberry cake at chocolate mousse. Nginitian niya ang babae. Para kasing nahihiya pa itong tanggapin ang mga dessert.

        "Go on, Miss Chua. I'm cutting back on sweets din naman, e."

        "Okay, fine." Tumusok ito sa chocolate mousse. At first, she took a small bite and then, another. Naghiwa ulit ito. "Ayaw mo talaga?" kunot-noo nitong tanong habang inilalapit ang tinidor kay Nowi.

        "It's all yours," nakatawa niyang sagot.

        Lumawak ang ngiti niya nang lakihan nito ang paghiwa sa mousse.

        Karson took her sweet time with the mousse and cake. From time to time, she would encourage Nowi to share with her. Kalaunan ay bumigay siya. Mismong si Karson na kasi ang naghiwa at nagsubo sa kanya.

        Both the cake and mousse tasted good anyway. Nakadagdag na rin siguro sa tamis iyong indirect kiss. Iisang tinidor lang kasi ang ginamit nila.

        Nasa beer na ulit ang atensyon nila nang may mapansin si Nowi. For seconds, Karson chugged her beer. There was an eyelash on her left cheek when she finally set the bottle down.

        "Miss Chua, you have an eyelash on your uhm—" He pointed at his own cheek. Nang malukot ang noo ng babae, inurong niya ang upuan niya palapit dito. "—here, let me na lang."

        Her brows furrowed in response.

        With a small smile on his face, Nowi leaned in. He gently brushed his thumb on Karson's cheek. "There we go." Ipapakita niya sana ang nakuhang pilikmata nang may maalala. "You have to make a wish first nga pala."

        Natigilan siya nang hindi umimik si Karson. She stared at him with this amused look on her face. "Alam mo ba kung anong ginagawa mo? I mean. . . you can't be this clueless, right?"

        He reached for his beer. Napalabi siya nang mapagtantong ubos na ang laman niyon. "What?"

        Karson did the same. Tuluyan nitong inubos ang beer. "You definitely know what you're doing to me," she mumbled, shaking her head.

        "I honestly don't. I'm not nagmamaang-maangan."

        That once wasn't a lie. Hindi naman niya talaga alam kung anong epekto niya kay Karson. Sure, her cheeks would flush from time to time but that was it. Warm temperature could cause blushing.

        Karson blinked. "Wow. . . alam mo 'yong word na 'yon?"

        "Yeah, I do." Nowi squinted. Sinubukan niyang basahin kung binibiro lang siya ng babae. "What I don't know is what you're referring to, Miss Chua."

        "Okay, so. . . I'll go straight to the point." Karson bit her lower lip as if contemplating something. Saglit din itong nag-iwas ng tingin. Nang tumunghay ito para salubungin ang mga mata niya, ngumiti ito nang maliit. Bumuntonghininga rin. "Gusto mo ba ako?"

        Napamaang si Nowi. Hindi na niya sinubukan pang itago ang pagkagulat niya. He and Karson had been pushing and pulling from each other for months now. With that question, it felt like she was pushing towards him again.

        Nowi smiled softly. He decided to just play it out. "I didn't expect you'd catch on this fast."

        "Ano?"

        He reached for the last bottle of beer. Dire-diretso niya iyong ininom hanggang mangalahati siya. Naramdaman niya ang bigat at init ng beer sa tiyan niya. He didn't mind the burning feeling. Nakahiram kasi siya ng lakas ng loob.

        Nowi met Karson's eyes again. "Yeah, I do like you, Karson." He sighed, smiling. "What do we do now that it's out there?"

—

        KARSON WAS far from drunk. Dalawang bote lang naman ng beer ang ininom nila. Gayunpaman, parang gusto niyang sumuka. She could feel her chest tightening. Her breathing hitched. Namamawis din nang malamig ang mga palad niya.

        If Nowi hadn't just confessed, she would have already called the emergency hotline. Para kasing aatakihin siya sa puso.

        It's been a hot minute. Blangko pa rin ang utak niya. Pinanatili niya ang tingin sa huli nilang bote ng beer. Kalahati pa ang laman niyon. Nowi must have noticed her staring.

        Itinulak nito iyong huling bote papunta sa kanya. "You don't have to answer naman. I just wanted to be honest with you so. . . there. I gave you a direct answer. That's what you were hoping for naman, right? A direct answer from me?"

        Nowi was right. Ang tanging pumipigil lang naman sa kanya ay 'yong katotohanang wala pa siyang kasiguraduhan na nakukuha mula rito. Huminga siya nang malalim. She looked at him again. He didn't look nervous at all.

        Ang gaan pa nga ng mukha nito. If anything, he seemed genuinely happy to finally profess his feelings.

        Karson wondered how that was possible. Every time she professed her feelings, she did it for the sake of moving forward. Not once did she consider the outcome of not moving forward alone.

        Sabihin na lang para tapos na. Iyon 'yong klase ng ginhawang nararamdaman niya tuwing aamin siya.

        "Look," kalmadong sabi ni Nowi. He must have noticed her reeling inside. "You don't owe me anything. You don't even have to answer right now. We can just talk later, okay? For now, let's call it a night na lang, yeah?"

        When she didn't answer, he stood up. Sinimulan na nitong linisin ang pinagkainan nila.

        Tanginang 'yan.

        Pumikit nang mariin si Karson. It just felt weird in her stomach. It didn't feel right to end the night like he suggested. She stared at their last bottle of beer. Kalahati pa ang laman niyon. P'wede naman niyang inumin iyon para may masisi siya kinabukasan.

        P'wede rin naman niyang inumin iyon para humiram ng tapang.

        Nagdesisyon siyang 'wag na lang. She wasn't an alcoholic. She always made her own decisions.

        Ilang beses na lumunok si Karson. "Pa'no kung ayoko?" She mentally cursed after asking that. She felt chilly. Nangilabot din siya. Dala yata ng kaba.

        Tumigil si Nowi sa pagpapatong ng mga mangkok. "What do you mean?"

        Sighing, she walked towards him. Bahagya siyang nanginig nang lumapat ang mga talampakan niya sa malamig na sahig. Sakto ring umihip ang mahamog na hangin. She kept going to him anyway. "What if I don't want to call it a night yet?"

        Nowi's brows knitted in confusion. Unti-unting nabura ang pagkalito nito nang ipatong ni Karson ang mga kamay sa batok nito. Nabitin ang paghinga nito.

        Karson couldn't help but smile. It felt nice to witness her effect on him. Maganda sa pakiramdam na pagdating sa kanilang dalawa, hindi lang pala siya ang nakararamdam ng gano'n.

        Huminga nang malalim si Nowi. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

        Napalunok siya nang maramdaman ang paggapang ng mga kamay nito sa baywang niya. "Yes."

        "Just to be sur—"

        Hindi na pinatapos pa ni Karson si Nowi. Suminghap siya, pumikit, at tumingkayad.

        She pulled him for a kiss.

        Fuck, fuck, fuck.

        Paulit-ulit lang ang salitang iyon sa utak ni Karson habang magkalapat ang mga labi nila.

        It was odd. She was cursing in her head but that chaste kiss felt comfortable. Wala pang tatlong segundo ang itinagal niyon. Nevertheless, she could already feel this weird tingling sensation all over her body.

        Nowi, on the other hand, looked confused.

        Nagsimulang maglista si Karson sa utak niya ng pupuwedeng dahilan kung bakit gano'n ang naging reaksyon ni Nowi. She could still save herself from embarrassment. She could blame the beer.

        Karson was about to pull away and apologize when she felt Nowi's hands on her waist. Maingat siya nitong hinila palapit.

        His fingertips gently brushed the small of her back. "One more, yeah?"

        Nowi didn't waste another second when Karson nodded. Muli siya nitong hinalikan. Mas mariin na iyon kumpara sa nauna. Naramdaman niya ang panlalambot ng mga tuhod. Tuloy, wala siyang nagawa kun'di higpitan ang paghawak sa batok nito.

        The kiss deepened. Still, it wasn't enough.

        Nowi pulled away, his cheeks pink. Ilang segundo ng katahimikan ang pumagitna sa kanila. Gayunpaman ay hindi pa rin siya binitiwan ng lalaki.

        "Uh—" He exhaled shakily. "—I don't think I can stop pa if we keep going so. . ."

        Karson shook her head, smiling. "I didn't ask you to stop."

        "Okay but—" He chuckled before pulling her close again. "—last warning, Miss Chua."

        "Same answer."

        Nangingiting napailing si Nowi. Balak sana itong tanungin ni Karson kung bakit pero naramdaman niya ang paggapang ng mga kamay nito papunta sa mga binti niya.

        The next thing she knew, Nowi was carrying her towards the bed. Not once did he break the kiss. Maingat siya nitong ibinaba sa kutson. Saglit na napasinghap si Karson nang pangibabawan siya nito. The sheets were cold, contrasting his warmth.

        Karson knew full well she couldn't blame the alcohol the next morning. Wala naman kasing nalasing sa kanila. Walang ibang p'wedeng sisihin. Labas na 'yong alak o 'yong festive atmosphere ng Lucban.

        Sa kanya ang gabing iyon. Sa kanilang dalawa na iyon ni Nowi.

        "Last warning," he mumbled, kissing the side of her neck.

        "Ulit?" mahina niyang tanong habang pinaglalaruan ang buhok ni Nowi.

        "Mm-hmm."

        For the first time in a while, it didn't feel like something Karson would regret. "Same answer."

###