THAT night ended up with me crying inside our room with Sab hugging me and rubbing my back. I didn't know how long I've been crying since earlier. All I knew was that my heart was hurting more than my swollen eyes. I didn't know it could hurt me this much. I have never experienced this thing my entire life. Back then, I was the one comforting Sab everytime she was heartbroken by a guy. I didn't think it was this painful.

"Chas, are you regretting what you've said to him?" Sab asked me, as soon as I've calmed down.

"I don't know." I answered, sniffing. "I don't really know why I'm even crying."

Sab smiled. "Maybe you do like him."

I frowned at her. "I do?"

She nodded. "You just don't like to admit it to yourself. Are you afraid?"

I stopped. "Afraid?"

"Of falling in love with him."

I gulped hard. "Love?" Honestly, I didn't know how it feels like to be in love. I used to lecture Sab about her dating the wrong guys. I thought I knew it all. But now I've realized it was different when you're the one in it.

Sab smiled. "You know what Chas, I'm really rooting for you and my brother. He really likes you so much, you know. I know you know it, Chas. He always tells you that. You're just in denial."

I face palmed myself. "Jasper..." He's the least person I wanted to hurt. Sab was right. I was in denial of knowing his feelings. I've been trying to ignore him everytime he jokingly says he likes me. And I would be lying if I said I don't feel anything special for him 'cause he is by far the most important guy in my life next to dad. But I was too scared of losing him so I chose to play safe.

"But you like Tristan now, right?" Sab continued to ask me.

I'd like to think that meeting Tristan was all fate's work (if not God's). He was a mess, but I was willing to accept him. I wasn't afraid of him because I knew that he was only wearing a mask to conceal his real emotions. He didn't want people to think he was weak and vulnerable, even though he really was. And for that reason, I wanted to stay by his side and protect him. But I couldn't do it because of Jasper... because I know I'd hurt him if I chose Tristan.

"Chas, it won't hurt to admit it to yourself." Sab advised me, pulling me in for a hug again. "I will support you no matter what you decide and I know Jasper will do too."

I let myself get drowned by her hug. That was what I needed at that moment, until I've decided on what to do next.

****

SUNDAY night was elimination night. It'd be the last one since three couples would remain for the final week. I was expecting I'd get voted off because of what I did last night. I had no face to show to the whole country. I'd probably look pathetic when I get out. But that was better because I wanted to see mom again. I needed her especially this time.

I thought the people outside would get to vote for the couple who'd be out this night because we didn't undergo the usual voting process earlier. But as soon as Victoria announced that Tristan and Skye volunteered to be out, I felt guilty. He really meant what he said last night... that he'd leave once he heard my answer.

I was clutching my hand in a fist, as Tristan and Skye said their goodbyes and headed towards the van. During that split second, I caught him looking at me with a sad look in his eyes. I quickly turned away to not let him show the tears already flowing down my eyes. Fortunately, the director already called cut, so they didn't caught me on cam crying again.

I wanted to run towards him and stop him from leaving, but I couldn't move. Jasper was beside me, holding my hand. All I could do at that moment was to turn my back and hug the guy who was by my side. "Chastity..." I heard him mutter in a hush tone.

I wasn't able to answer him. He just continued to rub my back, comforting me. I was so stupid for lying to him... and for lying to myself. I already knew the answer right from the start, yet I was holding back. I was hoping I could ignore it – him - if I just stayed away and avoided him. But that wasn't the case. I didn't know it'd be difficult. No one told me it'd be this painful to feel this thing they called love. No wait. Did I just say it?

It was hard living in the villa for the next couple of days. Everything I saw inside reminded me of him, especially at the backyard pool. I tried not to go there since then. Heck, I couldn't even look at the grand piano situated back in the lounge room. This was my karma, I guess.

The next day, the guys were assigned to pick our final date spots. I didn't realize the final day was getting near. But I considered that as a good thing. I just wanted to see mom and whine infront of her (and tell her off for not advising me about boys and love).

I tried to be cheery, as Jasper giddily led me the way inside the van. I had no idea where he chose for us to spend that final date. But he was too excited about it, even telling me not to cry when we get there. He kept on making conversations which would normally crack me up, but this time my mind was just really preoccupied. "Chas, please don't be like this." When Jasper said this, I had to turn to him and assure him with a smile.

"I'm sorry, Jasper."

He sighed. "Chas, I wish I can do something to make you happy again."

I held his hand. "You've been doing that for as long as I can remember, Jasper." And it was true. He has taken that role in my life already I guess.

Hours later, we stopped infront of a mall in the nearby city. I had to frown at him. "This is your idea of a date?"

"This is only the beginning, Chas. Relax." He said, bringing out a handkerchief and placing it around my eyes. "Hold still."

"You're not trying to kidnap me, are you?"

He chuckled. Just trust me on this, alright?"

I just nodded and followed him. I didn't dare let go of his hand, as we walked our way inside. I had no idea why I still had to wear this going inside the mall. I mean, what else could change inside?

It was sickening walking with blind eyes. I remembered the first time I entered the show again because of this. I was hearing murmurs around me, probably the staffs walking with us. But other than that, it was eerily quiet. It was already late in the evening so the mall probably closed down.

"Jasper, are we there yet?" I asked.

"Yeah. Just a little bit." He paused, stopping on his tracks so my face bumped onto his back. "Sorry. We're here."

As soon as he removed the cover from my eyes, I had to blink a few times at what I was seeing. We were infront of the ice skating rink. But most importantly, there was this white screen infront with the projector flashing our photos together from childhood until now. I turned to Jasper beside me with teary eyes. "How did you think of this?"

He just shrugged. "Come on. Let's get our skating shoes." He led me the way towards the bench and placed the shoes on both my feet. "Isn't this your idea of a date?"

"I know I told you before how much I wanted to see snow, Jasper. This isn't exactly it, but I'm impressed with your idea." I admitted.

He grinned, grabbing my hand and helping me stand up. It was my first time to go ice skating, to be honest. I didn't think it was this hard though. I had to grab onto him that whole time we were in the rink because it was too slippery. I couldn't even stand without his assistance. I had fallen so many times, causing the staffs to laugh at my misery. It was annoying though. My butt hurt like hell.

When Jasper and I were in the middle of the rink, a slow song started to play. Jasper placed his hands on my waist. "So we're really gonna dance here?" I asked him.

He nodded.

"I can't even stand, Jasper."

He smirked. "You won't fall as long as you're with me." He said it like there was a hidden meaning to it.

"Jasper... I really appreciate this. Everything you're doing for me. I can't even repay you." I told him, avoiding his gaze.

"You don't have to repay me, Chas. I am doing this for you to be happy. Seeing you now... it's hurting me so much." He paused, gently lifting my chin up with his hand. "I know that I've told you this before Chas, but seriously, I've been in love with you for years now."

I was afraid he was gonna say that. "Jasper..."

"But I can't force you to love me back. I want you to be happy, Chas. And if Tristan is the one in your heart, I can't do anything about it." I could see it in his eyes that he was hurt and that was what I was trying to avoid.

I was tongue-tied. I had no words to make him feel better. I knew it was hurting him a lot and I hated it.

"I will always be here for you if that's what you're scared of. I won't leave you Chas no matter what. You don't have to stay away from him just to please me or anyone else. Just follow your heart."

And those were the words I was probably waiting for, from the guy whom I've hurt yet still treasures me like a gem. Just follow your heart. That was exactly what I'd do.

****

A/N: Awww! I really feel bad for Jasper but he'll always be her bestfriend anyway. This is going to end real soon... :'( I enjoyed writing this story though I know that there are only a few readers of it. Thank YOU if you're one of them. I really appreciate it that you've reached this part of the story. Thank you (to infinity and beyond!)

~stayGOLD