Zi Xuan planned to apologize to Yu Hao, but it was pretty hard when Yu Hao didn't come to the next practice. Or the next. Or the others for the whole week.

Zi Xuan felt like it'd been a lifetime since Yu Hao had snapped. He hadn't seen him in so long, especially not when he was used to seeing him every day. And of course, knowing what Yu Hao would do when he wasn't under supervision, made him increasingly worried.

He had called Zhen Wen, but he was currently in Shanghai for something urgent, and was unable to check up on Yu Hao. Zi Xuan knew that going over there was only a recipe for disaster, but he also knew that he couldn't just let Yu Hao do whatever he was doing.

Once a week passed, Zi Xuan gathered enough courage to drive to his apartment. His sleep schedule had been fairly messed up and his dreams tended to be full of Yu Hao's angry face. It wasn't crazy for Zi Xuan to be making tea at 3am, unable to sleep anymore.

So today, hopefully he would fix that.

After a couple deep breaths, he opened his car door, walking up the metal stairs to the third floor. It was mid-November now, so the trees were bare and a small layer of snow covered everything from the trees to the sidewalks. It made the city look comfortable, especially this area.

Zi Xuan, clad in a full length red flannel shirt and a puffy winder jacket, raised a gloved hand to the door of Xia Yu Hao. With a small flick of his wrist, he knocked four times, promptly shoving the hand into his jacket pocket when he finished.

Zi Xuan had prepared to see Yu Hao's face, in whatever condition it might be. He didn't care if it was tear streaked, or covered with pimples, or simply carefree. As long as he could observe the curve of his cheekbone, the stout nose, the plump pink lips, he would be happy.

But when the door was opened, and a short girl with pink hair glanced up at Zi Xuan. The man was taken aback, swallowing slightly. He wasn't prepared to talk to anyone but Yu Hao here.

Gathering himself, Zi Xuan peered inside. The place was a mess, plates piled in the sink, various... things all over the floor. And drywall laying right beside the door. It was... very odd.

"Can I help you?" The girl said, her voice obviously annoyed. She crossed her arms, which made Zi Xuan realize how short her shorts were, and how fake her breasts looked popping out of her shirt.

He cleared his throat. "I was looking for Yu Hao. This is his apartment." Zi Xuan spoke with courage, but it was short lived when she scoffed.

"Yu Hao is in the hospital." She shrugged. "He's not as much fun as he was before. Couldn't even take a little coke before he OD'd." With every word spoken, Zi Xuan's chest fell more and more, until he felt completely empty. He swallowed, staring at her with wide eyes. "He's a fucking loser."

"What hospital?" Zi Xuan's hands were shaking as he struggled to pull out his phone and type in the address.

"General Xiao. Room 52." He looked up quickly and nodded at her.

"Thanks."

"No problem!" But the blood was pounding so hard in his ears that he didn't hear her as he ran back towards his car.

•••

Yu Hao coughed slightly, taking a bite of the chocolate pudding cup that was in front of him. He was still weak from his overdose a day ago, the inside of his nose raw.

God, I wish I would just fucking die already. Thought the troubled protagonist as he started out the window. He shook his head. Yu Hao believed he didn't deserve to be living. In fact, the last thing he wanted to do was live another day.

I'm tired of this shit. He was tired of hiding his feelings, tired of being who everyone else wanted him to be. He put the pudding cup down, sighing, right before the door burst opened and a frenzied guy burst through.

Zi Xuan paused. Just looking at Yu Hao, he could tell something was wrong. His eyes were drooped, his skin was pale, and he was clothed in a hospital gown. Yu Hao stared at Zi Xuan, who looked way more tired than usual. He wondered if that was his fault.

Just like everything else.

Zi Xuan took two steps, pulling Yu Hao tight into his arms, as he had done weeks ago in his own bed. Surprisingly, Yu Hao hugged him back, burrowing his face into Zi Xuan's neck and breathing in the man's scent.

"Fuck, Yu Hao, you had me so worried." Zi Xuan breathed out in a shaky breath. It was the first time he had ever sworn around Yu Hao, which made Yu Hao think he was going crazy. "When I went to your place, there was this girl there. I didn't know who she was. Do you know how scared I was when I heard from her that you OD'd?"

Yu Hao pulled away, suddenly insecure because of how comfortable he felt in Zi Xuan's arms. He glanced up, into worried eyes, laced with a amount of love he hadn't seen in a long time. "Why didn't you come see me earlier?" Yu Hao said, peering at Zi Xuan. "If you were so worried."

"Because. I knew you were so pissed at me it would do me no good." He sighed, collapsing onto one knee and shaking Yu Hao's slightly limp body. "You could've died."

"No one would've given a fuck." Yu Hao shrugged.

Zi Xuan shook his head. "You're fucking lying to yourself if you think that. Don't assume Zhen Wen and Zhen Wu wouldn't mope around for days, wondering what they did wrong. Hell, don't think Zhen Wen wouldn't cry every hour for a week thinking about how he could've helped you." Yu Hao shook his head, looking away, but Zi Xuan took a hold of his chin, forcing Yu Hao to look him in the eyes.

"What about Ci Ci? What would she think when someone had to tell her uncle Yu Hao is never coming back, huh? How would I tell the little guys at volleyball, huh? You think if you died it would just be money for every new outlet in the world, but you're fucking wrong. There are so many people out there who love you. Zhen Wen loves you. Ci Ci loves you." Zi Xuan paused, letting himself become weak to make Yu Hao strong. "I love you."

Yu Hao's eyes went wide. "You do?"

"I truly do."

Softly, slowly, Yu Hao melted back into his embrace, feeling comforted by the words. "I love you, too."

Zi Xuan's hands tightened around him.

A/N:

Just so you all know, my chapters will be a little more spread out. I'll publish when I have time. Thank you all for reading!