Ammarah's POV

This is how you fall in love- Jeremy zucker & Chelsea cutler

The road to the hospital Rayyan is admitted at seemed unrealistically long.  Dr Yahya collected the phone and asked Binta the hospital address then we changed route. I clasped my fingers so tight it started to hurt and along the way, salim unclasped it and held it gently. My family kept giving me soft and reassuring glances. It felt good to be in the midst of this much love.

Moments of loud heartbeats that won't calm down and sweaty hands that won't stop fidgeting, we pulled up at the entrance of the hospital. We rushed out while Dr Yahya drove to a parking lot.

I walked in straight to the receptionist, greeted her in a hurry and asked "please I'm looking for the patient Rayyan Annur"

She took her time, chewing on her gum and checking her nails before raising her eyes to meet mine. My hand gripped the counter so hard my nails start to hurt. I gritted the question again and she flicked her eyes between the banner above me and then back to me then said "Not visiting time"

"WHAT! I exclaimed angrily "You think I'm here to visit? That you're taking your time to even reply and then reply with such a stupid word"

"Salima" My dad called sternly behind me then came to stand next me

"It's an emergency. Can you please direct us"

She moved her angrily eyes to him and finally nodded "let me check if the doctor is not in there"

She got out of her desk, walked pass us and round the corner.

My dad leaned in to me "You should be calm in situations like this Salima"

I moved a bit away from him. Mainly because I'm not used to the name he calls me and because my foster dad has never tried whispering to me. Both actions that felt weird.

She came back minutes back and said "You can go in. Second floor, third room by the right"

My dad thanked her and we hurriedly walked up the stairs ignoring the elevator. Stairs later, we are standing at the hallway and then upon finding the room, I opened it and busted in.

There, on the bed was the man I love staring out of the window with his hands to his side. Binta, Sadiq and one of his elder brother were in the room with him but his whole attention was on the window.

Binta noticed me first and she called out "Ammarah?

Immediately my name left her lips, three pair of eyes landed on me. Rayyan smiled and then as if remembering, looked hesitant and settled on looking at me.

"Ammarah. You're here" Binta said again standing up and walking to me

I remove my gaze from Rayyan feeling his boring into my head and looked over to Binta "What happened?

Her puffy eyes looked tired. Her scarf was hanging by the side and her nose was red.

"He fell. Immune system going low"

I held my breath and nodded letting her know that I know

"He's in the hospital" I started a bit hopeful "has he?

She shook her head "He refuse to say anything. The doctor tried, we tried but nothing. The doctor said we should give him some time"

"Where's the doctor's office? Can we see him? My mom asked stepping forward and Binta looked over to them

"My real parent" I said to Binta who smiled tiredly and muttered "Alhamdulillah"

"Rayyan's elder sister. Binta" I said to my mom who nodded and gave her pretty smile

"Where's the doctor's office? My dad repeated his question

Binta turned to Sadiq "Please show them"

Sadiq nodded and stood up, walked passed me sparing me a small smile, his usual playful grin gone and my dad signaled to Salim to follow him out.

When they left, I turned to Binta "can I talk to him?

She nodded eagerly "At least he has been staring at you instead of the window now. Maybe there will be progress"

My mom squeezed my hands and together with Binta and Rayyan's elder brother, they walked out the room leaving me alone with Rayyan.

I took a deep breath and took steady steps to the chair next to his bed then settled on it.

"Assalamu alaikum" I whispered and he smiled

"Waalaikumus salam"

I shifted my sitting then brought out my phone "I saw a painting tutorial the other day on Instagram that looks like yours. Do you want to see it?

He nodded and I searched for the video then settled it in a way we can both watch. Five minutes later, it was done and I took my phone and stared at it for a few seconds then Rayyan spoke

"You're here"

I looked up to him "I am where I should have been"

He took a deep breath closing his eyes in the process "My heart is heavy. I am so tired"

My soul broke as he uttered those words. And knowing deep down I have to be the strong one here, I smiled "I am here Ray, it's okay to be tired and it's okay to bare yourself and energize"

"I'm sorry Ammarah. You don't deserve this" he said quietly looking at me

There was a minute of silence and then I said "I love you Rayyan"

"Do you know what that means? I whispered and he shook his head

"That I love you even on days you don't love yourself. I'll love you silently, loudly, in thousand echoes that keeps coming back to you. I'll love you in every form of you there is"

He sighed, a deep contented sigh and gently closed his eyes. And the sun started setting, enclosing the room in a vibrant orange. It's rays moving pass the white curtains to rest on my cheeks.

From the window view was a small river that glistens under the rays of the sun. I stared at it, the same way Rayyan did minutes back and the room grew warmer.

Love, I decided is warm.
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The next few days was spent at the hospital. Rayyan is held in for a week to monitor his health and secretly wish he will change his mind about the surgery. Nobody is understanding why he chose this path and nobody is trying to. Rayyan has made his decision, begging us and binding us to it. We have no other option than to sit and savour these moments with him while hoping the moments go on.

I adjusted the binds and came back to sit on the couch next to Rayyan who was reading a book. The window view has become our favourite and coupled with a good book, star anise tea and the Philadelphia I come with when I leave school. Life in the hospital for Rayyan is being transformed into something good.

The door opened and Binta walked in, behind her Sadiq and Rayyan's nephew fauwaz. I stood up and greeted them while ignoring Binta's puffy eyes which has now become usual. They greeted Rayyan just as my mom peeped in and requested to talk to us. I made sure Rayyan was okay, leaving him with fauwaz then walked out.

Outside the door stood my dad and the doctor whom then invited us to his office. Suspiciously, I followed and immediately we entered, I asked

"What is happening here? I wore the same confused look as binta and Sadiq.

My dad cleared his throat "We have a solution"

Binta looked at him "To what?

My dad and the doctor exchanged looks then my dad said "To Rayyan's cancer. We can curb it"

"Isn't it late? Binta said the same time I said

"Does he want it?

"No it's not too late and yes he doesn't want it" The doctor started saying opening a file "Surgery, chemotherapy and drugs for six months in Egypt  will heal him from cancer completely at a percentage of 80"

I turned to my parent "It was your idea"

"We couldn't leave him like that Ammarah. Your father and I contacted the doctors we know in Egypt, got their consolation and decided on the best hospital to help him"

"Oh my God" Binta said getting tearful

"This feels wrong" I said turning all eyes on me

I turned to the doctor "He will never agree.  I thought we agreed on letting him be"

"We did" Sadiq replied "But we also hope things will be better"

I nodded and looked over to my dad "So what do we do?

They exchanged looks with the doctor and then the doctor said "We tell him"

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Rayyan's POV

Fauwaz played with his police toy that is loosing an arm and I watched them closely. For some minutes at my attention was not on him but the toy dropped and Fauwaz picked it up then faced me and asked "Do you have a favourite toy Uncle Rayyan?

I smiled at him "No" I jutted my chin at his toy's direction "Is that yours?

He nodded and placed the toy on the desk, walking it with his hand "Yes. His name is Mr cap but he lost an arm"

I glanced at the toy's missing arm and nodded "Noticed"

"But mummy said the arm will grow back" He said and continued hopping

I looked at him amused "Did she now?

He bobbed his head up and down "Yes. Now Mr Cap and I play before his arm goes back"

"Do you still like playing with him? Without the arm?

He turned to me and laughed "Silly Uncle Rayyan. I enjoy playing with him, not his arm"

I cocked my head to one side and furrowed my brows "The lack of arm doesn't stop your playing?

He shrugged and stopped jumping "I like Mr Cap more than his arm. I'm not suppose to keep him away until I find his arm right? Mummy said I should enjoy the moment I have with him"

I smiled at him, my heart pulling together with my cheeks as it grows lighter. I opened my arm, an indication for him to hug me and he walked in with a side hug then quickly went back to his play.

Having no idea the impact he made just now.

I'm not supposed to keep him away until I find his arm right?

Am I keeping away my loved ones and life until I face my fate?

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