Ammarah's pov

Where's my love- SYML

"Salima? The woman called out looking at me

"Salima? I asked confused and there were strange minutes of staring between us before she broke down into tears palming her eyes

The man next to her wrapped his arm around her shoulder his eyes moistening while the young man behind her held her. They both looked at me earnestly, as if I had the answer to everything

"Mr and Mrs Khan, why don't we all sit? Dr Yahya said beside me

Khan? Are they Indians? Are my parent Indian?

They walked into the booth and sat down while Dr Yahya settled beside me exchanging pleasantries with them. I took that moment to examine their features. They truly are a family of sophisticated and nice looking people. I watched their face, how they talked and it was like watching the mirror and seeing yourself with make up. It's you but it doesn't look like you. I averted my gaze and met the eyes of my twin. We weren't identical but looked alike, from his eyes and his thick brows.

They turned to me and the woman smiled kindly "Sorry, I'm quite emotional "

Her husband turned to me "Ammarah right?

I nodded and his eyes moistened which he quickly dabbed away with a handkerchief "I'm sorry, it just feels weird when your daughter doesn't know you"

"You're his favourite" The young man said and the older one called out "Salim"

The woman cleared her throat "Salima, you are our daughter. You...you were in an....in an accident"

"Dr Yahya filled us in everything" Her husband added

I look between them "Why don't I remember you. Why didn't you find me?

The woman's eye started swelling up again "We tried! T here are days we cry because we really think we lost you and days we were very sure you're out there . Confused, hurting and not knowing where you're, what state you're in. It was a long and toxic circle of hurting and searching, clutching your uniform and hurting and searching some more" She took a deep breath to keep her tears at bay and her husband reached out to hold her hands.

My heart broke as I realized how much turmoil they went through.

"I'm so sorry it took us this long my love. I'm so sorry" The husband said and I looked over to him

"It's okay" I whispered knowing very well that I meant it. It was really okay. There was no negative reaction, no sadness, no anger, nothing. While I'm not beaming with joy and jumping up and down, I was okay. It is okay

I looked over to my father, our gaze met and something familiar passed. Like I once did it, this staring at my father that makes us communicate without talking

"Told you you're his favourite" My twin said and I laughed

"Well, I am amazing" I replied and the whole table laughed lightly. It wasn't something funny, but everyone was laughing. We all needed a reason to laugh and not cry instead at how bizarre meeting your parent for what feels like the first time is. When caught in a situation that feels different, humans laugh. It's our mechanism.

Our food arrived and for the next ten minutes, all you hear are the clacks of utensils. Just as dessert arrived, my mom which doesn't even feel weird to say brought out a huge photo album and dropped it on the table.

My twin, Salim dropped his head and groan "No"

My mom grinned and pushed the album towards me "Your sister needs to see all your embarrassing and mischievous moments as kids"

Salim pointed to me with his thumb "I have always been calm, she is the mischievous one"

I gasp lightly and looked at them and they nodded in agreement.

It wasn't supposed to feel wrong but not entirely right either. It wasn't supposed to feel like I've always known them and talking and eating and looking at pictures was a normal thing but it did.

And I didn't stop to question myself on why I was free, was it yearning or desperation. I didn't wait to think if it was right to be this comfortable. Instead I grabbed the album and turned to my twin

"Would you please come and explain the pictures"

He nodded eagerly and sat between me and Dr Yahya explaining every picture.

"This was when we were one"

"This was our first day going to the park"

"This was when I started to walk, I walked before you"

"This was our second birthday"

"This was our first day of school"

"This was the first time you got into a fight and came home looking dishevelled"

"These are our aunties"

"Our grandfathers"

"Our paternal grandmother, our maternal grandma is dead"

"Haaa! This was when you bathed yourself in salt"

"And this is was when you broke mum's bowl so you hid in her closets for hours and eventually slept off"

I felt the gaze of our parent as Salim explained the picture while I laughed. When I looked up, my mother's head was on my dad's shoulder as he held her while she cried in between laughter. He was holding her gently and watching us with moistened eyes.

Their marriage was beautiful enough to make me want one. A family that loves you in every shade and stands with you. A family that adores you and stick with you.

A family I once heard but never knew, a family that is now mine.

My father looked around the table as if noticing for the first time since they arrived then back at us "Where is Mr Rayyan? He's not here?

And just like that, my hands stiffen and my heart resumed its aching.

Dr Yahya cleared this throat "He won't be able to make it"

I kept my head down and struggled to keep the tears at bay yet one treacherous drop made it's way down and all of them noticed.

"You're crying? Salim asked in a confused tone

"Crying? Salims what is wrong? Are you okay? My dad asked and they all leaned towards me

I raised my head and met their gaze then the water works broke. Tears rolled down my face and I placed both hands against my eyes sobbing lightly. Salim wrapped his arm around me and someone gently took my hands

"What is wrong? Talk to me Salima"

After minutes of sobbing, I reluctantly moved my hands and looked at them "Rayyan...he has cancer"

They all gasped and my mom muttered "innalillahi wa'innailaihir rajiun"

Salim looked at me "You two are together?

I shook my head then softly said "I love him"

My father clasp his lips and Salim's hand stiffened.

My mom's eyes widened "Oh my God you do? And he has cancer? Well there are treatments rights, we can help him heal. Many people fought cancer"

I shook my head "He doesn't want treatment. He's depressed because of his childhood as an almajiri"

My voice wobbled at the end and my mom reached and held my hands "Oh my darling"

"I don't know what to do or how to convince him. He told me yesterday and I angrily left him. How can he do this to me? How could he be this selfish?

There was a moment of silence as they all watched me break dow and then my mom said "You know it is only by Allah's will that i am married to Sufyan"

I kept quiet and listened to her while she continued "A misunderstanding occurred and I left the country in a fit of anger"

I raised my head up "You came back?

My father chuckled and my mom shook her head "I did but not because of him"

That lifted the air as we all laughed and my dad playfully place a hand on his heart "You did come running when I called though"

She turned to him "That was because it was a desperate call. I came back to Nigeria and when we met, he made an effort for us to get back. And even when I didn't know what the future held for us, I was willing to have more moments with Sufyan because of what we have.

My mom leaned in and grabbed my hand again and held it against her chest "We love you as a child, we love you without knowing if you're alive or dead and we love you now. When you love someone, you stick through the days that life is testing them. It is not his fault that he has cancer, and maybe you are mad he's not doing anything about it but maybe it is also hard for him"

"This is actually the time he needs you. Irregardless of what the future holds" Salim said and I looked at them then looked back to my food.

My father decided to change the conversation to a lighter one and our attention was changed. My heart was heavy but my brain was desperately trying to avoid it.

And it wasn't until we have left Tribes by Meena and about to go home did I ask Dr Yahya to take me to Rayyan's home. My parent decided to tag along and we left.

Before getting there, I called his sister Binta and heard her muffled voice

"Binta, are you okay?

She sobbed and my heart pickled up. A cold sweat ran down my back and everyone blurred "Where is Rayyan?

"He's ... here"

"What happened to him?

She took a deep breath and said "We are at the hospital. His body is failing him"

There are words that we sometimes carry along our bodies like map. Showing the journeys we took, people we met and conversations that healed and broke us.

For me, this was the start of them.