yesterday
YESTERDAY (LOVE WAS SUCH AN EASY GAME TO PLAY)
VIOLET FINTRY is a hurricane that forgets to stop to breathe.
It's fine by her, she thinks; she doesn't need to breathe, not really - she fills her lungs with things other than air. Gravel and wine and the shards of the hearts she's broken. God knows there's a lot of those.
You're a heartbreaker, Violet Fintry. She can't remember who it was who told her that first; it's been said so many times that the speakers all bleed into one. She wears the title with pride, because it is the only one she has.
♠
HEART #1: DAVEY COLTON, NINTH GRADE (BREAKER: VIOLET FINTRY)
Things were never going to go last with Davey. After all, they were fourteen and he touched her boobs too much and only kissed properly when they were drunk. Or maybe Violet could only pretend that he kissed properly when she was drunk (too drunk to know what qualified as good kissing). Whatever. Things were never going to last with Davey.
This is how Violet breaks up with him:
VIOLET: Hey, Davey.
DAVEY: It's Dave, Vi, Jesus. How many times?
VIOLET:
VIOLET: You've been Davey since preschool.
DAVE(Y): [glaring] Exactly.
VIOLET: Okay.
DAVE(Y):
VIOLET:
VIOLET: So how's soccer?
DAVE(Y): Fine.
VIOLET: Cool.
[There is a long silence. DAVE(Y) returns to his cell phone. VIOLET almost sighs, but doesn't - she is used to this. It's how most of her dates with DAVE(Y) go.]
DAVE(Y)'S PHONE: Beep.
DAVE(Y)'S PHONE: Beep.
DAVE(Y)'S PHONE: Beep.
DAVE(Y):
VIOLET:
DAVE(Y):
VIOLET:
DAVE(Y)'S PHONE: Beep.
DAVE(Y)'S PHONE: Beep.
DAVE(Y)'S PHONE: Beep.
VIOLET: Uh, Davey - Dave.
DAVE(Y): [not looking up from his phone] Yeah.
DAVE(Y)'S PHONE: Beep.
VIOLET: Uh.
DAVE(Y)'S PHONE: Beep.
VIOLET: Can we break up?
[DAVE(Y) looks up suddenly, blinking.]
DAVE(Y): What?
VIOLET: [faltering slightly, but resolving to finish what she's started] Break up. Can we?
DAVE(Y): Why?
VIOLET:
VIOLET:
VIOLET: I don't know. I'm bored. Aren't you?
DAVE(Y): [looking injured] No. Why are you bored?
[Another pause. VIOLET wants to say that she's bored because DAVE(Y) is boring. He plays soccer with an average level of skill, gets through his classes with a similarly average level of skill, and masturbates alone in his room at precisely seven past nine every evening, when his mom is out at book club and his dad is at the bar, or quarter past eleven, when they're both downstairs watching the World News with Diane Sawyer. She cannot remember the last time she had an intelligent conversation with him - she can't remember the first time she did, either.]
VIOLET: I don't know. Can we break up?
[DAVE(Y) take a long look at her, then grits his teeth. He looks like he might cry.]
DAVE(Y): You're a bitch.
VIOLET: [swallowing] Davey -
DAVE(Y): Dave. It's Dave.
VIOLET: Whatever. Dave. At least I haven't called you a douchebag.
DAVE(Y):
VIOLET: Which you are, by the way.
[EXIT VIOLET.]
Violet wasn't lying when she said Davey was a douchebag; he is. He picks on people so that he can feel better about himself and makes rape jokes that aren't funny and takes photos of himself in his bathroom. But he's fourteen, so he can't really help it.
And maybe he couldn't show it, and maybe he was boring, but Violet realises two weeks after they broke up that he's more attached to her than he'd ever shown himself to be, because from then on he always sits either too close to or too far away from her in class and there are bags under his eyes for the rest of the year.
Violet herself feels nothing at all - except maybe powerful.
♠
HEART #2: NATE MATTOON, FALL OF FRESHMAN YEAR (BREAKER: VIOLET FINTRY)
Nate was very cute and quite tall. He'd just moved into his junior year, and often forgot that he wasn't a sophomore anymore. His favourite colour was yellow and he had nice eyes. He was always smiling when he saw her. She asked why and he said because you make me happy like it was the most obvious thing in the world. They dated for half a year.
This is how Violet breaks up with him:
[VIOLET and NATE are sitting in NATE'S room. NATE is studying. VIOLET is lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. "Yesterday" by The Beatles is playing from NATE'S stereo.]
NATE'S STEREO / PAUL MCCARTNEY: Yesterday / all my troubles seemed so far away -
NATE: [in unison with PAUL MCCARTNEY] - now it looks as though they're here to stay...[as track continues to play] I love this song.
VIOLET: [absently] Yeah.
NATE'S STEREO / PAUL MCCARTNEY: Oh, I believe in yesterday...
NATE: [turning to look at VIOLET] What are you thinking of?
[VIOLET is thinking about how her and NATE should break up.]
VIOLET: Huh? Nothing.
NATE: [leaning forward in his chair] C'mon. Tell me.
VIOLET: Okay. I was...
NATE: [teasingly] Be honest.
NATE'S STEREO / PAUL MCCARTNEY: There's a shadow hanging over me / Oh, yesterday came suddenly...
VIOLET: Breaking up.
NATE:
VIOLET:
NATE:
VIOLET:
NATE: What?
VIOLET: I was thinking about breaking up.
NATE'S STEREO / PAUL MCCARTNEY: Why she had to go / I don't know / she wouldn't say...
NATE: With - with me?
[NATE looks inexplicably sad. VIOLET tries to feel sad, but she can't. It's like DAVE(Y) all over again, except not, because NATE is sweet.]
VIOLET: Yeah.
NATE:
VIOLET:
NATE:
VIOLET: Yeah.
NATE'S STEREO / PAUL MCCARTNEY: Now I need a place to hide away / oh, I believe in yesterday...
NATE: [utterly lost] Oh.
NATE: [utterly broken] Okay.
[The word is high pitched and shaky.]
VIOLET: [swallowing] Nate - I...
NATE:
VIOLET:
NATE:
VIOLET:
NATE'S STEREO / PAUL MCCARTNEY: Why she had to go / I don't know / she wouldn't say...
VIOLET: [clearing her throat] The answer to question three is wrong. x equals y plus two.
NATE'S STEREO / PAUL MCCARTNEY: Yesterday / love was such an easy game to play...
[EXIT VIOLET, who pretends not to hear the heavy crash that results after she leaves. After the crash, "Yesterday" stops playing immediately.]
The next time Violet sees Nate, it's at Best Buy, and he's buying a new stereo. He sees her but doesn't make eye contact with her. Violet understands; or, she doesn't really, but she can imagine. Nate's new girlfriend asks her offhandedly once if she knows why he hates the song Yesterday so much. Violet says she has no idea.
♠
HEART #3: PABLO BASOALTO, SUMMER BEFORE SOPHOMORE YEAR (BREAKER: VIOLET FINTRY)
To Violet, Pablo didn't seem to be as much of a sin as he could've done, because he went through girls as easily as she went through boys. She met him while her family was on vacation in Mexico, and he barely spoke a word of English, but there isn't much of a language to open stares, and sure, she's fifteen, but she's well-versed in lust, because it only really needs two words: I want. After Nate, it was a language she spoke with at least five boys at her school, all with hands shaky with a hesitation that was still overpowered by the desperation to have status, to say first base second base third base base base base we got to third base almost home run.
They hook up in the car park of the painfully middle class hotel that she's staying in, and Violet finds him hot in his bellboy uniform, but there isn't much to it beyond that. She likes Pablo's lips against her skin, but she doesn't suppose it would've made much difference if his lips were actually someone else's. She's materialistic like that, sees lips and not a face, hands and not a holder, a dick and not a boy, a boy with thoughts and feelings, because - well, Violet isn't sure, she's fifteen, but she thinks she might not have feelings at all, not really. Pablo has a charming smile and fingers that can curve and curl and take the breath right out of her, but he also has a heart, and she doesn't.
This is how Violet breaks up with him:
VIOLET: [gasping] Ah - fuck -
PABLO: [smiling] Good?
VIOLET: Yeah - shit -
VIOLET:
PABLO:
VIOLET:
PABLO:
VIOLET:
PABLO:
VIOLET:
PABLO:
VIOLET:
PABLO:
VIOLET: [finally able to breathe, letting her head fall back against the brick wall behind her] Wow.
PABLO: ¿Wow?
VIOLET: [laughing a little] Means it was - means it was good.
PABLO: Oh. Good.
VIOLET:
PABLO: You are going back tomorrow?
VIOLET: Yeah.
PABLO: And if I give you...email. Or address. You would not - you would not use.
VIOLET:
VIOLET:
VIOLET:
VIOLET: Yeah.
PABLO: [smiling sadly] It's okay. I am the same with some girls.
VIOLET: Yeah?
PABLO: Yes.
VIOLET: Okay.
[AFTER SOME TIME: EXIT VIOLET. PABLO trails behind.]
Pablo leaves her his address anyway, tucks it in the front pocket of her suitcase as he carries it to the door of the hotel when he thinks she isn't looking. At the bottom are the words in case you change your mind. Violet doesn't.
♠
HEART #4: CURTIS PEARCE, SPRING OF SOPHOMORE YEAR (BREAKER: VIOLET FINTRY)
Curtis is the first boy she has sex with, proper Are you okay yes I'm fine are you sure yes I am should I start moving yes was that okay yeah it was sex. He struggles with the condom and looks at her several times, as though to check her reaction.
VIOLET: I'm not gonna laugh, Curtis.
CURTIS: [blushing bright red, visible even in the dim illumination of VIOLET'S bedroom] I - I know that. It's, just, uh, it's hard...
VIOLET: [grinning] Not the only thing that's hard, I hope.
[CURTIS blushes harder. VIOLET finds it almost endearing.]
VIOLET: [holding out her hand] Here. [opening the packet with ease] There. Easy.
CURTIS: You - uh, you -
VIOLET: No.
VIOLET: I thought we'd gone over that.
[There is a silence, filled only by their breathing. VIOLET is acutely aware of CURTIS' weight on top of her, heavy and warm. She cannot decide if it's comforting or stifling.]
VIOLET: [softly, as though the words might break] You're my first.
CURTIS: [exhaling shakily] O-okay. You're - you're my first too.
VIOLET: Okay.
VIOLET: Go slow, yeah?
CURTIS: Yeah.
[CURTIS tries to go slow. Later he asks if it was okay for VIOLET. It wasn't, not really - it was sweaty and sticky and CURTIS breathed really hard through his mouth a lot and kind of didn't know what to do with her breasts. She says that it was.]
Curtis was nothing more or less than Violet ever expected. He was awkward and bad at conversation and used his bursts of confidence to ask her why she cut her hair, it was nicer before, or ask her why she liked not hanging out with him sometimes, or call her a cynic, you are a fucking cynic, Violet Fintry. It's an affectionate moniker until it isn't, and Violet wishes that she didn't have to explain that she just wants to be alone sometimes, and honestly, she likes her new hair.
This is how Violet breaks up with him:
[in CURTIS' living room. His parents are out and Quentin Tarantino's "Pulp Fiction" is playing on ABC, so they're watching it.]
TELEVISION / VINCENT: And you know what they call a...a...a Quarter Pounder with cheese in Paris?
CURTIS: [shifting closer to her on the couch] Hey, are you okay?
VIOLET: Huh?
TELEVISION / JULES: They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?
CURTIS: [over TELEVISION / VINCENT's next line] I said, are you okay? You seem kind of out of it.
VIOLET: Oh.
TELEVISION / JULES: Then what do they call it?
VIOLET: Yeah.
VIOLET: I'm fine.
TELEVISION / VINCENT: They call it a Royale with cheese.
TELEVISION / JULES: A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac?
VIOLET: Curtis?
CURTIS: Yeah?
TELEVISION / VINCENT: ...but they call it le Big-Mac.
VIOLET: If I said we should break up, what would you say?
CURTIS: [eyes shifting between VIOLET and TELEVISION, as though he is unsure which is more deserving of his attention] That we shouldn't?
TELEVISION / JULES: ...what do they call a Whopper?
VIOLET: Oh.
TELEVISION / VINCENT: I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King.
VIOLET: Curtis, we should break up.
[CURTIS does not say the words he said he would. He stares at her open-mouthed. To VIOLET, it says all the words she needs to hear. CURTIS is sweet sometimes, and he gets excited about Quentin Tarantino and Scarlett Johansson all the time, and it's not what VIOLET needs, not really. Not that she knows what she needs - but she does know it isn't CURTIS.]
VIOLET: Could you give me a ride home?
CURTIS:
CURTIS:
CURTIS:
VIOLET: Curtis?
CURTIS: [blinking] Y - yeah. Let me go...let me go find my keys.
[EXIT CURTIS. VIOLET thinks that maybe that went a lot better than she thought until she hears a choked-off sob coming from the kitchen. She, of course, feels nothing at all.]
[CURTIS is taking too long to get his keys. VIOLET figures that it might be a little cruel to make him give her a ride home after breaking up with him. Maybe she is heartless, but she isn't stupid. She glances at the television for a few moments longer.]
[EXIT VIOLET.]
Curtis texts her repeatedly after that, at varying times of day.
TUES 1:53 PM, Curtis Pearce: Vi can we talk
TUES 4:16 PM, Curtis Pearce: Vi??
TUES 7:29 PM, Curtis Pearce: Vi I promise we'll just talk
WEDS 3:24 PM, Curtis Pearce: I know youve seen these
WEDS 11:53 PM, Curtis Pearce: Vi
THURS 10:47 AM, Curtis Pearce: Vi?????
FRI 12:01 AM, Curtis Pearce: Please I just want to talk
FRI 02:07 AM, Curtis Pearce: Can u please just tell me what the fuck I did wrong
FRI 03:19 AM, Curtis Pearce: Was it something I said??
FRI 04:28 AM, Curtis Pearce: Ur keeping me up please I just want to know
FRI 05:06 AM, Curtis Pearce: Vi please what did I do wrong??I'll leave you alone after this I promise
Nothing, Violet wants to say. Maybe that's it. Curtis fucks up, and he fucked up when they were together, but in a human way, in a way that wasn't enough for Violet to hate him, in a way that kept her from feeling anything for him at all. And maybe Curtis is different from Pablo and Nate and Davey because of that one moment in Violet's moonlight bathed bedroom, silver and sculpted, the whispered You're my first you're my first you're my first was it okay?. But maybe he isn't. Maybe he's just another name to add to the list.
SAT 01:07 AM, Violet Fintry: I broke up with you because I am a fucking cynic.
Curtis doesn't text after that - he's always been good at keeping his promises. She thinks it's the icing on the cake that all it took for a completely answer was to throw his own words back at him. Violet is a cynic, and she break hearts because she does not believe in the power that broke them in the first place.
After Curtis, Violet sleeps around. She does it shamelessly and breaks even more hearts in the process, and wonders why it is that people can't separate love from sex. She can. She definitely knows which one she prefers.
Elliot doesn't like it, of course he doesn't - and he sees through her, of course he does.
ELLIOT: Vi.
VIOLET: Yeah?
ELLIOT:
ELLIOT: Do you believe in love?
[There is a pause. ELLIOT is a freshman. He likes to think he's clever. Most of the time, it pisses VIOLET off.]
VIOLET:
VIOLET:
VIOLET: Shut up.
ELLIOT: [rolls eyes] I was just asking.
VIOLET: Yeah, well, don't ask stupid questions. Dumbass.
ELLIOT: Mature, Vi.
[VIOLET says nothing, only scowls at ELLIOT, who sighs.]
ELLIOT:
ELLIOT:
ELLIOT:
ELLIOT: Did you love Curtis?
VIOLET: What?
ELLIOT: Curtis. You know, the guy who you...
VIOLET:
VIOLET: No.
ELLIOT: What about the guys after him?
[VIOLET isn't sure she can even remember the names of some of the boys after CURTIS. They all blend together into one, lean muscle and heavy breaths and Axe deodorant.]
VIOLET: What's got you so fucking talkative all of a sudden?
ELLIOT: [smirking] I was just wondering.
VIOLET: [rolling her eyes] Yeah, well, don't. [muttering, but loud enough for ELLIOT to hear] Dick.
ELLIOT: I heard that.
VIOLET: [smirking, a perfect imitation of her brother's] That was the idea.
ELLIOT: Bitch.
VIOLET: [smiling with mock affection and reaching over to ruffle his hair] Love you too, bro.
Elliot is the only boy she ever says the words I love you to. He's the only one that stands out long enough.
♠
HEARTS #5, #6, #7: ERIC KAMPS, BRUCE ALDRIDGE, DOUG ADAMS, JUNIOR YEAR (BREAKER: VIOLET FINTRY)
This is what Violet remembers about Eric Kamps:
• His birthday is on the twenty-fifth of October.
• His favourite colour is green.
• He is 6'2".
• His cell phone number is 803-788-7132. Her number was number five on his speed dial. His wasn't on her speed dial at all.
This is how Violet breaks up with him:
THURS 07:03 PM, Eric Kamps: Heyyyy Vi are u ok? Seemed kinda down today
THURS 07:03 PM, Violet Fintry: Yeah
THURS 07:03 PM, Eric Kamps: Was there somethn wrong
THURS 07:04 PM, Violet Fintry: Kinda
THURS 07:04 PM, Violet Fintry: I think I might need a break
THURS 07:04 PM, Violet Fintry: From this, I mean
THURS 07:07 PM, Eric Kamps: Oh
THURS 07:07 PM Eric Kamps: Okay, if thats what u want
Eric Kamps was a writer. Violet thought it might be a good idea to break up with him through his preferred method of communication. She realises only a few minutes after she does so that it wasn't, that she's done the one wrong thing that they always say not to do, but it's too late by then. Eric Kamps goes to a different high school. Violet doesn't see him again. She wonders if it's through his own doing. She's conspicuous and easy to avoid; she always has been. It's mostly deliberate. She hears rumours about Eric and how upset he is. Elliot jokes offhandedly that ten years later he'll be writing a full-length novel about it. Ultraviolet: How My Junior High School Heart Was Broken. Violet glares but maybe finds it funny, and it's cruel and horrible.
This is what Violet remembers about Bruce Aldridge:
• His birthday is on the fifteenth of February.
• His favourite colour is red.
• He is 5'7".
• His cell phone number is 505-996-5340. They didn't date long enough for either of them to have the other's number on speed dial.
This is how Violet breaks up with him:
VIOLET: Fuck...we're - we're fucking drunk...[laughs]
BRUCE: [tripping over sidewalk] Dr...unk? Not - not drunk...I'm soooober -
VIOLET: [slurring slightly] Me - me too...stone cold...
BRUCE: [tripping again, landing with a heavy thump, then laughing] This is...this is stone cold...it's...it's stone...and it's cold...
VIOLET: [looking at BRUCE at her feet on the sidewalk and snorting] You...you are so...stupid...
BRUCE: I'm not stupid - I'm sooober -
VIOLET: [laughing hysterically] You loser.
BRUCE: [snickering into the concrete of the sidewalk] If I'm such a loser, why are you fucking me?
VIOLET: You -
VIOLET:
VIOLET:
VIOLET:
VIOLET: [blinking blearily] Yeah. Why - why am I -
BRUCE: [mumbling] Don't know.
VIOLET:
VIOLET:
VIOLET: Maybe I shouldn't.
BRUCE: What?
VIOLET: [still a little dizzy] Maybe I shouldn't fuck you.
BRUCE: Oh.
BRUCE: [hiccups] Maybe you shouldn't.
VIOLET: [looking at BRUCE once more] Let's get you home.
[VIOLET manages to get BRUCE, giggling and slightly delirious, to his front door. When they arrive, Violet pauses, letting BRUCE prop himself up on his own doorframe.]
VIOLET: [slightly more sober than previously, but still drunk enough to be too frank with her words] I'm not going to fuck you any more. You're a loser.
BRUCE: [too drunk to understand] Oh. Okay.
VIOLET: [slurring still] C-cool. S-see y'aroooound, Brucie.
[EXIT VIOLET.]
Violet does not see Bruce around, even though the fact that he goes to the community college only a few blocks down from her school means she probably should. She is easy to avoid, but she also has a talent of avoiding others, when she needs to.
This is what Violet remembers about Doug Adams:
• His birthday is on the twenty-seventh of April.
• His favourite colour is green.
• He is 6'0" exactly.
• His cell phone number is 770-395-2363. Her number was number three on his speed dial. His wasn't on her speed dial at all.
This is how Violet breaks up with him:
DOUG: You ever think of quitting those things?
VIOLET: [with an amused glance at the cigarette balanced between her fingers] Occasionally.
DOUG: [sighing] They're not good for you, Vi.
VIOLET: [still amused] I'm not good for you, Doug. But here we are.
DOUG: [biting his lip] Yeah.
DOUG: I like you, though.
VIOLET: [shrugging] I like cigarettes.
DOUG: [sighs] I can't win with you, can I?
VIOLET: [smiling, lips curved around her cigarette] No, you can't, honey.
[There is a pause as DOUG swallows audibly. It makes VIOLET think slightly - then she remembers. DOUG gets turned on when she gives him pet names. It makes her feel almost bad for what she feels is on the horizon.]
DOUG: You mind putting this one out now?
VIOLET: [raising an eyebrow] Why?
DOUG: [moving closer] Maybe I want to kiss you.
[VIOLET takes the cigarette out of her mouth; it's as though that was the only thing that was stopping the words that come out of it now.]
VIOLET: Maybe I want to break up with you.
DOUG: [halting suddenly, confused] What?
VIOLET: [moving her cigarette back to her lips] Yeah.
DOUG: [confusion slowly sliding into hurt] Vi - what?
VIOLET: We're not good for each other, Doug.
[A moment's pause.]
VIOLET: I'm not good for you.
VIOLET: I thought we'd established that.
DOUG: But -
DOUG: [lost - a child] I like you.
[Another pause. VIOLET finishes her cigarette and flicks the stub to the ground before stepping on it. She ignores DOUG's slight flinch.]
VIOLET: I'm sorry.
DOUG:
DOUG:
DOUG: [voice shaky] Except you're not.
VIOLET:
DOUG: You ever to stop to think that maybe someone other than you has feelings, Violet? Huh?
VIOLET: [with a smile too bitter for a seventeen year-old] No.
DOUG: Well maybe you fucking should -
VIOLET: I don't have feelings, Doug.
[DOUG looks at her as though finally realising this is true.]
DOUG: Fuck you, Violet.
VIOLET: [smile turning sharp, dangerous at the edges] Maybe you should watch your language, Douglas.
[EXIT VIOLET.]
Out of all the three boys and their break-ups in junior year, Doug Adams is the break-up Violet remembers with the most clarity. Maybe because it was the first time she realised that she was heartless. Maybe because it was the first time she realised that she was heartless and didn't care about it. Two weeks later, she sits with Elliot and they smoke in their backyard.
VIOLET: Smoking's a bad habit, y'know.
ELLIOT: [taking a lazy, practiced drag from his cigarette] I know.
VIOLET:
ELLIOT:
VIOLET:
ELLIOT:
VIOLET: Doug didn't like it.
ELLIOT: The one who didn't like that I was taller than him?
VIOLET: Yeah.
[ELLIOT snorts, but says nothing. VIOLET watches him smoke.]
VIOLET: God, did I fuck you up, Lee.
ELLIOT: You did.
ELLIOT: But I let you do it.
ELLIOT: And those boys...[He pauses to take another drag of his cigarette.] Those boys let you fuck them up too.
VIOLET:
ELLIOT: People know just what you're about, Vi. It's not like you hide it.
VIOLET: [arching an eyebrow] Yeah, okay, Socrates, you got something useful to say?
ELLIOT: [smiling quietly] You fuck them up. And they like it.
VIOLET:
ELLIOT:
VIOLET:
ELLIOT:
VIOLET:
ELLIOT:
VIOLET:
ELLIOT: Messed up, isn't it?
VIOLET: [taking a drag from her own cigarette] Fucked up.
♠
HEARTS #8, #9, #10, #11, #12: QUINN WISE, TERRY MCALLISTER, MAHDI AWAD, NORMAN KELLY, ETSUO MIKAMI, SENIOR YEAR (BREAKER: VIOLET FINTRY)
QUINN was in Violet's Home Ec class. He liked (or likes) the Ramones. His cell phone number was 574-298-7981.
TERRY was at a party (so was Violet). His birthday was (or is) on Christmas Eve. His cell phone number was 302-988-9198.
MAHDI told jokes good enough for Violet to want to have sex with him. He drove (or drives) a 2004 Volvo S60. His cell phone number was 334-732-1439.
NORMAN was her tutor in Calculus. She didn't actually need him, she just didn't try in class. He seemed to get that. It made her want to have sex with him. The most played song on his iPod was (or is) Linkin Park's In The End. His cell phone number was 423-823-1742.
ETSUO was at a party (so was Violet). He knew (or knows) all the words to every song in Céline Dion's My Love: Essential Collection, because it was all his mom played around the house when he was a kid. His cell phone number was 626-739-2996.
Violet does not remember how she broke up with any of them.
♠
HEART #13: CARA MONTGOMERY, SUMMER BEFORE COLLEGE (BREAKER: VIOLET FINTRY)
Cara happens because Violet gets a) curious and b) bored of boys. She's twenty years old with a summer job at the local pizza place, and there's a point during which Violet orders a delivery for eight days straight just to have the chance to flirt with her at her own front door afterwards. After two weeks, it's not the pizza that gets pulled inside, but its deliverer, and Violet uses confident hands to push Cara up against her front door and kiss her breathless.
It's relatively simple, and not as different from boys as everyone said it would be. Violet kind of likes it - soft curves under her fingers and lipstick stains on the side of her neck. People compare lesbians to men, but it makes Violet feel more feminine than ever.
Cara's the closest she ever comes to emotional attachment - after all, Elliot points out with wry amusement, she orders every meal on the menu of the pizza place that summer.
This is how Violet breaks up with her:
VIOLET: Wow...that was...wow.
CARA: [turning onto her side to look at her, voice a little rough, smiling] Yeah?
VIOLET: [smiling back before she can stop herself and moving in to kiss her] Yeah.
CARA:
VIOLET:
CARA:
VIOLET:
CARA:
VIOLET:
CARA:
VIOLET: [pulling away, a little breathless] Cara.
CARA: [stretching out slightly as she lies on the bed] Mhm?
VIOLET: You know I...you know I'm leaving. Soon.
CARA: Mhm.
VIOLET: For - college.
CARA: Mhm.
VIOLET:
CARA:
VIOLET:
CARA:
VIOLET:
CARA:
VIOLET: [whispering, shaky] Cara.
CARA: [with her lips against VIOLET's, a murmur] I know.
Violet smokes at least forty cigarettes a day for a week straight afterwards, and doesn't eat pizza delivery for months. She doesn't scream at two am, and she doesn't sob with Whitney Houston playing loudly on the stereo, but there are moments - eleven am, making breakfast - when her hands - they shake slightly, and she feels such an acute sense of loss that she doesn't know what to do with them.
♠
HEARTS #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19: CHRIS WEST, ROB WILSON, BEVERLEY MURRAY, KEVIN ISAACS, EVELYN GREESON, JOE MARCH, FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE (BREAKER: VIOLET FINTRY)
Violet has sex with a lot of people at college. Only six of them thought that she wouldn't be gone by sunrise.
CHRIS was asleep when she left.
ROB was snoring quietly into his pillow when she left.
BEVERLEY had woken up in the middle of the night and pulled on some underwear. When Violet left, the sun was rising, and it made her hair like spun gold against her pillow. Violet almost stayed.
KEVIN was singing in the shower when she left. His voice was gorgeous. Violet almost stayed.
EVELYN knew that she'd be gone in the morning. She'd folded Violet's clothes and left them at the edge of the bed with a note that had her number on it. In case you change your mind. Violet thought of Pablo Basoalto, and didn't change her mind.
JOE was awake to watch her leave. He asked if she'd be back, and she said yes. Violet didn't come back.
♠
HEART #20: VIOLET FINTRY (BREAKER: VIOLET FINTRY)
Elliot has three cracked ribs, a fractured thigh bone, and internal bleeding in his liver and spleen.
The first time she visits him, he's asleep. Violet sits by the bed and cries so hard she almost passes out. When he's awake, she knows better than to do so again.
VIOLET: You look like shit.
ELLIOT: [sighing] It's great to see you too, Vi.
VIOLET: [shrugging] I hate to say I told you so, but...I told you so, I said you should've gone to Woodvale. I bet at Woodvale you wouldn't have been nearly killed in a car crash because of some Brit.
ELLIOT:
VIOLET: [softer than she intended it to be] You could've died.
Elliot purses his lips and changes the subject. Violet goes along with it, but all she can hear is her own voice saying you could've died you could've died you could've died you could've died you could've died you could've died, and their voices years before, hers - God did I fuck you up, Lee, and his -
You did.
Elliot is the breath that Violet has been waiting to take, the pause button on the remote, the stop sign, the wake up, wake up, wake up.
ELLIOT: Stay away from them, Vi, they both go through girls like there's no tomorrow.
VIOLET: [raising an eyebrow] Why, you worried they're gonna break my heart?
ELLIOT: No. More that you're going to break theirs. You're really careless with other people, y'know.
Violet knows.
Months later, and she's still careless. She reaches out blindly whatever she can touch, kiss, fuck, goes through people like a pack of cigarettes, like they're dispensable and made for her pleasure.
Violet is a cynic. She does not believe in the emotion that turns people crazy around her, in the feeling that makes people's stomachs drop and their hands shake and their eyes light up at the mention of someone else's name. Elliot follows her back home. They sit in their backyard and smoke.
ELLIOT: How's the new one?
VIOLET: What?
ELLIOT: [smile wry, knowing] The new guy - or is a girl this time?
VIOLET:
VIOLET: He's fine.
VIOLET: Hasn't worked out that I'm heartless yet.
[After a moment's pause, ELLIOT lets out a laugh. VIOLET turns to him with a look.]
VIOLET: What?
ELLIOT: You're not heartless, Vi.
VIOLET: I am. I - I go through all these people and I don't give a fuck, Lee. It's like - like I can't give a fuck, even if I wanted to.
ELLIOT: [dryly] You give a lot of fucks, sis.
VIOLET: Funny.
[Another pause; the Fintrys' conversations are often full of them. ELLIOT takes a drag from his cigarette. VIOLET looks at him, framed against the blood orange of the sun as it sets, and remembers all at once all the other times they've done this.]
ELLIOT: You're not heartless.
VIOLET: [rolling her eyes] Then what am I?
ELLIOT: [with a bittersweet smile that curves gently around his cigarette] You're heartbroken.
VIOLET:
ELLIOT:
VIOLET:
VIOLET: And who do you suggest has broken my heart, O Wise One?
[ELLIOT stands up, flicking what's left of the cigarette to the ground and stepping on it.]
ELLIOT: The same person who broke all the other ones.
[EXIT ELLIOT.]
[VIOLET sits and watches the sun set, her end of her cigarette turning the same colour as the sky she's staring at.]
[VIOLET cries.]
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PS: hey, rose, sorry i fucked up ur characters. also that this is really fuckin weird. and kind of awful.
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