"Father?"

He hums quietly in response, still not lifting his head from where it has sat on top of my head for the last several minutes as we simply hold each other.

"I love this and would love to just stay here like this forever, but I kind of still have a slight issue... I sort of have the police after me."

"Oh, that is right." He pulls back slightly to look at me. "Can you tell me what happened?" He speaks so softly and calmly that it throws me off.

"I-" I try to start, but my breathing picks up, suddenly even just the thought of retelling it sends me into a panic. The same thoughts that were running circles around my head before the bombshell of other thoughts were dropped, which temporarily distracted me, come back in full force.

Loki's face grows concerned and he quickly reaches to rub up and down my arm, trying to soothe me. "Hey, hey it's ok. I'm right here, just take your time."

I take a few minutes to settle my breathing and thoughts. Once I get them to calm somewhat I try to gather my words to try and tell him, I need to tell someone.

"Um-" I try to begin but the words get caught in my throat and tears spill from my eyes.

I can't. I can never tell anyone. If I tell anyone, me and the kids will all get separated. That has been my one rule, I can't tell anyone, it is the one rule that I can not break.

You idiot, you are already going to get separated, and it is all because of you.

The thoughts berating in my brain do not help calm my nerves or my tears. I would not even know where to start.

Would I start at tonight, when I heard how scared the kids were on the phone? Would I start with when I got to the orphanage and saw how all the kids were cowering alone because I wasn't there for them? Would I just start when I stabbed her without a second thought? Or would I start from the very beginning when I got to that hellhole? But then how would I even begin to start any of those? None of them seemed like a good place to start.

"If you would prefer, you don't have to say anything. I can just... look." Loki says, gesturing to my head.

Still taking in quick, rapid panicked breaths, I make a decision and nod, not even knowing if I would be able to get words out even if I wanted to.

I just need someone to know.

Loki slowly places his hands on my temples once again, then looks at me silently for confirmation. I nervously nod my head and close my eyes. Unlike last time, this time I get pulled into my mind along with him, pulled back into the memories that I always hoped to leave behind.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The first thing that I see is the very recognizable day that I first arrived at "Santina's Center for Adoption." I had just gotten out of my last foster home, which had 10 other kids there along with me and was a nightmare, and now I was walking into yet another whole new nightmare.

It speeds through most of the day from when my social worker dropped me off and I was introduced to Ms. Santina, who seemed nice enough at first, but even just later that day that was quickly proved wrong.

It began even from that very first day there, and it only continued to get worse when slowly more and more kids showed up and I stuck up for them. It speeds through all my memories of the entire 2 years there. The most prominent moments and the ones that stick out the most are the bad moments with Ms. Santinia. I can tell the days simply from these scenes. Sadly these scenes are the main way that I remember the days, they are the most recognizable parts. I can recognize the day that I got my first job by the scene that took place in the hallway, the stains are still there to this day. I can recognize the day I started high school at Midtown by the scene in the basement. I remember my 16th birthday because that was the day that Zendaya arrived and I offered myself up so she wouldn't get hurt. The scenes don't stop, they just continue day after day and I can pinpoint every single one by seeing what happened that night when I got back to the orphanage.

Soon I began to catch up with the more recent. From the night when I first got the Stark Internship, all the days in between, the night in the basement just yesterday, and finally just several hours ago.

I am stuck there, watching as the night plays over again. From when I got the call and I could feel how scared I felt all over again, when I got to the orphanage, when I stopped Ms. Santina, when I ran from the cops, and finally to when I didn't stop running until I got to the abandoned building. It is a nightmare, but I just need at least one person to know. I can't be the only one silently holding onto this anymore, I can't take it.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When the memories finally stop and I am brought back into the present, I instantly crumple to the ground sobbing. I am too overwhelmed and don't even notice when Father quickly stands up and starts pacing the room in angry circles. I clutch onto myself and hold myself tightly as my body shakes with sobs.

Soon, my brain starts to let the sounds of Father's heavy labored breathing and furious pacing through, allowing me to actually notice them.

"I am going to kill her, I am going to fucking kill her." Loki seethes to himself, his fists curled tightly and shaking.

I hold myself tighter, trying to calm the shaking in my body. He summons his twin daggers and starts to barge to the doorway with a dark determined look on his face.

"Father, please." My voice is raspy and broken, so quiet that even I can barely hear it. Loki instantly stops dead in his tracks. "You can't."

When he turns his head towards me, he isn't wearing the expression that I was expecting. His lips are pressed tightly together in a frown, his eyebrows are pulled together and there are tears streaming down his face. He looks so incredibly broken and absolutely terrified, so much so that it even overpowers the anger boiling underneath.

"Please." I hate how desperate I sound. I don't even know what I am so desperately begging for, just that I need whatever it is.

The daggers fall out of his hands and clatter to the ground. He rushes over to me, instantly falling to his knees in front of me and hastily wrapping his arms around me, tight enough to assure me that I will not slip away.

My head falls onto his shoulder and my entire being melts. As his hands rub along my back I can feel them trembling just like mine.

We stay like that for a long, long time, holding each other as we both cry. I also cry in relief, I don't have to be the only one that knows what I have gone through anymore. I suddenly feel just a little less isolated and alone. Even just with that small amount of weight lifted away, I can breathe a little easier.

There were no words spoken for a long time, there are none needed, comfort is the only thing that is needed. I don't know how long it was before one of us made a sound besides the sobs that eventually started to quiet between us.

"I am so sorry you went through that Lulla. I swear to you I will never let anything ever happen to you again, I promise. I promise I will protect you."

The only thing that I can get myself to do is nod.

Finally, once our breaths eventually even out and we sadly have to face reality once again, Father speaks up after a deep sigh. "Dearheart? The others were very worried about you, we should probably get back to them, at least let them know that you are ok."

As much as I don't want to ever face anyone and never leave here, I know that he is right. I don't have the strength for words, so I once again simply nod.

I start to stand up, but as I do Father stops me by putting a hand on my shoulder. "Wait, Lulla- Now as much as I don't want you to be ashamed of your heritage, it is probably not the best idea to go out like this."

I look down at myself, I honestly completely forgot that we are both still currently in our Smurf cosplays.

I nod and then speak in a small voice. "I- I don't know how to... change..." I say while gesturing to my body.

"It's ok, I will help you."

I sit down again on the floor across from him where he then takes both my hands in his.

"Close your eyes and take deep breaths."

I do as he says, taking in deep breaths that my lungs are still struggling slightly to allow and trying to block out the world around me.

"Good. Now, before it was Astrid's spell keeping up the illusion, but now you are going to have to use your own seiðr."

I never used my seiðr before. When I was younger, I knew that I possessed it, but I was way too young to start to learn how to use it. I always wished that the first time I used it, it would be for something cool, not hiding who I am.

"Focus on the buzzing feeling in your upper abdomen, just below your chest. Do you feel it?"

I try to shift my consciousness to my abdomen, focusing purely on the warm feeling just under my skin and the slight buzz rolling through my body. When I locate it I nod.

"Amazing. Now try to pull it forward. Don't try to pull it too hard, just gently guide it. Spread it throughout your body, guiding it outside of you instead of keeping it caged inside. As you do, imagine it settling over your skin, when it does, it changes you to appear how you want it to, gently adapting to match the image in your head."

I try to for a while, I really do try, but when I attempt to pull it out it only snaps back into place and I can't get it to dislodge. I get more and more frustrated, pulling it more and more desperately. Eventually, I huff and open my eyes feeling like giving up.

"I can't do it! It just won't listen." I say frustrated.

"It's alright, it's hard to do your first time, you are not going to get it right away. We have time, just try again."

I sigh and close my eyes again.

"Now breathe and try again. Try to not think about it as a force that you need to control, instead think of it as an extension of yourself. Your seiðr is a part of you, it's like another limb, you just need to find the right muscles that will move it."

I breathe in and out deeply again, trying once again to focus on the buzzing throughout my body, focusing on it as it gets louder the closer it gets to my skin. I focus on that feeling of the tingling sensation as it settles against my skin. When it feels like it is a layer that coats my entire body, I slowly start to shift my focus to the image in my head of what I normally look like, when I am not blue that is. I imagine all the changes that my body makes to match that image. I feel my body heat up, and the buzz quickens, but then only seconds later, it slows down again to something that is barely noticeable unless I specifically focus on it. I feel the buzz lower back into the same area in my abdomen, settling comfortably.

I slowly open my eyes, nervous to look to see if it worked. When I do and see my normal deathly pale skin I grin widely. I then look up towards Father, who is now also back to the same deathly pale tone, and he is also looking at me with a massive smile and pride in his eyes.

"I am so proud of you Lu. You know, it took me a lot more tries than that to get the hang of it, you did amazing."

I preen under his praise.

"Alright, we should go now, and we also do have to get the Midgardian healers to check up on you, I can only heal so much as I was far too stubborn to properly learn healing."

I nod and smile slightly at his tease, but my smile slowly slips away slightly as I have something else on my mind.

"Uh, Father?"

"What is it?" he asks softly.

"Can I call you Father around the others?" I ask hesitantly, not sure how best to word my question.

He sighs sadly, taking a second before he responds. "I... don't know if that would be best, Lulla. I would love for you to, I would love to let the whole world know. But, as you know, the Avengers, or anyone here for that matter, are not very fond of me, and I don't want that feeling to spread to you as well by association."

I nod sadly, but I understand.

Suddenly, I gasp as I have a realization. Thor is my uncle. I try to reach for any memories of him but am only able to string together bits and pieces, nothing concrete. "What about Thor?" I say excitedly, suddenly realizing that I have not got to actually see my uncle in over 18 years, surely he would want to know that I am alive.

Loki seems to deflate. "I-I don't know Lulla- Odin was never... fond... of our family, and Thor is so awful at simply keeping his mouth shut. I just don't want Odin to find out yet. But I promise you, we will figure something out soon. We will try to find a way to get things at least slightly back to normal, I swear to you."

I try to put on a reassuring smile and nod to him. I get it, I really do, I get why we have to do this, it is just going to suck (even more now that I remember... somewhat).

Father gives me a sad, guilty smile and then lifts out his arm, gesturing for me to come to his side.

"Come on, we will teleport back to the tower. Also, a fair warning, I did not necessarily tell anyone that I was leaving, and I don't think I am technically allowed to, so this may get chaotic." Loki says while wearing his signature mischievous smirk, letting me know that he will not necessarily mind the chaos, he enjoys it.

I fondly shake my head, he is just as I remember him, even just from the little bits that I do. "Who says that I don't like the chaos too?" I say flashing my own smirk that would terrify anyone else and is plenty to make it clear that I am Loki's kid on its own.

In between his chuckles, he speaks with one of the fondest tones I have ever heard. "You definitely are my kid."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A/n - Just for your information... I was sobbing as I wrote this chapter...

I am vicariously healing my daddy issues, and my many others, by writing this story. This is better than therapy.