"mhh, love you too, hyung" soobin whispers before hanging up.

he locks his phone and sighs before bringing his pillow to his face and screaming into it. he throws it on his bed after a few seconds takes a deep breath, trying to ground himself. and okay , maybe he's being a little dramatic but really, who can blame him ? he woke up with a fever and although he tried convincing his mom he was okay, she insisted that he should stay home today which isn't all that bad if you're a regular high school student but soobin is more than that. soobin is yeonjun's boyfriend. and he knows, for a fact, that the older shouldn't be left without supervision. especially in school.

it's not that yeonjun ever did something to make him doubt his sincerity, quite the opposite actually, he's always been nothing but sweet and reassuring to the younger boy, but it's still so hard. he stopped counting the amount of times people told him how 'undeserving of yeonjun's love' he is one week into their relationship. he's pretty sure hueningkai still adds a little cross on his notes app everytime it happens in case soobin ever decides to talk about it with yeonjun, which he knows he won't because it's silly and he doesn't want yeonjun to feel guilty over something he can't control. (part of him is also scared yeonjun will agree with what people think and decide to drop him there and then but he tries not to ponder on it).

he groans before picking up his phone from where he left it seconds ago to text beomgyu to please stay with yeonjun during lunchtime as that's the time yeonjun's groupies (as his friends call them) tend to bother him the most. he knows he can't count on yeonjun's teammates since they've always encouraged them and even tried to encourage yeonjun to accept their offers.

(it was the first time he'd seen yeonjun angry. he remembers the knock on his window as he was about to fall asleep. it was a friday night, after one of yeonjun's games. he had told soobin he was going to celebrate with his team and who was he to stop him ? he knew it was important to his boyfriend so of course, he kissed him on the cheek and went home. he wasn't expecting to see him back so early, only about an hour after he had left the older.

"hyung ?" he barely had the time to open the window that yeonjun's arms were around his waist, head buried in his neck. it wasn't surprising per se, yeonjun had always been the cuddly type. but the way he was clinging to him and his breath felt heavy felt wrong. he hugged him back and after a few seconds, "hyung, are you okay ?"

he felt yeonjun take a deep breath before pulling away and cupping his face with his hands. he internally thanked the lights for being off so his blush wasn't too obvious although soobin suspected his boyfriend knew him well enough to know his face was flushed.

"you know i love you soobin-ah ? right ? you know i'd never hurt you ?" and that didn't feel as reassuring as it should've. soobin wasn't stupid, he knew yeonjun was a beautiful man everyone wanted, and he'd watches movies, lots of them. boys like yeonjun always ended up leaving boys like soobin. instinctively, wanting to protect himself from whatever was going to happen he stepped back, pulling away from the older boy's touch.

"what's going on ?" he didn't realise he was so shaken until he heard his voice. yeonjun's eyes widened, understanding the younger's reaction and reaching for his hand.

"nothing oh my god, baby, i'm sorry that sounded terrible." soobin still didn't like the atmosphere around them and the fear in him wasn't put out but he let the blonde haired boy hold his hand. "i'm sorry. nothing happened. because i love you." at that soobin tilted his head.

"what do you mean ?"

"this.. girl came up to me while we were having dinner with the boys and she kept.. hitting on me." soobin immediately noticed the change in the other boy's tone. like he was disgusted, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't feeling the same way. "but i'm used to it. i don't care, i just nicely told her i wasn't interested and i already had a boyfriend but she kept pushing it, you know ?" he nodded, ignoring the pang in his chest. "except then the boys started encouraging her. telling me i should get with her, that i deserved it, just for tonight, they started their 'what soobin doesn't know won't hurt him bullshit' and that just- it made me lose my shit." the younger boy was just as taken aback as his boyfriend had been when it happened. this was new. his "friends" encouraging him to ruin his relationship ? this was a lot worse than anything that had happened before. "i told them all to fuck off and i left. it made me so angry you know ?" yeonjun finally raised his head at that and even in the moonlight it was easy to see how glassy his eyes were. "they know how much i love you, how much you mean to me- god they actually have to tell me to shut up because i never stop talking about you" and they both scoffed, soobin pulling them to sit on his bed at the same time. "i'm not gonna let anyone disrespect you in front of me." and he knew he meant it. yeonjun never said things he didn't mean.

"i'm sorry that happened, baby" he said, getting closer to the other boy, pulling him into a hug. they stayed like that for a little, in comfortable silence. "do you wanna sleep over ?" soobin said when he started feeling himself drifting away. the other boy nodded, pulling away.

"i can leave in the morning before your parents wake up, if you want." he said, starting to take his jacket and hoodie off. soobin just snorted.

"you know my parents like you better than me. they'll be upset if they know you were here and didn't say hi to them." he told his boyfriend, taking out the pyjama shirt and pants the latter had left months ago "just in case". it had come in handy more than once.

"should i go tell them 'hi' now ?" he answered, wiggling his eyebrows. and as soobin tackled him on his bed, he had never felt more in love.)

binbestboy

hi am sick mom won't let me leave my bed pls make sure jun doesn't get hit on too much thanks bestie <3

beommie ^__^

hi soobinnie-hyung

i'm doi,g well thx for aksing!!

*doing

*asking

and worry not ill make sure no one outside of hte yeonjun fanclub hits on him!!

*the

binbestboy

i'm telling taehyun u were the one who fed aengdu a lego

beommie ^__^

omg isn't this my favourite hyung!

of course i'll be yeonjun's bodyguard for the day!!

wouldn't want to lose my onderfl boyfirned to a snake <3

*wonderful

*boyfriend

and i meant aengdu ofc

love you hyung don't forget all the gr8 moemnts we shared!!!!

*moments

binbestboy

have a nice day gyu~~

he smiles as he puts his phone down laying back, a bit more relaxed. sometimes, he can't help but wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone less popular than yeonjun. not someone else, just yeonjun but.. less.. famous. soobin was never someone fond of being the center of attention, always made sure he would fit in quietly everywhere he went. until he met yeonjun. to this day he still doesn't understand why or how the older boy approached him or fell in love with him.

(it was late, at least late for 16 years old soobin. he was studying in the library for a project he was doing with some jerk in his class who basically refused to help him with anything. and he wasn't about to let his grades tumble over some asshole who thought physics was complicated. he'd been coming here everyday at every lunch period and even after class for over a week and he was almost done with everything when he felt a tap on his shoulder. he spinned around expecting to see beomgyu or hueningkai since he didn't really talk to anyone else in this school. what he wasn't expecting was to see the leader of the football team staring at him with glassy eyes and red cheeks.

"um, hello ?" he internally cursed himself for being so awkward but how was he supposed to react ? what was he supposed to say ? relief quickly washed over him as he noticed the other boy was just as uncomfortable. his hair was still short and brown back then. he looked beautiful, he always had. "can i help you ?" he repeated after a few seconds.

yeonjun quickly removed his hand from soobin's shoulder, noticing he hadn't moved since the other boy had spun around. "do you want to go out with me ?"

the younger boy's eyes widened at the other's straightforwardness, choking a little on his breath. "e-excuse me ?" he managed to stutter out. they were both bright red and it would've been embarrassing had it been anyone else. but this was yeonjun and soobin, this was them at their peak, the rawest, most honest they had ever been with each other.

"i-i mean. sorry that was very rude." yeonjun said, seemingly regaining his mind. he bowed, surprising the other who immediately bowed back. "i'm choi yeonjun, i'm in the grade above yours."

"i know who you are, yeonjun-ssi". honestly it was impossible not to know who he was. he was practically a celebrity in their school. he cleared his throat before starting again.

"i've been noticing you the past few days- well, really, the past few weeks and i was just, um, i was wondering if you'd like to, maybe, go on a date with me ? of course you don't have to if you don't want to, i know we don't really know each other but you have a 'doctor who' pin on your backpack so i assumed you're not straight and i'd say i'm pretty cute so i think you wouldn't be wasting your time on a date with me." he managed to say in one breath, getting more and more confident with every word he got out. soobin wasn't sure he had ever been redder in his entire life.

choi yeonjun ? the choi yeonjun ? the boy everyone wanted ? thought he was cute ? had noticed him ? wanted to go on a date with him ? it made no sense in his head and so it hit him and, oh.

"is this some kind of prank ? are your friends filming you pranking the goody-two-shoes in the grade below yours ? because i'll have you know i'm no fool so you should go find another twink to make fun of." he said angrily, turning back to his project. this was much more important than some pretty boy making fun of him.

"oh my god no, no, no. soobin-ssi, i'm being serious" yeonjun immediately spoke up, earning a few 'shush' from other students in the library. he bowed to them as an apology before sitting down next to soobin who looked up at him, still looking annoyed. "i- i really like you. i mean my friend did force me to come talk to you but that's because i've been talking about you for weeks and he can't stand it anymore and i thought- well i don't have anything to lose with, um, just asking you out. i'm not pranking you, i would never do something like that to you or to anyone for that matter." he looked both flustered and honest and it took only a few seconds for soobin to give him his signature pout.

"do you promise it's not a prank ? because i don't care who you are choi yeonjun-ssi, i will fight you if you try to prank me." the older boy's face softened at that, a little giggle leaving his mouth.

"i promise it's not a prank and if it is, i'll let you fight me all you want. i'll even let you win."

"hey, are you saying i wouldn't win if you didn't let me ? do you think i'm weak ?" he said, frowning.

"well you did call yourself a twink so-"

"yah!"

they both got kicked out of the library that night.)

but he knows this is a compromise he has to make to be with yeonjun. yeonjun loves the spotlight, he was made to be admired and loved. he thinks in another life, his boyfriend must've been some kind of hero, beautiful and strong and loved, at least as great as achilles. but he never wants to take that away from him. in this life or in another. and he knows if he were to make a fuss out of this, yeonjun would take his side and tell everyone to go fuck themselves and that's not what soobin wants (well maybe, just a little bit) .

it would be so selfish of him to expect his boyfriend to defend him. he's a big boy, he can do it himself. and he's never had any issue telling a bitch to fuck off. what's harder is to pretend he doesn't care, that it doesn't affect him, that he doesn't have nights where he barely sleeps because his thoughts won't leave him alone, that went they fight it isn't so, so hard to not convince himself that yeonjun is going to leave him for someone better because he has thousands of people begging for his attention, all of them so much better than soobin.

some nights he has to call yeonjun past midnight, lump in his throat, having to pretend he can't sleep because he drank too much coffee when really it's his brain who won't let him escape. sometimes it's so hard not to reach for his phone and text the older boy that it'd be better if they ended things. and maybe soobin shouldn't be thinking about this at 10am when he has a fever because it's making him consider things he hates thinking about. he dries the tears that started forming in his eyes before reaching for his laptop. he puts on his favourite show before dropping it on his night table, letting the sound drown out his thoughts as he tries to fall asleep for a little.

he wakes up a couple of hours after, his heart in his throat and he always hates how he feels after napping but he knows it was the best thing to do. he stares at the ceiling for a few minutes wondering if he should get up and try to eat something or fall back asleep when he hears a voice coming from the kitchen. two voices, both as familiar as his own. his mom is talking about how soobin is a silly boy who should wear more than just a hoodie when it's 6° outside and yeonjun answers saying he'll make sure it doesn't happen again.

half a second after hearing his boyfriend's voice he's out of bed and the way he almost falls back into it tells him he shouldn't have gotten up so quickly. he puts on a cardigan not bothering to look at himself in the mirror, he knows yeonjun doesn't care and he's too out of it to bring himself to care.

"hyung ?" he asks and he notices how groggy he sounds. it makes him giggle. the two heads turn to look at him and yeonjun's face softens and breaks into a beautiful, beautiful smile when he sees his tall boyfriend.

"yah, choi soobin what did i tell you ? don't leave your bed !" his mom tells him, bringing her hand to his forehead to check his temperature.

"but hyung.." he doesn't finish his sentence, knowing everyone in the room perfectly understood what he wanted to say.

"hyung was going to come into your room to bring you cookies he made for you." yeonjun says as he points to a box on the table in front of him.

"you still have a fever soobin-ah, you shouldn't be up, i read on the internet that standing right after waking up with a fever could give you a stroke."

"you made me cookies ?" soobin asks, voice shaky and he doesn't really notice he's about to cry until his mother and boyfriend's happy faces morph into worried ones. he reaches for his eyes and finds his eyes are wet. "why am i crying ?"

"soobinnie, are you okay ?" he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. what's happening to him ? is it the fever ?

"yes, yes sorry, i'm sorry, i think it's the fever but i'm okay really. and mom, i'm not going to have a stroke, i told you not to believe everything you read online." he finally speaks up after a few seconds, walking up to yeonjun, grabbing his hand with one of his and the cookie box with the other. "now, if you'll excuse us".

yeonjun bows politely to his boyfriend's mom, letting himself get dragged into his room.

"sorry if it's a little messy, hyung." he says, letting go of his hand, sitting on his bed and opening the box. "did you make these ?" he looks up to the other boy who's standing in front of him with a soft smile and even softer eyes. 'he only ever looks at me like this. these eyes are made for me only'

"my mom did actually. i texted her you were sick and asked her if she could make you cookies for when i came over." soobin nods, biting into one of the cookies.

"tell your mom i say thank you, they're delicious." he looks up to his boyfriend who giggles and pats his head.

"alright, i will."

they stay in like that for a few moments, yeonjun's hand in soobin's hair as the youngest eats his cookies in comfortable silence. he tries not to think about the warmth in his stomach and heart and throat and blames it on the fever. even after dating the other boy for over year it's still hard not getting flustered over even the smallest things he does for him. asking his mom to make him his favourite cookies and coming over when he's sick even thought he has class and-

"oh my god, hyung what are you doing here you have class !" he pulls away from his touch to look at him in the eyes. yeonjun is a senior and he's looking for a scholarship to get into his dream university next year (it's a few miles away, only a 30 minutes train ride away so they'd still be able to see each other whenever they wanted to but soobin still tries not to think about it too much for now). except in order to get a scholarship his attendance needs to be perfect. he's only allowed three days off by semester and only if a doctor approves it. except yeonjun is doing perfectly fine today so he has no reason to not be in class. yeonjun chuckles, reaching for his hair again.

"relax bunny. seems like flu season started, my teacher is ill and told us he wouldn't be here this afternoon."

and, oh. that's very reassuring and that also means he can stay here all afternoon (!!!) and maybe even have dinner. maybe being ill isn't so bad. soobin 'ahh's him and relaxes into the touch again, finishing his cookies in silence.

"did you want one ?" he asks as he takes his last bite from the last one. "sorry i forgot to ask. it's the fever." he tells his boyfriend with a malicious smile.

"i already had four on the way here, i knew you'd use your illness as a way of eating everything." he answers with a wink.

soobin slaps his thigh and yeonjun just smiles. as always.

("he smiles so much around you." he remembers yeonjun's older sister had told soobin one day. the boy's family had invited him on a family trip during the summer and on the last day they had had a campfire in the garden.

"ah, i think he's just happy to be with all of us together." he had replied, not knowing what to say -not daring to believe it was true. yeonjun was always happy, he was always bright. right ?

"nah, i've known his annoying ass for the past 18 years and i've never seen him smile so much. i don't think he's ever been as happy as when he's around you.")

"can we cuddle ?" the younger asks, suddenly craving for a hug from his boyfriend. well maybe it wasn't so sudden but, well, blame him all you want, he had a wonderful boyfriend at arm's reach, of course he was going to take advantage of it.

"of course, binnie." he was going to get into bed but soobin stopped him.

"take off your pants, i'm not cuddling you in your jeans." to which yeonjun just scoffed.

"your mom is in the living room babe and you know you're pretty loud so-" he didn't have time to finish his sentence when a pillow hit his head. he started laughing, unbuttoning his pants. "i come over here, bring you cookies and love and this is all i get ? violence ?"

--

they end up cuddling for a few hours, yeonjun telling him about how boring his classes are at the moment, how he can't wait for the holidays, that he got an email confirmation this morning for a summer job (it's so hard not to kiss him as a reward so he still gives him a forehead kiss which makes his boyfriend blush), that beomgyu followed him all morning and it was kind of weird but also oddly cute.

"yah, are you calling my best friend cute ?" soobin says, falsely offended.

"you call hueningkai cute like, 40 times a day."

"your point ?"

"you're so cute when you're jealous." and it's in these moments he wishes yeonjun knew. 'it's not cute it's actually terrifying and sometimes i can't breathe because i think you're going to find someone better than me'. he just rolls his eyes and scoffs, resting his head on the other's chest. they stay like that for a little, yeonjun's innocent hand touching at his skin on his hip, soobin listening to his breath.

"i think i'm going to dye my hair pink." soobin turns his head in his boyfriend's direction, eyebrows raised. it's not really surprising, the older boy is constantly dyeing his hair a new colour. it's currently grey and soobin likes it so much it's actually kind of embarrassing. it took a few hours for him to act normally around grey-haired yeonjun.

"yeah ?"

"yeah, what do you think ?"

"i think you're going to be handsome hyung. you always are." he means it. his boyfriend blushes a little bit, looking away.

"you're too good to me soobin-ah. i don't think i deserve it." soobin snorts. ' oh if you only knew you're the only one who thinks that it's you who doesn't deserve me and not the other way around.' he hates himself a little for thinking that.

"are you kidding ? of course you don't hyung, i only do it cause i love you." he isn't well enough to have a deep conversation with his hyung right now. he fears that if he starts talking about his feelings he won't be able to stop. yeonjun looks at him with his usual soft eyes and it hurts inside soobin to know he is loved so dearly by this boy and he has no idea how to accept his love when it seems like the entire world is against him.

"you remember when i told you i was never gonna let anyone disrespect you in front of me ?" soobin frowns.

"yeah, i do. why ?" he watches as the other boy's face morphs into something more serious. he sighs before he sits up, forcing soobin to do so, too.

"why didn't you tell me ?"

"tell you what, hyung ?" he doesn't like where the conversation is going. would beomgyu have told him ? no. he knew this was a conversation soobin wanted to have on his own terms with his boyfriend. preferably when he had graduated and couldn't do anything other than reassure him.

"what the people in school say about you. about us." fuck.

"i- i don't know what you mean, hyung, why would i know what people say about us ? you know i don't gossip, haha" he tries a laugh but he knows his face is flushed. his boyfriend's face is stoic, not letting any emotion show.

soobin's brain is running wild as the thoughts pile up in his brain. 'would he leave me ? would he think it's too hard to be with me ? will he be mad at me for lying to him ? will he hate me ? dear gods, let him not hate me.'

"listen, whatever they say about me, i don't care. i know you love me and that's honestly all that matters to me, hyung. i didn't tell you because it doesn't matter-"

"it matters, soobin-ah. it matters to me."

they're silent for a few seconds. he doesn't know what to say so he looks down at his hands. but honestly why did yeonjun think having this conversation when soobin was sick , stuck in bed with a fever was a good idea ?

"i got suspended. that's why i don't have class today." he almost snaps his neck with how fast he raises his head. he's pretty sure his eyes are bigger than the moon right now. this is bad. this is really bad. "taehyun told me that you had asked beomgyu to look after me because you were scared people were going to hit on me. i thought it was cute until taehyun explained that it really wasn't and that i had been a terrible boyfriend to you."

of course , it was taehyun. taehyun who is beomgyu's boyfriend and yeonjun's best friend and objectively the most mature and intelligent person in their friend group. taehyun, who beomgyu tells everything in exchange for kisses. taehyun who never promised soobin he'd stay quiet.

"hyung, you're not a terrible boyfriend i just- i always made sure you wouldn't find out. i didn't want you to overreact."

"overreact ? soobin they insulted you. to your face. repeatedly. nothing is okay with that. and even if you tried to hideit, i should have noticed."

again, soobin doesn't know what to say so he just lets his lips form into a pout while looking down at his lap.

"what happened ?"

"some guy on the team tried to make a joke about you except today really wasn't the day. i couldn't hear it so i just- i punched him."

like second nature, soobin reaches for his boyfriend's hand and notices the bruised knuckles. ' the bruised fingers that were playing with my hair a few moments ago' . he brings them to his lips and kisses them softly.

"you shouldn't have, hyung. it's going to be on your report, you might lose your scholarship."

yeonjun's free hands reaches for his chin and forces his boyfriend to look at him.

"do you have any idea how precious you are to me soobin ? much more than any scholarship, much more than any school program, much more than anyone." and it shouldn't come as a surprise, in fact it probably wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who knew yeonjun even in the slightest but it all feels like too much and soobin can't help but burst into tears as his boyfriends pulls him on his lap, setting his head on his shoulder and leaving soft kisses in his hair.

"i'm sorry i didn't say anything, i was so scared you'd get yourself in trouble but then you- you still did" he manages to mumble between his sobs.

"bunny, don't apologise. none of this is your fault okay ? my mom said she'll talk to the principal and figure something out okay ? i'm just suspended today, i'll go back tomorrow and we'll fix it, so don't worry about it. i'd do it again if i had to."

"oh my god, your mom must hate me she- she made me cookies and i turned- i turned her son into a criminal" and yeonjun shouldn't laugh but he can't help it. "it's not funny hyung, i love your mom so- so much i don't want her to hate me."

"hey baby, calm down please. my mom doesn't hate you, quite the opposite actually." he says, cupping soobin's face so softly, looking at him straight in his eyes, their noses touching. 'i'm going to get him sick. he's going to be a sick criminal because of me' . "she kicked my ass and said i should've punched them sooner. if anything, she's on your side on this one. alright ? we're alright babe."

it takes a few moments but having yeonjun this close to him helps and after a while he finally calms down, blowing his nose for the nth time in the past 10 minutes.

"we're alright ?" he repeats, weakly.

"yeah baby, we're alright. never been better."

and as always, soobin believes him because he knows yeonjun always means what he says. they're alright. or at least they will be very soon. soobin is alright and he's so lucky to be loved by yeonjun and he's suddenly reminded of why everyone would want to be loved by him.