In the fourth grade, Barry told me that the world spun in a delicate manner; despite how sturdy the ground seemed to feel beneath our feet. He explained how one tiny action we do could change our life and lives of others – of course that was when he reminded me about the fact that I could do amazing things if I strived to be a Great Blind One like Stevie Wonder (The Greatest Great Blind One). He told me that everything always has a reason to exist, no matter how terrible it may seem, and that everything happens because it is a part of a plan laid out for your life. Anyway, his point was pretty much that every blade of grass on earth had a purpose.

And I guess a lot of things happened because my dad and I didn't go fishing in the great outdoors at 5 A.M. on Sunday. In fact, we did something even worse; instead of packing worms in a can my dad and I spent the day clutching the toilet seat and hurling our guts out. It sucked especially for me because I had only gotten about three hours of sleep due to Orenda's late night adventure. There was a really big rainstorm that day, so even if my dad and I were in good condition, we would've been drenched. Anyway, we didn't eat for practically the whole day (when we did it came back up again) and that made my mom really upset with herself because she thought it was her dinner that made us sick; but to be honest it was really just a salami sandwich my dad and I had snuck before eating dinner the day before.

All that resulted in me not finishing my book report on "The Little Bird Who Was Really Not A Little Bird" because I couldn't really function physically, much less think. I missed school that entire week and Marybeth called in every single day to make sure I wasn't ditching – in which I told her I wasn't – nonetheless she didn't believe me. Orenda also called a few times to make sure I was still alive, and I told her I was, and she believed me. Egan came over once with a box full of chips, Capri Suns, and chocolate bars in hopes of making me feel better, but my mom strongly disagreed with that idea.

Once my dad and I had puked ourselves dry as a crisp, it was Friday, and we remembered that St. Hemling gave the students the Friday off – so my dad checked the weather and decided to make that the day we would revisit the "fishing in the great outdoors at 5 A.M." activity.

-----/////-----

"Finnegan, bring me the blue bait box, please." My dad said as the car pulled up onto the gravel road by the lake filled with fish.

"Really? Blue bait box? Normal dads don't make fun of their child's inability to have vision and know fishing terms," I joked.

He guffawed and said, "I'm not a normal dad, bud," as we got out of the car in unison. I groaned at my dad's response and snapped open my white cane while my dad hauled the boat onto the water. I breathed in deeply. The air was crisp but still had the sweetness of summer bound to it, and for a small second I didn't regret waking up at 4 in the morning to fish for nothing at all, despite hardly being awake enough to keep my eyes open (not that that makes a difference).

"The thing about fishing is, Finnegan, it's boring. It's absolutely spirit-draining. But it gives good time for good conversation, what d'ya say?" My dad continued rambling on about how fishing was good for the rotting soul and I agreed with him all the way until we were both sitting on the boat and the sharp quick jolts of my dad's rowing could be felt.

"What do you want to talk about, dad? You know, to prevent the spirit-draining."

No answer. He was too busy rowing so I just waited until we started floating peacefully.

"How's school?" He asked gruffly.

"You ask me that everyday."

"Everyday I get the same answer! 'Good.' 'Good'. And surprise, surprise! 'Good' again. I swear, the school could blow up – God forbid – and you would say 'good.'"

"Shush, the fish are going to swim away with this racket you're making."

My dad chuckled. "Atta boy."

After that my dad reeled in a fish that was supposedly too small to even be called a fish, so he threw it back in. I leaned over and reached my very cold fingers into the very cold water and twirled them around, wondering just how deep the lake was. I wouldn't even know if no one told me. I could jump in and take a feel for myself, but that would result in death; or even worse, scaring the fish away.

Without warning, my dad screeched loudly as he reeled another one back in, but it turned out that it was even smaller than the last. I continued swirling my finger around and practically feeling my soul rot. Eventually, I rolled up my jacket sleeve and stuck my forearm in the water as well, whilst making sure I wasn't going to tip the boat and fall in. There was a floating leaf or something between my fingers but it escaped my grasp swiftly. And for some reason, a while after that, the lake felt really bottomless and that started to freak me out, so I pulled my arm out of the water in an instant.

"So, Mrs. Castellano has asked for yet another time we should get together for dinner," my dad piped up.

"Didn't she already ask a million times?"

"Yes, but she's always changing the plan – something about your girlfriend or something about the bakery."

"Orenda, you mean."

"Oh yeah, sorry bud. Orenda."

"Shut up," I joked.

"I don't quite believe that the whole predicament about the Castellanos not being able to eat dinner with us is the result of a coincidence, though." My dad grunted as he cast the fishing line; the bait landed with a quiet plop.

"What?" I asked.

"They must have a reason to keep pushing it back. Are mom and I too intimidating?"

I ignored his question. "Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?"

"Hmm, yes."

A chilling breeze blew onto my face and I shivered. It felt like the wind hadn't gone around me at all, but rather through me. I put on my jacket hood and sniffled.

"I believe that everything does happen for a reason, bud, but sometimes that reason is not the one you want. Sometimes things happen and it you don't even know why it's happening and it affects you anyway. Even sometime they don't go the way you want it to, and you try to change it so that it does, but the end result is always the same. Not every reason is ideal, but there is always a reason. Why the question?"

"I don't know," I grumbled. "It just makes me feel better sometimes to think that I have a purpose and a plan for my life. But it's so freaking scary to think about a plan or a purpose that isn't an ideal life. It's even scarier sometimes when I think about me not having a say in what I want, you know, having no choice."

"Of course you have choices, Finn. But look at it this way; you have a thousand choices laid out in front of you. You have choices on which path to take and every choice you make radically impacts the end result. The thing is, after you make a choice, all the others disappear. You see, your life plan is not like catching fish – there's plenty of fish in the sea, and you can always throw the ones you don't like away. Life is full of surprises, such as this one!" Dad called triumphantly as he reeled in another fish. The excitement made me push the information my dad had just given me to the back of my brain and we hooted at our victory. We caused so much commotion that I swear the boat almost tipped over, and I was very sure that all the other fish had evacuated the area. This time the fish was too big for me to even hold in both my hands. We were definitely proud of that little story in the big plan, and it didn't get thrown back like the others.

-----//////-----

I fell asleep to the quiet radio on the drive home, and when I woke up my dad had already unloaded the car, so I just ambled on inside.

The first thing I heard when I got home was my mom's footsteps thumping against the floor as she told me Orenda was on the phone for me. She handed me the phone and some hot chocolate; I thanked her and brought the phone to my ear.

"Orenda?" I greeted her.

"Hey, Finn! How've you been?"

"I've been good," I sat down on the chair and took a sip out of my mug.

"That's good."

"You?"

"Great," she sighed, "today's bound to be exceptionally boring; I've got nearly nothing to do. I've already gone to Willow and pinned some drawings up."

"I just got home."

"It's literally eight in the morning, where'd you go?"

"Fishing," I said, overhearing my mom and dad fawning over the big fish (we decided to call him Big Bass) in the kitchen. "I'm going to a party today," I whispered, to make sure my parents wouldn't find out.

"Like, a birthday party?"

"No, Orenda, I'm not five, remember?"

"Geez, calm down. Don't get drunk, alright? People make bad decisions when-"

"Come with me."

"Excuse me?"

I was about to say something, but I couldn't say it because that was not the response I was expecting. So, I just repeated myself. "I said, come with me. To the party?"

"To a party?" She scoffed. "Me?"

"It's mostly people from Egan's school but he invited me and that means there's going to be other people who aren't from his school. And I made sure that's there won't be any, like, meth or anything. So don't worry about that part."

"Finn, I don't think I should go."

"Do you have something against parties?"

"Oh, no. No! I just... I'm busy."

"You just told me that you were exceptionally bored. I can practically quote you."

"I really shouldn't come to the party, Finn. Really. Bye."

"WAIT!" I said quickly.

"God, what?"

"You said you wanted to live a life that is ineffable. And taking a risk full of radiant red is pretty much the beginning of your daring lifestyle. How are you going to wear the red dress home if you never put it on?"

"Oh, so now you become a poet." She drawled.

"Always been one," I joked. "Egan and I will pick you up probably around eleven."

"Finn! Finnegan, I really really um, shouldn't. Really."

"Red! Red red red red red red," I kept repeating into my mug as I took a sip of my hot chocolate again.

"Fine! I hate your guts, Finnegan Annson." She hung up and I left the kitchen.

-----/////-----

There was something very different about actually sneaking out at night. It felt strangely like the morning, except a lot more rebellious and leather coat like. Egan knocked on my window right when it was eleven and I slipped out like I usually did when I hung out with Orenda, which resulted in Egan complimenting my slipping-out-of-a-one-story-window skills. I told him it was probably because my great-grandfather was a burglar.

We picked up Orenda (she was already waiting outside, so we didn't have to go through the whole window scene) and she hopped in the car in a hurry.

"Hey Orenda," Egan and I said in unison.

"Hi." She said timidly. "I don't think I should go."

"Red," I muttered.

"I'm going to buzz off your perfect hair, I swear to God."

"Aw, a compliment in a comeback. True love," Egan teased, and turned on the radio.

Olly Peters' house was actually very close by, so one song wasn't even done playing when we arrived. I knew a party was going on right away because I could feel the booming of the stereos inside of my chest with each step I took. Olly Peters had a fence around his front yard and I remember that because once Egan opened it and it squeaked open, Orenda held my hand and for the first time I realized that she didn't smell like flowers. She smelled more like a forced summer fling and it did not smell like the beginning of spring one bit, and that made me question if she was even Orenda at all. She clutched onto me tighter and tighter until we reached the front of the house and I could smell cigarette smoke.

"This is not a safe place for a blind boy to be, man." I directed the statement towards Egan but I said it so quietly that it really was only meant for me.

"You'll be fine," Orenda assured me.

"Do you think we should go back?" I asked quietly as we entered the house. "Well," Orenda's hand actually let go of mine and she laughed, relieved.

"What is it?"

"I feel," she whispered into my ear, "very red, and in the radiant red dress kind of way," she answered. I smiled and Egan helped me hang up my jacket.

Suddenly, I felt a hand slap my back. "This is Finn, my friend. And this is Orenda. Who, being Finn's friend, is also my friend," Egan introduced us.

"Hey man, I'm Winston. You're lookin' hot with those sunglasses but you can take 'em off, man-" he paused for a second as Egan explained my situation, "oh nevermind. It's all cool! Keep 'em on! And pretty thing, the good stuff's in the other room." Winston whooped and probably ran off to get even drunker than he already was.

Egan grabbed my arm tightly (seemed like everyone was holding onto me that day) and guided me around the clamouring teenagers all while saying "sup" to them. A couple of them made fun of me, I could tell. A couple of the girls called me cute, which made me feel pretty cool. Orenda stuck by closer.

Once we reached a room that was so acidic I could hardly breathe, Egan told Orenda and I to stay put while he looked for Olly or pizza or something. I couldn't quite remember. Orenda led me to a leather couch, where we sat down, and she started telling me about her week just like if we were at Willow. I told her about my day, which had actually started way too early, but was great nonetheless. I told her that if everything happens for a reason I hope that the thing that happens is for the best. She told me that it almost always is, even though people can make you doubt about the fact.

"I believe in happily-ever-afters, Finnegan. I really do. Even if you die tragically. I think everyone has a little bit of happy ending in themselves." She leaned on my shoulder and I kissed the top of her head.

By that time we had both determined the fact that Egan was never ever coming back, so we decided to look around. I told Orenda to maybe make it seem like she was the one holding my hand and not the other way around, because I didn't want more people making fun of me. She agreed courteously.

Orenda told me that we should dance, and I spent a quarter of the energy I had left to argue against that proposal, but in the end she still won. I don't remember what songs were playing, but they were the kind that make you want to move around and mess up your hair or whatever, and that's exactly what the majority of the party guests did. The music and voices were starting to make my head hurt but I really didn't want to ruin anyone's experience so I did dance along with Orenda. I fell over a few times, but she picked me right back up, and told me that I looked like a break-dancer for a moment. I scoffed. We had been laughing at my clumsiness for a while when suddenly she whispered in my ear again, this time saying with utmost giddiness, "I'm wearing a red dress!" and that made me laugh and say, "I'm sure it looks amazing." She told me that I was right and we twirled around some more.

Orenda and I eventually got tired, and Egan eventually came back, so we all sat on a couch together. He told me that Olly Peters didn't even recognize him and even though that happened he was still fine because he didn't need Olly's approval to have a hell of a good time. Orenda applauded him, and I joined in.

"I also met this girl named Melissa, I think? She was pretty cool. She told me that she does karate and she's taken down three grown men at one time." Egan explained.

"She's probably just trying to impress you," Orenda muttered.

"Yeah, probably. But it didn't work. I mean, she didn't really like me. None of her good friends from school are actually here, but it was different for me, so I left. We were just lonely, I guess."

"I guess," I added.

"Honestly, this sounds freaking pathetic, but I feel like I'll never find anyone who likes me for me. It's so stupid. I'm thirsty. God, I want a drink or something."

"There's plenty of fish in the sea," I told Egan. "Also, there's water too."

He laughed, "yeah, plenty of fish I can't see."

"That would be more relevant to me, don't you think?" We both laughed.

Egan and I talked joked around some more while Orenda was strangely quiet beside me. She finally tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I'm going to get us some drinks. Egan, do you know where the station or whatever is?"

"It's over there in the dining room. Just take a left over there."

"Okay, great. Thanks. Be right back."

Egan asked me if Winston had offered me beer yet and I said no, to which he said I was very lucky because he was pretty sure it was just fizzy water. I thanked Egan for keeping the promise of no crack cocaine club. I told him that parties are very fun for certain individuals but the activity kind of loses all its magic when one can't actually walk around without being trampled to death, and he understood completely. I'm pretty sure we talked about Outlast Corruption after that, and how there was a new game coming out that was very similar, and Egan was saving up to get it. We brainstormed way on how we could maybe even afford a new game console, but we remembered that it was too expensive to even think about.

That's when I heard an ear-piercing sound, which sounded like if some glass had shattered or something. There was screaming across the room and a few people clamouring about. Egan and I stopped talking and I asked him what happened, and he said, "oh, looks like some random girl fell over." He then stood up and I just stayed sitting on that couch as he investigated further. I ended up feeling very lost, even though I would've been very easy to find.

Egan was gone for a while, and I was getting more and more concerned about what was happening when people started yelling for someone to call 911.

Egan ran back to me, his breaths fast and panicked.

"It's not just some random girl," he told me in a rush. The music pulsed, and I was pretty sure I had heard the song that was playing at that moment on the radio, in morning on the way to the fishing trip.

"Oh, is it just some random dude then?" I joked.

"No," he let out a long breath. "It's Orenda."

My heart sunk to the depths of the lake.

- author's note -

how've you all been? how's school/university/life been? I've been super busy with school, hence the very late update. If any of you guys get stressed about even the topic of school, i'm telling you right now, you can doooo ittt! really! don't even doubt yourself for a second!

and to all of you that are still reading this and still supporting me even when i don't update for 2 WHOLE MONTHS, thank you to the ends of the earth. you guys are honestly the best i'm so happy asdfghjklkj

follow my art/writing INSTAGRAM account : wonderfleurr

(will be posting some of my poetry and lotso art)

question!

if you could wish for one thing right now, what would it be?

i'm not even kidding if i could wish for one thing i would wish for the second season of Stranger Things to be out right now lolol

ALSO IF ANY OF U GUYS WATCH SUPERNATURAL I'M TRYING TO BE AN EXTRA ON THE SHOW AND THAT'S EXCitNG

vote and comment and all that fun stuff!

LOVE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT DAY HAVE A GREAT LIFE

p.s. next chapter is a tear-jerker...