The first thing my dad did when he came to pick me up at the hospital was hug me. Which I did not expect. Before that I had been worrying my head off while sitting on the bench outside, listening to the ambulances zoom past every minute or so, and rehearsing my speech that would clearly explain everything that happened to me, to Egan, and most importantly, to Orenda. But, my dad didn't ask me about any of that. He just brought me towards him and gave me a big bear hug, and then guided me over to the car, where it was silent and frankly, a lot better than the waiting room.

After we had been driving for a few minutes, my dad finally said,"Mrs. Castellano told us everything." His voice was gruffer than it had ever been, and that was either because he hadn't shaved in forever or he was extremely upset with everything I had ever done. I think it was the latter.

I inhaled sharply, and acknowledged that I heard him.

"You had your mom and I worried sick," he said in a hard tone, and sighed, "I want you to apologize to your mother once we get home."

"Okay."

The entire car ride back from the hospital was so quiet that I almost forgot my dad was there. Not a single word was spoken, not even when my dad was jiggling the lock on our door, which was usually when he would crack a joke about how our house was so old that it was bound to crumble into the ground any day soon. Even then he didn't utter a word, and that was when I realized how much bad sneaking off to a party at night was.

"Finnegan!" My mom came rushing to me the moment the door was opened, and, like my dad, brought me into her arms. Her big curls tickled my face and I buried my head in her shoulder, which was kind of hard because I had grown to be taller than her. She smelled of her tangerine scented lotion.

"I'm sorry, mom," I apologized, still in her arms.

She just sighed and fixed my hair softly; not a word was spoken. She told me to go take a shower and clean myself up because I smelled like hospital, so I did just that. But before doing that, I went into my room (which smelled of a warm breeze because my mom had opened my window), took off my hoodie, threw my white cane aside, and plopped myself on my bed. It was infinitely better than the hard plastic chairs in the hospital waiting room. The breeze through my window blew onto me and ruffled my loose t-shirt comfortingly. I could finally calm down from the nervousness I had suffered through at the hospital, and it was the best feeling. I was just thinking about calling Egan - since he had told me to call him once I had gotten home - when the phone rang. That made me jump a little, but I didn't go pick it up because there were already footsteps thumping over to the sound.

"Hello?" I heard my mom say; her voice sounded muffled because she was in the other room. 

A pause.

"Yes, Finnegan is home now. We'll have a talk with him about his actions, yes." 

I started listening more closely.

"How's Orenda doing?" 

A pause. 

"Oh dear." 

A pause.

"We'll keep her in our prayers, definitely. Sorry once again." My mom stopped talking with Mrs. Castellano on the phone and switched to talking with my dad. Both included disappointed voices and my name popping up every once in a while. I decided that it was time to take a shower and eventually their voices diminished.

After I showered and had something to eat, we ended up having a long talk about how I was insanely stupid but impressively sneaky. My parents decided that grounding me was the perfect solution to my friend being hospitalized. And so I was not allowed to have social interaction (not that I had a social life before that) with my friends other than during school, and video games were taken away for two weeks. 

-----/////-----

A few days later I called Egan before I had to go to school, and he told me though he had tried to hide the fact that he snuck out from his mom, but his conscience got the best of him and he ended up telling her the entire situation. 

"I can't seem to lie to her," Egan confessed.

"It's okay, man. At least you're not grounded like me."

"Sucks."

"Sure does."

"Have you heard from Orenda?" Egan asked me.

"No, not directly. My mom told me that she's still in the hospital, but she's getting better. She's not telling me too many details, it pretty weird." I responded quietly.

"God, hospitalized for four days after just fainting? That seems a bit extreme."

"I know," I said.

"Once this stupid being grounded thing passes, you should come over. We should have a run again, dude."

"Yeah, of course," I said, as my mom tapped me and told me that we had to go, "I gotta go. I'll call you soon, man."

My days of being grounded were surprisingly quite productive, mostly because I actually felt like the only thing I could do was study for finals, and I got a lot of work done. For a week I just went to school, talked to Marybeth and my other school friends, and then came home to do my homework. I ended up receiving an 80 percent on one of my math tests, and my mom nearly cried from joy. I owed a lot to Marybeth actually, because her constant motivating/insulting during school was, strangely, pretty helpful. 

Marybeth had not only been nagging me about my assignments, but also about what I had done to get myself grounded; so I told her about what had happened during the party one day during lunch. Once the story was over (I left out a lot of the hospital parts) she just laughed and told me that I was a sissy for not taking a swig or a drag or something at least. I retorted against that and asked her if she would've, to which she replied, "no, because I'm freaking visually impaired and I would have an increased chance of dying whilst walking." That resolved the argument pretty quickly.

Then on another day, when we were both waiting for our rides, she nagged me about how my relationship with Orenda was going and that forced me to tell her about the Orenda parts and the hospital parts. And I realized that I missed Orenda a whole lot. By that point it had been a week or so since I hadn't talked to her. Marybeth said that Orenda seemed like a pretty badass girl, and that she was going to get better real soon. 

Suddenly she said, "you know, you should call her."

"Who?" I adjusted my backpack on my back. 

"Don't you only talk to like, two girls?" She scoffed.

"Shut up. You don't know me."

"Yeah I do, Finn Annson. Anyway, I'm talking about your girlfriend, you idiot."

"I know."

"Like, at least visit her."

"Her mom wants me dead, I hope you understand that."

"You know - and I'm not saying that Orenda's going to not be okay - but when Amie was having trouble and wouldn't come to school, I didn't go visit her. It wasn't because I wasn't allowed, but more because I was scared to see her - well not see, obviously - but witness her in a state that was different than how she usually was."

"Wh-"

Marybeth interrupted me. "You know, the usual Amie. And then she was gone. I'm not saying Orenda's going to be gone; I hope she gets better, and I'm sure she will. But I think you think that Orenda doesn't want you to help her, yet that's nearly never the case. You've got to come through." Marybeth pat my shoulder, "anyway, you snuck out at night. You're hardcore enough to break a few rules. You could at least give her a call." Then she left. I had to slowly process what she had said to me for a few seconds afterward.

My mom came to pick me up, finally.

"How was your day, hun?" My mom asked, her voice soft.

"It was alright."

"Just alright?"

"Yeah," I sighed. 

"Want to talk about it?"

I changed the subject. "Any news on Orenda?"

"Yes, actually. She was discharged yesterday, so today's her official first day home."

A wave of relief washed over me. "Can I visit?"

My mom chuckled softly and said, "Mrs. Castellano told me that she would prefer if you two didn't see each other for a while."

"Why?"

"She claims that you're a bad influence, Finnegan."

"Damn, really?"

"Finnegan! Language!"

"Sorry. I meant, darn, really?"

My mom exploded into laughter. "I'll allow you to call her," she said after her laughing break. 

"Thanks mom," I smiled.

"But, you need to keep in mind what consequences your actions brought upon the Castellanos. I'm sure Orenda will be overjoyed to hear from you. But no guarantees about Mrs. Castellano."

After that, my mom asked me about my assignments, and for once I could actually say that I'd gotten them in on time. It was a good feeling, and I intended to revel in it for as long as I could, since I knew that once my grounded days were over my grades would drop; though my happiness from seeing Orenda may be able to cancel the negatives. The feeling of being a good student was probably a feeling that Marybeth got all the time, and I started getting pretty jealous of how she seemed to be able to understand and pass anything and everything. Then my mom switched the topic to shopping for new shoes for me or something and we talked about that for a good while.

The only thing on my mind as we pulled up on the driveway was that I needed to see how Orenda was doing, but I couldn't bring myself to call her. There just seemed to be something blocking me from doing the action of dialling her number. I avoided the phone altogether and went to my room, threw my backpack onto the ground, took off my glasses, and lay down on my bed. 

I brushed some strands of hair out of my face, and thought about what Marybeth said, and then realized that I didn't want Orenda to feel alone like Amie felt like she was before she passed away. I tried not to think about Orenda dying or feeling alone or feeling uncertain about things and instead listened to the sound of my own heartbeat. I always found the sound to be completely daunting, because it was the sound that determined my aliveness. If it stopped at that very moment I wouldn't be alive anymore, and if it went too fast I would pull a Barry and collapse from a heart attack.

And then I started thinking about what Orenda said about grey being in between. And I realized that my own self, my heartbeat - the thing determining my entire physical being - had to be in between. I thought about all the grey in the world, and how many things were covered in grey . Nothing was certain, but suddenly I got a rush of braveness and it wasn't really a scary thought for me. I had never exactly felt the feeling before. Sure, there were 'almosts' in the world and dreams sometimes disappear in the blink of an eye and I would never be in control of everything in my life, but the curiosity I had for the uncertain overrode the fear of not knowing. I thought of possibility, and not really that much about the unknown.  

With a burst of courage, I jumped off of my bed and rushed to the phone to dial Orenda's number. 

"Hey Finny," Orenda said. She sounded almost completely out of breath. It worried me, but I pushed the worry away.

"Hi, how are you?"

"Considerably better. You?"

I leaned against the wall, next to the phone. "Alright. Is your mom okay with me talking to you?"

"No, but she's going to have to live with it," Orenda chuckled. 

I smiled. "So, a week, huh? That's an awfully long time to-"

"You should come over." She said this so abruptly I didn't even know how to respond for a second.

"What?"

"Come over. We can paint. My house is cool, remember? I need to talk to someone who's not a nurse or my mom."

"I can't. I'm not even supposed to be talking to you right now."

"Well, you you managed to do that, didn't you?"

I didn't have anything to say to that so I told her to wait for a minute and called my mom, who came rushing over from the sink, where she was washing dishes. Then I asked her if I could, maybe, possibly, go to Orenda's house to paint. Then she said no, because Mrs. Castellano would murder me. Then I begged for her to let me be supportive to a poor, ill girl who happens to be quite elysian, for a while, to which she gave in and said that I could if "Mrs. Castellano agrees to hide her knives." I laughed and my mom ruffled my hair - something she didn't usually do. 

"I can come, as long as your mom is okay with it," I said to Orenda, whilst fixing my hair from the mess it became after my mom ruffled it.

"I'll convince her. I'll see you soon, I guess."

"I'll be there in a few."

"I missed you, you know."

"Yeah."

Orenda hung up. 

I quickly went to change out of my uniform, and asked my mom to give me a ride as soon as possible. And she said yes with utmost enthusiasm, which was very strange. She actually drove me there right away.

My heart was pounding at an abnormally fast pace as I rang the doorbell to the Castellano's. I subtly begged my heart to not make me flop down dead on the Castellano's porch. But then even their tiny porch scared me, because I couldn't stand still enough to assure that I wouldn't fall off or something.

The door swung open. "Hey Finn," Orenda said.

I smiled, "Hey Orenda."

"Come in," she grabbed my hand softly and closed the door. I kicked off my shoes. 

Their house smelled of vanilla candles and felt like wool sweaters, but for some reason the smell of a garden full of flowers still managed to sneak their way in there. I hadn't been inside Orenda's house in ages, and it instantly gave me memories of the first time I had been there; the day she told me that we were going to "chez moi" and we talked about how Stevie Wonder was pretty great, and how I could perhaps even be greater. 

"You know what's weird?" I said as Orenda brought me down the stairs, one by one.

"Infomercials?" She joked.

I laughed, "sure. But what I was thinking of is, you know, how it hasn't really been that long since I've seen you. But for some reason it feels like it's been an infinite number of days. And I realized how boring my life is without you, which sounds crazy pathetic and makes me want to punch myself, but it's only the truth. I'm glad your mom allowed me to come over."

Orenda giggled as she swung our hands back and forth, and we reached the bottom of the stairs. The room smelled of paint, just as it was like last time. Nothing about Orenda's art room had changed, except maybe the people inside of it.

"Same here," she finally uttered.

"That's it? I spill all my feelings, and you give me a 'same here'?"

She kissed me. "Better?"

"Okay."

Orenda laughed.

She didn't even have to explain what we were going to do, because I already knew. Orenda turned on the radio, and we listened to the mainstream music that we usually wouldn't listen to. We enjoyed it though, because the music was catchy and made us want to dance, and that was enough. Orenda said that she was a little bit tired so we both got chairs, but I continued standing whilst she had to sit down every once in a while to catch her breath.

Then Orenda complained about how rapping was so easy for some people, and so hard for others (such as herself), and I told her that she could probably rap pretty well - considering the fact that she could say a million words in one sentence. That made her laugh.

She told me that I was going to help her with most of the drawings for her Memory Tree Project, which was the name she had deemed onto the project with Willow for her worldwide art contest. 

"Paint something that makes you feel like, like, excited." Orenda explained, whilst swirling her brush around in the water jar. The sides of the brush clanged against the glass.

"Excited?"

"Yep."

"I don't know have anything I'm really excited about. How am I supposed to paint it?"

"Fine, paint whatever you want," Orenda retorted. 

I scoffed and dipped my paintbrush in whatever colour was closest and decided to paint the smell of vanilla candles. It consisted of smooth strokes and dabs of paint expanding in a circle from the inside to the outside. Orenda breezed through paintings and I soon discovered that she was making paintings that reminded her of the times she felt frustrated and angry, so it made some more sense.

I eventually moved onto painting the rain, but kind of stopped halfway through. I couldn't finish it because it reminded me of when Orenda told me that she felt like a grey sky and it reminded me of the raindrops pattering against the hospital window when Orenda told me to leave her alone. And for a second I wanted to ask Orenda if everything was truly okay, because sometimes her words would suddenly diminish, as if she had remembered something unsettling. For half an hour, Orenda talked about how amazing it would be if the good things could last forever, and how amazing it would be if no one forgot people over time. She told me that sometimes the image of a smile can fade, and that was why she was painting a picture that reminded her of smiles that helped her. I was just about to ask her about her time at the hospital, and what really happened that night... but instead I talked about the colour grey.

"I don't think you should hate the colour grey so much," I mumbled.

"What?" She sounded extremely shocked.

"You know, the colour? The colour grey? You said all these things about it being a colour that represents something that is uncertain, or something that is either too bad or too good. You said that sometimes dreams don't come true, and that makes you feel like a grey sky. I'm saying you shouldn't hate the colour grey quite so much."

"Why not?" 

"I don't think we should be scared or worried about the things we can't control. I mean, I want to be with you. I know that for sure. But while nothing is certain, there are infinite possibilities. Perhaps you had an 'almost', but for every dream that doesn't come true, there are so many others you can work toward. There's so many things out there, Orenda. Doesn't that make you excited?"

"Holy crap, and all this is coming from a future-fearing individual?"

I laughed. "Imagine this - another universe. Where there's me and you and we both are somewhat the same but, um, you have an extra bellybutton or something! Or in another universe, we're still Finn and Orenda, except we're in Hawaii and it's paradise and we're sipping champagne. Perhaps in another universe we last forever, and no one leaves, and so no one forgets. Imagine the infinite possibilities. Perhaps you're uncertain about something, and it feels like an endless grey sky, but isn't everything grey until you discover it? Everything's grey until you make it not grey, huh? What I'm saying is, there are things we don't know. And we shouldn't be scared, we should be excited. And that's a hard thing to do. But I'm going to try to do that, even if it ends up as an 'almost'. Do I make sense? I'm not quite as good at explaining thoughts as you are."

Orenda grabbed my hand and trailed her fingers across my palm, as if she was trying to figure  out every ridge. Eventually I pulled away because it started to tickle. Orenda chuckled,"And you say you're not excited about anything."

We continued painting, and I could practically feel Orenda formulating thoughts in her head.

"Alternate universes, huh?" Orenda finally said, a hint of laughter in her voice.

"Yeah," I chuckled nervously.

"I like that. But let me tell you something. Even if there are a million possibilities of an 'us' in a different world, even if there is a world where we're infinite and love lasts forever and nothing is uncertain, even if there's a world where no one would ever be forgotten, and there was no grey at all, even then, you know what?"

"What?" I chuckled.

She nudged me softly with her elbow, and then leaned against me softly. "I wouldn't mind staying here and colouring this world of grey with you."