i need to vent for a moment pls dont mind me thx

so uhm

i hate summer

so much

this burning hatred began to 'blossom' last summer. due to all the free time given to me, i was never really busy. all i did was stay up and use my phone and get up to eat and then go back to using my phone,,,

despite that sounding so amazing, there are some flaws,

such as the fact that i have finally been given the time to think

THAT SUCKSSSSS

all i think of in the summer is sad stuff !!!!!!!! i !!! hate !!! it !!!

seriously though i really do

last summer i kept breaking down in tears every week cause all i could think of was death and my grandmother who i took for granted. every night was longer than i expected, and my pillows were often soaked with tears hHHH ::"""(((( i hated it. i couldnt seek out for someone to talk to cause there was no one to talk to,,, my parents were open but i was frightened to cry in front of them. just the simple topic of death makes my eyes water

i think i have recovered now idk

but

this sad summer's theme now is: nostaligia and childhood!!!!

sO uHm this is how it came to be !!!

i decided to listen to "married life" from 'up' one day and i was enjoying myself !!!! it was nice :)) i learned some parts in piano cause i was really liking the song !!1 so did my family !!!! married life is a pretty piece after all lol

this love for the song began to blossom at the end of the school year. and i KNEW tHis wAs A bAd siGn i KneW i wAs gOING to bE SAD fOR THE SUMmer cauSE Of THIs sONG

and i was right !!!!!!

right after the ceremony,, i started to think more about the song together with the comments i saw of the video of the audio (what????? lol i was using yt),, and i just

wow

i felt sad

i felt nostaligic and just

wow

im old???

also that time i was starting to think about it,,, the 'last-day-of-school' effect didnt really impact me @ that moment

( during the ceremony tho,, it kinda did?? one of my seniors was giving out a speech and it waS eMoTionAL,, even the people that werent in her class was BAWLING. i nearly did,, my eyes began to water buT i SUCKED IT IN. the rest od my class were starting to cry sadly aw )

so i kept thinking about it the whole day,, a.k.a today. i got more sad when i just kept thinking of my childhood memories,, and sadly,, with that song stuck in my head,, i cant help play it in the bgm in my imagination aND WTH IT SUCKS SO MUCH I GET SO EMOTIONAL????

aND AT THE RIGHT YET WRONG MOMENT THe 'last-day-of-school' effect fiNALLY HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK AND

im sad

:(

i'll be saying goodbye to my seniors and it made me sad :((((

and @ the same time i was busy thinking about my childhood so it made me even more sad :,((((((

and then the stupid comments of that video where i listen to the song made me sad aswell !!!!!! >:""(((((

especially those stupid comments that go

"when you login your old minecraft world and still see your dog waiting for you"

THAT HITS RIGHT IN THE KOKORO MMM

( wow what a weeb koko )

seriously tho

im really sad :((( i just cant stop thinking about the past,,, i cant stop thinking about my seniors leaving,, school finally ending and growing up

iT SUCKS So mUch

im trying to make a daily schedule of work to make myself busy

i hope itll work :,,((((

cuz dAm i haTE SAD SUMMER HouRS >:(((