phil

Dan is really tense today, I think as I hear heavy footsteps stomping around upstairs.

He came out of his room this morning with bloodshot eyes and cheeks stained from tears, looking disheveled just like he did that day I had tea with him. I pretended not to notice.

When we were eating breakfast, he kept staring straight ahead like he was thinking about something. I pretended not to notice.

I told him I was going to the store to pick up a few things. I didn't really need anything, I just needed to get some fresh air that wasn't choking me with strain. When he told me that was fine, his voice was scratchy and sounded tired. I pretended not to notice.

When I got back, before I chirped a happy "Dan, I'm home!", I could hear him in the lounge, on the phone with someone.

"I'm confused, Lotus. I don't know what he wants!"

I pretended not to notice.

Now that he's stomping around upstairs late at night, I can't contain myself anymore. I creep up the stairs, trying not to let myself be heard, and stand outside his door a moment. This scares me. If I make him mad, he could kick me out and I wouldn't have a place to stay again. I ultimately decide to chance it and go in.

Dan is sitting at the desk across from the door when I enter, his back to me. He runs his hands through his hair, sighing. "Dan," I say meekly, "I need to talk to you."

There is a pause before he gets up. "Just in time. I need to talk to you too," he grumbles, turning to face me. There is a lot of emotion in his face, and I can't place the specific ones, but they're not good.

"Dan, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" He scoffs, then sucks his cheeks in. "What's wrong?! Ask yourself, Phil. What do you think is wrong with me?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking you."

He exhales slowly and rubs his face, sitting back down on the side of his bed. "You, Phil. You are what's wrong with me. You keep leading me on, and I can't figure out what you're trying to get across, dammit."

"What do you mean? How am I leading you on?"

"Okay, well. First of fucking all, you keep pretending like you want to be friends with me when I know that soon I'll mess up and you'll realize that I'm just like the rest of them and leave me all alone again. And then... and then that thing at the concert. I thought you were going to kiss me, Phil, I thought the boy with the pretty eyes from the shop was going to be in love with me. And then you didn't! It's not your fault, but you acted so casual to Lotus and Alaska and I thought you were faking to try to hurt me. Like it was all a joke and you just wanted to trick me. Phil, shit, I look like I'm this tough guy who doesn't care but I really do! I thought I was finally going to figure out for sure if I'm gay, and if I really like you like that, and all these questions I have. Why the hell did you do this to me?"

He's breathing heavily, his face red and screwed up, waiting for my response. 

"Dan, I... why didn't you tell me? I could have fixed this sooner! I was out in the hospital half dead and you were probably worried sick I'd never know the truth. Dan, I don't know why you would think otherwise, but I'm not the man you think I am. I care about you, and I want to be here for you. I want to make up all those years you were alone and sad because everybody made stereotypes and didn't want to be around you. Blocking me out isn't going to help me do that."

"But why, Phil? Why do you care so much? I'm such a burden, why do you want me in your life?!"

"Fuck, Dan, because I am in love with you. From the moment I saw you that day in Orc's, I couldn't stop thinking about you. When I saw you again outside your house, I almost cried because it seemed the fates wanted us to be together. My plan that whole day in London was to show you how much I love you, and Lotus and Alaska messed it up without knowing, and whatever. I care because you're the most misunderstood creature I have ever met but you're also the most beautiful. I want nothing more than to touch you and hold you and smell that alluring lavender scent of yours while I kiss you until we can't breathe. I can't fucking believe you haven't noticed by now."

We both stare at each other, breathless and silent, for what seems like hours. Finally, he stands up.

"If you love me so much," Dan's voice cracks with emotion, "then finish what you started."

I freeze. Did he just...?

Flipping off the light switch beside me, I walk towards him slowly and lightly, not taking my eyes off his. My hand touches his back, and then slips down to the small of his back just like it did that night, making him shiver the same way. Our foreheads touch, and I take a long breath. He's shaking, and my heart is beating fast. Again, all I can see through the darkness is his soft skin and some of his brown hair which is falling into his face, lit up by his desk light still on. I can only smell lavender; some from him, some from the candle burning behind us. And then, I feel nothing. My mind goes numb as I finally lean in, breaking the gap.

Dan's lips feel exactly how I expected them to. They're soft and inviting, and chapped just the right amount. Our kiss is slow and cautious, as we're not quite sure how to go about each other, but it's perfect. You would think that after a falling out like that, we would be kissing passionately and angrily, but that isn't what we want.

He tangles his fingers in my hair and pulls me closer to him, and I smile onto his lips and deepen the kiss, earning a soft exhale from him. Soon, though, my promise is kept, and we have to come up for air. 

As soon as I detach from him, my mind is catching up, running a million miles an hour. What just happened? Did I really just do that? What is he thinking? Did he like it? Is that not what he mean-

"Phil," Dan's small voice cuts through my thoughts, "I'm tired."

"No," I croak, not taking my eyes away from his, "you're sleepy."

I break out of my trance and go to switch off the light, but stop myself. His vinyl player catches my eye, and I go over to it, looking through his records. I feel him watching me intently, and the pressure is on to find the perfect music. 

Then, I spot it. A bright green cover with a black X. Putting it on, I let it begin to play while I turn off the desk light and blow out the candle. The opening chords of "One" by Ed Sheeran ring out into the small room, and I take off my jeans and t-shirt. He does the same, but chooses to leave his sweatshirt on, gathering the sleeves into his palms in insecurity when his jeans are off. I go back up to him and muster all of my strength in order to pick him up and lay him in the bed. 

When we're laying down, I look at him. "Dan?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"D'you want to be my boyfriend?"

There's a pause, and I hear him sigh.

"I was wondering when you'd ask that."

"Is that a yes?"

"Of course."

I pull him in for another passionate kiss.

I don't fall asleep until the Ed Sheeran album has run its course - and surprisingly I get through the night without a night terror - but that just means I get an extra hour to marvel at the fact that I am holding Dan while he sleeps.

-

dan

Yep, I'm gay.

phil

He's so gay.

-

dan

When I wake up, it is abnormally early - nine in the morning. Yawning, I look over at the boy who has been next to me all night. He's still asleep, his hair slightly messy and lips curved in a small smile. The morning light from my window shines into the room and casts onto Phil, making his pale skin glow and bringing out his beauty.

The lyrics to a song we heard last night pops into my head, and I hum along as I stare longingly at him.

You look so beautiful in this light

Your silhouette over me

His eyes open at the sudden noise, and my heart skips when I see them.

The way it brings out the blue in your eyes 

Is the Tenerife Sea

"Ed Sheeran, Dan?" he croaks sleepily. I beam and nod.

"You got it stuck in my head," I whine.

Suddenly, surprising me, he flips over on top of me and places his elbows on either side of me, his head held up by his hands. He gazes down at me as if he's in awe, and I feel a hot blush rise to my cheeks. 

"Uh, hello?" I say inquisitively, shrinking into myself.

"Hi," he says dreamily.

"What do you want?"

"You. I love you. Also, will you make me more of that tea? It was really good. Promise I'll make you breakfast if you do."

I furrow my brow, smirking at the man laying on top of me. "I love you too. Now, get off of me and you've got a deal."

As my half-naked boyfriend takes my hand to lead me down the stairs, I think to myself that life can't get any better than this.

FISIUDLIEBFKBLB THIS CHAPTER IM YELLI NG

(thinking the next chapter will be just pure fluff just because it's gonna start getting bad after that)