WARNING! (ALSO **SPOILERS**) this chapter contains insinuations and descriptions of tragedy. there's a fire and a lot of peril. (lol spoilers) if you're sensitive, read until you see the trigger warning (because important details) and then skip to the end of the chapter and i'll summarize it for you. :)

phil

The next day is quite uneventful compared to its predecessor. Lotus and I just play some miscellaneous video games and eat a lot, Alaska not included as she is visiting her mum this weekend. We laugh and yell and dance and have all the fun you usually do when you're with your best friend.

One thing was off, though. I had texted Dan at least twice this morning and as five o'clock neared, I couldn't help but think something was off. He seemed to be having such a great time yesterday...

...should I not have tried to kiss him?

However, I decided to give it a rest as it was probably nothing. So, here I sit, Lotus' head nestled in my lap as she checks her Instagram. My phone is out too, as I'm anxiously waiting for Dan's text under the facade of checking every social media account I have. My brow is furrowed, and Lotus must notice something is wrong. Girls have that kind of power.

"Phil, what's wrong?" she asks, switching off her phone and placing it face down on her chest. I sigh and do the same, but keeping my hand around it.

"Dan hasn't texted me at all today. Which is probably fine and I'm probably just being clingy but I can't help but worry."

"Yesterday, when I met him, I smelled..."

"I know, flower. He's easygoing, I understand why you'd think that. But he's not asleep. He told me about his sleep schedule - or lack thereof. He's sort of an insomniac, you see, and usually he'll stay up until fourish and then sleep until noon or maybe even one. It's six in the evening now, he's definitely not asleep."

"Maybe he accidentally went for a nap."

I frown. That thought hadn't actually occurred to me yet. "See, I'm just being clingy is all. Told you."

She's silent for a moment, and she seems to be thinking about something, trying to comprehend it. "Phil, when Alaska and I saw you yesterday, what were we interrupting?"

I let out a big breath I had been holding and shrink into myself. "You'll laugh."

"Not in a laughing mood right now. Just tell me, maybe I can help."

"Well, we had spent the whole day out, as you know. It was kind of a trainwreck, actually. I took him to Madame Tussaud's, but turns out he's afraid of wax figures. Luckily I was there and every time he got scared he would grab my hand and I would console him."

I look at her to make sure she's still listening, as she seems to be zoned out, but she just nods and looks at me as though she wants me to go on. "Then he took me on the London Eye, and...I told you that story from when I was eight...I had a panic attack."

Lotus gasps, but I shake my head and continue. "He came over and soothed me the way you always do, like he knew exactly what to do and say for me to feel better. And then when I stopped crying, he hugged me, and I never wanted to let go, Lotus. He's so comforting. You are too, but he's different. It's a different feeling."

"I get what you mean. Go on, you haven't answered my question yet."

"Then I took him to Trafalgar Square and there was that band playing, and we sung and laughed for a while, and I had never felt more alive. And that slow song came on, and I thought, 'This is it'. So I took his hand and taught him to dance, and then we ran out of things to say and...and..."

"Spit it out, Philly."

"I was going to kiss him." I wait for her dramatic reaction, for her to start taunting me, but she doesn't move. Just nods. I continue.

"I locked eyes with him, and I tried to signal to him what I was going to do, and he seemed to consent, so I brought our faces together and I tried to block out everything but him because I wanted it to be magical, and then-"

"Me and Alaska cockblocked you."

"Yes."

She giggles, but quickly turns stoic again. "Are you mad at me?" she asks sincerely.

"I was, but not so much anymore. If I had kissed him I probably wouldn't regret it, but honestly I don't know if I really do feel that way about him. I don't know what came over me that made me want to - no, have to - do that. What do you think?"

She looks philosophical again, staring up at the ceiling and taking a deep breath. "That thing you said. About how his comforting feels different. I said I know what you mean because I have experience with that. You know I get anxiety attacks too, and when you're there for me it feels wonderful to know I have you, my best friend, there looking out for me. And when it's Alaska who's nearby, it's the same amount of comfort, but it's a different kind. It's less of a selfless, kind, friendly thing. It's loving. Magical. My heart speeds up for a reason other than my panic. Whereas you comfort me with this feeling and idea of platonic love and family and caring for each other, she comforts me by giving me a thousand and one reasons why I am so in love with her. So, yeah, you definitely don't just like him as a friend. Since you haven't known each other too long, I'm going to play it safe and say you just like him, but I definitely see the beginnings of love."

I'm shocked. I don't believe her at first, but I remember that she's been dating Alaska for a long time, and she knows what she's talking about.

"Do you think he likes me?"

"That's harder to say, but you can help me figure that out. Does he blush when you flirt with him, or touch him, or whatever?"

"Yeah, pretty much all the time."

"How does he look at you? Does it feel friendly or does it feel like he's trying to see your soul through your eyes?"

I think hard back to yesterday. "I think it's the second one, but he tries to hide it."

"Was he going to kiss you?"

"I mean, it seemed-"

"I didn't ask if it seemed. I asked if he was going to kiss you."

"Yeah."

She sits up and faces me. "Phil, from what you've told me it sounds like he feels the same. You have to tell him before he loses hope. But don't be pushy. He sounds reluctant to love you, like he doesn't even know if he's gay yet or something. All I can say is that you've gotta pounce on that ass as soon as you can. But don't, like, literally pounce. Like I said. Be gentle. If he says no, he means no. If he wants time to figure it out, give him time. He's fragile, isn't he?"

I nod. "Mostly."

"Be careful."

"I'll go over and tell him tomorrow. Thank you so, so much, flower. I love you!" I jump up and pull her into a tight hug. She giggles.

"Philly, I love you too, but you're crushing me." she wheezes.

- (TRIGGER WARNING ILY)

It is two o'clock in the morning when I wake up to the faint scent of something burning.

My mind immediately jumps to that time a month ago when Lotus tried to make french toast for me but ended up setting fire to it, and it smelled like that in our flat for three days. I laugh quietly until I realize that it's two in the morning. Lotus is asleep. My stomach sinks.

Throwing my covers onto the floor, I grab my nearest backpack and start filling it with valuables - whatever I can get before it's too late. "LOTUS!" I yell several times while I do, trying to wake her up.

I get my phone and charger, some jeans and a shirt, my plush lion, my wallet, my keys, the case which holds my Nintendo 3DS along with my games, and a Muse CD my mother got me years ago for Christmas. I turn around and smoke is now visibly pouring out of my vent. I yell for Lotus again as I begin bounding down the stairs, but she's right behind me with a backpack of her own. Without words, we run with our hands over our mouths for the fire escape, which it's fortunate we have.

As we gallop quickly down the stairs along the building, we look into the window of the flat below us, and all we can see are flames. Lotus lets out a strangled cry, and I feel myself starting to panic. We hear firetrucks and ambulances in the distance, and this doesn't help me. I fall to my knees, sobbing and gasping for breath, on the landing nearest the fifth floor. Lotus tries to pick me up and keep me moving, but I physically can't. There is nothing more I want than to get up and run away from this building, which is now getting uncomfortably hot and making bad sounding noises.

Lotus is crying now. I use the rest of my voice to scream at her to run, to leave me here, but she won't. Before I know it, something hits the back of my neck and I black out as the building topples onto me.

dan

It's almost 3 o'clock in the morning and I should have texted Phil back today. He didn't send anything harmful, he just wanted to know how I was. I felt too scared and hurt to reply to him. Scared because what if he really did like me and I let him down somehow and I lost the only person I had? Hurt because it didn't seem like he really wanted to kiss me at all - and even if he did, he didn't act affected by the girls showing up. It all is just confusing me.

Surprisingly, I run out of things to do on the Internet more quickly than usual. I would go to bed, but some kind of nervous twinge in my stomach keeps me awake. To take my mind off of whatever it was, I decide to navigate to the local new station's website, a rarity for me, and see what kind of things were going on.

That did the opposite of help me, actually.

In fact, the headlining story is of an apartment complex just outside of London catching on fire.

Which I recognize as Phil's apartment.

I snatch up my phone and open Phil's messages. Phil, what's happened? I heard the news. Please tell me you're okay!

No response for a good ten minutes. As I wait, I watch the footage taken by a helicopter that's live on the website. The camera zooms through the flames licking the sides of the building and focuses on a figure, just barely visible crouching on the fire escape. There's a pink head of hair next to the person, trying to get them to stand up so desperately. 

It's Phil.

I feel sick. In fact, I begin to have a panic attack. I've never really had a panic attack.

I jump up and pull on jeans and a sweatshirt as quickly as possible, grabbing my phone and blowing out the candle beside my bed before jumping in my car and heading straight to the apartment. Tears threaten to leave my eyes as I drive.

I can't lose Phil.

welcome to the end of the chapter! if you missed it, Phil's building caught on fire and Phil got hit by debris and got knocked out. Dan heard about it and is rushing to the apartment to see him. ooo suspense!

i seem to have a thing with putting phil in peril in these things

heh