Warnings:

Everyone is 18+

Child abuse mentioned

Cursing

Violence

Bullying

Blood Loss

Smut in the last chapter

You were something else. You weren't the best demon slayer. In fact; you were the absolute weakest demon slayer there ever was. You were always sick, and no one found out why until Rengoku almost died on a train ride. You stopped it, but no one saw you do it except Rengoku. You were so frail, and no matter how hard you trained, you just weren't strong. You had bad dreams that made you wake up screaming, but you would never remember them. Rengoku and Tokito were your first friends. Tokito hated you at first, but then he saw what you were hiding.

It explained everything, and he became friends with your dark secret. Most everyone else wondered how you managed to survive the test or become a Hashira in the first place. Tanjiro was very kind to you, and when he found out you were sick a lot, he tried to help you while other Hashira made fun of you or people in general. Genya was the worst to you, and you tried to be friends, but he didn't like you. He hated how weak and timid you were, and you never engaged in real combat with him because, for some reason, it felt like someone else was fighting and not you. Sometimes, you were randomly strong and killed demons even though you had no memories of doing anything.

Your parents were killed by a demon, but you had no memories of them or anything except Tokito looking down at you after your house had been destroyed. He wasn't going to take you in, but you couldn't remember anything, and you didn't want to be left alone. Somedays, it was very odd because you would get so tired and randomly fall asleep, but others would say you told them about some recipes even though you had no clue what they were talking about. They said it was amnesia from a traumatic event, making you forget random things, but you didn't know what to believe.

You forget conversations, things you did, forgetting you ate food because most of the time you weren't hungry. You were sickly all the time, which made you not want to eat. You slept a lot mostly because you would go as long as you could training, which never really helped your case. You would train like no one was watching, and yet it didn't help you. Your attacks were weak, and you were weak. Even the others told you to give up, but you refused.

You had been sick for weeks and finally were cleared to go and fight again.

"Hi Tanjiro," you said shyly as he smiled.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as you smiled a little.

"I'm okay, thank you," you said as Inosuke came out of nowhere and scared you.

"Inosuke, please don't do that! I might faint if you do that!" You said as he looked at you confused.

"Steven," he said as you looked at him oddly.

"That is not remotely close to my name, Inosuke," you said as she looked at you annoyed.

"Yes, it is. If you are so smart, then what is it?!" He asked.

"It's Y/n!" You said as you felt light-headed.

"Oh no," you said as Tanjiro caught you.

"You made her pass out! You have to be careful with her!" He said as he set you down slowly.

"Y/n, hey. Are you okay?" Tanjiro asked as you started to wake up slowly.

"Ow, yeah... I'm sorry," you said as you started to tear up and ran off.

You hated how weak you were, and no matter what you did, nothing helped you. You were doubting yourself as well. Inosuke was laughing that he made you pass out again. You went to the courtyard to practice, but after a half hour, your body couldn't hold you up, and you fell to your knees, making you cry.

"What's wrong?" Tokito asked even though he didn't care he knew your dark secret that you didn't even know.

"I'm tired of being sick and useless! Inosuke scared me, and I fainted. I can't even pick my sword up right now," you said as your hands were shaking.

"You saved Rengoku, and you still see yourself as weak?" He asked.

"I don't remember doing it! I don't remember that at all, and hey, I thought Rengoku only knew that," you said.

"He told me to keep it a secret because you asked him to. You have been getting sick a lot recently. More than normal," he said as you nodded.

"Yeah... I don't think I have much time left. No one can find out what's wrong with me. I.. I don't know what to do. Heck, I don't even know if my parents are proud of me or if they are still alive and left me to die. I have so many unanswered questions, and what is worse is my nightmares. I don't know what they are, but I just know they are bad, and I want to wake up. Plus. Tanjiro has been thinking about me coming on missions with him.

I don't think I should go because I'll get them killed. Yet deep down, someone is telling me to go. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like there is this person who is trying their best to make sure I'm okay. Telling me I got your back, go on that mission. Jump off that cliff, run across that field. I promise nothing bad will happen to you just yet. Just fight, and I'll take care of the rest. I think that's the healthy me talking, but you know. I can barely do anything right anymore. You know, I wanted to quit being a demon slayer and start a family, but no one wants a sick girl as their wife. I can barely even stand myself half the time, either. Sorry, I ranted," you apologized as you tried getting up, but you couldn't stand.

"It's okay. I think you're right about the healthy part of yourself, wanting you to keep going. Remember when you saved me?" He asked.

"No," you stated as you heard people laughing at you.

"You should go before you get made fun of too," you said.

"I don't care about them," he said.

"I know, but... you might also get what I have. I don't want you to get it," you said as you sat there sadly.

"I'll be back in ten minutes to help you up," he said as you nodded.

"Thanks, Tokito," you said.

Once Tokito left, Tanjiro came running up to you, worried.

"I have been looking for you everywhere!" He said, making you scream.

"Tanjiro, don't do that!" You yelled as you turned to look at him but then put your head on the post.

"I'm sorry, I forgot... is everything okay?" He asked.

"I can't go with you on missions. I'm going to quit before I get you killed," you said.

"What, you are getting better! Look at that progress!" He said, seeing the small dent in the wood.

"I didn't do that," you said as you tried to pick up your sword, but you couldn't.

He picked up your sword for you and put it in your hand.

"It's okay, so what? You're a little sick. We can train together and you can get stronger!" He said.

"We tried that already, I can only do it in extreme conditions, and even then, I don't remember doing it. I'm worse than Zenitsu. At least he can do a complete form. I can barely do a half one," you said as he helped you up.

"It's okay. We will figure it out. You are my best friend, and I won't let you be sick. Stop you from achieving your goals or dreams," he said.

"Thank you, but... I don't think I was ever supposed to be here," you said as you were about to walk off back into the house.

"Wait! Y/n why don't you come on a mission with us? Please, I can help train you and figure out why you are having trouble fighting. Come on Y/n please it will be fun! Nezuko likes you," he said as he tried to convince you, but out of nowhere, Genya came with a demon mask on and then scared you.

You almost passed out as he laughed at you, but your face quickly hardened, and you took out your sword. You quickly slashed all the pillars without even looking at them, making everyone shocked. You got up close and personal with him to stare him down. You stared at him hard for a few seconds before passing speaking.

"I will join you. Don't. Scare. Me. Again. Or I will kill you next time," you said as you backed away and then passed out.

Tanjiro looked at the pillar he was standing in front of, and it was lying on the ground perfectly cut at the bottom. He didn't even get cut by you.

"Some superpower she has, too bad she can't do anything else," he laughed as Tanjiro helped you up.

"Leave her alone already it's not her fault!" He said angrily as Tanjiro tried to wake you up.

"Man... why can't I be normal?" You asked as you saw the pillars on the ground.

"Nice job," you said.

"You did it, not me," he smiled as you sighed.

"Of course, I can't remember that either," you said as you heard someone in your head chuckle.

"Come on, let's go pack!" He said.

"I said I wasn't going," you said.

"Please just this once. If this doesn't work out, then maybe you can think about different lines of work," he said.

"Fine, I can do that," you said with a weak smile