I fell asleep in his arms.

The exhaustion and anxiety I had felt since the last twenty four hours melted away in his warmth. He held me close, protectively. And somehow, it was hard to worry about potential murderers hot on my trail. Somewhere I hoped they would lose interest soon, they always did.

It was almost dusk by the time I woke up. I got dressed and made my way downstairs, my stomach rumbling. I saw a plate covered on the table in the living room and was relieved to see some grilled chicken. I heated it up and ate silently, wondering where Gray could be. After I was done I went to wash the plates and heard the main door open. I peeked me head from the kitchen and grinned at him. "Hey there."

He smiled softly. I noticed he had a thick brown envelope in his hand and wondered where he had been. He walked over to me and kissed the top of my head. "How do you feel?"

I sighed softly. I still felt a little sore, although, whether it was from the assault or the animal sex, I wasn't sure. "So much better."

"Did you eat?"

I nodded. He walked over to the couch and sat on it. I sat on the floor opposite him, gazing curiously as he opened the envelope and extracted a sheaf of papers from it.

"What's that?"

He was quiet for a while, as if unsure. He sighed finally. "Some brochures," he glanced at me. "I guessed you'd want to go for STEM."

I gaped at him. "Um...what?"

He didn't answer right away. He gazed at the glossy, colourful page in front of me. I could see what looked like a University Brochure. He raked a hand through his hair as he spoke. "You should definitely apply for this thing. You're only a couple of years behind. Shouldn't face too many issues."

I reached for the brochure and looked at it. A couple of smiling students sat on the grass, a massive, white university building visible behind them. The letters on top read, 'Northwood Institute.'

I placed it back on the table and shook my head. "How about, no fucking way?"

He stopped leafing through the pamphlets and gazed at me. "It's perfect Xavier. They have courses I know you'll be good at. You can take the foundation course and-"

"It's in the north," I said, shaking my head. "That's like a fucking... five hour travel up and down. I can't-" I stuttered at the look on his face. "You...you want me to move there?"

He sighed, his expression soft," I was thinking I could rent a place in the East. You can get one there and-"

"No," I said, my heart racing in my chest. "No fucking way. I...I'm not going to move away from you. It's so far. We can't-"

"Xavier, it's for university. It'll be much better this way. You can concentrate on your academics and I-"

"No," I stared at him, I couldn't believe what he was asking of me. "I'll find something here. Or maybe I could move East as well and look-"

"Xavier, do you think that thought never crossed my mind?" he shook his head. "I searched and this was the only option. This will get you the degree and help you find a job-"

"If you want me to get a job-"

He sighed, exasperated, "I don't want you to get a job. It is just something you will eventually do anyway-"

"I'll...get to a restaurant or something. Maybe pursue open learning."

"When you already have such a viable option and the means? You'll just throw that away?" He shook his head. "You are much more capable than th-"

"Why do you want me to move away so bad?" My stomach filled with lead.

He blinked, stunned. "What the fuck do you mean?"

I rose to my feet, glaring at him defiantly, "I'm not...I don't..."

I was incoherent. I couldn't fathom being away from him. Especially not after everything that had gone down. I was finally happy, and he was asking me to forego that happiness.

"Xavier, just listen to me okay?" His voice was calm, which somehow enraged me further. He rose to his feet and walked towards me. "It is for us. Okay? For our future. If you get this degree you will be able to do something really worthwhile. It's a matter of a few years and I promise I'll be seeing you every week-"

"No," I shook my head. I wanted to bawl, throw a tantrum. Beg. Plead. Do anything.

He sighed, slightly frustrated. But I didn't care. "Xavier, you'll love learning there. You'll have the experiences you've missed out on. I don't want you to limit your world-"

"I'm not," I shook my head. I knew he was right. My world was currently limited to Grayson Shelby. I wouldn't admit that. I knew that once I got more comfortable in our relationship, my obsession would be thawed. But till then, I was going to trust myself and let me be obsessed. "I just...I just don't understand why you're so intent on us being separated?"

He sighed. Doubts were gnawing at my insides. Was he having second thoughts about us? I knew I had a flaw. A fatal flaw of being insecure. I needed assurance. Again and again and again. Was he finally tired of providing it?

"Do you honestly think this is what it is about?" His eyes were hard, making me shrink under his gaze. "Can you even try to understand what I'm-"

"I don't fucking care!" My voice rose hysterically as I took a step back. His eyes widened as I continued, "I am not fucking staying away from you five days a week. I'm not. I'm not, okay? I can't. We just got together. After everything we have gone-"

"But I will be there Xavier!" he said. "I will be there but you will lose precious time!"

"I will find something okay? I'll...I'll join it in a few years, what's the big deal?" I shrugged. "I just-"

"You will regret being so fucking obsessed with our relationship in five years Xavier," He said, his voice cold. "You have to understa-"

I turned on my feet and started walking away. My heart plummeted to my chest.

"Walking away now Xav? That's not very mature," He called from behind. "If you could just try to understand-"

I turned around to face him, clenching my fists, "Do you regret this Grayson?" I asked, my voice trembling. "Do you regret being with me?"

He was quiet as I rambled on. "Because this is who I am alright? I am obsessive. Immature. And whatever the fuck you call me. I don't care about having any guarantee in life. I never have. The only guarantee I need is with you and now you're pushing me away."

He shut his eyes as if in pain, sighing. "I'm not pushing you away Xa-"

"I am not going to leave," I said, my blood running cold in anticipation of what I was about to say. "I am going to stay here. And you are going to stay with me. I can move to East if you want. Wait a few years, get into an open learning or something and I'll get a job. So-" I took a shuddering breath, standing straighter as I glared at him with every ounce of courage I had."If you want me to move to North and get into this course, you'll have to break up with me."

It felt like the entire air was sucked out of the room. I didn't care if I was being impractical. I was desperate. A nagging fear clawed at my insides. What if he did break up with me?

"So you're going to blackmail me now?" He said, his voice low. "Try to emotionally manipulate me because you know very well that I am not going to break up with you."

I heaved a sigh of relief. "If that's what it takes you to have me, then yes."

"You're just going to waste away your capabilities."

"I'm not-"

"For me."

"No. I just-"

"Then we should take a break."

I gaped at him. My chest constricted. Disbelieving.

"You're not safe here anyway," he shook his head, looking distressed. "Maybe we should take a break."

I had a sudden mental image of me begging. Pleading. Grovelling. This was it. He was done with me. Done with my immaturity, my obsessiveness, dealing with my fucked up emotions, my insecurities. He was done.

And I was falling.

I didn't say anything, turning on my heel and ran up the staircase. I reached the bedroom slammed the door shut behind me, collapsing to the ground, shuddering, crying. Why was I so easy to dispose off? Would things have been different if I hadn't been stupid enough to go after Victoria? What was I thinking anyway? That if he got the divorce, he would marry me instead.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, burying my face on it as tears racked my frame. I felt hollow. It had been a dream then. Just a dream. I had been stupid. It was wishful thinking. Feeble hope.

And hope had always been my arch nemesis.