My heart was full.

When I woke up, I could still feel Gray's arms curled around my waist. I didn't open my eyes immediately, snuggling into him. He stirred, pulling me in closer and kissing my shoulder as he spoke.

"Goodmorning, love."

His voice was low. Hoarse from being unused for so long. Deliciously sexy. A surge of pleasure travelled through my body.

"Morning," I whispered back, finding his hands and intertwining his warm fingers with mine. We lay quietly for a while. I gazed at the drab walls, at the door that led to the balcony. A blush crept up my cheeks when I remembered what had happened last night. I could hear his gentle breathing, his heart beating close to me. Neither of us made any attempt to leave.

Gray's phone rang, disrupting the silence. He groaned and my heart lamented as his warmth slipped away. He reached for his phone on the bedside table and spoke into it.

"Grayson Shelby,"

He was quiet for a long time. I gazed at his face, wondering who it could be. Gray had taken an off on Sunday in order to spend it with me, even though it had meant extra hours on other days. Caroline Luka was surprisingly kinder than I had thought that she was.

I gazed at him, smiling softly to myself. My eyes travelled down his taut muscles. His back. Down to the bedsheet under which I knew he was naked. Each morning waking up next to him was a blessing.

His expression turned serious as I felt worry forming in my chest. He tried hard to keep an impassive face before he spoke again. "Alright, yes. Thank you for informing me. Please, text it to my phone. Yeah, this one itself. Alright. Thank you."

He hung up the phone, his brows slightly furrowed. I gazed at him curiously. "Who was it?"

He shook his head, giving me an assuring smile even though it didn't reach his eyes. "Nothing to worry about, love," he leaned forward and planted a kiss on the top of my head. "Coffee?"

I gazed at him as he got to his feet and started dressing. The sight of his naked body made me forget about the mysterious phone call for a while.

"I'll make you some breakfast, alright?"

He gave me a soft smile and left the bedroom. I stared after he was long gone, a strange uneasiness in my stomach.

After a quarter of an hour, we sat at the dining table in the kitchen. I gazed around at the barely qualifying room. It had a few shelves and a stove. It only had the basic necessities of any kitchen. It still looked like he was reluctant to settle in even though he would have to stay here for atleast a couple of years.

I took another bite of the scrambled egg and gazed at Gray worriedly. "Gray, what's wrong? Ever since that phone call, you've been really quiet."

He shook his head, gently touching my face. "I'll tell you, Xaby. Let's just eat first, alright?"

I nodded as we finished breakfast. I sat quietly as he washed the dishes and finally took a chair on the table and sat across me. His eyes swum with concern. His expression made my stomach knot even more uncomfortably. "Gray...you're scaring me."

He bit his lip, clasping my hand in his as he spoke slowly. "I got a phone call from my previous precinct," he took a deep breath. "Someone...inquired about you and would like to meet you."

I blinked, unable to see where he was going with this. "Who?"

"Michael Easton."

All the air rushed out of my lungs. His hands gripped my suddenly numb ones tightly. "It's okay. You don't have to-"

"When...did-?" I couldn't speak. Couldn't comprehend.

Gray sighed softly. "He was released a little more than two years ago," he shook his head. "He inquired at the office about you and they gave him my old address as your last known location. So...they called the number associated with the address to let me know that he was trying to contact you."

My entire body trembled, my vision tunneling. My dad. A part of the life I had buried.

"But...he's-" I spluttered, unable to speak. At once, Gray was by my side. He gently put an arm around my shoulder and kissed my temple. "You don't have to see him, Xavier. I'll refuse. It's alright."

It was hard to breathe. The walls were closing in on me. I felt dizzy, the entire world spinning around me. I couldn't feel my limbs.

Images. Sounds. Memories.

They all unhinged from the darkest corner of my brain. Michael yelling. Screaming at my mother. Thrashing her like a devil.

And now he was back.

I was terrified.

My heart pounded ferociously in my chest, as if determined to shatter it. I wouldn't survive. I was drowning. Falling. I couldn't stop. Something horrifying was going to happen. I knew it. My gut knew it. My body knew it. My heart was too horrified to feel it.

My vision faded in and out of darkness as I heard a disembodied voice. My heart seemed to recognize the deep sound as I slowly responded to it.

"Xavier, you're having a panic attack, love."

Xavier. Xavier. That was my name. I slowly descended into reality enough to register the voice. A panic attack. I had never had those before, how come I was having them now?

"It's okay, love. I'm right here."

Love.

I loved this man who's voice I could hear even when I was in the deepest throes of terror.
I felt strong, warm hands gently rubbing my back, my shoulder. Soft, tender touches. Caressing me.

"G..Gray?"

"Right here, baby. I need you to take a deep breath for me."

I reached blindly for him, my vision a riot of colours. I grabbed some form of clothing and half a second later, I felt him pull me against him. His comforting warmth enclosed me. How could I be unsafe in this paradise?

I took a deep breath, rattled.

"Perfect. Take another deep breath. Keep breathing. Slow and steady."

I took longer, deeper breaths, slowly feeling my senses returning to me.

He took my hand, placing it on his chest as he whispered softly. "What do you feel, Xavier?"

I was quiet. Fear. All I felt was fear and panic.

"Xavier, listen to me, love. What do you feel?"

I shut my eyes, trembling violently as his hold became tighter. I tried to focus my thoughts on what he wanted me to as he slowly coached me through it.

"It's alright, baby. I love you. I won't let anything hurt you."

"No..." I whispered. A question. A plea.

"Never."

I shut my eyes, leaning into him as I slowly managed to focus my thoughts.

"Your heart," I whispered. I clutched his t-shirt, feeling his steady, assuring heart beating under his chest. "It...is your heart Gray."

He kissed my temple. My tremors slowly started to subside. "It's yours, Xavier. I love you. Nothing will ever hurt you. I promise."

I opened my eyes as the world around my slowly started making sense. I still felt a little dizzy, but no longer scared. He placed his hand on my chest, as if feeling my heart. "You're alright, Xaby."

I took a deep shuddering breath and leaned back slightly to look up at him. It took me a while to realize that in my panic, I had fallen to the ground. He had pulled me into his lap, holding me close as I threatened to shatter. He kissed my forehead. His lips felt even warmer against my clammy skin. I managed to speak in a hoarse whisper. "What... happened?"

"You had a panic attack," he answered. He caressed my face tenderly. "You're okay now."

I nodded, burying my face in his chest as I spoke incoherently. "Why...he returned..." I clutched his t-shirt tightly, my heart racing. "I don't...want him."

He stroked my back gently. "You don't have to meet him, Xavier."

"Okay..."

We remained still for a while. He let me take my time. Holding me close. Securely. I could feel his steady heart beat. His warm breath on my hair. His strong arms.

"Gray..." I whispered, hating how weak my voice sounded. "I will miss you there."

He was quiet. He kissed the top of my head. "I know, baby. It'll be alright. I'll see you again before you know it, alright?"

I snuggled into his chest, breathing in his scent. My head was reeling.

"Xaby, I think before you go back to the University, we should make a visit to the doctor. Just make sure you're okay so there's no repetition-"

"It's just...Michael," I said. "I don't...when I'm finally rebuilding my life. He can't...can't just waltz in now. I can't-"

I started trembling again. He hugged me tightly, gently swaying to and fro. "He won't, love. I promise I won't let him come near you unless you want him to. I promise."

His voice was confident. Assuring. I knew I could trust him. I clutched onto him tightly, leaning as close as I could, till I was enclosed in his warmth. When I spoke, my voice was hoarse, but calmer. "Okay."

Michael Easton was a part of my life that I wasn't ready to rediscover. Would probably never be. He was still my nightmare, and now that I was finally awake, I didn't want to go back to sleep.