Kevin: So here I am, Taking this Huge Shit, and then all of a sudden...

He notices Sami Shaking in fear.

Kevin: Uhhh Sami?

Sami keeps shaking.

Kevin reaches for his shoulder.

Kevin: Uhh Sami-

Sami: DON'T TOUCH ME!!

He Smacks Kevin to the other end of the Room!

Sami: WE HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM KEVIN!! WE ARE HAVING A HUGE PROBLEM!!

Sami: Somebody else is Rummaging through our garbage! And it's not me! I always rummage through the garbage! Nobody Else in this house rummages through the garbage! I only do it! I am the one who rummages through the garbage! I am the danger Kevin!

Kevin: You Rummage through the garbage?

Sami: Somebody else besides me is Rummaging through this garbage right now! Whoever's In there is probably eating those leftover hotdogs!

Kevin: I wouldn't call that "leftover". Sami Why don't you just open it up and find out who's rummaging through your garbage?

Sami: Oh yeah... I guess I could. Okay what's a joke we could do when I open this?

Kevin: Sami, are you ready to open this?

Sami: I was BORN late!

....

Kevin: Is... Is that the saying, or...?

Sami: okay here I go! 3, 2, 1!

Sami opens the Drawer to the trash can.

Kevin: OH MY GOD THAT SMELLS RANCID!! WHAT THE FUCK'S IN THERE?!?!

Sami: Sometimes I like to shit in there. It's just kinda of this thing I do.

Kevin: Sami we have bathrooms! Aren't you supposed to be the smarter one of us?!

Sami: Kevin it's my Hobby!

Kevin: Sami that's not a hobby, That's just something you do!

Kevin and Sami keep arguing until Kevin notices a kid on the counter.

Kevin: Sami look, Your Shit Came to Life!!

Kid: Hello Sami.

Sami: *Gasp* It's my Son!!

Kevin: Wow... WOW Sami you have a Son now!! This... Like... Situation would only happen to us, this wouldn't happen to Seth, Dean and Sasha, this is Just a very US thing to happen.

Sami: You're so handsome, you look just like me.

(He looks nothing like him)

Kid: Yes Papa!

Sami: Ahh he called me Papa! Kevin you took Spanish, what does that mean?

Kevin: uhh it means god bless you.

(No it doesn't)

Kid: Why am I alive?

Sami: Because when Toxic Waste and Poop go together, They make you. My beautiful son.

Kevin: YOU PUT TOXIC WASTE IN THAT GARBAGE TOO!?!?!?

Sami: Nobody Makes fun of YOUR hobbies Kevin!!

Sami looks back at the kid.

Sami: I actually don't know what to do with you cause I never raised a child before.

Kevin: Do I have to be the mom?!

Sami: of course Kevin!! I am the fatherly Figure! I Gave BIRTH to this!

Kevin: wait wait wait, wouldn't I have to give birth to that in order for me to be the mo-

Kid: Papa!

Kevin: I'm pretty sure he just called me That.

Sami: No! *Punches him* I am the dad!

Kevin Lays there as Seth walks by.

Seth: Oh hey Kevin what's up?

Kevin: Oh nothing much, Sami's being a real Dick to me today.

Seth: Why's that, Kevin?

Kevin: Well he just gave birth to a Son that came out of the garbage and mutated by his own feces so now we have to take care of him.

Seth: ........

Seth Leaves and Drives Super far away.

Kevin: Seth? Hello? Seth where'd you go? Seth?

Sami: Mommy and Daddy are gonna make you some food so you can be a big and strong man. Now, go watch some Seinfeld or something, I don't know what the kids watch these days, it's educational I think.

Sami Sits on the counter and Kevin Tackles him.

Sami: What the hell Kevin?

Kevin: Why do you always make us into cooking stuff?! We don't know how to cook!!

Sami: Oh shit you're right! Remember when we Made Macaroni and Bleach!!??!!

Kevin: Clearly, we don't know how to take care of him, so I have an idea.

Sami: okay, let's Go to another room.

They go to another room.

Kid: So... They plan to abandon me huh? Little do they know that I am an ex convict!

The kid pulls out a knife.

Other room...

Kevin: okay so we got a big coat, right?

Sami: uh huh.

Kevin: and I stand on your shoulders and we pretend we're adults right?

Sami: Wait aren't we already adults?

Kevin: and then we take the Poop child and we just chuck him. We just throw him into a swamp somewhere and he gets raised by swamp people.

Sami: I feel offended that you think I can't raise a child better than a swamp person.

Kevin: HAVE YOU SEEN SCOOBY DOO DUDE??? THE SWAMP MONSTERS ARE BETTER PARENTS!!

Kid: Ahem.

Sami: oh, my baby. We weren't talking about leaving you. I am keeping you here!

Kid: I've heard everything Papa.

Kevin: did he just say another word besides Papa?

Kid: Papa? *Raises his knife* You're not my papa!

Sami: Woah Woah Woah Put down the knife I AM your papa. I shit you out!

Kid: no you're not! Because I just escaped prison!!

Kevin: Your son is like, 30 seconds old and now he's already an Ex convict! Unbelievable!

The kid Tries to murder them.

Kevin/Sami: GAH!!

Sami trips on a huge bag.

Kid: What's this?

Kevin: oh no That's all our money!!

The Kid Stabs him in the spine.

Kevin falls.

Sami: Ahh shit!!

The kid kicks Sami in the balls.

The kid Opens the bag and there's so much gold.

As He was about to Grab the money, a Giant Claw Grabs him.

Kid: Ahh! What's going on?

The camera Reveals Pierce.

Pierce: I suppose that's one way to get some money.

Shane: Excellent Work Pierce!

Kid: I don't want any trouble, you can keep the money, I don't need it!

Pierce: We're not here for the money!

Kid: Just please don't kill me!

Shane: Here's the Deal Pipsqueak! YOU'RE gonna help us build an army.

Kid: I'm just some two bit theif.

Shane: it's either that or my partner here will make sure You never see the light of day again!

Kid: okay... Whatever you want.

Shane: Good, I'm glad we understand each other. Let's move!

Pierce nods and the three leave.

Sami gets up

Sami: ouch that's gonna hurt now. Isn't it weird that we can just survive all that?

Kevin: *Perfectly fine* ya know that IS a little we- AHH SHIT!! OUR MONEY!!

Sami: Oh shit. You know what this means right?

Kevin: Yeah... Our Old lives.

Sami: yeah... Looks like we'll have to join the Mob again.

End of Chapter

Shoutouts

1: sashabluebelt
2: Smbreading
3: unstableasylum

3 more shout-outs cause I forgot to do it in the last one

1: SethsBitch
2: Untamed-SuperNova
3: Lokis03277

END OF SEASON 1

SEASON 2 COMING NEXT